Stupid question on an eighth-grade reading exam

[Samurai Silhouette]

1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
d. they wanted to

If they ate it FOR ANY REASON, then it's considered wanting to.

2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare

He showed reluctance, but was all like "wtf, w/e".

 

[bluegate]

Standardized tests as a whole are a fucking joke.

This isn't too far off from the bullshit I took in 8th grade.

Would that be a stab at the idea of standardized tests or the execution of these tests ?

 

[Robert Ewing]

I actually had to question whether I was awake while reading that... It's a freaking acid trip. What were they thinking!?

 

[Trippy Turtle]

I would have said that the pineapple fooled them all except the hare. So they were annoyed at the pineapple and the pineapple was the wisest.

Those answers aren't even capitalized though. Did a 8 year old write this?

 

[Sexy Devil]

Clearly the answers are c and a. (c) because that is the only reason anyone eats, if one is to look back far enough, and (a) because the hare was wise enough to know how to gamble his way into winning a ninja and a lifetime supply of toothpaste. These questions are so obvious. What are they teaching kids these days that would lead to people actually wondering whether or not they know the answer to such simple questions.

But the way they all (including the hare) indulged the dumb pineapple and treated it as a threat makes them all seem like idiots. Additionally I don't see how the pineapple is going to acquire the ninja and toothpaste so we're not even sure if the hare won anything. Under those circumstances the owl would have been the smartest because it (presumably) slept through the whole thing and didn't partake in the useless shit flinging.

Also I've eaten out of boredom before so the animals eating the pineapple because they were pissed was entirely possible.

Ah, but at no point does the pineapple claim that they will get their toothpaste and ninja from each other. The prize likely was attained from a third-party.

It never once said the hare got the prize, you're just assuming it did.

 

[Spambot 3000]

I would personally create my own options under each question and circle them if I was taking that test.
1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
Answer: e) Because the writer made them eat the pineapple for whatever reason his piece of shit for a brain decided would be best.
2. Who was the wisest?
Answer: e) Anyone except the knuckle-dragging baboon that wrote this piss stain of a story.

 

[Nouw]

I'll have what he's smoking. Seriously, what the fuck?

 

[Buffoon]

I'd be willing to bet a hell of a lot of money that that is not a genuine question that actually appeared on a real test.

 

[Kargathia]

Oh, I got it, this is one of these things where it doesn't matter what you pick, as long as your line of reasoning is correct.

Here goes...

1a) They ate the pineapple because the dipshit had not only set them up to waste their time, it also embarrassed half of them when they expected him to display any semblance of intelligence.

1b) For a long time already, they had the inkling that their friend the Pineapple was feeling a bit depressed. So after they sat around for a while they got it - he wanted to annoy them enough so that they'd do what he couldn't (him being immobile and all). So out of respect for all the entertainment he provided they helped him on his way to the afterlife, where he happily reincarnated as a banana.

1c) They came out there all the way without a packed lunch, and - it being a magical forest and all - none of them was a carnivore. The Pineapple just had the bad luck of being the only piece of fruit around.

1d) He wasn't forcing them to eat him, ergo they wanted to eat him. It was delicious.

-----

2a) This little hare did quite alright. He got into a race with an immobile object to win a prize. Just too bad the bugger cheated on him.

2b) To the shallow among us it appeared as if the Moose simply did not understand the metaphor, but further thinking reveals that this animal merely was displaying advanced critical thinking, which lead to him pointing out that the Pineapple hardly could have a grand master plan with it all, because, well, it was a piece of immobile arm-less prickly fruit.
He also did not mind the insults of lesser minds who could not comprehend his superior line of reasoning - a sure sign of wisdom.

2c) Being the only one who did look further than his own beak, he at least tried to figure out what that insidious Pineapple was planning.

2d) Definitely the Owl. He was the only one not taking acid.

 

[bigfatcarp93]

This seems like stating the obvious, but... this question is fucking retarded.

 

[GenericAmerican]

I'd be willing to bet a hell of a lot of money that that is not a genuine question that actually appeared on a real test.

And I'll raise on your bet because knowing this country's public education system . .. it probably is.

 

[Piorn]

So, the story tells me, if A challenges B to a race, but A can't actually move, he'll be eaten by the audience. It's a very important lesson that every kid has to learn in it's life. It's a metaphor for hooliganism, I guess.

 

[wintercoat]

Spoiler: While reading this

And people wonder why I dropped out? I was in school when they first rolled out the state-wide mandatory bullshit tests. This shit was in there from the beginning, and they want to judge whether or not you should be allowed to graduate by this?! Fuck this. Fuck them. Fuck No Child Left Behind which started all this. The GED test was 10 times more comprehensive.

 

[Oro44]

It must be the school where they teach the Chewbacca Defense. As an American, I am both ashamed and oddly proud that we have the sheer balls to get away with this shit. Moral of the story: When you eat a talking pineapple, you win a free ninja.

 

[The Droog]

This story appears to have originated from here; http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/talking-pineapple-question-state-exam-stumps-article-1.1064657?localLinksEnabled=false

I notice that the NY Daily News version of the Pineapple/Hare story is different. It DOES involve an Owl, which basically says the line that is attributed to the moose in the Gawker version. There are some additional questions for the students also.

Regardless, this is still a stupid test in my eyes. Multiple choice answers don't work very well here because too many assumptions need to be made for most of the answers which isn't very logical.

 

[malestrithe]

This is the main reason why I stopped trying to become a k-12 teacher and went into freelance writing full time. I really do not have the patience to teach things like this, which everyone is required to by law.

The way the system is designed means its going to succeed less. Schools are told to train kids for a future where they have to do their own research and to survive, are willing to pay for the courses they need to help with the future job, and all other things needed in a business world. At the same time, they use standardize test to prove some Adequate Yearly Progress, like No Child Left Behind wants them to.

Still, it's not all bad. All of the people that worry about the future never stopped to ask how we are doing 5, 10, or 15 years outside of high school. They always look at k-12 scores, compare them to the countries that have always done better than us, and predict doom and gloom from that. The United States does have the highest percentage of people willing to start their own business, follow a dream and other things the rest of the world would call insane. Our citizens are willing to think outside of the box when it comes to a lot of stuff. This country fosters more innovations that the rest of the world, possible exceptions are Korea and India. The Education minister in Singapore told Fareed Zakaria that doing well in Math and Science in international tests is all well and good, but he would love his country to score closer to the bottom if it meant his country had a tenth of creativity the average U.S. citizen has.

 

[Darkmantle]

Man, I know this might sound a it mean, and I apologize. But it's shit like this take makes me glad a was born a few Kilometres north of the border. This stuff legitimately confuses and worries me.

 

[loc978]

I'm having a hard time believing that's real...

I mean, NY daily news looks legit, but...

If that is real, I'm even more glad I finished my primary education in the 90s. My test questions may have been boring as hell, but at least they didn't demand objective answers to subjective questions.
Then again, this may just be one of those differences that comes from being raised left of the heartland, rather than right.

 

[wooty]

Still makes more sense than anything being taught in a British school.

Most people I know round here seem to have gotten their education from that twat Lee Nelson and his "well good show".