Some advice for a friend

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CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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For most, the job of being able to simply watch or write something you enjoy or that you take pride in is an utter dream. At the current moment, I have a friend, who shall not be named for the sake of his wanted privacy, who wants to live this dream through being a movie/cartoon critic. He writes well, but I'm concerned that he needs some assistance in getting his criticisms of media across the internet. So, here I am, hoping that the followers of the Escapist wouldn't mind giving me some tips so that I could help my friend out. I've already given him word on what I know and I currently work as his information feed, so just some more opinions would be wonderful.
He is located at this site: http://temujin27.blogspot.com/ where he basically cracks down on that which he sees fit and what I have started to recommend.
 

CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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Matthew94 said:
Change the background, it looks tacky and unprofessional.

His blog shouldn't look like a youtube profile.
Reorganization, then? Or just the image?
 

CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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Matthew94 said:
CXZ_inc0g said:
Matthew94 said:
Change the background, it looks tacky and unprofessional.

His blog shouldn't look like a youtube profile.
Reorganization, then? Or just the image?
The image. It doesn't look good due to the tiling.
Okay, that will be kept in mind.
Would you like to recommend anything else?
 

BloatedGuppy

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Feb 3, 2010
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Background is terrible.

His prose is reasonably sound but creatively uninspired. It lacks any real force of personality or insight, and doesn't read much differently from something I'd find on the forums here. If he wants to write for his own entertainment he could do a lot worse. If he wants to write for a living, he needs to get a lot better at his craft.

Speaking as an editor, there's also a lot of basic spelling and punctuation errors and occasional issues with sentence structure that are driving me batty, so I had to stop reading halfway through the second "review".
 

CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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BloatedGuppy said:
Background is terrible.

His prose is reasonably sound but creatively uninspired. It lacks any real force of personality or insight, and doesn't read much differently from something I'd find on the forums here. If he wants to write for his own entertainment he could do a lot worse. If he wants to write for a living, he needs to get a lot better at his craft.

Speaking as an editor, there's also a lot of basic spelling and punctuation errors and occasional issues with sentence structure that are driving me batty, so I had to stop reading halfway through the second "review".
So, the best thing for him to look at would be to find a sort of spark to his writing, a kind of edge in on how he puts down his words, everything else being strictly grammatical issues...
Alright, that may be fairly tricky, however manageable, as I have seen him to be quite stubborn.
Is there any sort of idea you might have in regards to publicity?
 

Shaevar

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Jan 29, 2011
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The biggest complaint I have is that I don't feel like I'm reading a review. It seems like 3 or 4 paragraph on something he saw, and nothing more. The V for Vendetta "review" for exemple:

First paragraph: This is a movie based on a comic book, personal appreciation of graphic novel, Alan Moore is the author, he doesn't like movie adaption.

Second paragraph: Hugo Weaving is great as V (he talks well), John Hurt is great (nice dictator), Nathalie Portman is lackluster with a lackluster character.

Third paragraph: Visuals looks cheap. Totilatarian fiction should have big, impressive visuals (he actually wrote "visulas").

Fourth paragraph (so short I don't have to summarize): "This movie is fine structurally, with two very good performances. But it doesn't leave you with the feeling that films about revolution are supposed to."

A lot of complaint about this review.

First of all, his bias are waaaay too obvious. Every reviewer has bias, it's inevitable, but it must be tempered by a effort to be objective. Why should totalitarian fiction mean big and impressive visuals? What feeling does a movie about revolution is "supposed to " give me? And I reeealllly don't care how much you prefer manga over graphic novel. You are reviewing a movie. Stay on topic, don't disgress. Especially when you conclude by saying you will judge this movie "by movie standards alone".

Secondly, he doesn't cover enough ground about the movie. Was the story believable? Was the music good? This movie in particular, with a "terrorist" as a hero, ask a lot of interesting question in a post 9/11 world: What is a terrorist? Does the mean justified the end? Can a revolution with violent means be successful? There is even (spoiler alert) some torture being done by the main character, was it acceptable then? Did the movie feel too long, or too short? Are the action scene good, bad, acceptable? Does it sometimes deviate too far from it's main storyline? Does this movie appeal to teen or adults? Can my kid see it? etc....

And third....sorry, my post is becoming longer than your review, which is a big indicator that it'd not long enough! I expected to read a review, not a quick survey of only four or five thing about a particular movie. The problem is, after reading is review, if I didn't knew the movie beforehand, I wouldn't know what kind of movie it is. Action? Romance? Adventure? Comedy? Drama? I only know it's about a revolution and a totalitarian regime, made by the same person who did The Matrix (and I can tell you that, based on only thoses informations, my idea of the movie is verrrry far from the reality).

Well, I will stop there, but I think you get the idea.

P.S: Sorry for any grammar mistakes, you would have guess that english is not my first language.
 

evilneko

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Jun 16, 2011
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But I've never seen an Anime that takes place in Medieval times (unless you count Claymore, I don't because that series is boring and stupid).
He clearly hasn't seen much anime. Plus, his taste is obviously terrible. At least he liked FLCL.

Pacifica (Kari Whalgren) is traveling with her adoptive brother Shannon (Crispin Freeman) and Racquell (Bridget Hoffman)
Dub watcher. That explains a few things.

The whole thing reads like just someone on a rant. He'll never get Internet Famous with that level of writing. It's not particularly humorous or insightful, and certainly not entertaining. Further, it's visually uninteresting. All in all, it's just some guy's opinion, what's to differentiate his from every other guy with a blog?

And yeah, the NERV logo background isn't doing him any favors. Fixed, no-repeat backgrounds work best if he wants an image that's not a pattern.
 

EternalFacepalm

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Feb 1, 2011
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First of all, I agree on the background. Change that.

Also, small grammatical errors such as missing an apostrophe can really hinder a career, especially as a critic. Tell him to proof-read what he writes, basically.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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Hey that's my Iron,Chrome, background xD. And yes, change it.
 

CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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He clearly hasn't seen much anime. Plus, his taste is obviously terrible. At least he liked FLCL.
No he hasn't watched much of it and that's why I'm backing him, someone to keep up with recent anime as well as older ones that are good.
So, are you saying that he shouldn't be putting his lack of experience out there? As all things should just be done in a professional tone?

Dub watcher. That explains a few things.
Oh, and I know I've covered this with him before, but for propriety's sake, would you be more interested in reading if he had taken the time to watch the sub as well?
 

CTYR

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Mar 25, 2012
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Shaevar said:
So, a deeper insight into the media he would be critiquing as whole with better direction for his content. Content which he needs much more of, for that matter. Perhaps I could take up a part to maybe edit his work first...
I understood you completely, dear sir! You needn't worry about the language barrier, as for you there isn't one.