So you are transported back to the dark ages...

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David Bjur

Hazy sucks, Daystar Moreso
Nov 21, 2011
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Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
Nothing, because I'd be immediately executed for being a witch if I tried any of that.

EDIT: Not to mention they'd think I was speaking in tongues. Modern day English is completely different to what they spoke in the Dark Ages.
Basically this, plus there aren't many things I know how to invent with the tools they used at the time, so I would be out of luck.

Unless I manage to convince everyone I'm Jesus, and I'm wearing the clothing that they wear in heaven. Would totally work.
If you can get the language down and play it right you could probably pull that off. They weren't the most inquisitive back then :p
"I, Jesus, have returned. I've returned to teach you, the ways of 'The Dance'."
"Do this, and there's no doubt that you will come to heaven."
I will have my own army of dancing zombie-peasants :D
the Dark Age peasants will eat that shit up :D
You just gave me the funniest yet most disgusting idea ever.

I'll call it 'The Day Mankind Faced Feces In The Name of Gawd'.
It sounds a lot more epic than it actually is.
 

Hazy992

Why does this place still exist
Aug 1, 2010
5,265
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David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
Nothing, because I'd be immediately executed for being a witch if I tried any of that.

EDIT: Not to mention they'd think I was speaking in tongues. Modern day English is completely different to what they spoke in the Dark Ages.
Basically this, plus there aren't many things I know how to invent with the tools they used at the time, so I would be out of luck.

Unless I manage to convince everyone I'm Jesus, and I'm wearing the clothing that they wear in heaven. Would totally work.
If you can get the language down and play it right you could probably pull that off. They weren't the most inquisitive back then :p
"I, Jesus, have returned. I've returned to teach you, the ways of 'The Dance'."
"Do this, and there's no doubt that you will come to heaven."
I will have my own army of dancing zombie-peasants :D
the Dark Age peasants will eat that shit up :D
You just gave me the funniest yet most disgusting idea ever.

I'll call it 'The Day Mankind Faced Feces In The Name of Gawd'.
It sounds a lot more epic than it actually is.
Oh I'm sure it is, but maybe you should spare the more gory details for later. So it's more surprising of course.

[sub]Yes that'll do[/sub]

:p
 

David Bjur

Hazy sucks, Daystar Moreso
Nov 21, 2011
425
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0
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
Nothing, because I'd be immediately executed for being a witch if I tried any of that.

EDIT: Not to mention they'd think I was speaking in tongues. Modern day English is completely different to what they spoke in the Dark Ages.
Basically this, plus there aren't many things I know how to invent with the tools they used at the time, so I would be out of luck.

Unless I manage to convince everyone I'm Jesus, and I'm wearing the clothing that they wear in heaven. Would totally work.
If you can get the language down and play it right you could probably pull that off. They weren't the most inquisitive back then :p
"I, Jesus, have returned. I've returned to teach you, the ways of 'The Dance'."
"Do this, and there's no doubt that you will come to heaven."
I will have my own army of dancing zombie-peasants :D
the Dark Age peasants will eat that shit up :D
You just gave me the funniest yet most disgusting idea ever.

I'll call it 'The Day Mankind Faced Feces In The Name of Gawd'.
It sounds a lot more epic than it actually is.
Oh I'm sure it is, but maybe you should spare the more gory details for later. So it's more surprising of course.

[sub]Yes that'll do[/sub]

:p
Maybe we should stop this before it goes overhand, I wouldn't like another warning because of poop derailing.
[sub] Wait, I haven't received a warning for that yet[/sub]
 

Rowan93

New member
Aug 25, 2011
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Gunpowder. I don't know the exact formula, but I would bet money that I could work out a close-enough approximation (good enough to kill and destroy).

In order to be able to make gunpowder, I would have to trade my phone to a local warlord. I don't normally carry anything else I could trade effectively, and there's a good chance I could die from any number of things, including the warlord deciding "fuck you, I'll just kill you and take it, if you knew how to create weapons of destruction you would have some with you". So I would probably die before inventing anything.

But, assuming I don't die, and I manage to keep the secret of gunpowder to myself long enough to start work on other projects, I can then move on to some other basic tech. More refined gunpowder weaponry is a job we can give to the smiths as far as the actual work goes, I'll just be sketching out basic ideas to see if they can make them (the first gunpowder weapons I'd make, as a practice thing, would be wooden hand grenades. Metal ones would be obvious, then I could suggest guns and possibly rockets).

Next invention will probably be the bayonet. It seems so simple that it's shocking how long it took for them to come along. My first effort would be the ring bayonet, I might go for modern-style socket bayonets later though.

