The Asylum Game: An Open-Ended Adventure

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Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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Subject Fury can't watch that at work

Subject Sass well slightly hungover but at work so a decent day; was forced to dance against my will XD
 

Sassafrass

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Legacy
Aug 24, 2009
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Subject Fury, having an off day. How about you?

...Do tell me more about the dancing, subject Lost. XD
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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Subject Fury I have no idea who that is...at all, and I'm alright continuing to read the Escapist Acadamy or whatever RP that Clogged, Revolver, Sam G and sky14kemea started up; I told them I would watch it from the shadows, like a slightly more generic Batman

Hey Subject Max

Subject Sass me and a friend were grabbing drinks and this random chick told me to dance with her, I said I didn't dance so she grabbed me and danced with me anyways...it was rape XD
 

Roxas1359

Burn, Burn it All!
Aug 8, 2009
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Subject Lost, just without the cool utility belt and awesome bat cave right? How's it looking there anyway?
Also, you should report that to the authorities! XD
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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Subject Max exactly, just imagine someone like the movie version of Big Daddy from Kick Ass XD
Also I want to but she said we'd dance again if I went to the authorities
 

Roxas1359

Burn, Burn it All!
Aug 8, 2009
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Subject Lost, it's reverse psychology! Don't fall for it! XD
Also you just filled my head with awesome thoughts! XD
 

Fury Is Me.

Oh, Tasty Tasty.
Feb 20, 2010
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I'm doing pretty good, subject Sass. *Hands him a lolly*

...That's the name of the song, subject LITV! XD And you'll know it when you hear it.
...Are you trying to tell me somehting, subject LITV? XD

Hi, subject Max!~
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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Subject Max but what if its not, dancing terrifies me I couldn't do that again XD
Such as?

Subject Fury, I doubt I will but perhaps I'll see when I get home
Not really, just know that like in school I'll be there watching, marking everyone's writing; I'm not great at comedic writing, but I know funny when I see it
 

Roxas1359

Burn, Burn it All!
Aug 8, 2009
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Subject Lost, it's okay. I feared dancing too but now I can dance an awesome dance that you can watch when you get home. Okay? XD
Also today is my father's birthday and I'm going to be doing stuff for him so I might not be in much contact. Also for comedic writing I find that when you've got ADHD and ADD it can be very easy. Try watching or reading some examples of satire to help because that's what helped me a lot. And you grade people's writing?
 

Sassafrass

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Legacy
Aug 24, 2009
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Sorry 'bout that subjects, was grabbed and then told some fuck had eaten my dinner. :mad:
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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Subject Max I only dance when I'm drunk and even then its painful to look at
Ah well happy birthday to him
Comedic writing is eay if you have an addictive personality there are a few people I could cite just from the RP I'm looking at right now that can do it
Only people who ask me to watch their RP, its what I do and if people ask me for opinions I'll give them

Speaking of opinions, well Subject Fury, its an excellent concpet that you have, however its the execution that needs to be improved. Your writing also has some formatting issues but those would be easy to fix with some effort, its usually simple things like sentence structure and paragraphing formatting.

Your character again, has the potential to be a good well rounded character, but right now she's too...dare I say loud. The randomness of her actions can be displayed but mixed with the paragraphing formatting it just seems rushed.