Stupidest Online Teammates

[The Gatherer]

So, a mate an I were playing tf2 earlier via the psn and there was this 1 dude that would not shut up about how shitty his human teammates were an although he had a voice like bird of paradise choking on a cock made of razor blades the banter between them was pretty funny.
Anyone had any truly gobsmackingly thick human allies?

 

[DigitalSushi]

Yep, its always the guy wielding the flamethrower, always

 

[Laser Priest]

Just in one of my last games of TF2, we had an enemy spy running around our base. One of my teammates runs up and opens fire on me. I thought it might have been to make sure I wasn't the spy, but he used about twelve shots on me.

Then the spy backstabbed him.

 

[Arctarus'sCookie]

although he had a voice like bird of paradise choking on a cock made of razor blades

^That is an amazing analogy. Areyouawizard.jpg

on topic: Snipers usually make shitty teammates because they're always obsessed over how cool they think they are and never get the most important targets. But lately my teammates have been good because I go to a server regularly and I know who the good, bad, and surprisingly dangerous players are.

 

[The Gatherer]

Then the spy backstabbed him.

Genius, nothing like a bit of karma, personally if the game allows it i tend to lad a coup again the div(s)

 

[Irriduccibilli]

The most annoying teammates I know is the ones that repeat the same tactic over and over and over again and fails every time and fails every time. Also, the ones that kills you because you took the sniper... theres a special ring in hell for people who does that (i'm looking at you squeeker kids)

 

[Terminate421]

The ones that decide to quick scope when they are last man against one other person in a tied Search and Destroy game.

Also, ones that suicide and shoot at walls.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Bad strategy: Pocket Medics

Never going to lead anything productive strategy: Pocket Medics healing Snipers

One round of KOTH, and this Medic would not stop healing this Sniper. Who was two steps away from a medium health pack.

 

[Gorilla Gunk]

My 3 other squadmates on Bad Company 2 who are all snipers and who are all still way back at the starting point shooting at nothing and hitting nothing.

 

[SammiYin]

The ones that decide to quick scope when they are last man against one other person in a tied Search and Destroy game.

Also, ones that suicide and shoot at walls.

I've had the very last person in a search and destroy be too busy teabagging and spinning around to notice the bomb time. When he went to disarm it detonated in his face.
It was a beautiful moment.

I play xbox, so I have far too many of these stories to count, here's my favourite;

Enter a game of sabotage in MW2, one of our team mates first 'tactical suggestions' is to "don't bother planting the bomb guys, I want to get some kills."

*Facepalm*

 

[Hawk eye1466]

Bad company 2 I join a random game one guy yells we don't need any crappy noobs while being a sniper getting the lowest score while I get the 2nd highest score then he sends me messages about how I cheated and lost the game.

YOU WERE SNIPING FROM THE SPAWN AND GOT 3 KILLS YOU STUPID BASTARD YOU ORDERED MORTAR STRIKES ON THE BUILDING HALF OUR TEAM WAS IN AND YOUR SAYING I LOST IT FOR US?!

 

[Blights]

Heroes of Newerth and League of Legends for me, are notorious for stupid team mates. If you're not good at the game, fine, but don't go blaming everyone else on your team because you're playing pebbles and throwing the supports into all of the opposing team. >:/

 

[Blatherscythe]

In WAW we were playing the War gamemode and my team-mates treated it like team deathmatch. They only stopped dicking around when we had only one flag left and by then it was too late.

 

[Leole]

TF2: A Spy not being cloaked, not being disguised, shooting his gun at a turret that was at least 10 feet away that wasn't disabled.

LOL: Can't remember the heroes' name, but it wasn't a Tank, I think it was some sort of buffer/healer or something, walked straight to one of the defense towers, and stood there, motionless. After getting killed, he called us, his teammates, cheaters, and left. What?

