Terrible dating advice

[Frokane]

I cant be the only one who realizes that most dating advice is either really out of date or just complete conflicting nonsense.

I mean we really need an overhaul of well thought out logical advice because i think with the crap that young men and women are hearing now no wonder its such a touchy and odd subject, so let me know of any bad dating advice you've heard, as a guy this is some of what ive heard.

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

2. Stop trying so hard to meet someone just relax and that person will come to you.

This doesn't apply to most men. Unless you are quite good looking (which not all of us are) its very unlikely a girl is ever going to go up to you, compliment you and ask for your number and propose a a date, this is just real life, we are making strides in gender roles but this one has a long way to go. If you tell an average Joe to not pursue dates or meeting people he wont meet anyone. People aren't searching for you to be their friend or their boyfriend you have to put yourself out there.

3. Guys, just be 'confident' its attractive*****

this needs about a thousand more asterix's there are so many 'conditions' for confidence to be attractive its hilarious.

This whole "women are attracted to confidence" crap is getting old, very old. When women say they are attracted to confidence, do you know what they are really saying?
"We are attracted to good looking, tall men who have the confidence to approach us after we have given them the green light to do so". Telling an ugly guy to just be "confident" is like putting lipstick on a pig.

 

[GrumbleGrump]

Aww. I thought we were suppoused to give terrible dating advice... *throws fedora and neckbeard out the window*

To be honest, most dating advice is fucking terrible in general. It either is so general that it's useless or it's so specific that it's also useless.

 

[Frokane]

Aww. I thought we were suppoused to give terrible dating advice... *throws fedora and neckbeard out the window*

To be honest, most dating advice is fucking terrible in general. It either is so general that it's useless or it's so specific that it's also useless.

I'd love to hear some terrible dating advice for the lulz


'just be yourself'

 

[Phasmal]

Yeah, a lot of dating advice isn't that great. It tends to rely on stereotypes.
So, none of it is guaranteed.

Just generally try and be a good person, and take care of yourself. Most people do end up meeting someone.

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

But seriously, who on earth told you that you shouldn't have to ask? That's probably the most terrible dating advice of the terrible dating advice. No, you should not just know. You should ask.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

You do not know someone until you fight them. - The Matrix.

Yeah, it gets irritating when people give out bad advice.

 

[Thaluikhain]

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

Seconding that the "just know" thing is terrible advice, and something shouldn't be condemned for contradicting it.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

I think you have that backwards. The bad advice is that you should just know. Developing mind reading is hardly viable advice. And while people can be more aware and try to pick up on other behaviors that is still far from sufficient for most actual issues.

2. Stop trying so hard to meet someone just relax and that person will come to you.

This doesn't apply to most men. Unless you are quite good looking (which not all of us are) its very unlikely a girl is ever going to go up to you, compliment you and ask for your number and propose a a date, this is just real life, we are making strides in gender roles but this one has a long way to go. If you tell an average Joe to not pursue dates or meeting people he wont meet anyone. People aren't searching for you to be their friend or their boyfriend you have to put yourself out there.

I don't think asking someone out falls under 'trying so hard'. You seem to be twisting the advice to make it unreasonable. There is a difference between being desperate and trying your hardest to get a date with anyone versus being fine on your own and taking chances when opportunities arise and that difference is not never asking someone out.

3. Guys, just be 'confident' its attractive*****

this needs about a thousand more asterix's there are so many 'conditions' for confidence to be attractive its hilarious.

This whole "women are attracted to confidence" crap is getting old, very old. When women say they are attracted to confidence, do you know what they are really saying?
"We are attracted to good looking, tall men who have the confidence to approach us after we have given them the green light to do so". Telling an ugly guy to just be "confident" is like putting lipstick on a pig.

Are you a girl or are you a guy trying to speak for all girls and sounding kind of bitter?

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

You're twisting perfectly sound advice.
Communication is good. Not forcing things is good. Confidence is good.
Like any other piece of advice, there's the right way and there's the wrong way of following it.

 

[Something Amyss]

Okay, two things come immediately to mind:

1. Stop treating women like a hive mind or a race from D&D. Seriously, I'm pretty sure this accounts for something like 95% of problems people have "with women."

2. Far as much of the world's concerned, I'm a dude. Despite looking the the offspring of Jon Stewart and a mountain troll, I've never had any problems finding relationships with women. Or men. Or Spiders From Mars. I have been rejected, yes. Rejection can really suck. But it's because that specific person wasn't interested in me, not because "women don't like X."

I should probably also point out that I am super nerdy and awkward and have trouble talking even to friends sometimes and my anxiety is bad enough I frequently vomit.

