Strange and Unusual Tales from Skyrim

[Imperius]

They always say that marriage is hard work. That you should always strive to make your spouse feel loved, even on the bad days. This was a lesson I learned the hard way, with my love Lydia. We got in an arguement one day, over the necessity of a certain action... The arguement got heated, and unfortunately, there are sometimes when you say things that you can't take back...

Evidently, "Fus-Ro-Dah" is one of those things.

...

If the guards come by, I'm not here.



(Post your tales here!)

 

[EHKOS]

I am going to love this thread. *sits back and grabs popcorn*
The only thing odd that happened to me so far is that a courier walked up to me and the screen like..flashed and he disappeared without saying anything but "I have a mes"

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

I open mouthed kissed Vigilance. My dog.
.....

Anyway, I married Untheadah the Unjgskka (Her name is fucking weird) anyway, she is ugly. And a Nord. So, when I become good enough friends with Aela.... well....

Ahem...
Fus...
*cough*
No... RAAWR!

No one has to know. It will just be our secret Aela, two werewolves in love. Let's eat her body together! It will be such a romantic dinner!

 

[kouriichi]

So, Raj was walking along mountain top, doing Khajiit things like normally do, enjoying brisk cold air, and not having to brush sand from fur every 5 minutes.

Suddenly, troll drops from sky, crushing Raj, and sending me toppling down mountain. When i come to, i am surrounded by Thalmor. They ask if Raj warships Talos. I say no, but they no believe. So they proceed to chase me 30 miles to Solitude. After long chase, i manage to give them slip outside of town. Turns out, i still have bounty in Solitude for shooting man in face with arrow, so guards at wall attack me!

Was bad day to be Khajiit.
Was bad day to get out of bed. But Wife Mjoll says i make no money! So she kick Raj out. Cant even apologize because i live in Solitude!

((2 Sweet Rolls if your read in Khajiit accent))

 

[Lil_Rimmy]

So, Raj was walking along mountain top, doing Khajiit things like normally do, enjoying brisk cold air, and not having to brush sand from fur every 5 minutes.

Suddenly, troll drops from sky, crushing Raj, and sending me toppling down mountain. When i come to, i am surrounded by Thalmor. They ask if Raj warships Talos. I say no, but they no believe. So they proceed to chase me 30 miles to Solitude. After long chase, i manage to give them slip outside of town. Turns out, i still have bounty in Solitude for shooting man in face with arrow, so guards at wall attack me!

Was bad day to be Khajiit.
Was bad day to get out of bed. But Wife Mjoll says i make no money! So she kick Raj out. Cant even apologize because i live in Solitude!

((2 Sweet Rolls if your read in Khajiit accent))

Where is my sweet roll? I did it!


GUAAAARDS! HE STOLE MY-

"Let me guess, someone stole your sweet roll?"

 

[Imperius]

I was experiment with the Thu'um the other day, and I discovered a new shout. It projects a bolt of lightning directly at your foes.

The words of power are as follows:

Pik-Ah-Chu

 

[Flizzick]

Once upon a time, a brave wood elf was walking along a path, admiring the pretty flowers. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, he was attacked by a fearsome dragon! Now in the past, dragons had given this particular wood elf trouble, being that he was trained mostly in archery and stealth. But not this time, for the wood elf had a nasty trick up his sleeve. THE WABBAJACK! Yes, the wabbajack, given to him personally from the madman Sheogorath himself.

The dragon swooped down and landed, ready to nom nom nom on the little elf.

-SCHWOOOM!

The blast from the wabbajack hit the dragon full on, sending him higher and higher into the air! Once he regained his balance, the dragon then proceeded to fly in a circle for about 3 minutes, before finally spiraling into the air and blasting off Team Rocket style towards the horizon.

No lie. This actually happened.

 

[Gungnir_01]

I was in riverwood when a dragon attacked. After the dragon was dead everybody swarmed around a dead guard, another guard asked me what happend here. i did not replie. then maybe 5 seconds later he asked me again so i did not answer. he then attacked me.

 

[merc-with-a-mouth]

One day, the mighty redgurad, Stunk Chunkman, was wondering through the plains of southern Skyrim, when he stumbled upon a lone mammoth. AS we approached it, he noticed that it was floating 3 feet off the ground. Thinking it weird, he shouted at the mammoth, sending it high into the sky, until he couldn't see it.

10 minutes later, after clearing out a fort of bandits, he began to leave out the front gate when....

A mammoth landed right in front of him.

And it was angry.

 

[VoidWanderer]

After fast travelling to Whitehelm (I believe that's where the Magic College is) a blood dragon swooped in to say hi. While I and the guards fought this fearsome beast, a genius fugitive stopped me in the middle of combat to give me an item and told me not to sell it.

