Suicide really becoming the best possible option.
- Thread starter SpectacularWebHead
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Suicidal thoughts are NOT NORMAL. No matter how many times someone says "it's natural, you're a teenager" if you are contemplating suicide, you need to see a doctor.
They can help. Don't feel silly asking for help, don't for a second imagine they'll say this is normal and to "get over it", don't think they have better things to do; it isn't, they won't and they don't.
These days it's highly unlikely you'll get stuck with a prescription and sent home, there is so much help available out there and you can find whichever course works best for you. Get yourself sorted out now and prepare for a kickass future.
They can help. Don't feel silly asking for help, don't for a second imagine they'll say this is normal and to "get over it", don't think they have better things to do; it isn't, they won't and they don't.
These days it's highly unlikely you'll get stuck with a prescription and sent home, there is so much help available out there and you can find whichever course works best for you. Get yourself sorted out now and prepare for a kickass future.
Just think of everything this world has to offer you. And no, I'm not trying to convince you to become an astronaut or a doctor(unless that's what you want). I'm talking about all the amazing sites to see and people to meet. The Taj Mahal, Sistine Chapel, Easter Island, Rocky Mountains etc.
I was staying in a hostel in Salzburg, Austria last year where I met a lot of interesting people from around the world (Germans, Australians, Chinese, Saudi Arabians, fellow Canadians). I was only there for 3 days but it was a great stop during my trip. All too often, we get stuck in these ruts where we feel uninspired, unmotivated and constantly wonder if it's our lot in life. Going out and seeing what the world has to offer is a great way to change and shape your perspective on life.
I was staying in a hostel in Salzburg, Austria last year where I met a lot of interesting people from around the world (Germans, Australians, Chinese, Saudi Arabians, fellow Canadians). I was only there for 3 days but it was a great stop during my trip. All too often, we get stuck in these ruts where we feel uninspired, unmotivated and constantly wonder if it's our lot in life. Going out and seeing what the world has to offer is a great way to change and shape your perspective on life.
Study. If you quit being so negative about school, you will find that there are parts of it you actually like. Sure, maybe math or science or foreign language isn't your thing, but think about how much smarter you will be because you took the time to do the work. It's your choice.SpectacularWebHead said:
So what? Maybe you'll never be an all-star athlete with 5 girlfriends or the prom queen with all the rich beautiful friends (I don't know if you're a boy or girl, heh). So who cares? Just because you're a bit awkward doesn't mean that people will automatically reject you, and if they do they're not who you should be spending your time on. Join a school club or something, someone will like you if they get a chance to know you.SpectacularWebHead said:
Again, that's your choice. None of the great achievements in history were accomplished by sitting in the dark and brooding about how their high school life isn't as fun as those sitcoms say it should be.SpectacularWebHead said:
Let me tell you a secret: unless you're really, really lucky, being a teenager SUCKS. The cute girls get taken by douchey guys ( or vice versa), that one kid always seems to get better grades than you without trying, and while you mature into an adult that is different from the kid you used to be, yes, you will feel a bit awkward.
But it will be over before you know it. In a few years, you will be an adult, and you can leave all that high school shit behind you. When you're a teenager, it seems like you've seen everything you could possibly see, and the world is so damn tiny. Let me tell you, you haven't and it isn't. The best times of your life are still ahead of you. It's your choice to seize that opportunity.
And if you off yourself now, you will never get to. If you never want to amount to anything beyond a brooding high schooler, by all means go for it, if that's what you want for yourself.
Your choice.
My 5 cents:
1. You are only a teenager and as such required to be socially awkward etc. It really does get better, believe me.
At the moment you are probably being flooded by hormones your brain can't work itself out and everything seems bad. This phase passes though.
2. Offing yourself means losing the game.
It never is the logical solution (I am willing to make an exceotion for terminally-ill patients who also have to deal with a lot of pain) and if you think so you are clearly not thinking logically.
3.You killing yourself will hurt everyone around you.
Your family will be devastated.
Your parents will be devastated.
You could end up ruining their lifes. Do you really hate them that much as to subject them to this torture. Because ther seriously is nothing worse for a parent than having their own child kill themselves.
4. Go talk to someone ASAP.
Talk to your parents about having suicidal thoughts and get a therapist and, if deemed necessary, stationary treatment.