After that? The flintlock. An army with flintlock muskets and fixed bayonets will wipe out a mixed arquebus/pike force even more reliably than an army with arquebuses will defeat pre-gunpowder armies.

Only then - by which point it's probably been like ten years, and my liege lord will have probably taken over the country - will I start on steam. I will probably take another ten years to perfect it enough that it makes revolutionary changes, and I might not even succeed.

During that work, which would basically be my magnum opus, I would dabble a bit in things like the seed drill, and a few other agricultural/industrial revolution era inventions. If things are going really well, or a really good opportunity presents itself, I'll invent the semaphore.

With all those things done, in approximately 25 years and assuming I survive that long, I will then basically retire - still making the occasional tech advance, but mostly relaxing with that as a hobby - and chill in the fourth-largest mansion in the country with my twenty-or-so concubines.

EDIT: Oh, also, plenty of hygiene advances, especially the flushing toilet, but that would be more a hobby thing than a work thing - whichever lord patronises me will probably have me killed if I stop giving results too early on.
 

Hazy992

Why does this place still exist
Aug 1, 2010
5,265
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0
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
David Bjur said:
Hazy992 said:
Nothing, because I'd be immediately executed for being a witch if I tried any of that.

EDIT: Not to mention they'd think I was speaking in tongues. Modern day English is completely different to what they spoke in the Dark Ages.
Basically this, plus there aren't many things I know how to invent with the tools they used at the time, so I would be out of luck.

Unless I manage to convince everyone I'm Jesus, and I'm wearing the clothing that they wear in heaven. Would totally work.
If you can get the language down and play it right you could probably pull that off. They weren't the most inquisitive back then :p
"I, Jesus, have returned. I've returned to teach you, the ways of 'The Dance'."
"Do this, and there's no doubt that you will come to heaven."
I will have my own army of dancing zombie-peasants :D
the Dark Age peasants will eat that shit up :D
You just gave me the funniest yet most disgusting idea ever.

I'll call it 'The Day Mankind Faced Feces In The Name of Gawd'.
It sounds a lot more epic than it actually is.
Oh I'm sure it is, but maybe you should spare the more gory details for later. So it's more surprising of course.

[sub]Yes that'll do[/sub]

:p
Maybe we should stop this before it goes overhand, I wouldn't like another warning because of poop derailing.
[sub] Wait, I haven't received a warning for that yet[/sub]
Yeah I think you have a point there. Better stop :p
 

MammothBlade

It's not that I LIKE you b-baka!
Oct 12, 2011
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Gunpowder weapons, rockets, steelworking with my limited knowledge of metallurgy + chemistry. I could probably introduce vaccines too. So when the plague comes, there will be a cure. Maybe steam trains and electricity.
 

Quaxar

New member
Sep 21, 2009
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"Your God could walk on water... now behold as I move backwards while appearing to walk straight forward."
I knew doing Jackson-impersonations would pay off one day!

And then of course it's always a good idea to have that chart with you.
http://xservetest.com/xservetest-blog-uploads/2009/04/qw-cheatsheet-print-zoom.jpg

Scarim Coral said:
You make it sound as thought we are capable of memorising complex inventive ideas and convicing others to listen to the said ideas.

Assuming if I was sent back to Dark age British, the people in that time would want to burn me since I look different to them (being Chinese and all).
Even if I was sent to dark age China then I will still be treated differently since I speak the language properly at all.
First you say you can't memorise complex technical, physical and mathematical processes, the next sentence you say you're asian. This is confusing my stereotype sensors!
You could always try the Martin Lawrence approach...
<youtube=1L8ddEnAGCA>
 

Smithburg

New member
May 21, 2009
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Alright, look at it this way, you won't be viewed as a witch, won't have your ideas stolen from you, there is nothing to worry about in personal safety, you can speak the language and be anywhere you would want. The question is what type of things would you be able to recreate with your current knowledge, do you think you could remake electricity for example?
 

Smithburg

New member
May 21, 2009
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ClockworkPenguin said:
Best of all, i could invent the Sandwich, and be forever praised.
The Earl of Sandwich, his fame would never be recognized and it would be called the Clockwork Penguin, and we'd goto clockwork penguin shops for ham and cheese lol
 

Heronblade

New member
Apr 12, 2011
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Very little

Don't get me wrong, I have a working knowledge that COULD be used to reinvent a very large portion of modern tech, with a fair amount of trial and error to reproduce the details at any rate, but what I don't know is how to create the infrastructure required to support it. I know enough about how internal combustion works for example that with a lot of work I should be able to reproduce an early model gas engine from scratch, something along the lines of a 1930-1950s era car engine, but that knowledge doesn't do a damn bit of good without precision tools and high quality metal, preferably steel, not to mention a source of crude oil and the means to refine it into fuel and vulcanized rubber, items that are simply not available in the time period.

