Stories of Total War...

[IamQ]

Despite the series' greatness, and Rome 2 coming out next year, there is still a distinct lack of discussion about the Total War games on this forum. No matter, I'll just have to take matters into my own hands. So, without further ado... the purpose of this thread:

I'm curious to hear about your stories of battles, your marches towards danger, your political debates against factions who insist that you become their protectorate despite you having about 18 cities, and they only have 2 and so on.

My story to tell is one that happened last time I played. I'm playing Rome as the Julii, and I want to get one of my generals to one of my cities in northern Italy to become governor. Sounds simple enough, and by looks like it, I only need one turn to do so, joy! There was one problem I encountered though. One very strange and silly problem. You see, I couldn't get to the city. Why? Because my "good friends" the Scipii had decided that it would be a good idea to place one unit troops All over Italy. Because of this, I couldn't reach the city. There were always one unit of troops in the way that wouldn't move. So if I still wanted to reach that city, I would have to take my general and make him run all over Europe to reach that city.

Needless to say, that city has yet to receive a governor.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Any story we tell will always pale to the all time classic: A Scotsman in Egypt.

In which the Scotts bypass Europe altogether and conquer Africa.
http://lparchive.org/A-Scotsman-In-Egypt/

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

In Rome 1, an outnumbered and outgunned Brutii force of mine had to fight a superior Greek army. I skillfully used my cavalry to outmaneuver the Greeks and crush their larger force, seizing a heroic, masterful victory.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I'm curious to hear about your stories of battles, your marches towards danger, your political debates against factions who insist that you become their protectorate despite you having about 18 cities, and they only have 2 and so on.

Here, too?! =P /kidding

OT: In a playthrough of R:TR Gold 1.9.

Having just conquered the Italian mainland and made an uneasy peace with the Cisalpine Gauls, Consul Terentius tries his luck with his consular army and crosses to northern Greece to take on the Macedonians, who are fresh from crushing the Greek Leagues and City States. Against him is Prince Perseus, the Macedonian heir's impetuous younger brother, with a significantly larger army with a strong and veteran backbone of phalanx pikemen, Thessalian cavalry and peltasts thrown in for good measure. Against this veritable Hellenic powerhouse is Terentius with a single legion (2 x hastati, 2 x principes, 1 x triarii, 2 x velites, 1 x funditores & 1 x equites) and a clearly insufficient contingent of allies (3 x Italian spearmen, 3 x Italian swordsmen, 2 x Italian cavalry).

Knowing he cannot attack frontally and escape alive, Terentius draws inspiration from Epaminondas and Pelopidas. Massiing his legionaries on a single flank and extending a long line to match the Macedonian phalanx, the legion overwhelms the Macedonian left, the triarii dealing with the cavalry on that flank, with support from Terentius' own turmae of equites. The Italian horsemen hold off the Thessalians just long enough for the legionaries to start rolling up the Macedonian line while the main squadron of equites finally circle round and defeat the remnants of the Macedonian cavalry. Stuck in the thick of the fighting, Perseus sees nothing for it and makes good his escape, while the Italian allies, who have been slowly retreating the face of the pikemen's advance, charge at last, with support from the legionaries to their right, and cavalry from the left.

[HEADING=1]I JUST LEUCTRA'D YOUR ASS!![/HEADING]

 

[IamQ]

I'm curious to hear about your stories of battles, your marches towards danger, your political debates against factions who insist that you become their protectorate despite you having about 18 cities, and they only have 2 and so on.

Here, too?! =P /kidding

OT: In a playthrough of R:TR Gold 1.9.

Having just conquered the Italian mainland and made an uneasy peace with the Cisalpine Gauls, Consul Terentius tries his luck with his consular army and crosses to northern Greece to take on the Macedonians, who are fresh from crushing the Greek Leagues and City States. Against him is Prince Perseus, the Macedonian heir's impetuous younger brother, with a significantly larger army with a strong and veteran backbone of phalanx pikemen, Thessalian cavalry and peltasts thrown in for good measure. Against this veritable Hellenic powerhouse is Terentius with a single legion (2 x hastati, 2 x principes, 1 x triarii, 2 x velites, 1 x funditores & 1 x equites) and a clearly insufficient contingent of allies (3 x Italian spearmen, 3 x Italian swordsmen, 2 x Italian cavalry).