It helps.
5. I do not know why you are socially awkward, but here is a guess:
You are always very self-concious and try to figure out how everyone else views you.
Screw everyone's opinion.
Start partying, having fun, just going wild. You are young and basically still have a free-pass to missbehave. Use that to it's fullest potential.
Also, maybe start doing sports, find one that works for you and go at it relentlessly, transform yourself into a machine if necessary and, with a bit of discipline, you can achieve greatness.
Or find a hobby and try to become the best at it.
Pick up an instrument and practice until your fingers bleed/your arms shake/ your eyes bleed.
Start reading about history and maybe become an expert on the naval history of native americans from 1300 - 1534.
DO something.
Turning your life around will not be easy, but living never is easy, then again, it's not supposed to. Face the challenge and face it down, make something of yourself so that one day you can look in a mirror and be proud of what you see.
1. You are only a teenager and as such required to be socially awkward etc. It really does get better, believe me.
At the moment you are probably being flooded by hormones your brain can't work itself out and everything seems bad. This phase passes though.
2. Offing yourself means losing the game.
It never is the logical solution (I am willing to make an exceotion for terminally-ill patients who also have to deal with a lot of pain) and if you think so you are clearly not thinking logically.
3.You killing yourself will hurt everyone around you.
Your family will be devastated.
Your parents will be devastated.
You could end up ruining their lifes. Do you really hate them that much as to subject them to this torture. Because ther seriously is nothing worse for a parent than having their own child kill themselves.
4. Go talk to someone ASAP.
Talk to your parents about having suicidal thoughts and get a therapist and, if deemed necessary, stationary treatment.
It helps.
5. I do not know why you are socially awkward, but here is a guess:
You are always very self-concious and try to figure out how everyone else views you.
Screw everyone's opinion.
Start partying, having fun, just going wild. You are young and basically still have a free-pass to missbehave. Use that to it's fullest potential.
Also, maybe start doing sports, find one that works for you and go at it relentlessly, transform yourself into a machine if necessary and, with a bit of discipline, you can achieve greatness.
Or find a hobby and try to become the best at it.
Pick up an instrument and practice until your fingers bleed/your arms shake/ your eyes bleed.
Start reading about history and maybe become an expert on the naval history of native americans from 1300 - 1534.
DO something.
Turning your life around will not be easy, but living never is easy, then again, it's not supposed to. Face the challenge and face it down, make something of yourself so that one day you can look in a mirror and be proud of what you see.
Keep this in mind: civilization is not in a good spot currently. It sucks for everyone: genocide in Africa, starving children in Cambodia and N. Korea, and the ever increasingly isolated populations in developed nations (lack of social gatherings, paranoia, internet addiction). It sucks. I'm not telling you to suck it up; if anything, that'd make things worse--just be mindful of the fact that things are not the way they're supposed to be.
edit: Also, if you're old enough to drink . . . drink in moderation.
edit: Also, if you're old enough to drink . . . drink in moderation.
Suicide is not an answer it is a failure to see options. Open your eyes and smile at people when you are around them. Warm to people who are merely a product of their culture and you will see that they are something more.
Pour your self-destructive energy into your art. Suffering is the root of compassion. But seeking your own suffering cheapens the struggles of others. Art is the proper vehicle to express suffering. All Great artists have suffered horrible things. Merely good ones just have technical skill.
Confidence and practice mean more than talent and academia has little to do with most talents. Broaden your horizons and you will see a more beautiful world.
The beatings will continue until morale improves. I know that seems horribly unfair and illogical. But you must will yourself to see a better world before you ever will.
Pour your self-destructive energy into your art. Suffering is the root of compassion. But seeking your own suffering cheapens the struggles of others. Art is the proper vehicle to express suffering. All Great artists have suffered horrible things. Merely good ones just have technical skill.
Confidence and practice mean more than talent and academia has little to do with most talents. Broaden your horizons and you will see a more beautiful world.
The beatings will continue until morale improves. I know that seems horribly unfair and illogical. But you must will yourself to see a better world before you ever will.
I know how it feels. Believe me.
Details can be sent to you through PM if you want to, because writing it here will cause a wall of text to arrive. But I can tell you that I've had a crappy childhood with all the imaginable bad stuff happen to me.