Unfortunately the dragon saw this and started to invoke THOSE words of frosty mint freshness. I survived the blast to see several thugs attack me to get the item that the fugitive stole.

Things did not go well the second time when I reloaded as the fugitive was still there...

Got the dragon in the end though.

 

[Dwarfman]

So the other day my warrior of kickass Bruce, was on the trail of some bandits who stole a sword from one of his mates. After deftly making mince meat of the lowly minions our hero faced the bandit boss high upon a mountain peak.

Hoping to be a sneaky prick he tries to put an arrow into the bosses head but fumbles the shot. The boss turns draws his bow, steps back and falls from the cliff. "Ahaaaa!" Cries Bruce - well actually me but anyway - " What a moron". But wait Bruce heres cursing and yelling.

Bruce approaches the cliff face only to cop an arrow in the face from the boss who had fallen a short distance to the next cliff "Gaaahh! You sonnofabitch!" Our hero leaps over the edge to join in combat, two steel swords flashing. A blur of blades and again the bandit boss falls from the edge! "Right! Now that's how.." an arrow flies past Bruce's head. "Sonofabitch!"

What proceeds is an epic ten minute fight from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the mountain. Hero and villain leaping and diving from ledge and outcrop, trading arrow fire! Eventually our hero is triumphant leaping from his perch diving and running and falling and then running some more and finally driving his twin swords into his enemies chest.

"Booyah! And that's how we dance, that dance! Now where's that sword." Bruce searches the bandit but finds no sword. Having looted every chest, sack, corpse and barrel on his way up there could be only one place left to find the sword. Bruce looks back up to the mountain peak. "Ahhh crap"

 

[Eacaraxe_v1legacy]

I had just finished Ustengrav utterly loaded to the teeth with loot (Lydia, too) and decided to go check out the peak of the mountain. Did you guys know there's a dwemer ruin up there with a cool leveled, enchanted hammer and some dwemer chests? So, I had about 800 stones' worth of magical crap, all of the enchantments on which I hadn't learned yet. There are ice specters or whatever up there, too. The little blue floating worm SOB's that do frost damage and slow you down. But whatever, I killed the crap out of those.

Then I walked to the other side of the peak...and lo and behold! A word wall at the bottom of the mountain, and a nice dragon perched above it begging for the sweet release of death.

Genius me decides to get my Dragon Murder Time(R) on, and I decide going into a dragon fight over-encumbered would be a bad idea. So, I drop all the magical goods in a nice, neat little pile out of the way so I can come back after the fight and sort through it all, to decide what to take back and disenchant then opposed to later. After that, I chuck a fireball at the dragon and the fight is on.

Oddly enough, the thing about dragon fights is they're very chaotic and highly mobile. In the course of the fight I got myself backed against a cliff face on the other side of the mountain, with the dragon ready to breathe at me...so I did the only thing I could think to do.

Nope, not raise my shield.

Nope, not cast my ward.

Nope, not sprint around him and hope for the best.

I shouted. Nope, not spectral form. Unrelenting force. Level 3.

The next thing I see is that neat, meticulously-sorted giant pile of magical items I'd dropped for the specific purpose of fighting the dragon scatter to the winds, down the cliff, and the nine divines only knows where. Then the realization hits me not fifty feet from where I was standing were two dwemer chests I could have used as storage space.

After killing and looting the dragon and getting the word (ice form, by the way), I spent three hours out of game scouring that mountainside for my items. I found one...an amulet of Stendarr. I'd like to think standing at the bottom of that mountain was some poor schmuck of a wood elf who had the pleasure of being rained on by about 500 stones' worth of magical ancient nordic, dwarven and glass weapons.

 

[Sewer Rat]

The Nightblade Canas set forth to meet with Delphine of the Blades in preparation to infiltrate a Thalmor party. As they lock eyes to engage in conversation, a dragon descends from on high to attack the nearby regiment of guards. Canas, clearly awestruck with fear, stood frozen, while Delphine, who had not noticed the dragon or the screams of the guards continued discussing the plan.... Meanwhile in the background of this exposition, he watched as guard after guard met their fate.
Bleh, writing that in that format was painful.

Non-Roleplaying version

Was talking with Delphine in preparation for the quest to infiltrate the Thalmor embassy, when a dragon came out of nowhere and engaged with some guards who happened to be walking by while I was locked in conversation, so I ended up not even listening to what was being said and just watched the carnage in the background.

 

[Rol3x]

I am fighting some forsworn up a long set of stairs overlooking a canyon, I have my paralyze spell ready to assist lydia I fire it to help her but my aim is a bit off....She freezes on the spot and proceeds to tumble down the hill, hurtling down what must have been a few hundred steps she soars off the edge of the cliff.