NEW! Super Mario Bros. Wii: A friend of mine being an asshole, playing the game by himself. There were three of us, and as soon as the game started, he started running to the finish line, like there was some sort of challenge or something, and he'd die, PLENTY of times, and blame us, his teammates because "you couldn't keep up" or "you were dead" (FYI, if your teammates are dead, and then you die, you lose the game, if at least ONE of them is alive, he/she can revive everyone else).

I swear, I died 5 times in a sole stage because he kept moving to the edge of the screen, and killing me.

Also, he kept all the items for himself, because "I want to have the highest score!". What kind of crap is this?

 

[Mr. 47]

I've had a major rage moment while playing Portal 2 online with a person who refused to stand where I was pointing at. Wouldn't even try to understand it, he just had to stand on a platform while I raised it, then jump off. :/

I've played TF2 with a guy who was saying that every class but soldier is not a real class, as well as complaining about me jumping around to dodge his rockets, saying I was being 'cheap'.

 

[Doclector]

Section 8 prejudice...man people suck at that game. I defended a point that I was capturing from a string of rather sparse enemies, then a couple of allies dropped in. Not much on the capture timer to go, and three guys, no problem, right? I got shot in the back by a sniper, and turned around to see him heading for the point. Alone. I started firing, and knocked out half his shields before he landed a second, fatal blow, with two shots being about the average amount it takes for a sniper to kill. I thought the other two could handle it, and dropped near the point, only to find when I landed, the capture had been defused. The hell? This has happened many times. I could swear some people just jet jump up and down and laugh when defending.

Should be said though, not everyone's like that. I've played with a good lot of competent teams, but these examples are insanely annoying.

 

[The Gatherer]

My 3 other squadmates on Bad Company 2 who are all snipers and who are all still way back at the starting point shooting at nothing and hitting nothing.

I know exactly what you mean, the 2 main guys i play bf:bc2 with think they are the dogs bollocks at sniping but always end up near the bottom of the leaderboard at the end of the game and blame it on campers.... call the kettle black much?

 

[Riddle78]

Mechwarrior Living Legends. Some idiot got the ever so bright idea that it would be a good idea to fo a 12 o'clock charge on a Madcat MKII. In an Osiris Prime. I only saw because I was NARCing targets in a Hawkmoth for our Missile Boaters. I went Drill Sargeant Heartman (cookie for reference!) on his ass for that.

 

[Loonyyy]

I teamkill.
I have a code of honour, mostly inspired by the good moderated Day of Defeat servers.
Players must:
1. Attempt to play the game fairly and win (No camping on the edge of the map, or in a glitch, or spawnkilling etc)
2. Teamkilling deliberately without apologising. Everyone has had someone run across their gun and hit them, polite thing is to apologise for shooting them, especially if they're dead.
3. Be polite.

If people feel they have to be useless team mates, or worse, unpleasant, then I try to make sure they're always between me and the enemy... and my magazine is full.

I had this one guy on BF:BC2 who sat on the edge of a field, not a 5th of the way up the map from our spawn sniping. 6/0 KD at the bottom of our team's scoreboard. I'm 3rd, with 19/24, having gotten the most captures, some vehicle destructions and a few spots.
He keeps destroying our cover with his mortars, and when our squad dies, he gives us nowhere to spawn but right back at spawn. He's not even useful. So next time our whole squad dies on an objective, I spawn behind him and shoot him in the head.
Some call it brutal, harsh and unfair. I call it sweet justice.
He had the nerve to call me the worse player. I just pointed out that in a capture point game, the player who is incapable of capturing, is the worst of all.

 

[martin's a madman]

Tf2, I was a demoman, and I had just been killed after getting a considerable amount of kills defending our point.

I'm stuck in the screen observing the cap while I'm respawning, and a spy uncloaks on our point and sits there, and that point, a pyro comes from out of our spawn and walks RIGHT by the capping spy and we lose. The announcer announced the point was being captured, on your screen you could SEE it being captured.


It was dustbowl, so it looks like this. The spawn is on the opposite side of the fence.