So I guess point 2 is a remix of point one.

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

The problem here isn't with communication, the problem is with the idea that you shoul;dn't need to ask. So yes, that's bad advice. The latter part, not the former.

2. Stop trying so hard to meet someone just relax and that person will come to you.

This doesn't apply to most men. Unless you are quite good looking (which not all of us are) its very unlikely a girl is ever going to go up to you, compliment you and ask for your number and propose a a date, this is just real life, we are making strides in gender roles but this one has a long way to go. If you tell an average Joe to not pursue dates or meeting people he wont meet anyone. People aren't searching for you to be their friend or their boyfriend you have to put yourself out there.

Jon Stewart and mountain troll's offspring disagrees. I have been approached by more women than I have approached.

3. Guys, just be 'confident' its attractive*****

this needs about a thousand more asterix's there are so many 'conditions' for confidence to be attractive its hilarious.

This whole "women are attracted to confidence" crap is getting old, very old. When women say they are attracted to confidence, do you know what they are really saying?
"We are attracted to good looking, tall men who have the confidence to approach us after we have given them the green light to do so". Telling an ugly guy to just be "confident" is like putting lipstick on a pig.

Yes, "women are attracted to confidence" is crap. Oh, but not because of the reasons you've given. Why then?

Because women aren't attracted to one thing as a whole. Again, women are not something that can be summed up in a Monster Manual guide: Always Neutral Evil. Frequently attend bathroom in packs.

I'd love to hear some terrible dating advice for the lulz

'just be yourself'

I'm curious as to why this is bad advice. I mean, it's worked for me, and worked for nearly everyone I know.

What really seems to be bad advice is "treat women like they're a hive mind."

Also, "blame women for not being interested."

Because, and this shouldn't need to be said, not everyone's going to be interested in you. Even if you're tall, handsome, confident and rich, or whatever other attributes you wish to ascribe.

Hell, maybe there's someone out there who sees this thread and thinks "hello, sailor!" But I would personally think this attitude, this view of women, would bleed through and be off-putting.

Are you a girl or are you a guy trying to speak for all girls and sounding kind of bitter?

Even if they're a girl, speaking for all girls isn't going to work out very well. I mean, do you feel qualified to speak for all men?

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

Are you a girl or are you a guy trying to speak for all girls and sounding kind of bitter?

Even if they're a girl, speaking for all girls isn't going to work out very well. I mean, do you feel qualified to speak for all men?

I dunno I think if I could speak for all men whenever I wanted I'd take the opportunity! I could be some kind of dictator

 

[Something Amyss]

I dunno I think if I could speak for all men whenever I wanted I'd take the opportunity! I could be some kind of dictator

I don't think they'd take it well, which kind of relates to my point.

 

[MeatMachine]

I don't think most dating advice is strictly good or bad, so much as it totally fluctuates based on the individuals. If we're talking about men trying to approach women, I think the most important thing to remember is that women will enjoy an entire spectrum of different things about men, and men have an entire spectrum of personalities and behaviors.

For example, some women will dig men who appear confident and funny - some women will scoff at it believing it to be a transparent act, which again, based on the man's personality, may or may not be true.

"Just be yourself" is not inherently bad dating advice - people just use that in the wrong way. "Just being yourself" will oftentimes LOWER your chances for simple yes-or-no success, but INCREASE the chances of finding a partner who's actually a good match for you.

Are you trying to find a good match, or are you just trying to accumulate the highest ratio of successful initiations? There are way too many variables for dating advice to be even remotely applicable on a broad level, except basic human decency tips like "don't smell like a shitty diaper" and "don't get so drunk you puke in the taxi".

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Actually, I think any dating advice unless you're a friend of the person you're interested in is bad advice.

I remember being told that you should always remind women of sex because you don't want to be labeled as a friend, as there's no way out of that zo.. place. What if gets accosted with sexual ideals all the time? You just made yourself one out of thousands.

I remember being told not to rush things. And then I was told after getting to know them (time varied from a week to more) that the window of interest as passed and we can only be friends.

Dress like you're a man about town makes some women think you're a player. Dress like a regular guy and some women think you're boring.

Be 'manly' and some women will think you're stupid and aggressive. Be 'sensitive' and you're not a man.

After a lot of failed advice, the one thing I've learned is this: There are no hiveminds. There is no tried and true method to make all women like you. Flashing your boobs will not get every man at your door. Say even if there are some women who like the same thing (say muscles) might not even like the same thing the same way (one girl might like a guy built like the Mountain from Game of thrones, and another might like someone who looks like Michael Phelps).