I managed to get out of it somehow, only to have it get completely obliterated, leaving me stranded and alone, with no hope for a future.
The point is, is that life is an endless point of potential. Both bad and good. But it doesn't really matter, because whatever comes to you will give you something, which you can do whatever you want with. It's not harder than that, I promise.
If you're interested, just ask me and I'll tell you more.
Suicide is not an option. It's the easy way out. Nothing worth fighting for is easy.
Details can be sent to you through PM if you want to, because writing it here will cause a wall of text to arrive. But I can tell you that I've had a crappy childhood with all the imaginable bad stuff happen to me.
I managed to get out of it somehow, only to have it get completely obliterated, leaving me stranded and alone, with no hope for a future.
The point is, is that life is an endless point of potential. Both bad and good. But it doesn't really matter, because whatever comes to you will give you something, which you can do whatever you want with. It's not harder than that, I promise.
If you're interested, just ask me and I'll tell you more.
Suicide is not an option. It's the easy way out. Nothing worth fighting for is easy.
<img src=http://static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Nope.avi%2B_d803c6ad9cda053bd3f51c2093ab20da.png>SpectacularWebHead said:
To explain myself, suicide ain't good fo you.
Look, make a list of all that you'll miss if you die. All those comedians and stuff. Loving family members? IDK what makes life fun (and don't state all the things like money, power, sex). Don't list the bad stuff.
Not to put a downer on things, but not always. A few things may get better, but many others may get worth, or everything will remain sucky.thatonedude11 said:
Great. Next time I'm in a hospital I'll recommend that doctors tell everyone that isn't terminally ill to just go home because "there are people worse off" than them.Glorious manwhore said:
You need to find a purpose in life. Unfortunately I believe I'm in the same situation as you and still haven't found it myself.
Don't search for help on the internet, it won't work. Also don't bother trying to talk to people about it in person, the lack of success and dismissing things that you have tried, to them, will just annoy them and they'll stop helping.
Find the things you enjoy and do that more, avoid things that upset you. It seems like an obvious thing to say, but it's key to keeping your emotional state above the red line of suicide. Sometimes you'll find yourself slipping back below it, then indulge in whatever, just to bring yourself back above it as quickly as you can.
I actually agree with the guy who told you to piss off. Reading this thread, it seems as though all you want to do is wallow in your own self-pity and have everyone feel sorry for you. Kid, grow up!
If you're unhappy with your life and who you are, that's primarily your fault, and the only person who can actively change the way your life runs is... shockingly enough, you! What I see here is a teenager whose attitude stinks, your get up and go just plain got up and f**ked off. Go get it back.
I'm going to level with you, this was me in high school
- Very few friends, socially awkward, no girlfriends
- Recluse who liked to draw and play video games, practically a freaking hermit
- Regularly bullied (I was chased home from school once while the bullies swung chains they'd broken off their bicycles at me)
- I held a belief that life was all about wallowing in mediocrity as a mere worker ant, plugging your numbers into the national statistics until the inevitability of death arrived
This is me today
- I have a fiancee and daughter, as well as a group of close personal friends
- I have a job that pays the bills
- I genuinely enjoy life
What changed? I went to college, I threw myself into the fray, met new people, tried new things and gained a positive outlook on life. That was a major attitude adjustment, and it came from me, not anyone else. You have to do the same for yourself. If I could go back in time and visit my 14 year old self, I wouldn't give him a hug and tell him "it gets better", I'd kick his arse, tell him to change his perspective on the world and that "it only gets better if you MAKE it better"!
If you're incapable of that, if you really think the best solution is the ultimate "I quit", then clearly your self worth was disgustingly low. Maybe one of your dad's other sperm should have won the race and been given a chance at life.
If you're unhappy with your life and who you are, that's primarily your fault, and the only person who can actively change the way your life runs is... shockingly enough, you! What I see here is a teenager whose attitude stinks, your get up and go just plain got up and f**ked off. Go get it back.