Knowing he cannot attack frontally and escape alive, Terentius draws inspiration from Epaminondas and Pelopidas. Massiing his legionaries on a single flank and extending a long line to match the Macedonian phalanx, the legion overwhelms the Macedonian left, the triarii dealing with the cavalry on that flank, with support from Terentius' own turmae of equites. The Italian horsemen hold off the Thessalians just long enough for the legionaries to start rolling up the Macedonian line while the main squadron of equites finally circle round and defeat the remnants of the Macedonian cavalry. Stuck in the thick of the fighting, Perseus sees nothing for it and makes good his escape, while the Italian allies, who have been slowly retreating the face of the pikemen's advance, charge at last, with support from the legionaries to their right, and cavalry from the left.

[HEADING=1]I JUST LEUCTRA'D YOUR ASS!![/HEADING]

Daym son. Daym.

 

[Cabisco]

I die a lot on those games, so many of my stories would involve mostly swearing and then a whimper when my last units are cut down whilst they attempt to run away. Total War is not my friend, it's still nice to read other peoples less horrifying experiences though.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

One time in Barbarian Invasion, I had a small army of Saxons hold off an entire horde nation in one battle. Cornered in the map's edge, I put them into a shield wall and let twenty thousand hordelings batter against my defenses.

 

[IamQ]

I die a lot on those games, so many of my stories would involve mostly swearing and then a whimper when my last units are cut down whilst they attempt to run away. Total War is not my friend, it's still nice to read other peoples less horrifying experiences though.

I take it that you are not the most tactical person when gaming?

 

[Cabisco]

I die a lot on those games, so many of my stories would involve mostly swearing and then a whimper when my last units are cut down whilst they attempt to run away. Total War is not my friend, it's still nice to read other peoples less horrifying experiences though.

I take it that you are not the most tactical person when gaming?

I think I am, right up until that very moment when the game starts I wholeheartedly believe I will crush all before me, I start to cackle to myself and mutter things about how amazing this will be. Then the game starts and it all begins to crumble, like a Marzipan dildo I become utterly useless.

I can play CIV, AOE etc but when it comes to total war I get fucked more than a hooker during shore leave.

 

[Lechimp89]

Once I was playing as England in Britiania expansion in Medieval 2. I had just taken over wales and went to deal with the rebels in the North of England. While one of my generals was in a fort near the border with Scotland, a Scotish democrat kept coming up to him and saying 'give us money or we will declare war on you', at first it was a slmall sum and I wanted scotland on my side so that they could deal with the Norweigans while I dealt with the Irish. Then they did it again, then again, then again. In the end I said no, they declred war, and as soon as I marched into Scotland, I saw the Scotish army was tiny and after 2 battles they immediatly called for peace.

 

[BathorysGraveland]

The last Total War campaign I played was for a Hellenic mod for Rome: Total War and I was playing as Krete. I was going to role-play a rich naval/trade empire across the Aegean while having no real involvement in the wars on mainland Greece. After quickly crushing the rebellion in Krete, and taking all corners of the island for my own I started looking out to the many islands in the Aegean. Well, turns out Athens had a similar idea. The many wars on mainland Greece were just an afterthought compared to fierce naval clashes and island raids that took place in the Aegean. It was really cool playing this way for a change, taking an island then holding it against Athenian invaders and pirates.

Unfortunately, two things ruined the experience. First, the more-or-less broken diplomacy. I wanted to role-play a merchant-like naval empire who is at peace with pretty well everyone (maybe even flipping it up and supporting the Persians with money when their invasion begins, just to save our own skin and keep our empire intact), but the AI is only content with destroying everything that moves, so alas. And two, a corrupted save file ended it for me anyway. Oh well.

 

[Aris Khandr]

My first game of Empire saw me play the Maratha and unite India to win the game. But that wasn't the end of the story, it was the start. As part of our path to uniting the nation, we developed a powerful shipping industry. Pirates were threatening that income, so with our national peace, a fleet and army were put together to travel to the Americas to destroy the pirates. Which we did. Around 1760, Spain decided that they had issues with my expansion, and declared war on me. The Ottomans and the French came to my aid. The British and Italians aided Spain.

So roughly 150 years early, the world goes to war. The Ottoman Empire expands to control the entire northern coast of Africa, but largely doesn't do much else. France destroys Italy, but loses its provinces in North America. My fleet lands in Florida, which begins the war with Spain and Britain. By the time the US declares independence, India owns most of the colonies that would have been theirs. At the time, my main army was pushing south into Mexico, so they were forced to go to war with a British army on the defensive on their own.