Everyone you meet is an individual. You talk to them, you get to know what they like. You might not be what they like. Be sad, move on, and find the one for you.

 

[Pyrian]

I don't think "just be yourself" even constitutes advice. At best it can be taken to mean "don't pretend to be someone else", which is fair enough. But there's a key difference: the latter "don't pretend" is specific advice for a specific problem, while the former "be yourself" is dished out willy-nilly to everyone as some kind of panacea. Yet the standard reaction is "I am myself, and it isn't working". It's just useless pablum.

The whole "relax and wait" thing is also terrible advice. Some people would indeed benefit from relaxing and/or being more patient. But it's still terrible advice, because even if you apply relaxation and patience, you should be out sifting candidates anyway. Just in a relaxed and patient manner. Yes, people will probably come to you if you get out of your house at all (especially if you're a pretty woman, but even if you're an ugly man), but for the most part they won't be ideal candidates.

 

[GrumbleGrump]

I'd love to hear some terrible dating advice for the lulz

'just be yourself'

I'm curious as to why this is bad advice. I mean, it's worked for me, and worked for nearly everyone I know.

It really depends on where you live. I live in a country where men are pretty much obligated to ask women out, so just being myself isn't sound advice if I want to go out on dates. Because if I wanted to have a good time with someone else then I'd just wait till friday and go out drinking with my friends. Also, I hate meeting new people, so yeah.

Also, you saying that you look like a cross between Jon Stewart and a mountain troll doesn't really tell us much, so I call bullshit on that. I would describe myself as a cross between a fat cat and a gorilla but apparently I'm not ugly, so whatevs.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

Most bad dating advice I can think of relates to "standards".

- Don't date someone that drives this kind of car
- Don't date someone below this level of education
- Don't date someone below this income level
- Don't date someone that looks like X

Want some good advice?
In a relationship, you will receive what you look for in it, if you want intelligence, income and status, these are the things you will get.
If you want romance, empathy and a caring personality, you should look for these things specifically, not angle for someone that's just hot and expect them to change just because you demand it.

That said, it can't hurt asking hot people out first, you just might find someone that compliments your personality AND looks downright stunning to boot!

 

[Qizx]

Okay, two things come immediately to mind:

1. Stop treating women like a hive mind or a race from D&D. Seriously, I'm pretty sure this accounts for something like 95% of problems people have "with women."

Quite true they are not, however that doesn't mean you can't say things like "woman prefer men who are in good shape." Obviously it's not EVERY single woman but a vast majority do (men do too). No one is claiming it's for all women or all men, it's just a majority.

2. Far as much of the world's concerned, I'm a dude. Despite looking the the offspring of Jon Stewart and a mountain troll, I've never had any problems finding relationships with women. Or men. Or Spiders From Mars. I have been rejected, yes. Rejection can really suck. But it's because that specific person wasn't interested in me, not because "women don't like X."

Jon Stewart is a sexy man don't besmirch him! But to the point, there are things that a vast majority of women do not find attractive, and in that case it is mostly a "women don't like X." Once again I'm speaking to the majority, not the minority. An amazing amount of women I've come in contact with will unabashedly say things like "OH MY GOD, he lives at home and only makes 30K a year? No way in hell." While at the same time they make the same amount and live it home.
DISCLAIMER: I have obviously also met women who are nothing like this, I am just going with the majority.

Jon Stewart and mountain troll's offspring disagrees. I have been approached by more women than I have approached.

Once again he's sexy I tell you! Ok hate to be that person but anything greater than 0 is more... So doesn't really give a good starting ground. I've been approached by far more men than I've approached. I'll leave it up to you to interpret what that means.

Finally I want to say this is for a majority of the women I've met, there are obviously a LARGE variation among humans. But for the most part these are my observations, take them for what you will.

 

[Phasmal]

Okay, two things come immediately to mind:

1. Stop treating women like a hive mind or a race from D&D. Seriously, I'm pretty sure this accounts for something like 95% of problems people have "with women."

Oh my god I couldn't agree with this any more if I tried.

I know too many guys who this is an issue for, who often speak of `women` as if we are all an unchangeable hive-mind.
Which is obviously not true. The Hive-Mind can change it's mind whenever it wants. No mercy for the outsiders.

I think the problem most men run into when trying to get dating advice is that they just seem to want advice for `women`. Not `women who are into the same things as me` or `women who share my values`- just plain straight up `women`. And that's just not going to work out. I think it's worse to take a broad approach to dating, just looking for anyone. It's better to find someone you're into and get to know them as a person.
^Obvious statement is obvious, but yeah, sometimes it needs to be said.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Well, a lot of dating advice is 'bad' because it lacks context, either because the person is repeating it and missed something, or because someone who naturally is good at this sort of thing is forgetting to mention something because they simply don't realize you would need to be told.

