The bad boy approach: does it really work to start a relationship?

[Eliy]

I'm a girl, and I think bad boys are only attractive short term and superficially. The bad boy attitude, like what others are saying here, presents an attractive confidence aura. Thinking about it, this says next to nothing about who this person is in real life........
Unless you see someone constantly in various situations, that "attitude" feels like a mask, to hide behind, to be fake about it, and conforming to others.

Please don't fake it if you're not, especially if you said it "goes against [your] very nature." Being who you are is much more important if you actually want to get somewhere with relationships. Holding up a facade will likely last you a few months into a relationship....but you'll get tired of it yourself and things will definitely fall apart. Being genuine speaks louder than empty words.

Understanding yourself, defining yourself, living up to your own values, and standing up for your principles should make you be able to have stronger self esteem, etc. (Girls and Guys) One thing leading to the next, you will carry yourself with confidence instead of worrying about what others are doing, thinking, etc. I think this effect is more important than joining the ranks of those "bad boys."

Personal opinion: girls who care about things further than the spur of the moment, are less likely to always chase the bad-boys? Some of us want some reliability, security, and meaningful/lasting relationships. I feel it will pay off to be a genuine guy who is comfortable being who they are, because that is the type of awesome guy I have found!

....upon re-reading your title: I say "bad boy approach" could YES, help you START a relationship under the right circumstances/situations and with girls who buy into that. (No offence to girls and guys, whatever they want and their choices are not my business, I just disagree.)
START does not equal lasting relationship? Ask yourself what you want and where you want things to go. Be yourself or try to be somebody else.

I'm glad to see that you are at least thinking about it first, and not just jumping right in to fit into that image or whatever without considering what you may be doing.
Good luck!

 

[Terminal Blue]

You need to define what you mean by bad boy and to separate out the attractive components of that fantasy from those which aren't.

Some ideas I might throw out from my experience:

The bad boy fantasy is still very much about being cared for. People who genuinely behave aggressively or dismissively towards women are just dicks. The 'bad boy' trades on the ability to understand women, to focus on them assertively and intensely, and to offer an uncommitted, incautious approach to sex which women are often denied by the fear of being labelled.

In my experience, the fantasy is not about a style of dress. There are visual cues which establish a person as 'bad', but where they're attractive they're generally the same things which establish a person as successful or intelligent or physically attractive.

It doesn't work on everyone. The vast majority of girls I know really just want nice, 'normal', intelligent guys who they're physically attracted to and can have nice, normal relationships with. When applied to actual meatspace as opposed to romance literature, the bad boy thing appeals to a relatively small number of people. Also, the kind of person who is attracted to bad boys is generally the kind of person who can handle the kind of personality and relationship (or someone who is too into romance literature), that kind of person may not end up being someone you are terribly compatible with.

Above all, drop the image of suddenly transforming yourself into James Dean (or James Bond). We're past that era of exaggerated masculinity being mainstream sexy. What is really being traded in the bad boy fantasy is confidence, sexual openness without neurosis or hangups and intensity of focus. Regardless of who you are, what you look like and whether you're actually a bastard or not you can probably try and incorporate some of those things into your life, it's a case of finding a position which doesn't feel unnatural and doesn't compromise yourself.

If I were to actually give some advice, I'd say try and talk to people as if you know them much better than you do. Don't moderate your speech, be open and vocal about things and don't be afraid to be too intimate with people. Some people will find it a little weird, especially if it doesn't seem completely genuine on your part, but if you're really feeling it you shouldn't care. I find being quite intense with people is actually quite a good way to filter out people I'll get on with.

 

[philzibit]

It CAN work, it's more or less how the person holds themselves.

I personally am a gentleman, and I can't stay single. It's really just being confident in yourself and who you are.

To make things blunt, if the fish aren't biting, don't use different bate, try a new pond.