I managed to broker peace and a trade agreement with Britain shortly thereafter. The "United States" consisted of Maryland, New York, and the Confederation of New England. Everything south of Maryland was the property of India, while Pennsylvania, Canada and the Indian territories belonged to Britain. I shortly bought them, just because it seemed fitting. I actively traded with both nations, and let them continue their own war while I continued southward through what would have become Latin America, except now it was just part of the Indian Empire.

Finishing up there, I set sail for Europe, which largely had ignored the war (with the exception of Italy ceasing to exist). So Spain wasn't really ready for it when a full fleet of ships pulled up and sacked Portugal. Just because it was there, really. It upset Sweden, but no one cared. They declared war on my alliance, but I'm pretty sure that not a single shot was fired. After that, India marched into Spain, bringing an end to that nation entirely.

So in the end, India owned all of its own sub-continent, the vast majority of North America, all of South America worth colonizing (everything I could grab in the game), Portugal, and Spain. Fast forward 200 years, and the tiny, forgettable USA is the outsourcing destination for *our* tech support.

 

[Alssadar]

During the brittania campaign for M2:TW, I was destroying the Scotts as Norway, when all of a sudden, William Wallace comes up, nearby a castle. So what do I do? Send a force of four light infantry and two medium cavalry to the castle, but are stopped short by Wallace. Using the AI's stupidity, I kill Wallace with my cavalry, and, although my guys were lost, I killed the last Scottish noble, rendering the Wallace army completely smashed.

Spoiler: Saxons vs Vandals thread

I also had a battle as Saxons in Barbarian Invasion, where all my guys, minus my general (Hariulfus) had fled. And the Vandals had (To hell with them and their fellow hordes!) two remaining spearmen, both of which were in schiltron formation. So, with 12 men left in my retinue, what could I do? CHARGE THE BASTARDS, routing both of them, leaving my general with 3 men left. In the end, he had inflicted 166 kills in that battle alone.
I also had a fun 519v1148, in which ended with 277v9, a glorious victory.
Another notable battle was where I had 5 groups of cavalry who round behind all their spearmen whilst they marched, routing them all without any problems, a hundred kills each.

Overall, as the Saxons, I despised the Horde, especially the Vandals and the Slavs, as they would never die, as I lacked the proper siege equipment to help hold bridges against their onslaught.

 

[Soluncreed]

I die a lot on those games, so many of my stories would involve mostly swearing and then a whimper when my last units are cut down whilst they attempt to run away. Total War is not my friend, it's still nice to read other peoples less horrifying experiences though.

I take it that you are not the most tactical person when gaming?

I think I am, right up until that very moment when the game starts I wholeheartedly believe I will crush all before me, I start to cackle to myself and mutter things about how amazing this will be. Then the game starts and it all begins to crumble, like a Marzipan dildo I become utterly useless.

I can play CIV, AOE etc but when it comes to total war I get fucked more than a hooker during shore leave.

I like the way you describe things.

 

[Azahul]

Playing as the Turks in Medieval 2, I found myself with a most peculiar royal family. The Sultan was one of the most feared men in all of Europe, but also suffered from being Utterly Insane and a believer in pagan worship. Oh, and he was a Homosexual, which made the line of succession go a bit wonky. In any case, he mostly stayed in the East, leading his armies against the Mongol Hordes on the open field, and generally faring fairly well.

His brother, Uthsmah the Holy Warrior, could not have been more different. Commander of the Jihad, it was Uthsmah that led the Turkish armies in their longest ever crusade, seizing large parts of Hungary and ending in the sack of Venice.

At one point, Uthsmah found himself with his army destroyed, surrounded on all sides by the Hungarian forces. Thanks to the knowledge of his friendly Mercenary Captain, by this point an old and and honoured comrade, he was able to raise a small force of Mercenary Spearmen and Balkan Archers, about 500 men in total. Against them came the host of the Hungarian Princes, over 1500 strong. Uthsmah ordered his men to form up along the slopes of a hill, and the Hungarian army crashed against them like water on rock. When the first charge was beaten back (barely), the Hungarian Prince led the second charge in person, and ended up spitted on the end of a mercenary's spear. With this crippling blow to morale, Uthsmah led his personal guard on a flanking charge, and routed the rest of the attacking force.

