Someone stole My Ipod, I want revenge!

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Leemaster777

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Feb 25, 2010
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A man steals your property? There's only one solution to that where I come from: Fuck his sister.

True, you won't get your iPod back... but you fucked his sister.
 

The Pinray

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Jul 21, 2011
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Steal his family, call him on his cellphone and say "If you want your family back, bring me back my iPod, an iPad, and a Mac. You have twenty-four hours."

Then specify a location. When he brings the items tell him his family is at a warehouse across town.

Now, when he arrives he'll see his dead family tied up to chairs. They'll have a sign tied to them saying "I never said you'll have them back alive."

You're welcome. :)

I think I watch too much Law & Order...
 

lolreaper

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Jul 30, 2011
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this is the funniest thread i have seen in a long time
OT: hire some mercineries,i'm sure they will get it back
 

Paul-Harvey

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May 28, 2012
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Well seeing that this is just to entertain the though of revenge you would need some supplies.

- Assorted sizes of plastic piping (enough to fit his body in and some pipe joints)
- A salamander heater (not sure of technical name but they look like small rockets)
- Some water, about three gallons should do
- Possibly a defibrillator and some aspirin
- Red and black strobe lights
- A creepy sound of bugs crawling around or demonic chanting and speakers to play it on
- An IV thing to slowly let water out
- Three dopers full of LSD

Fit the pipes into an "I" shape with the body piece in the middle. Cap all four ends and place the strobe lights and the speakers. Don't forget to water proof them, that is important! Tilt the pipes so that he will be laying face down at a 25-45 degree angle (make sure he will remain in the middle). Fill the IV with the water and two of the dopers and fix it to the end of the pipe that should now be in the air. Set the doper so that it will slowly let the solution out over the span of a few days. place the salamander facing the "I" just far enough that it will not melt it. Start heating it. Once the guy had been captured and knocked unconscious give him some aspirin and place him on his back with his head at the low end. Once he is safely inside turn on the lights and the sound and wait :)

LSD will slowly be absorbed through the skin and if he has a heart attack attempt revival with the defibrillator.
Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

Sneak a camcorder in there for more enjoyment ;)
 

The Diabolical Biz

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Jun 25, 2009
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If you ever see him skulking about leave like some milk out but fill it with laxatives. Put it somewhere where he might see it and steal it - act like you're just putting it down for a minute absentmindedly.

Then he takes the milk, hopefully drinks it, and...hilarity ensues.

Messy, messy hilarity.
 

Suicidejim

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Jul 1, 2011
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Step 1: Devote several decades of your life to learning the black arts.

Step 2: Find and ritually slaughter 300 virgin women, taking care to retrieve a sample of their blood.

Step 3: Using the blood acquired in the previous step as an offering, use your mastery of the occult to bring forth Satan himself.

Step 4: Once face-to-face with the Prince of Hell, offer him your soul in exchange for unimaginable power.

Step 5: With your newfound mastery over time, space, and all of reality, find the man who wronged you and systematically place banana peels in inconvenient places, dooming him to keep slipping over in a humorous fashion for all eternity. Then fill his iPod with the inferior solo albums of members of successful bands.
 

razer17

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Feb 3, 2009
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Mr Metzger said:
Mr.Mattress said:
... Sue him? Or call the cops? I think those would be the smartest moves, because anything else won't hold up in court if your defense is "He stole my Ipod!"
I called the police and we have the CCTV footage but he is a gypsy/traveller and the police want nothing to do with it. They said it would be unlikely that I got the Ipod Back.

And anyway this is just to make me feel better, I am obviously not going to go out on a murderous rampage
Traveller? Leave it, don't mess with him, because that will only end badly for you.
 

PsychicTaco115

I've Been Having These Weird Dreams Lately...
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Mar 17, 2012
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Simple. "I want to play a game."

If that doesn't work, you could ship the person to me, I always need more labor. Tell you what, where do you want him to work?

I have coal mines, nuclear reactors and other things that need maintenance. Talk to me! I always have my customers thoughts in mind :D