So ummmm yea....

[WrcklessIntent]

Disclosure to be honest i kinda just want to get this off my chest seeing as there is no one irl i can talk to about this. If you can offer advice or share a similar story that would actually make me feel fantastic.

So here goes.

So I've been dating this girl for about two months now and everything has been great so far. She's funny, cute, and i can actually hold a conversation with her. But recently when we've had conversations shes been hesitant. She called me tonight and told me that she felt she needed to tell me something important about herself. Apparently last year she was really depressed and even thought about suicide. I mean she even told me what her plan was before some friends convinced her not to do it. I didn't really know how to react to it. So i just sat there on the phone silently for a few minutes, told her i was glad she was okay, and then said I needed to get some rest. I just don't know what to tell her or how to react. I'm glad shes okay I just don't know if i can actually treat her the same way as I am currently. I'm at a loss for words frankly or even what i should do next. I still want her to be my girlfriend, but like i said I don't know if i can look at her the same way again or if I have to be more sensitive around her.

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

Probably should go in the Advice section, I also don't understand how that changes things if it was a year ago?

 

[Lullabye]

Maybe she is still depressed about what made her want to kill herself? That's the only thing I can think of if she's bringing it up after a year. Ask her about it.

 

[nunqual]

I had a similar situation. Just tell her that you'll be there for her and that you'll always be there to listen and talk to.

 

[Doti]

Maybe she is still depressed about what made her want to kill herself? That's the only thing I can think of if she's bringing it up after a year. Ask her about it.

This. Just try not to treat her differently. If she felt you were uneasy around her after she confided in you, that could trigger her depression again. Just be supportive.

 

[LikeDustInTheWind]

You just need to be supportive and make sure she's happy. Everyone has shit in their past, you just need to look past it and as long as you like each other it shouldn't change anything.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

Should it change anything? I mean it's not like she failed and was hospitalized to undergo psyche evaluation or some such.

 

[Jehovatron]

I think you're being a little silly. Just because she was depressed does not mean that she will continue to be or is currently- she may just feel comfortable enough (with you or in general) to talk about it now. Also, knowing that a person has been depressed/considered suicide/attempted suicide in the past is no reason to feel awkward or walk on eggshells around her. I'd suggest finding out what she was so upset about, what made her bring it up now, and tell her that she's important to you, that you're glad she's in your life now, and that she has you now to keep life from ever getting that bad again. After that, show her a picture of a pony, tell her how amazing he is, and that he tastes like raisins. Girls love ponies.

 

[CharlesBronson]

I won't even attempt to make assumptions about this specific person, as everyone has different psychological backgrounds and motives and etc etc. What I can tell you is my own experience with an ex that had suicidal tendencies and you can take from it what you will.

EVERYTHING became a life and death situation. Little things (and I am not saying they were trivial, maybe the "last straw" or "tipping point") would set her off and send her into a depression spiral. We were very close and confided in each other, but unfortunately that meant I had to follow her down the rabbit hole and often found my self teetering on the brink of depression as well. It is a nasty place to be in a relationship, you want to help each other but you often find that both of you are caught in the quicksand and nobody brought a rope, aka not emotionally or mentally equipped to handle that sort of thing.

Looking back at it after years apart we are both much better off without each other as we seemed to compound these problems for both of us when we were.

Now, that doesn't mean she is, or you are, in the same situation and that you can't be good for each other. Just remember that a relationship should be greater than the sum of its parts, if it isn't, no matter how good your intentions, it might not be the best for you, and especially her.

Good Luck to the both of you.

 

[dertyqwerty]

I can give perspective on this since I was the girl in that exact situation. Except it wasn't a "it happened in the past" situation, it was my life at that very moment.
My boyfriend was supportive and tried to help me, which made it a lot easier getting through my depression. I was improving for a long time, then one day I just hit rock bottom. I won't elaborate but I'll say I pulled something that could have turned disastrous. After that he couldn't handle it and he dumped me.

Luckily, I used the breakup as a wake-up call. I kicked my depression's ass, determined to win him back. He wouldn't have anything to do with me, but I learned the important lesson that I needed to get better for myself, and not him nor anyone else.

So I guess my point is, don't treat her any differently. We all go through something in our lives, and we need people to be there for us. But don't let her get too dependent on you, like to the point that she's in the "If you leave me I'll kill myself!" situation. Just let her know you care and that her well being is the most important thing.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Why would you treat her differently? For better or worse, that part of her past is probably played some role in who she is today. If you liked her before you knew why, then why should learning this change things. She is still the same person you care for, and if you treat her differently there's a good chance you could end up hurting her feelings. Stuff like that can be hard to share, obviously she cares enough about you to want you to know these kinds of deeply personal things about her, and the truth of the matter is that most of us have our own shit, probably you too.