I'm going to level with you, this was me in high school
- Very few friends, socially awkward, no girlfriends
- Recluse who liked to draw and play video games, practically a freaking hermit
- Regularly bullied (I was chased home from school once while the bullies swung chains they'd broken off their bicycles at me)
- I held a belief that life was all about wallowing in mediocrity as a mere worker ant, plugging your numbers into the national statistics until the inevitability of death arrived
This is me today
- I have a fiancee and daughter, as well as a group of close personal friends
- I have a job that pays the bills
- I genuinely enjoy life
What changed? I went to college, I threw myself into the fray, met new people, tried new things and gained a positive outlook on life. That was a major attitude adjustment, and it came from me, not anyone else. You have to do the same for yourself. If I could go back in time and visit my 14 year old self, I wouldn't give him a hug and tell him "it gets better", I'd kick his arse, tell him to change his perspective on the world and that "it only gets better if you MAKE it better"!
If you're incapable of that, if you really think the best solution is the ultimate "I quit", then clearly your self worth was disgustingly low. Maybe one of your dad's other sperm should have won the race and been given a chance at life.
What exactly is your point here? Are you playing a Drill Sergeant Nasty military pep talk thing; or are you just having that attitude thing, "I'm better than you, so I'll just spit in your face, sucker!" Because if it's the latter, I could say something about your own sense of self-worth.Afr0Blu3 said:
You fixed your life, good. People who haven't yet done so are no danger to you, so there's no need to go out of your way and be a douche to them.
Being cruel to be kind. I find the softly, softly, ever so delicately approach just sometimes will not work. I strongly feel this to be the case here. We need to be direct with this one in order to get the message through.
... Also, when I was a teenager who thought that everything sucked, that the world was out to get me, and everything was just part of some abyss, someone very sharply and bluntly telling me to pick myself up off the floor or stop wasting their time would have been far more effective than the pity I largely received.
Ultimately, I'm trying to do the guy a favour.
... Also, when I was a teenager who thought that everything sucked, that the world was out to get me, and everything was just part of some abyss, someone very sharply and bluntly telling me to pick myself up off the floor or stop wasting their time would have been far more effective than the pity I largely received.
Ultimately, I'm trying to do the guy a favour.
I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through because we're two completely different people, but I do know how being humiliated, bullied, and insulted feels. Furthermore, I also know how much it sucks having poor social skills. So while I don't quite understand what you're going through, I do, in part, understand how it feels. Don't commit suicide. There will never be a guarantee that your life will get better or worse, but each day you get out of bed you will always be given the opportunity to be a better person than you were the day before - no matter how bad things get. You can be exactly what you'd like to find in someone else. And if you can make even just one person feel better - be it family, friend, or even stranger - I'd think that alone is a reason not to do it.SpectacularWebHead said:
So maybe your art isn't perfect. That's all right, because you can always get better at that too. If people give criticism, accept and learn from it. If people insult your art without criticism, then fuck 'em. Because you're not doing art for them, you're doing it for yourself and anyone that may happen to like your art. You're a teenager, you've got your entire life to work on it. The world can be a terrible place to live, but that's what makes the good parts of our lives so much better. If our lives were only perfect, we'd have nothing to work to and the good parts of our life would become routine. And once more, I will repeat my self on how you can be whatever you want to be and how you can always wake up to be a better person. The world is nasty, but you can be a part of making it a better place.
So all in all, I guess the point of everything I'm saying here is that you can always strive to be the absolute best you can be no matter how bad things become. You can always work to be nicer, you can always work to make other people happy, and you can always work on your art. It doesn't matter if you consider your self just to be a statistic; because you aren't just a number. Numbers can't feel - you can. And not just that, but numbers also can't make people happy.
My captcha: more coffee
Actually, I'm more of a tea drinker.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
When I was a teenager, I was geeky, slightly overweight, and not really good at anything. I had (and still have) plenty of social awkwardness issues. I've dealt with cycles of depression since I was 14. I'm 29 now. My last depressive episode ended 3 years ago. I refused to take medication. After having tried it once, I hated the way it made me feel.
Depression is devious. It robs you of joy and hope, love of oneself and for everything life has to offer. And life really does have alot to offer. The biggest reason I can give you against suicide is that once you cross that line, there is no turning back, no do overs or second chances.
Most people that kill themselves don't really want to die, they just want the pain to end. And depression robs them of being able to see any other solutions to that pain.
It's not easy to talk to someone about depression. My family wasn't even aware of how bad things had gotten for me until just recently, when I decided I was well enough to objectively speak about my experiences. And to let them know I was doing ok. But it is important to talk to someone. That's the first step. A parent, a doctor, or a school counselor, someone you trust. Or even just the prevention hotline.