Within a few months, Uthsmah had been rejoined by reinforcements from the conquered cities of Greece, a host of Jannisary Infantry for the most part, and had replenished his ranks with the cheap and plentiful followers of the Jihad. The campaign continued, as Uthsmah cut a swathe through Europe. Despite this, even the European Infidels had to concede that Uthsmah was truly an honourable man and an exemplar of his faith (max Chivalry and Piety scores). Once Venice was seized, the Jihad ended, and Uthsmah spent the next few years holding off against Crusading armies seeking to retake the holy land... of Venice. Meanwhile, the Turkish armies spread through North Africa, and I won the game.

Seriously though, those two brothers were the two most hilarious characters I've ever had the good fortune to encounter in just about any game I've ever played. The evil, insane, homosexual, pagan-worshipping Sultan and his chivalrous, pious, honourable brother. It's a good thing they spent most of their lives on opposite sides of the kingdom waging wars against entirely different foes, or else I rather suspect they'd have become the latest re-enactors of the Cain and Abel story.

 

[Bernzz]

I don't have any stories anyone would consider epic. I've only got about 70 hours in Medieval 2 so far, one English campaign I still haven't finished (modded so that one turn = one year, I like not having to rush).

I was playing it semi-recently, but stopped when the Mongols reached what used to be Germany (now my land), and started generally being assholes.

Should probably get back to that sometime, but facing off against the Mongol Hordes is a daunting prospect to someone who's never done it before. =/

 

[Bernzz]

I don't have any stories anyone would consider epic. I've only got about 70 hours in Medieval 2 so far, one English campaign I still haven't finished (modded so that one turn = one year, I like not having to rush).

I was playing it semi-recently, but stopped when the Mongols reached what used to be Germany (now my land), and started generally being assholes.

Should probably get back to that sometime, but facing off against the Mongol Hordes is a daunting prospect to someone who's never done it before. =/

In Shogun 2, the realm divide (when you become Shogun and the entirety of the map focuses on attacking you) is instilling fear in my heart. I'm going to spend so much time creating a colossal Army in the hopes that I can capture and hold it.

I've heard of that. Being as bad at Total War as I am, I'd be approaching that point with fear in my heart too.

If it goes well, you could have some epic tales to share with us.

You could also share tales if it goes horribly, too.

 

[demoman_chaos]

There is epicness a plenty in Total War.
I was playing a Holy Roman campaign in M2 and decided I didn't like the pope. I sent an assassin to take him out. He was successful. Shortly after, I decided to try again. Another dead pope. Hans the Killer literally wiped out the entire college of cardinals. Then he led my band of assassins to stop both Mongol hordes via taking out their leaders.

 

[NightHawk21]

I haven't played Rome yet (got all the remaining TW games during the summer sale; had FoTS), so I'll tell you a story from FoTS. There was some stupid clan leader who after getting his ass severely kicked and losing 4 of his 5 provinces (which I was in the process of retaking) decided to switch sides to ally with the Shogun. The remaining province was surrounded by all my provinces, and he decides he's gonna attack a city with 1 or 2 units of infantry in it. The battle starts and I see that my spawn consists of a 1 level castle, with 3 infantry units and 1 spear levy (probably retainers or whatever from the castle upgrades idk wasn't originally my city). The enemy brings 2 generals, 2 cavs, 10 wooden cannons, and enough infantry, spears and katanas to essentially outnumber my infantry 2-3 to 1. Seeing that I'm basically screwed I decide to deal as much damage as possible so I can at least easily retake my city. I line up 2 of my infantry units perpendicular to his major attacking force and blocked on 1 side by the wall and another by the castle, and spread them out so they can hit anything coming over the wall. I line my other infantry unit facing away at the other smaller force attacking from the opposite side and I leave my spears in the middle. People start coming over the walls and shot after shot I start killing troops. Anyone that manages to get through the barrage of fire is met by the supporting spear levy. Still some damage is done and I lose 1 infantry unit, then another. His force is probably down to 25% of the original amount with 1 general dead. I get into a pretty hairy situation and lose my spear levy after some fighting leaving my 1 infantry unit and one of his spear levies and a heavily damaged general's bodyguard. The spear levies are swiftly dealt with, but the general manages to kill all but 1 of my infantry units. I pull him out as the general decides he'd rather cap the castle instead of killing him off. With this 1 troop I spent the next 45 minutes of sped up time harassing the enemy general bodyguard unit off the castle command point until eventually time ran out and I won. In the end each one of my units had well over 100 heads to their name, with my lone survivor's regiment clocking close to 200 heads.

Edit: Also don't know if your aware OP but there's a Total War group. link below:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/Total-Warriors