It's simple, really. I'd act all bummed about the spatula, loudly profess how suck it is I got said spatula, storm out of the school-room briefing area (when allowed to, of course), then hide around a corner and wait till the first of the automatic brigade came out. Sleeper hold from behind, choke the fool out in a matter of seconds, steal his gear, then do it again. Repeat two or three times till I'm armed like a Doom marine on a hunting trip, then just start gunning down each one of the fools as they came out. It would be the shortest Battle Royale on record, and when asked how I managed such a record, I'd simply say 'Because I got the luck of the draw; no one expects to get killed by the loser with the spatula when everyone else got automatics'. I'd give no further explanation whatsoever, in the hopes that the next class to have this occur to them would be dumb enough to instead fight over who got the useless crap, leaving the guns to the lesser folk because they think I hit on some world-beating strategy.
Honor? Dignity? Basic compassion for my fellow poor souls stuck in this nightmare with me? What are those things? I want this over with so I can go home, eat a burger, and use this as leverage to hopefully get a spot on the talk show circuit. The cheaper, dirtier, and faster, the better.
