stuck in a lie... and also quitting smoking

[Joseph Harrison]

Have you tried chewing sunflower seeds, that's how my dad and one of my friends quit smoking?

Also, I lie ALL the time and I'm rarely caught although it can make for some weird situations where I have to come up with elaborate lies to cover up for other lies which leads to even more elaborate lies but all in all its mostly harmless.

 

[Broax]

I tried to stop smoking a couple of times (failed all of them too). I found that nicotine chewing gum is very helpful... So I would suggest that!

I once smoked in secret and I know how horrible it is... My advise is to really stop smoking! Sometimes the guilt of smoking in secret is worse then the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal.

Good luck!

PS: I know you might be edgy but try hard not to act on impulse! It's not anyone's fault that you stopped (or indeed started) smoking. Sometimes that's really hard but it's very important!

 

[michael87cn]

OP, have you tried those new E-lights? Electronic cigarettes?

I've hear people swear by them as the next best thing, you get nicotine, the 'smoke' is water vapour, and you get the tactile feedback of holding a cigarette.

They're cheaper than tobacco and aren't nearly as bad for you.

Pure genius. Take someone who's successfully gone through 72 hours without fulfilling their addiction, is desperately trying to quit it, and tempt them with a new source.

Nice fucking job.

OP, I applaud your conviction and hope you keep to it. You deserve it, your wife deserves it. You can do it!

 

[Doclector]

I don't have any quitting smoking tips, but I completely understand being stuck in a lie.

There's certain things that I need to keep secret. Really, very seriously. Completely seriously.

I've been doing this for a very, very long time too. I've become so adept at lying about myself that I barely realise I'm doing it anymore, and I honestly wonder, if circumstances changed and I didn't need to keep secrets anymore, would I actually be capable of telling the complete truth?

So yeah, lying sucks, secrets doubly so. Good luck.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

OP, have you tried those new E-lights? Electronic cigarettes?

I've hear people swear by them as the next best thing, you get nicotine, the 'smoke' is water vapour, and you get the tactile feedback of holding a cigarette.

They're cheaper than tobacco and aren't nearly as bad for you.

Pure genius. Take someone who's successfully gone through 72 hours without fulfilling their addiction, is desperately trying to quit it, and tempt them with a new source.

Nice fucking job.

OP, I applaud your conviction and hope you keep to it. You deserve it, your wife deserves it. You can do it!

Hey, if needs the nicotine hit, might as well get one that does as little damage as possible.

And please, get off your high horse.

 

[cerebreturns]

2) The old generic be truthful and tell her route. I can see a lot of people in this thread telling you to be honest no matter what, but we don't know what your wife is like man. If you told her and she'd develop issues trusting you in the future even though your intentions were good...

Really? You are suggesting he justify HIS lying and HIS hiding things and HIS being wrong by going "oh maybe your wifes a crazy ***** and will get more upset then she should". He is MARRIED, he LIED and HID something. He is the one in the wrong, not her. She has every right ot be upest.

She knows you are still doing it. Fess up and explain how hard it is to give up. Take it seriously if you really want to give it up.

If she is unsympathetic then it's her who has a problem not you.

But you need to fess up that you lied, because she knows you are still doing it, and so she knows you are constantly lying to her about it and hiding things.


How do you think that will result in the long term? You are making yourself comfortable with lying to your wife and hiding things from her. That is how serious problems start...

You need to fess up, for the health of your marriage in the long term.



Seriously, you are putting your relationship, your MARRIAGE in jeopardy here, over something so small. Confess.

 

[Phuctifyno]

There's no single true path to quitting. One thing may work for one person but not for another, and some people may never be able to. My sympathies for your body's difficulty with the first 3 days though. Those are the worst.

What I find helps is cigars (like Colts, Prime Time, or Captain Black). I found that the hardest parts of the habit to break were the mentality of being a "smoker" and the routine of buying a pack and finishing it - it just becomes an accepted part of your life. As of quitting "cold turkey" about 8 months ago, I'll pick up an individual cigar whenever I'm feeling absolutely desperate. I often wonder how much easier it would be for people to quit if cigarettes were sold individually (though maybe easier to start, too). It gives you a little bit more control over it, since you're not just stuck with 20 or 25 after every purchase. It isn't perfect though; to the pedantic, you can never say that you've truly quit (thus the quotations over "cold turkey"), and the frequency may fluctuate, so you have to remain vigilant not slip on the slippery slope. (i.e. once a month is alright, but if you notice you've gotten up to once or more a week, you might need to toughen up and cool it).