In many ways, except for mathematics, it is non technical knowledge that will be of the greatest use, such as philosophy, sociology, political science, and generalized biology, astronomy, and physics (the more advanced stuff will have to wait). It was advances in social structure that ultimately led to the industrial age, the great leaps in technology came after that ground work was already in place. Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" makes for an entertaining story, but not ultimately a realistic one.
 

Terminate421

New member
Jul 21, 2010
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Quaxar said:
"Your God could walk on water... now behold as I move backwards while appearing to walk straight forward."
I knew doing Jackson-impersonations would pay off one day!

And then of course it's always a good idea to have that chart with you.
http://xservetest.com/xservetest-blog-uploads/2009/04/qw-cheatsheet-print-zoom.jpg

Scarim Coral said:
You make it sound as thought we are capable of memorising complex inventive ideas and convicing others to listen to the said ideas.

Assuming if I was sent back to Dark age British, the people in that time would want to burn me since I look different to them (being Chinese and all).
Even if I was sent to dark age China then I will still be treated differently since I speak the language properly at all.
First you say you can't memorise complex technical, physical and mathematical processes, the next sentence you say you're asian. This is confusing my stereotype sensors!
You could always try the Martin Lawrence approach...
<youtube=1L8ddEnAGCA>
That movie was kinda funny.....

Though, the trailer doesn't give it any justice.
 

Rawne1980

New member
Jul 29, 2011
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Erana said:
This is a very grim situation for women. At best, anything I came up with would prolly be stolen by a man. :/
Considering it's the dark ages you would be doubly unlucky.

Not only would your invention be stolen by a man but then you would be burned at the stake for being a witch.
 

Erana

New member
Feb 28, 2008
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Rawne1980 said:
Erana said:
This is a very grim situation for women. At best, anything I came up with would prolly be stolen by a man. :/
Considering it's the dark ages you would be doubly unlucky.

Not only would your invention be stolen by a man but then you would be burned at the stake for being a witch.
I know. I just wasn't interested in elaborating on the not "At best" scenario. :/
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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Rawne1980 said:
Erana said:
This is a very grim situation for women. At best, anything I came up with would prolly be stolen by a man. :/
Considering it's the dark ages you would be doubly unlucky.

Not only would your invention be stolen by a man but then you would be burned at the stake for being a witch.
Unless you're in Iceland or Hungary, they burned more men than women so you would have more of a shot.
 

Quaxar

New member
Sep 21, 2009
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SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
Quaxar said:
<youtube=1L8ddEnAGCA>
Was expecting someone to reference that movie sooner or later.

Pity it sucks so bad.
For a while I was torn between this and the Whoopie Goldberg one, then I realized it doesn't matter anyway since both are practically the same film with a differently sexed main person.
 

SckizoBoy

Ineptly Chaotic
Legacy
Jan 6, 2011
8,681
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A Hermit's Cave
David Bjur said:
I guess I could invent the very first gun, since I do have the knowledge how to make one of those. Oh, and I could name it "David" so everyone would use David's in war. And that name would never be given to any kid ever again.
Good luck with that! No, I mean it seriously (I gather you mean handgun?) Making a decent enough barrel that guides the bullet the right way will take you fucking ages...

Rowan93 said:
Gunpowder + snip
Way ahead of you chief! *points at self* Chemist...

OT: (based on the assumption we're talking immediate post-Western Roman Empire fall)

Gunpowder, as this good man says... only I'll say to anyone: I can gift you the thunder of the gods... or whatever religiously related garbage I can get away with.

Then, make a bell-foundry. Only a short step away from making a cannon-foundry. I neither trust myself to be able to design the production method for a sub-one-inch bore barrel, nor think I'd have the means at my disposal to develop it. Bizarrely, I'd have no problem developing rifling... So, cannon-foundry it is. And right next door, an iron cool-drop tower (or whatever they're called), and once I've twigged the right volume for a shot, bam standardised 6lb iron shot, perfectly spherical. Next stop: cannister shot.

I'll promptly take a loyal company of followers (trained artillerymen all, but cross trained a la Gustav Adolph) with the best guns made thus far and usurp my patron (before he decides I'm too much of a threat and has me killed), but not before spiking all his guns...(!)
 

Terratina.

RIP Escapist RP Board
May 24, 2012
2,105
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Try to marry a noble. The Dark Ages were harsh for women, but at least a noble's wife has some comforts.