OP gives some good examples.

1.Communication is key
this is great but it contradicts with 'You shouldnt have to ask, you should just know' This is bad advice for men and women

Communication is key. Full stop. This is excellent advice. 'You shouldn't have to ask' is simply retarded, and is bad advice.

While at some point, you may get the ability to be able to read situations and make decisions without asking, that's a bonus trait that you shouldn't really be aiming for.

2. Stop trying so hard to meet someone just relax and that person will come to you.

This, to, is good advice, but it lacks context. Its not 'Stop giving a fuck and sit around waiting for a girl,' its 'Go out and socialize and meet people without the pre-decided goal of trying to get a date/laid.' You should be trying to socialize and meet new people, and letting the whole dating thing come when it does. If you go out hunting for women, you're 1) setting yourself up for disappointment and 2) are probably going to spoil your day and you ignore all else in a pursuit of booty. Go out, meet new people, and if you do find a girl you like, then deal with that when it comes up.

3. Guys, just be 'confident' its attractive*****

this needs about a thousand more asterix's there are so many 'conditions' for confidence to be attractive its hilarious.

This whole "women are attracted to confidence" crap is getting old, very old. When women say they are attracted to confidence, do you know what they are really saying?
"We are attracted to good looking, tall men who have the confidence to approach us after we have given them the green light to do so". Telling an ugly guy to just be "confident" is like putting lipstick on a pig.

Listen, you probably aren't going to like this, but women do like confidence. Men like confidence too. Everyone likes confidence. Confidence is sexy.

The sad fact is, being attractive is a big confidence booster. It's not necessary to be socially confident, but it helps a lot. You'll rarely find a buff man who isn't confident to some extent, and yes, women who have attractive assets have an innate confidence as well. It is what it is.

But both men and women respond to confidence, even if your ugly or fat. Ever seen Raplhie May?

Spoiler

I've driven trucks that were narrower then this mountain of a man. He's huge. Massive. If he got naked, covered himself in mud, and stuck two bananas in his mouth, he's be indistinguishable from a sea lion. By all modern standards, a fairly unattractive man.

Here's his wife.

Spoiler

How do you think he got her? By being a socially confident man who had a complimentary personality. Or rufies.

As for how to be confident, now... there's the rub. Here's some (Perhaps bad) advice on that.

A. Fake it. I know, stupid. Silly. Completely bullshit example. But here's the thing - It can work. Maybe not for everyone, but their some truth to the whole 'Fake it till you make it' thing. If you act mean, you probably wont be very convincing at first. Laughable perhaps. But if you keep at it, eventually you will be convincingly mean. The same goes for confidence. Eventually, if you just keep working at it, some of it may just stick.

B. Think about what makes you feel less confident. Is it because you're body isn't that great? Then actively work to change that. Busted up face? Believe it or not, but male make up is a thing. You don't have to start piling on the blush or anything, but perhaps some skin care products could work for you. If you hate your eyebrows, maybe you can do something about it. Women do it all the time, why not you? Maybe a mustache or beard could work. Do you feel socially awkward? Actively practice it. YOu may feel stupid, but like any other muscle, work it enough and you'll get better at it.

If your excuse is just 'I was born ugly, and its all those stupid, shallow women's fault I can't get some loving,' well... maybe you should take a look at yourself and work on your personality and world view while your at it. Perhaps women can feel you passively judging them and thats why they don't like you.

I'd love to hear some terrible dating advice for the lulz

When I was in the Army, some guy was asking for advice for his first date with a woman. He always bragged about how huge his dick was, so I suggested that, when they got to the dinner table, he whip it out and thunk it onto the table. I told him to get a semi and really slam it down on there, get the table rumbling and everything.

I was completely joking, but so help me, the dumb bastard did it. He actually fucking did it. He got really pissed when he described the rest of the completely awkward date to me, but me and everyone else in the room could not stop fucking laughing at him.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Most of that's actually quite sensible. In fact, it all is. Seriously, the best tip for dating is to relax, forget about dating, and start treating girls you meet as possible friends rather than possible partners (that's genuinely just a little creepy). If you get to know them as friends you appreciate them as the actual person they are, not just as a blanket to stave off cold, miserable loneliness.

Attraction is much more complex than just physical appearance, I wouldn't worry too much if you think you're unattractive. If it really bothers you that much, there's always the gym.

As for genuinely bad dating advice?
Relationships are always more exciting with an element of mystery. Lie constantly.