As for hiding it, well I don't know much about that, but I found that it's better to hide your attempts at quitting rather than to announce it to the world (and subsequently try to hide your restarting). Letting people know you've quit is attractive because it makes you accountable to it, but then is almost inevitably inviting disappointment into your life because your chances of staying quit are about 1 in 20. Or less. My girlfriend (of 5 years) only knows about 2 of my attempts to quit; there have been at least 9.

A couple of gooey things to remember: forgive yourself often - emotional masochism doesn't make it any easier or you any stronger, and take advice from anybody who hasn't been through it with a grain of salt.

 

[cathou]

2) The old generic be truthful and tell her route. I can see a lot of people in this thread telling you to be honest no matter what, but we don't know what your wife is like man. If you told her and she'd develop issues trusting you in the future even though your intentions were good...

Really? You are suggesting he justify HIS lying and HIS hiding things and HIS being wrong by going "oh maybe your wifes a crazy ***** and will get more upset then she should". He is MARRIED, he LIED and HID something. He is the one in the wrong, not her. She has every right ot be upest.

She knows you are still doing it. Fess up and explain how hard it is to give up. Take it seriously if you really want to give it up.

If she is unsympathetic then it's her who has a problem not you.

But you need to fess up that you lied, because she knows you are still doing it, and so she knows you are constantly lying to her about it and hiding things.


How do you think that will result in the long term? You are making yourself comfortable with lying to your wife and hiding things from her. That is how serious problems start...

You need to fess up, for the health of your marriage in the long term.



Seriously, you are putting your relationship, your MARRIAGE in jeopardy here, over something so small. Confess.

I'm pretty sure she don't know it. I take much precaution to hide it, and she have way too much things to think about with our 4 months old daughter, and with her pregnancy before that to really noticed it.

Beside I always has been a very introverted girl, so she don't look too hard to see if I lie or not.

We've been married for 10 years, she wouldn't quit me for this, but she would be very very upset for a while

 

[bananafishtoday]

As of quitting "cold turkey" about 8 months ago, I'll pick up an individual cigar whenever I'm feeling absolutely desperate. I often wonder how much easier it would be for people to quit if cigarettes were sold individually (though maybe easier to start, too).

Plenty of bodegas in New York actually do sell loosies. I'd imagine it's common in most middle/working class and poor areas in most American cities, illegal or no.

It might make it easier for some people to quit, certainly helps plenty of people reduce their habit. There were periods where I'd buy a cigarette or two a day... for me this was because of money rather than a desire to smoke less or quit, though I do know some people who do it that way. I don't think it has any effect on whether people start. I mean, my generation (at least in the US) grew up well aware of how addictive smoking is. No one I know started smoking thinking they wouldn't become addicted; I doubt many people would be buying loosies under the assumption they wouldn't be buying packs in the near future.

 

[Phuctifyno]

As of quitting "cold turkey" about 8 months ago, I'll pick up an individual cigar whenever I'm feeling absolutely desperate. I often wonder how much easier it would be for people to quit if cigarettes were sold individually (though maybe easier to start, too).

Plenty of bodegas in New York actually do sell loosies. I'd imagine it's common in most middle/working class and poor areas in most American cities, illegal or no.

It might make it easier for some people to quit, certainly helps plenty of people reduce their habit. There were periods where I'd buy a cigarette or two a day... for me this was because of money rather than a desire to smoke less or quit, though I do know some people who do it that way. I don't think it has any affect on whether people start. I mean, my generation (at least in the US) grew up well aware of how addictive smoking is. No one I know started smoking thinking they wouldn't become addicted; I doubt many people would be buying loosies under the assumption they wouldn't be buying packs in the near future.

I started smoking thinking I wouldn't become addicted. I was also drunk and thinking lots of dumb things.
[laughs] ...[small][cries][/small]

 

[bananafishtoday]

As of quitting "cold turkey" about 8 months ago, I'll pick up an individual cigar whenever I'm feeling absolutely desperate. I often wonder how much easier it would be for people to quit if cigarettes were sold individually (though maybe easier to start, too).

Plenty of bodegas in New York actually do sell loosies. I'd imagine it's common in most middle/working class and poor areas in most American cities, illegal or no.