One of the greatest things you can do for yourself to alleviate the symptoms of depression is regular exercise. It doesn't have to be a team sport. It can be as simple as running, biking or swimming. Or if you want something a little more exciting, rock climbing can be really fun, and many cities have climbing gyms, if there is no natural rock nearby.
And keep with your art. You don't need to be recognized by others to be validated. That comes from yourself. And social awkwardness is a big one, and something I still haven't conquered, but, it comes with practice. If you shut yourself in, you won't get good at it. Rejection can be a scary thing, but you need to look at it this way: it's not the end of the world, and its not the worst thing that can happen.
Good luck, and keep fighting.
When I was a teenager, I was geeky, slightly overweight, and not really good at anything. I had (and still have) plenty of social awkwardness issues. I've dealt with cycles of depression since I was 14. I'm 29 now. My last depressive episode ended 3 years ago. I refused to take medication. After having tried it once, I hated the way it made me feel.
Depression is devious. It robs you of joy and hope, love of oneself and for everything life has to offer. And life really does have alot to offer. The biggest reason I can give you against suicide is that once you cross that line, there is no turning back, no do overs or second chances.
Most people that kill themselves don't really want to die, they just want the pain to end. And depression robs them of being able to see any other solutions to that pain.
It's not easy to talk to someone about depression. My family wasn't even aware of how bad things had gotten for me until just recently, when I decided I was well enough to objectively speak about my experiences. And to let them know I was doing ok. But it is important to talk to someone. That's the first step. A parent, a doctor, or a school counselor, someone you trust. Or even just the prevention hotline.
One of the greatest things you can do for yourself to alleviate the symptoms of depression is regular exercise. It doesn't have to be a team sport. It can be as simple as running, biking or swimming. Or if you want something a little more exciting, rock climbing can be really fun, and many cities have climbing gyms, if there is no natural rock nearby.
And keep with your art. You don't need to be recognized by others to be validated. That comes from yourself. And social awkwardness is a big one, and something I still haven't conquered, but, it comes with practice. If you shut yourself in, you won't get good at it. Rejection can be a scary thing, but you need to look at it this way: it's not the end of the world, and its not the worst thing that can happen.
Good luck, and keep fighting.
I've been in your position. I had some very rocky teenage years, and you know what? It does get better. It takes some people longer than others to find their way out of it, but it certainly isn't worth dying over. Who is it really helping if you kill yourself? You obviously wouldn't be aruond to view the results, so why would it help? Suicide really is the cowardly way out in a case like this. It alleviates all responsibility for dealing with one's problems. It's a harsh truth, but it is still the truth. I could be persuaded to sing a different tune if you had a fatal disease or something, but for what you are dealing with, I will stick to the, "Cowardly," death stance.
You will not find me approving of your decision to kill yourself when you still have such a long way to go with your life. I sank to the bottom of the barrel in high-school. Granted, I had many friends, a good home life, and did quite well in school. That didn't matter though because I had my own demons to contend with - some bad relationships that went south and messed me up pretty badly. I managed to oversome a great deal of shame and regret; some of which pushed me to a similar point. In the end, I am glad I chose to live.
You're not doing well in school? I might suggest spending less time here and more time in your books. If that doesn't work, you may want to speak with your instructor(s), and see about getting some special help from them or even getting a tutor. There really is no substitute for an education, and at the end of the day, you control how much you get out of what is presented to you. You have control over your grades. Study hard - even though it may sometimes be difficult to find the motivation. When you see the results of your hard work, I promise you will start to feel better.
You claim to lack social skills? So did/does my wife. That did not stop me from talking to her and finding her absolutely charming and irresistable when we first met. She still has problems in social situations and has some trouble making friends to this day, but you know what? She is still an amazing person once you can get her to come out of her shell. She makes me laugh often, and never ceases to make me feel appreciated and loved. My point? Don't sell yourself short because you may think you are socially awkward. Some people may be drawn to that. You just need to find your comfort zone in social situations and reach just a little beyond it. You will be susprised what happens when you find a way to open your mouth and strike up a conversation. Again, just try stepping a little outside your comfort zone from time to time. You may just make a friend or two.
As for getting picked on in school...
