Sorry, it's a relationship (or lack thereof) thread

[archvile93]

My advice, don't waste your time. Nothing good or useful could ever come from a relationship, but maybe I'm just too cynical.

 

[FamoFunk]

Aww, just do what you're doing, but get more confident on the way, try to start talking to her directly when in a group then get it one on one. You never know they feel might alresdy be muteual(sp, soz)

 

[bojac6]

A few lessons from a nerd who made it.

So, I just started in sixth form this year, and there's a new girl who I maybe kinda-sorta like. The problems are twofold. One, although she's in my form, she has no lessons with me, and she hardly ever seems to be around outside lessons, which makes it difficult to see her at all.

Sometimes things don't work out. Keep that in mind while you read the rest. If you fail here, nothing happens except you find another girl to go after.

Second, I'm a socially awkward nerd with slightly more than zero confidence, who's never had a girlfriend and doesn't really "get" girls (not self-pity, just the facts). So the question is, Escapists, what do I do? How do I approach her without managing to look like a prick?

You're sixteen in sixth form, right? Best advice I can give you is not what you want to hear and doesn't actually help this situation specifically. Stop worrying about getting yourself laid and start worrying about getting your 19-20 year old self laid. This means some pretty basic things. One, read books, like literature and philosophy, so you're interesting. No offense, but most people (even a pretty avid gamer like me) don't like talking about video games, Star Trek, etc. all the time. I'm not advocating ignoring those things, just branch out and find other things that interest you. Most nerdy things are chock full of literary references, so just follow up on those. Read Sherlock Holmes and Philip Marlowe if you like those episodes of Next Gen for instance. (Sorry, I seem stuck on Star Trek when I have no reason to assume you like it, but it's just an example). Or old movies, classics that make people think. Black and white films. Pick a genre you find interesting and research it a little, find the classics. You like Ocean's Eleven? Watch Rififi, the first heist movie. You like the Matrix? Watch Metropolis, the first Science Fiction classic and watch Blade Runner, the best modern sci-fi film. Secondly, work out some. Run, swim, whatever. You don't need to be a body builder, but a person who jogs 6 miles a week shows it. And finally, hygiene. Be clean, wash, find a deodorant you like, avoid body sprays like Axe and those other really strong ones. Also eat well.
If you do these things, I guaranty you a pick of girls. So you don't have to hide your nerd side from them. There are plenty of attractive nerdy girls out there. I've dated girls who could kick my ass at Halo. It's kind of hot.

But there is one other thing to do before you're 20. Learn to talk to girls. And the best way to do that is this one you like right now. I'm just warning you, you're 16 and dorky, so don't expect too much. Which, frankly, will help you stay cool and be more successful anyways.

Some slightly relevant facts for consideration: I've added her on Facebook, and I think I managed to make a decent impression one lunchtime when I was sat on her table, when I made her laugh a few times (not talking directly to her, but to the group as a whole).

She knows who you are then. You've already made the approach. Now you need an excuse to do more with her. Simple things like a project. If that doesn't work out, I cannot over state the direct approach.

Asking someone out is flattering for them. If she has few negative experiences with you and mostly good times laughing or whatever, you're fine. Just don't be a prick. How do you do that? Ask her somewhere public, safe, and close to her house. That way, she can just leave when she wants. It's not that she'll suddenly want to leave, but the fact that the option is open will help keep her at ease. Most things to do fall along those lines. Never ask a girl for her number, give her yours instead. If you ask, she has to decide right then if she wants you to call her, because she can't get it back. Typically, a girl will say no if she has any doubts. If you offer her yours, she can think about it and more often then not will call you. Keep her at ease and be nice, and you'll do fine.

Finally, be confident. It's the hardest part. If you ask her out by saying "hey...uhhh, I was...well, you...I mean....could I...mumble mumble mumble" you're done. If you say "Could we go to a movie sometime" you sound a lot better. You'll be nervous (I know I am every time) and it'll show, but force yourself to push through it. You'll do fine.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Be less of a nerd. Except for other nerd girls, the look rarely works. And be more confident. Definitely that.

 

[Valkyrie101]

You're sixteen in sixth form, right? Best advice I can give you is not what you want to hear and doesn't actually help this situation specifically. Stop worrying about getting yourself laid and start worrying about getting your 19-20 year old self laid.

Actually, I'm not bothered about getting laid. Wouldn't mind, but it's not a primary concern.

Secondly, work out some. Run, swim, whatever. You don't need to be a body builder, but a person who jogs 6 miles a week shows it.

I already do that.

Anyway, thanks for the advice guys.

 

[SnipErlite]

I... uh...

I'll try?

Good on ya - It's easier to slip into being a creepy obsessive than you think.

Er, I mean, that's what Ive heard

>.>

<.<

[sub]I really don't know what I'm on today[/sub]

 

[OriginalError]

Its OK to be a nerd, as long as you're confident in it.

Girls like someone who is

A) Intelligent
B) Successful (this is relatively subjective)
C) Confident
D) Good in bed (this doesn't take practice so much as a desire to improve. Most of all, it involves making sure they get theirs multiple times before you get yours)

Being attractive is a huge plus (and it makes it easier to initiate conversations) but I can attest its not actually necessary.

Embrace who you are, get better at the lettered items and shoot low... then upgrade the girl later on when you've got better options.
//J.

