Someone please help me understand my parents thought process
- Thread starter The Lawn
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Unfortunately, all parents are people too and people are not perfect. Your mom sounds a bit like mine in that she has some genetic defect called "No matter what you do either you did it wrong, or you are not doing it good enough, or you're not going to be doing it for much longer." Now granted I have not lived with my parents for a long time now, but my little brothers still do and from what they tell me my mom has not changed one bit. This is why they have given her the important position of supervisor, so she can go take a nap while the real work is being done. Because if the carpet is clean, even if you didn't clean it the way she does, then she can't fault you for it being clean. My advice (and this mirrors pretty much everybody else's advice) is to move out as quickly as possible. Because it is also true that your mom will miss all the help you could give if you no longer live with her, even if she doesn't appreciate it now.
It sounds like your mom won't be pleased with anything you do, so I would not worry about what your mom does. At least you have one reasonable parent. 
At least as far as your mother goes, she appears to be a bitter and unlikable witch who sees others as potential slave labor rather than people.
"Gentle words turn back wrath". Its going to require some meditation, but consider what makes you valuable, helpful and fantastic. Then when confronted with outrageous yelling and demands remind her that she's your child, role model and mentor.
And if none of that works remind her of Social Security's outlook in the next 20 years. And the sinking value of the dollar. and the....
Thinking about it, I fear she's being cornered. We dont have much more info, but I assume that shes a stay at home mom but wouldn't call herself a homemaker. I'm also figuring that your parent's relationship with each other is falling apart either by external causes or neglect. Because you mentioned a sister, who seems to have either found means or is old enough (good God, I hope she hasn't moved to the San Fernando Valley), this has been a long term condition.
Strange that you mention your in your last year at College. This means that she isn't in any way excited that your so close. Somethings being lost in her head, this is going to be a big day for you! [my bias: YMMV, I'm first grad of family]
Dogs. Somethings not clicking. Dogs do something to you, especially when you have more than one. You either soften up, become responsible or become a dog breeding snob. I'm living at home ATM, and we just got two puppies. My younger siblings have been total slobs before getting two lab puppies but now are constantly picking things up and worrying about our home's hygiene.
Dad needs to be brought into this. If he doesn't defend everything thats good in you, then he isn't even worth the title. Now I dont know what your relationship with him is like, but I find it hard to believe that he hasn't noticed. Your mother needs help, but until then he needs (and seems to have failed) to protect you and your sister.
Damn, your in bad straights. You sure you cant find some way to get money to stay at a dorm or a friend closer to your school so you can get out of the house?
And if none of that works remind her of Social Security's outlook in the next 20 years. And the sinking value of the dollar. and the....
Thinking about it, I fear she's being cornered. We dont have much more info, but I assume that shes a stay at home mom but wouldn't call herself a homemaker. I'm also figuring that your parent's relationship with each other is falling apart either by external causes or neglect. Because you mentioned a sister, who seems to have either found means or is old enough (good God, I hope she hasn't moved to the San Fernando Valley), this has been a long term condition.
Strange that you mention your in your last year at College. This means that she isn't in any way excited that your so close. Somethings being lost in her head, this is going to be a big day for you! [my bias: YMMV, I'm first grad of family]
Dogs. Somethings not clicking. Dogs do something to you, especially when you have more than one. You either soften up, become responsible or become a dog breeding snob. I'm living at home ATM, and we just got two puppies. My younger siblings have been total slobs before getting two lab puppies but now are constantly picking things up and worrying about our home's hygiene.
Dad needs to be brought into this. If he doesn't defend everything thats good in you, then he isn't even worth the title. Now I dont know what your relationship with him is like, but I find it hard to believe that he hasn't noticed. Your mother needs help, but until then he needs (and seems to have failed) to protect you and your sister.
Damn, your in bad straights. You sure you cant find some way to get money to stay at a dorm or a friend closer to your school so you can get out of the house?
I agree, smack a hhhhhhhhooooooooo.hazabaza1 said:
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Use this as practice, you've gotta pop the shirt too, try and develop a method that allows you to both swiftly remove the garment and execute a slap in a single motion.
Nothing much you can do unfortunately. Women are crazy man its a fact of life. Haven't you ever watched George Carlin?
HAHAHA you pampered pratt. Sorry, I get really angry when I see comments like this. People think they're so hard done by. My mum BEAT me and smashed cups over my head for the slightest thing, threw her dinner at the floor if she had the wrong cutlery or even plate, sent me to buy everything, I had to do all the housework plus help with her animals along with my own... and did I get much thanks? No, more beating, left locked out the house in the freezing cold, told I was worthless/should be dead/couldnt look after myself/selfish... the list goes onThe Lawn said:
Ok so what your parents are doing (or your mum)is not fair, but at least she's not kicking you out into the street and hey, your studying for your degree because your parents are letting you live with them so you can afford to go to Uni. I cant, why? because my mum is dead and I'm stuck living on benifits coz I cant get a job so sadly Uni is now out the question and the past 2yrs of studying has been for nothing.... argh sorry >.< I get upset easily... anyway...
You know how hard your working so grit your teeth and get on with it. Once your degree is over, well hey, get your own place (I suppose that does depend on whether you can get a decent job at the end of your course), if that isnt possible, then once again, tolerate her. Parents are fussy. A lot of them will use their kids as slaves because they feel they've worked all their life so why shouldnt their kids learn to grow up. Think about it, if you were living on your own, you'd HAVE to do all of this without word of thanks anyway. Why not learn to do it now.
My mum died, and weirdly enough, I dont regret being responsible for most the house etc because even though im only 20 (19 when she died) i'm a LOT more mature then some teens my age and am running the house perfectly on my own.
Good luck, but like I said, all you can do is bite your tongue and learn to live with it (I'm sorry if this comment sounds harsh, but you have it a LOT better then i'll ever be able to get it and I'm jealous)
Well, I didn't personally help my mother around the house, don't relaly care for my parents, but I'll try imagine if I was in your situation.
I'd do nothing. I'd sit around, doing whatever I felt like doing, for about a month or two. should be long enough for her to get a sense of appreciation for the work you do.
I'd do nothing. I'd sit around, doing whatever I felt like doing, for about a month or two. should be long enough for her to get a sense of appreciation for the work you do.
I'd say that it sounds like your parents just want you out of the house and they don't want to tell you straight to your face. Unless they've been acting like that for your entire life. If that's the case, then, well, there's really nothing you can do about it except leave.
RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!
But seriously, move out ASAP, until then I guess try to spend as much time away from that house, be it at work, out with your friends or whatever and maybe try and be in the room with your dad aswell when thats possible and maybe it'll help to have another sane person.
But seriously, move out ASAP, until then I guess try to spend as much time away from that house, be it at work, out with your friends or whatever and maybe try and be in the room with your dad aswell when thats possible and maybe it'll help to have another sane person.
Move the fuck out at the first chance you get. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of crap, especially when you're in your last year of college. It's fair enough to ask you to do things but they just treating you like a pile of shite. Just get out and it'll all be gone.
Same here. I never get asked to do anything, study whenever I please and play games whenever I please. The only job they've ever asked me to do is to wash dishes at weekends and even then I get paid and help for it. I can't see a lot changing when I move out either.Callex said:
I agree with what a lot of the previous posters have said, there's not a whole lot you can do... She's being a ***** and it's not fair that she's being such a ***** but there's nothing you can do about it. Just realize that life is full of irrational bitches and all you can do is ignore them.
Now the question is, are you satisfied with just ignoring the ***** or do you want her on your side?
Now the question is, are you satisfied with just ignoring the ***** or do you want her on your side?