It might make it easier for some people to quit, certainly helps plenty of people reduce their habit. There were periods where I'd buy a cigarette or two a day... for me this was because of money rather than a desire to smoke less or quit, though I do know some people who do it that way. I don't think it has any affect on whether people start. I mean, my generation (at least in the US) grew up well aware of how addictive smoking is. No one I know started smoking thinking they wouldn't become addicted; I doubt many people would be buying loosies under the assumption they wouldn't be buying packs in the near future.

I started smoking thinking I wouldn't become addicted. I was also drunk and thinking lots of dumb things.
[laughs] ...[small][cries][/small]

It's ok, I started because I wanted to be like Mamimi from FLCL. We were all dumb in our own unique ways~

 

[Daystar Clarion]

snip

It's way easier to talk about always being 100% honest when you're not in a relationship and thus don't have to be.

I don't know if you're in one and I don't know if you've ever been in one. All I can say is if you have, and being brutally honest about everything worked out absolutely perfectly for you, you must be somewhere between one of the luckiest, most intelligent, most rational and most balanced guys out there. Respect.

Alas, some of us aren't flawless, and we have small flaws like addictions to deal with. Sometimes our small flaws lead us to do stupid things and we'll try to cover them up with lies to save face or avoid disappionting someone.

How do you think that will result in the long term? You are making yourself comfortable with lying to your wife and hiding things from her. That is how serious problems start...

If I were the OP I'd be insulted. Are you implying that now he's lied about this, he's going to start robbing her parents or fucking random women behind her back, just because he feels he can get away with it?

Hey, if needs the nicotine hit, might as well get one that does as little damage as possible.

And please, get off your high horse.

Might be better to quit nicotine entirely as opposed to furthering your addiction with other sources though. Sure, smoking an e-cig might be better than smoking a traditional one, but not smoking anything is even better.

I wasn't really suggesting he quit quitting.

 

[cathou]

As of quitting "cold turkey" about 8 months ago, I'll pick up an individual cigar whenever I'm feeling absolutely desperate. I often wonder how much easier it would be for people to quit if cigarettes were sold individually (though maybe easier to start, too).

Plenty of bodegas in New York actually do sell loosies. I'd imagine it's common in most middle/working class and poor areas in most American cities, illegal or no.

It might make it easier for some people to quit, certainly helps plenty of people reduce their habit. There were periods where I'd buy a cigarette or two a day... for me this was because of money rather than a desire to smoke less or quit, though I do know some people who do it that way. I don't think it has any affect on whether people start. I mean, my generation (at least in the US) grew up well aware of how addictive smoking is. No one I know started smoking thinking they wouldn't become addicted; I doubt many people would be buying loosies under the assumption they wouldn't be buying packs in the near future.

I started smoking thinking I wouldn't become addicted. I was also drunk and thinking lots of dumb things.
[laughs] ...[small][cries][/small]

It's ok, I started because I wanted to be like Mamimi from FLCL. We were all dumb in our own unique ways~

I started because I want to impress older guy so that they would date me and that I would look much cooler like that {cough}Sharon stone in basic instinct {cough}
[small]what a waste since I ended up dating girls[/small]

I didn't see any smoker that think it was a wise move to start smoking anyway

 

[lechat]

secret smoker here
i quit to try and give my family the motivation to quit. after a few months i took up the habit again and just didn't have the heart to admit i failed so now sneak cigs like a friggn child (although it does cut down on my amount)

 

[cerebreturns]

snip

I never said it's easy or happy go lucky to be brutally honest, and if you want to be in a long term relationship lying and hiding things has been proven to be the reason relationships end, not why they don't last. He's already in a relationship with her for 10 years, so jepordize this by start lying?

You either must know very little about long term relationships or feel that they have nothing to do with respect and love and companionship.


And yes, I am saying that this is the sort of thing that will lead to cheating, or hiding money issues (witch is a huge problem). The reason people do worse and worse things is because they become desensitized to the guilt and wrongness of what they did in the first place. Am I saying that he will become a killer next month because he's lying to his wife? No.

But I am saying that if he continues to hide things from and lie to his wife he will slowly grow more and more accepting of it and that means he will be more likely to lie about and hide worse things. It's proven psychology, it is the way people work.

snip

So you admit she wont leave you for it, but that she will be upset.

So risk her trusting you for the rest of your relationship or come out clean and deal with her being upset for a while...


10 years...risking that, or dealing with accepting responsibility for your own mess.

Do the right thing, tell her.