Something that shouldn't bother me, but does.

[A Daft World]

Hello, escapists. Here's my situation.

Preamble: I've been in love with a girl for quite some time now, and we've recently gotten together under circumstances that feel like a fairy tale (Maybe just in my head, but it feels good). I know her very well, and she knows me equally as well. Until recently, the question of religion has never come up.

Dilemma: I'm an atheist, and I don't see that ever changing. She's religious, but I wouldn't change her for the world. The problem is that something about her being religious is bugging me, and I don't know why.

I'd like to think that I'm fairly open-minded. I've always tried to accept that people have beliefs different from my own, and I rarely have to tell anybody off for their religion. She certainly doesn't make a big deal out of it, and neither should I.

What I'd like to know is what I should do to get myself over this ridiculousness and move on with the relationship. All I really want is to accept every aspect of her, without being uncertain about any of it.

Also: If anybody has any experience being in a relationship where you have had multiple religions, I'd very much like to hear them.

 

[Melian]

Why does her being religious "offend" you? Is it her particular religion, or is it just the fact that she's a believer? If she doesn't make a big deal out of it then why should you?
I'm in a longstanding relationship where one part is agnostic and the other is religious (that's me). My husband has always been more interested in the way my religion works, and we've had unaccountably many discussions regarding the logical fallacies of religions in general. It has worked because he's always been genuinely curious and judgement-free, because religion is an important part of who I am and not accepting it would be to not accept me as I am. Same (I believe) goes for your girlfriend, and I think that you really should try to figure out exactly what it is that bothers you. You don't need to change your belief, but neither should she.

 

[X10J]

Maybe the problem is that it's something you two can't share. Also, maybe she's intentionally down playing it in an attempt to avoid akwardness. My advice would be to talk to her about, and explore it as much as posible. But, of course, tread lightly.

On the other hand, I'm a moronic loner approaching this with practically no knowledge from behind a computer, maybe you shouldn't trust my advice.

 

[dmase]

Goddamn... listen i'm drunk and i think the girl that is pretty cute in my class is religious i've held off talking to her and alcohol opens me up to any fucking stupid thought that crosses my mind. I wish i was right next to her right now... I'm in boxers and i'd still pull it off.

Anyways, just let is slide. Seriously be the bigger man if you wanna talk about religion, religions ia probably a part of her life. People with religion sometimes end up deriving their personality from it. If thats gone from her would she be the same person?

Having said that religion doesn't make a person anymore than a parent does but it affects a big deal of their life. You never know what gonna chance and what constant they will cling to. Just accept that she has a higher power giving her answer and leave it at that.

If you are one of those poeple that can't then i feel truly sorry for you because life isn't about dislikes or likes its about acceptance and understanding. If you give that to her and she still rejects you then you know she is the wrong women

 

[Wolf-AUS]

This can be a touchy one. As you said she's not forcing her religion onto you, so that's not the problem. The only way I can see you overcoming this is maybe by sitting down and having a long think about what it is you find yourself attracted to in this girl.

Think about how she would be if she wasn't at all religious, would you still like who she is without whatever influences it might have on her and her personality?

The other thing you could do is, talk to her about it, tell her from the onset it's not a problem at all and that it shouldn't be bothering you because of how wonderful you find her, she may be able to set your mind at ease.

When it comes down to it, are you attracted to her because of who she is or who you want her to be?

Goddamn... listen i'm drunk and i think the girl that is pretty cute in my class is religious i've held off talking to her and alcohol opens me up to any fucking stupid thought that crosses my mind. I wish i was right next to her right now... I'm in boxers and i'd still pull it off.

Anyways, just let is slide. Seriously be the bigger man if you wanna talk about religion, religions ia probably a part of her life. People with religion sometimes end up deriving their personality from it. If thats gone from her would she be the same person?

Having said that religion doesn't make a person anymore than a parent does but it affects a big deal of their life. You never know what gonna chance and what constant they will cling to. Just accept that she has a higher power giving her answer and leave it at that.

If you are one of those poeple that can't then i feel truly sorry for you because life isn't about dislikes or likes its about acceptance and understanding. If you give that to her and she still rejects you then you know she is the wrong women

You are very eloquent for an inebriated man. XD I envy your skills.

 

[dmase]

snipped

Fuck alcohol is my wonder drug.

OP: do not drink alcohol before you talk or make your decision about this girl not all of us need 99 bananas(form of schnaupps) to make our decisions for us.

 

[Wolf-AUS]

snipped

Fuck alcohol is my wonder drug.

OP: do not drink alcohol before you talk or make your decision about this girl not all of us need 99 bananas(form of schnaupps) to make our decisions for us.

Yeah, apparently, surely you must peak and then go downhill though?

Sound advice, don't talk to girls you like when you'r intoxicated.

 

[dmase]

snipped

Fuck alcohol is my wonder drug.

OP: do not drink alcohol before you talk or make your decision about this girl not all of us need 99 bananas(form of schnaupps) to make our decisions for us.

Yeah, apparently, surely you must peak and then go downhill though?

Sound advice, don't talk to girls you like when you'r intoxicated.

You basicallly just described my last tim at a club.

I mean fuck my feat where moving like crazy right after the club started going and i got half of everbody on the dance floor. We went to a different club, i danced my ass off, went outside and realized how much i was sobering up... fuck... I almost puked.

I'm better at talking to women intoxicated, my mind moves faster... and my feat lol.

 

[Tynermeister]

Interesting dilemma.

I think I kinda understand where your coming from.
My family is all pretty religeous, but I couldn't give a monkey's left one. Sometimes it seem's they know something I dont, I i should'nt be so judging, but anyway . . .