 

[Dahni]

So, I just started in sixth form this year, and there's a new girl who I maybe kinda-sorta like. The problems are twofold. One, although she's in my form, she has no lessons with me, and she hardly ever seems to be around outside lessons, which makes it difficult to see her at all. Second, I'm a socially awkward nerd with slightly more than zero confidence, who's never had a girlfriend and doesn't really "get" girls (not self-pity, just the facts). So the question is, Escapists, what do I do? How do I approach her without managing to look like a prick?

Some slightly relevant facts for consideration: I've added her on Facebook, and I think I managed to make a decent impression one lunchtime when I was sat on her table, when I made her laugh a few times (not talking directly to her, but to the group as a whole).

Talk to her on Facebook/msn but don't let yourself become her "friend" because you'll have shot yourself in the foot. Once the conversation is flowing on the internet, ask her to hang about with you at lunch or break. If that goes well, ask her to hang out outside of school. Find out what she likes and work around that.

 

[shootthebandit]

use facebook to find out if she is single or not and if shes on facebook chat just say "hi". also comment on her status (when relevant) this will get her to recognise, then when you nest see her compliment her hair or her shoes then say that how you feel (by now it should be obvious)

 

[TheGuy(wantstobe)]

So, I just started in sixth form this year, and there's a new girl who I maybe kinda-sorta like. The problems are twofold. One, although she's in my form, she has no lessons with me, and she hardly ever seems to be around outside lessons, which makes it difficult to see her at all. Second, I'm a socially awkward nerd with slightly more than zero confidence, who's never had a girlfriend and doesn't really "get" girls (not self-pity, just the facts). So the question is, Escapists, what do I do? How do I approach her without managing to look like a prick?

Some slightly relevant facts for consideration: I've added her on Facebook, and I think I managed to make a decent impression one lunchtime when I was sat on her table, when I made her laugh a few times (not talking directly to her, but to the group as a whole).

Everyone here has given pretty good advice but the thing I would definately add is even if nothing ever ends up happening between you two don't let it get you down. At the very least you'll have gained some experience and confidence and probably gotten a good friend out of it.

 

[johnsom]

Find a creative way of letting her know your into her see how she reacts. If its positive go for it.

 

[Rasputin1]

I met my previous boyfriend in my sixth form canteen, I was alone waiting for a friend and he just came up and started talking to me. Confidence is attractive, so if you see her alone just say something like "Hi, I've seen you around, whats your name? What classes are you in?" just general questions and get to know her from there.

Pretty much this, but for the love god don't come across as creepy! If you do that you can kiss her goodbye.

 

[Kurokami]

So, I just started in sixth form this year, and there's a new girl who I maybe kinda-sorta like. The problems are twofold. One, although she's in my form, she has no lessons with me, and she hardly ever seems to be around outside lessons, which makes it difficult to see her at all. Second, I'm a socially awkward nerd with slightly more than zero confidence, who's never had a girlfriend and doesn't really "get" girls (not self-pity, just the facts). So the question is, Escapists, what do I do? How do I approach her without managing to look like a prick?

Some slightly relevant facts for consideration: I've added her on Facebook, and I think I managed to make a decent impression one lunchtime when I was sat on her table, when I made her laugh a few times (not talking directly to her, but to the group as a whole).

New Zealander?

The whole 'not in her class' thing actually plays in your favor in my opinion. Surely there are some school events coming up, maybe formal/prom/whatever to ask her to. Just make sure you do it early and not fuck around too much.

 

[Corporal Bill]

Get her msn and talk to her

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

So, I just started in sixth form this year, and there's a new girl who I maybe kinda-sorta like. The problems are twofold. One, although she's in my form, she has no lessons with me, and she hardly ever seems to be around outside lessons, which makes it difficult to see her at all. Second, I'm a socially awkward nerd with slightly more than zero confidence, who's never had a girlfriend and doesn't really "get" girls (not self-pity, just the facts). So the question is, Escapists, what do I do? How do I approach her without managing to look like a prick?

Some slightly relevant facts for consideration: I've added her on Facebook, and I think I managed to make a decent impression one lunchtime when I was sat on her table, when I made her laugh a few times (not talking directly to her, but to the group as a whole).

Step 1: Find her. Bump into her in the hall, invite her over, look for her, etc.
Step 2: Ask her, "Do you want to _______[footnote]eat lunch, watch a movie, go over X's house, go to the mall, etc.[/footnote]
Step 3: If she says yes, congratulations. If she says no, convince her to go with you otherwise, or drop her.

And don't BS me by saying you don't want to. The direct approach works more than clues people will probably never get. Don't want to do something risky like that? Then you'll hardly get anywhere relationship wise.

 

[Claptrap]

Get some confidence, Go up to her and talk for abit, And at some point slip in "Hey, Do you want to go for coffee some time?"

If you get rejected, CRY MANLY TEARS!

But if she says yes, Ask her when she is free and go from there.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

I've always thought asking for relationship advice on a Gaming forum is like me trying to find a simile to end this sentence. Fruitless.

I'd love to say just ask her out and all will be well, but unfortunately this sort of thing requires some ground work. Try to get to know her and her friends better. From my experience in High School and seeing my sister go through High School if her friends don't like you then your chances are a lot slimmer.

That's all I got. If none of this works the best advice would be to try and not let this stuff bother you. There are more important things in life. Like gaming.

 

[thedeathscythe]

Ask her to coffee sometime, just say you were gonna get coffee and see if she wants to get some too. You don't drink coffee? You do now...No one wants to go get coffee alone, and it's a great way to sit down and talk and not seem like you're forcing it. If she says no, offer to get her one I guess, I've only used that trick twice and they've both come alone =P If it comes to that, you're on your own..