I have a problem with socialising with people because i have aspergers which means i have an intense intrests (i have intrest in video games and history) and i cant really talk to people without talking them about them subjects or else i cant really talk to them and usually dont even look at them and thats why i only have 3 or 4 friends who brag about going to discos and going on dates and i cant even talk to girls let alone look at them and i also avoid large groups of people. Any advice on how i can overcome this problem
social problem
- Thread starter Ryanrulez5
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May as well start things off with the obvious suggestion of getting a therapist if you've can and have not already done so. Any advice given here will be short term help, and while it may not hurt, improvements won't all happen overnight. Having someone who specifically knows you and your situation as a guide will help immensely.
This here sounds like good advice, I would also like to add that anyone who gives you advice on this site probably isn't qualified to give you advice in the first placehalfeclipse said:
Edit: after posting I realize that this was worded very poorly
Were you autistic at a young age?
Have you actually been diagnosed with Aspergers or is it a self assessment?
Not that I am accusing you of lying or being paranoid or anything. It is just that Aspergers is a really complex condition and whereas some people might have behavior that seems a little eccentric, others will not be able to function properly. Nobody here is able to give you an assessment of the severity of your condition and you really need to see a health professional to make you are assessed properly and that a plan can be made to help you.
Baring the above in mind, I'm going to give you advice on the assumption that a) you do not actually have Aspergers and are just shy, or, b) you have a very mild case of Aspergers that will need minimal clinical intervention.
There is noting wrong with having intense interests. The difficulty comes with expressing these to others. But do not despair, there are various ways to creatively express your interests and have engaging discussions. It sounds like communication is hard for you (I'm not so hot myself) so why not try creating algorithms to help you.
Girls are scary strange creatures but most of us do not bite. Girls can be approached in baby steps. Try eye contact one day, try five more times, upgrade to a "hi", try five more times and just build up step by step.
There is so need to rush things, and if you friends brag about "going to the disco" just point out that you do not go to the disco because "it's not 1974" or offer them some tight white jeans to go with their tighty-whitys. For anything you feel bad about, there is banter.
I'm sorry but the "dates and discos" thing tickled me a little. Reminds me of "Grease" but each generation to their own of course. The things that you friends do now will more than likely be the "nostalgic" thing you do in 10 years time. So there is still plenty of time for you to have your dates and discos.
Have you actually been diagnosed with Aspergers or is it a self assessment?
Not that I am accusing you of lying or being paranoid or anything. It is just that Aspergers is a really complex condition and whereas some people might have behavior that seems a little eccentric, others will not be able to function properly. Nobody here is able to give you an assessment of the severity of your condition and you really need to see a health professional to make you are assessed properly and that a plan can be made to help you.
Baring the above in mind, I'm going to give you advice on the assumption that a) you do not actually have Aspergers and are just shy, or, b) you have a very mild case of Aspergers that will need minimal clinical intervention.
There is noting wrong with having intense interests. The difficulty comes with expressing these to others. But do not despair, there are various ways to creatively express your interests and have engaging discussions. It sounds like communication is hard for you (I'm not so hot myself) so why not try creating algorithms to help you.
Girls are scary strange creatures but most of us do not bite. Girls can be approached in baby steps. Try eye contact one day, try five more times, upgrade to a "hi", try five more times and just build up step by step.
There is so need to rush things, and if you friends brag about "going to the disco" just point out that you do not go to the disco because "it's not 1974" or offer them some tight white jeans to go with their tighty-whitys. For anything you feel bad about, there is banter.
I'm sorry but the "dates and discos" thing tickled me a little. Reminds me of "Grease" but each generation to their own of course. The things that you friends do now will more than likely be the "nostalgic" thing you do in 10 years time. So there is still plenty of time for you to have your dates and discos.
Ask polite questions to people you're interested in. If you show you're interested in other people, and you're able to tell them JUST enough about yourself that they can have an idea of whether they're interested in you too, then you have set the foundations for a good acquaintanceship. Don't continue to talk about a subject if someone starts to appear bored (if you're autistic, you might need professional help recognizing this, but some good cues are when your partner develops a monotone, tries to change the subject, or stops looking at you). This is helpful whether you just want to be friends with someone, or whether you think they're kind of cute and are thinking of asking them out. If you're going to ask them out, wait 'til you have some signs that they're interested too (you wanna get past the "can we carry a successful conversation with each other?" part first), then you can start adding some flirting techniques (but stop if these start getting you rejection cues, like she starts to physically move herself away from you or laugh too nervously).
The only advice I feel comfortable with giving is to not be as hard on yourself as you currently are. Seek professional help if you are interested, and don't feel like you have to make astounding progress towards anything if it leads to any emotional distress.
Anyone who is qualified to diagnose, suggest treatment, or provide legitimate counseling would not attempt to do so over the internet, so if you feel that you need something more than basic social advice, find a licensed professional.
Anyone who is qualified to diagnose, suggest treatment, or provide legitimate counseling would not attempt to do so over the internet, so if you feel that you need something more than basic social advice, find a licensed professional.