I still remember the night I started smoking and why I started. I'd always let myself fall behind as far as social advancement goes. I had few friends, plenty of personal issues and so on. I had just started going out with people from school. Anyway I was feeling pretty low and rather rebellious at that point so when I was offered one I said "fuck it why not?"
Yeah I knew the risks but I didn't care. Maybe if I'd felt sick or had some adverse reaction that would have been the end of it, but instead I found that cigarette incredibly enjoyable. They had a different taste back then, back when I could still taste them and it was pleasant. I went about six months only smoking a pack of 10 every second Friday night when the club was open to under 18's. Then, for some reason I decided to get some during the week. Soon after, didn't see the point in buying 10 when I could buy 20, meant less trips to the shops.
It didn't change anything though. I'm still a socially backwards loser with not many friends, I just happen to smoke aswell now. I still enjoy it, but maybe it's the cigs making me say that. I know I can go a day or so without one without getting annoyed, as long as I tell myself I'm going to have one at X-time. When I tell myself this cigarette will be my last, 10 minutes later my mind goes crazy. Just the mere thought of not having one again stresses me out now, sigh.