 

[TheAceTheOne]

...Everyone has shit in their past, you just need to look past it and as long as you like each other it shouldn't change anything.

Oh, so very true.

On topic: The best thing you can do is be there for her, and even if you don't understand what's going on with her, she might open up. If she already has opened up, just be there, tell her you care, reinforce the fact that you're her friend, that you're there for her when things go wrong. Not sure if I'm much help here, but I've helped my friends through tough times by doing the above.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

Sounds like you need to do the most important thing in a relationship... Talk about it.

You will need to be sensitive when mentioning it, simply because there is a time to be silly and a time to be serious. Everyone has issues, everyone has baggage, if you want to continue your relationship with her then you need to understan her issues, and be able to support her if they cause her trouble.

Seriously, if you forget about this and try and act like it never happened then you will only harm your relationship. She brought up the issue so it is obviously something she wants you to know about. You should discuss it with her, and do it soon. See how it affects her now, and what you can do to help her, even if it just means being a shoulder to cry on from time to time.

All the best with your girlfriend.

EDIT: Also, talk to her face to face, and be there in person to comfort her if she starts to get emotional. This is not the sort of conversation you have on facebook chat.

 

[deus-ex-machina]

Really, the older you get, you find out a lot of people have thought about suicide or tried it. I don't know what she was trying to achieve by telling you over the phone but maybe she was just scared to do it in person. I have no idea how old she is and so I don't know whether she is telling the truth or doing it for attention or to 'gauge' if you are really into her.

But get over it.

You know her for who she is, right? People have dark times and as you get older, the good times get brighter and the bad times get darker. What sparked her suicidal instinct might have been minute. But it was real to her. People mature and they look back at how they were and realise how silly it was when they figure out how life isn't there to hurt you - it's just shit sometimes.

She probably told you to get it off her chest - to let you know now, rather than later.

 

[Brandon237]

I had a similar situation. Just tell her that you'll be there for her and that you'll always be there to listen and talk to.

This, a thousand times this. And then most importantly, follow up on it, let her get it off her chest, and let her know that she has someone to confide in. And ego-boost, make her feel worth something, tell her everything you just told us in the OP in regards to describing her and she will feel better for it.

 

[Tensacloud]

Remember that she was dissatisfied with something in her life and felt hopeless, but was convinced to not follow through. You shouldn't pretend it didn't happen, because that won't solve anything. Ask her why, and try to understand her feelings. Someone who understands is in a much better position to help than someone who offers blind kindness. Also, make sure you are glad it didn't happen. All you have to do is act like you value her life, and any akwardness will get worked out. After all, her life is important, right? It's not like you'll be lying to her.

 

[Tensacloud]

Remember that she was dissatisfied with something in her life and felt hopeless, but was convinced to not follow through. You shouldn't pretend it didn't happen, because that won't solve anything. Ask her why, and try to understand her feelings. Someone who understands is in a much better position to help than someone who offers blind kindness. Also, make sure you are glad it didn't happen. All you have to do is act like you value her life, and any akwardness will get worked out. After all, her life is important, right? It's not like you'll be lying to her.

 

[sir.rutthed]

I don't personally know your girlfriend, but if she felt like she needed to tell you that then I'd say whatever was bothering her at that time is still at play in her life. She needs help, but doesn't seem willing/able to ask you for it so I think she's hoping you figure it out. As for how you feel about her, why should it change? People go through dark times, it's part of life. As long as whatever attracts you to her is still there, that's what matters. Anyone can stay with someone when it's all sunshine and rainbows, but the real test of loyalty is how much you're willing to help them through the hard times. I'd suggest just talking to her about it, sometimes that's all they need in a situation like this. And don't do it over the phone; that's the kind of thing that really needs to be done face to face. If you really care about her, that's the least you can do.

I had a similar situation. Just tell her that you'll be there for her and that you'll always be there to listen and talk to.

This, a thousand times this. And then most importantly, follow up on it, let her get it off her chest, and let her know that she has someone to confide in. And ego-boost, make her feel worth something, tell her everything you just told us in the OP in regards to describing her and she will feel better for it.

Also these. But more importantly, make sure you mean it. Don't say it if you don't mean it, that'll only make things way worse in the end for both of you.

 

[Whateveralot]

Don't worry too much about it. Just don't let it step in between you. She'll be fine, if you really like her just tell her that you don't mind and you want to be there for her when things hurt some times.

THAT's the thing called love. Being there when it hurts.

Just don't screw up now