So , your Significant other changed the part of their appearance that you liked the most.

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EeveeElectro

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Aug 3, 2008
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Before me and my boyfriend got together he shaved his hair which I didn't really like; it didn't look TOO bad but I much prefer him with hair. If he did it again I'd probably stick my bottom lip out a bit but it's his body and I've always told him that, like he tells me.
I've no intention of controlling him or how he looks, if he's happy with something then that's all I need.

He did grow a really dodgy 'tache a few months ago though, he looked like a 70s porn star ;n;
 

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
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Like several others above, while I may dislike the change and let her know about it, ultimately I'd still support her new style because it's what she wants to look like that's important. Besides, I couldn't stop loving someone that precious to me just because of a change in appearance.
 
Mar 26, 2008
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I only have facial hair because my wife likes it (and she thinks I look too young without it). If it were up to me I'd be clean shaven, but I'm so used to the goatee now that it really doesn't bother me.
 

Ikasury

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May 15, 2013
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"You don't love someone because they're beautiful, they're beautiful because you love them." :D

one of my favorite quotes, but if you've been with someone 5 years and that doesn't apply... er, what? but you seem fairly supportive, i doubt it'll change much.
 

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
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Terminalchaos said:
King of Asgaard said:
Like several others above, while I may dislike the change and let her know about it, ultimately I'd still support her new style because it's what she wants to look like that's important. Besides, I couldn't stop loving someone that precious to me just because of a change in appearance.
Not being physically attracted to someone anymore is not the same as not loving them. You can still support someone's new style while not wanting to physically be with them anymore. OP seems supportive, hes just being honest about his natural attractions.

Edit addition:

What if the physical change your partner made was them growing a broom moustache like that infamous Austrian autocrat? No ideological changes, they just look a bit like Adolf now and refuse to change their appearance?
Fair point, bad wording on my part, but I would argue that in that case they shouldn't be your SO any more because you need attraction to body and mind to make a relationship work. If you appreciate their mind but not their body, then you're more friends than partners. Best friends possibly, but still friends, and it would be unfair on both parties if the relationship continued because neither would be able to be fulfilled by the physical aspect of a relationship.

Not to mention, speaking from personal experience, if you genuinely and fully care for someone else, they will always look beautiful and attractive to you, even if the world disagrees.
 

Nemmerle

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Mar 11, 2016
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If it was very important to me it would be a deal breaker, so to speak. For instance if my partner were to wilfully put on ten stone or something... I don't think it would matter how much I liked them, I just can't imagine finding someone who looked like that attractive.

And then there's the mental change required for the physical.... I'd question if I really knew them to start with.

Now if it was something like hair length or a less dramatic change, I don't think it would be a big thing to me. Like, I like long hair, but I'm sure I'd get used to short hair. Or tattoos, I'm not a fan but provided it wasn't like terrible body art all over... Could probably get used to it.

Just, anything that reflects a massive change in outlook/personality, I guess. I like you for who you are, can't make any guarantees about someone dramatically different to you though.
 

aba1

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Mar 18, 2010
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This is something that will be different for everyone. At the end of the day your SO is someone who you do need to be attracted to sexually. If they change so that you don't find them attractive anymore you need to decide just how much of a factor it is in your attraction. I doubt you would want to date someone you don't find physically attractive nor should you feel obligated to do so.

You only live once and at the end of the day if you aren't 100% happy with your relationship in the long term then you are just wasting your time and even theirs.
 

zelda2fanboy

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Oct 6, 2009
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As someone who has dated (and married) "big" women, I can say that this wouldn't be an issue for me. Honestly, if my wife decided to change her gender, I'd probably find something attractive about her physically because I'm so attracted to her emotionally/intellectually. Then again, I'm kind of attracted to all sorts of different women for different reasons. It took my wife a little while to get used to it (how can you think that person and I are both good looking?!), but eventually she just accepted that I like "women" in general and even some men. I'm in a monogamous relationship (which is what I want), but on a fantasy/psychological experiment level, I could conceivably be with lots of different types of people.

A couple of points: 1. Not to be cynical or mean, but chances are your girlfriend isn't going to lose the weight. It's really really hard. Without drastically changing diet , you have to rely solely on repeated exercise to keep lost weight off, and that could get interrupted by injury, pregnancy, or any number of barriers life presents. Eating is a major part of the lives of overweight people to relieve stress, have fun, or just spend casual leisure time. It triggers a pattern of hunger and satisfaction that's really hard to get out of. But, I hope she does lose weight (and my wife too, some day) for the sake of her health. But, you cannot bring this up or be discouraging in any way. It's a really hard position to be in, especially if you're thin with little to no effort, like I am. This will most likely lead to crying and frustration, but that's life. Try to be as supportive and patient as you possibly can, which it sounds like you already are.

2. I feel like people on the internet put too much stock in their sexual inclinations (boo, hiss from everyone, I'm sure). My wife and I had very specific sexual fetishes before we met that we experimented with while dating. After a while, we just lost interest in them. The intimacy of physical contact was simply better. I mean, when the lights are out or you're very physically close together, can you really tell the other person looks like? The rest of time you're just hanging out and talking, which is something I don't need to be especially physically attracted to someone to be able to do.
 

Callate

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Dec 5, 2008
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Part of maintaining a long-term relationship is trusting not only that the other person can accept you as you are, but accept that you will change- at least as long as that change is healthy or at least not actively damaging. If your significant other changes his/her hair style or goes from glasses to contacts, they should be able to count on your support. If your significant other wants to take up blackout drinking, not so much.