I think everyone has at one time or another. It doesn't mean you are any less valuable than anyone else. All you really need to know is that people generally pick on others to fill some kind of need in their own lives. It stems from a personal insecurity, and they justify putting others down to make themselves feel more important. My advice? Try to shrug it off as best you can. Either that or watch/listen to TONS of Norm MacDonald routines and write down some of his best scathing retorts.
Seriously though, don't let it get you down. People can be dicks. That doesn't mean that everyone on the planet thinks poorly of you. Even if they did, so what? You should live every day being the best person you can be. Don't let other people's judgement of you get in the way of your happiness!
After all of this text, I will skip to the TLDR version:
It doesn't matter what the world thinks of you. Your life is worth living, and it is especially so seeing as you still have so much left to experience. Don't let your temporary setbacks now stop you from changing direction. You have control over every aspect of your life, and that means you have the ability to make things better. Taking your life only relinquishes that control, and it would only keep you from experiencing any more happiness. Also, please remember that high-school does end. It generally gets better from there - if you let it and take steps to ensure that it does.
You will not find me approving of your decision to kill yourself when you still have such a long way to go with your life. I sank to the bottom of the barrel in high-school. Granted, I had many friends, a good home life, and did quite well in school. That didn't matter though because I had my own demons to contend with - some bad relationships that went south and messed me up pretty badly. I managed to oversome a great deal of shame and regret; some of which pushed me to a similar point. In the end, I am glad I chose to live.
You're not doing well in school? I might suggest spending less time here and more time in your books. If that doesn't work, you may want to speak with your instructor(s), and see about getting some special help from them or even getting a tutor. There really is no substitute for an education, and at the end of the day, you control how much you get out of what is presented to you. You have control over your grades. Study hard - even though it may sometimes be difficult to find the motivation. When you see the results of your hard work, I promise you will start to feel better.
You claim to lack social skills? So did/does my wife. That did not stop me from talking to her and finding her absolutely charming and irresistable when we first met. She still has problems in social situations and has some trouble making friends to this day, but you know what? She is still an amazing person once you can get her to come out of her shell. She makes me laugh often, and never ceases to make me feel appreciated and loved. My point? Don't sell yourself short because you may think you are socially awkward. Some people may be drawn to that. You just need to find your comfort zone in social situations and reach just a little beyond it. You will be susprised what happens when you find a way to open your mouth and strike up a conversation. Again, just try stepping a little outside your comfort zone from time to time. You may just make a friend or two.
As for getting picked on in school...
I think everyone has at one time or another. It doesn't mean you are any less valuable than anyone else. All you really need to know is that people generally pick on others to fill some kind of need in their own lives. It stems from a personal insecurity, and they justify putting others down to make themselves feel more important. My advice? Try to shrug it off as best you can. Either that or watch/listen to TONS of Norm MacDonald routines and write down some of his best scathing retorts.
Seriously though, don't let it get you down. People can be dicks. That doesn't mean that everyone on the planet thinks poorly of you. Even if they did, so what? You should live every day being the best person you can be. Don't let other people's judgement of you get in the way of your happiness!
After all of this text, I will skip to the TLDR version:
It doesn't matter what the world thinks of you. Your life is worth living, and it is especially so seeing as you still have so much left to experience. Don't let your temporary setbacks now stop you from changing direction. You have control over every aspect of your life, and that means you have the ability to make things better. Taking your life only relinquishes that control, and it would only keep you from experiencing any more happiness. Also, please remember that high-school does end. It generally gets better from there - if you let it and take steps to ensure that it does.
One of the symptoms of depression is a negative thought loop that you can't get out of. It's probably a lot better than it looks to you just now. The best thing you can do is get help from somebody who isn't involved, and at the risk of repeating all those other people, a counselor is one of the best people who can do that. At the point of suicide especially, you REALLY have to talk to someone.
buddy, highschool is shit. Almost everybody has a bad time, what you need to do is have something to live for, Religion, friends, family, online people. My uni course had me considering suicide but I quit that course and am going to another one. Life is the best thing ever. Love, to feel it is amazing; That unconditional love that keeps on going. Someone has those feeling for you. Whether it be your mum, dad or a friend. Don't give up on life because people love you. Find out who they are and talk to them.
I will be praying for you friend.
I will be praying for you friend.