Maybe you're making much ado about nothing, and this is just a kind of manifestation of the initial hesitation everyone feels when getting into a new relationship.

You can either
- let it be, see if the feeling goes away
- talk to her, see if she feels similar about your aetheism
- focus on something else, some aspect of her religeous life that really does appeal to you
- some other fourth thing

F#$k it. What do I know? Listen to the drunk guys, they have more clarity of mind than I do.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Don't let it bother you. Couples usually have ideological differences, and she doesn't seem to be ramming her worldview down your throat.
I'm staunchly anti-theist while my partner, despite being a non-believer, thinks that religion is a good thing. It has only led to interesting discussions, although I suppose we have an inherently more objective view on the matter.

 

[Captain Underbeard]

snipped

Fuck alcohol is my wonder drug.

OP: do not drink alcohol before you talk or make your decision about this girl not all of us need 99 bananas(form of schnaupps) to make our decisions for us.

Yeah, apparently, surely you must peak and then go downhill though?

Sound advice, don't talk to girls you like when you'r intoxicated.

The exception being that if they're drunk, you should be too!

Maybe the problem is that it's something you two can't share.

That might be it. Not so much something you can't share, but a point of view you'll never understand as her background is built upon faith in the divine whereas yours is not. Unfortunately this is only gonna irritate you more and more, so you've either got to learn to deal with it or let it go... :-(

 

[A Daft World]

This can be a touchy one. As you said she's not forcing her religion onto you, so that's not the problem. The only way I can see you overcoming this is maybe by sitting down and having a long think about what it is you find yourself attracted to in this girl.

Think about how she would be if she wasn't at all religious, would you still like who she is without whatever influences it might have on her and her personality?

The other thing you could do is, talk to her about it, tell her from the onset it's not a problem at all and that it shouldn't be bothering you because of how wonderful you find her, she may be able to set your mind at ease.

When it comes down to it, are you attracted to her because of who she is or who you want her to be?

I think this is what I'm going to do. I have something special with this girl, and I'll have to accept her for who she is. I'll definitely think on it, and if that doesn't work I'll have to talk to her about it.

I really appreciate all of the advice, guys. Even the drunken advice.

 

[Captain Underbeard]

Good luck buddy, hope it works out well for you.

And don't knock drunken advice. Alcohol is like goddamn truth serum

 

[Julianking93]

Hello, escapists. Here's my situation.

Preamble: I've been in love with a girl for quite some time now, and we've recently gotten together under circumstances that feel like a fairy tale (Maybe just in my head, but it feels good). I know her very well, and she knows me equally as well. Until recently, the question of religion has never come up.

Dilemma: I'm an atheist, and I don't see that ever changing. She's religious, but I wouldn't change her for the world. The problem is that something about her being religious is bugging me, and I don't know why.

I'd like to think that I'm fairly open-minded. I've always tried to accept that people have beliefs different from my own, and I rarely have to tell anybody off for their religion. She certainly doesn't make a big deal out of it, and neither should I.

What I'd like to know is what I should do to get myself over this ridiculousness and move on with the relationship. All I really want is to accept every aspect of her, without being uncertain about any of it.

Also: If anybody has any experience being in a relationship where you have had multiple religions, I'd very much like to hear them.

A tricky situation but it can work out if you both can look past your differences in beliefs.
It's understandable for you to think about this or for it to bug you. You like this girl and she's close to you but you might see the religious thing as a possible problem, so that's why it's bugging you.

Personally, I've been through this one time in my life and it was just awful. Granted, my situation was quite possibly the most extreme you could get in that way, but it didn't work out due to our differences. That's not to say it won't work for you, but I'm just saying it didn't for me.

For now though, I'd suggest to simply look past this for a while. If it's still something bothering your or if it actually becomes a serious problem, then talk to her about it and talk out ways for you two to work it out if at all possible.

 

[rutger5000]

My girlfriend believes in astrology and the like, and I'm an atheist physicist. Why I'm not bothered with it? Let me turn that around, why would you be bothered about it?
It's fun to talk with people who look at things differently then you, and maybe you could even learn a thing or two. (The conversations I had with her really defined how I think about the super natural)
I really don't see why this would bother you. For me it's a sign that you're uncomfortable with your own believes. If it truly bothers you that much, then go see a preast. Seriously confront your troubles and talk with someone who knows his/her stuff.
But firstly just try to get over yourself. Don't make such a big fuss about it unless you absolutely have to

 

[Wolf-AUS]

This can be a touchy one. As you said she's not forcing her religion onto you, so that's not the problem. The only way I can see you overcoming this is maybe by sitting down and having a long think about what it is you find yourself attracted to in this girl.

Think about how she would be if she wasn't at all religious, would you still like who she is without whatever influences it might have on her and her personality?

The other thing you could do is, talk to her about it, tell her from the onset it's not a problem at all and that it shouldn't be bothering you because of how wonderful you find her, she may be able to set your mind at ease.

When it comes down to it, are you attracted to her because of who she is or who you want her to be?

I think this is what I'm going to do. I have something special with this girl, and I'll have to accept her for who she is. I'll definitely think on it, and if that doesn't work I'll have to talk to her about it.

I really appreciate all of the advice, guys. Even the drunken advice.

Hope it helps mate, all the best in your relationship, hope it sorts itself out for the best.

 

[Brandon237]

Let it go. If her religion isn't causing you problems, then don't make problems. Accept that it is something different about her and carry on with the relationship. If she is trying to force it on you, only then do you have a problem.