The Ban game
- Thread starter xmbts
- Start date
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Banned because Karkat stole Christmas.
All the kids in the veil liked Christmas a lot, but Karkat who lived with the other trolls, did not.
Karkat hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his horns were too nubby
Or maybe his head in spite mode looked a little bit chubby.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his collapsing and expanding bladder based vascular system was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His vascular system or his horns,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the kids (whom he scorns),
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Karkat frown
At the cans all lined up neatly in their town.
For he knew that Jade obtaining artifact grist loots,
Was busy now, alchemizing some conksuck boots.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING?" he snarled with a sneer.
"HUMAN PEREGREE'S EVE ISN'T AT THIS TIME OF YEAR."
Then he raged out aloud, with his troll hands facepalming,
"DOESN'T THIS SHITHIVE BROAD KNOW THAT THE RECKONING IS COMING?"
For, tomorrow, he knew all the people in the forums,
Would rush to their computers, to see Jade alchemize sweet loot for them!
And then! Oh, the conundrum! Oh, the conundrum!
Conundrum! Conundrum! Conundrum!
That's one thing he hated! The CONUNDRUM!
CONUNDRUM! CONUNDRUM! CONUNDRUM!
Then the humans, young and old, would sit down in their hives
and they'd F5
and they'd F5
and they'd F5!
F5!F5!F5!
They would F5 on their desktops, and laptops as well.
Which makes Karkat say "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every MSPA Reader, the tall and the small,
Would rush to the forms, their breakfast some quick and easy toast.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the humans would post!
They'd post! And they'd post! And they'd POST!
POST! POST! POST!
And the more Karkat thought of this Reader Christmas Posting,
The more Karkat thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"WHY, FOR ALMOST TWO MINUTES I'VE PUT UP WITH IT NOW!"
"I MUST STOP THESE UPDATES FROM COMING! BUT HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
KARKAT GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO" Karkat laughed in his protein chute.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and suit.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "WHAT A GREAT TROLLY TRICK!"
"WITH THIS COAT AND THIS HAT, I LOOK JUST LIKE SAINT NICK!"
"ALL I NEED ARE SOME REINDEER..." Karkat looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop Karkat? No! The he simply said,
"IF I CAN'T FIND REINDEER, I'LL MAKE ONE INSTEAD!"
So he called the other trolls, and put collars on them with a scowl.
(Equius got sweaty, so he needed a towel.)
THEN He loaded some bags, and after a few eye rolls,
On a ramshackle sleigh, he hitched up the trolls.
Then Karkat said, "HURRY UP YOU IDIOTS!" And the sleigh continued down,
Toward the homes where the Readers were awake in Can town.
All of them were still up, because they had no lives,.
All of them like zombies, mashing F5.
When he came to the first reader's little hive.
"THIS IS STOP NUMBER ONE" the troll leader hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then they all slid down the chimney. (Difficult since Vriska is fat.)
But, "IF SANTA CAN DO IT, SO CAN SHE!" said Karkat.
They got stuck only once, for a moment, (though Sollux would say two).
Then they came crashing out of the fireplace flue.
He had Vriska put all the readers to sleep,
So into the house they could quietly creep.
Then they slithered and slunk, with a smile most un-nice,
Around the whole room, and they took every computing device!
Apples! And PC's! palm pads! Laptops!
iPhones! Cell Phones! And Desktops!
And they stuffed them in bags. Then Karkat, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took all the bread!
Then he replaced it with decent food of nutritional value instead!
For good measure he took their toasters and junk food too.
"SURELY," Karkat said, "THAT WILL GIVE ME LESS LAZY BASTARDS TO VIEW!"
Up the chimney he stuffed all the toasters and bread and smuckers.
"AND NOW!" grinned Karkat, "UP GOES THE KRINGLEFUCKER!"
And they grasped the KRINGLEFUCKER firmly, and they shoved like a pander,
When into their midst, wandered a salamander!
They turned around fast, and they saw who it was!
Little Casey, who the readers all knew and loved.
They all had been caught by this tiny amphibian,
Who noted what a messed up scene she found herself in.
She stared at Karkat and glubbed, "Santy Claus, why,?
"Why are you taking our KRINGLEFUCKER? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Karkat was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"WHY, YOU SLIMY LITTLE PIECE OF FILTH," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"THIS ABOMINATION MIGHT ACTUALLY BE DRAWN WELL ON ONE SIDE."
"SO I'M TAKING IT HOME TO MY WORKSHOP DUMBASS."
"I'LL FUCK IT UP THERE. THEN I'LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK."
And his fib fooled the not-quite-frog. Then he bopped her head,
She got knocked out, and he Left her 4 Dead.
And when they were sure Casey would no longer glub,
Gamzee went to the chimney and FuCkIn ShOvEd AlL tHe ShIt Up!
And the last thing they took were the 'shrooms from the farm!
Then he went up the chimney, KRINGLEFUCKER in arm,
and he swore and he shouted, wishing nothing but harm
to the lazy-ass humans asleep in their beds
whom he sorely despised, all their strange hornless heads.
Then He did the same thing To the other human's hives
Leaving no good source for the internet, which contains their lives!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Homo sapiens still drooling in bed,
All of them, still asnooze When they packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their updates! Their posts! Their snacks!
Their cell phones! And the iPhones! Their PC's! Their Macs!
All the way out! To the furthest ring,
He rode with his load to dump everything!
"TO HELL WITH THE READERS" he was trollishly humming.
"THEY'RE FINDING OUT NOW THAT NO UPDATES ARE COMING!"
"THEY'RE JUST WAKING UP! AND THEY'LL ALL BE SICK!"
"THEIR MOUTHS WILL HANG OPEN FOR A MINUTE, AND HERE IS THE KICK:
ALL OF THE ALIENS DOWN IN CAN TOWN WILL ALL SHIT A BRICK!"
"THEIR CONSTIPATED GROANING, I SIMPLY MUST HEAR!"
So he paused. And listened throughout the Incipisphere.
And he did hear a sound rising through the flagellum,
A sound which made Tavros utter a nervous "uMMM"
Because the sound wasn't forced feces! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Can Town!
Karkat leaned down real low!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE, bRo!
All the readers from the forum, the tall and the small,
Were making fanart of the updaates! Without any fucking computers at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas updates from coming! They CAME!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!
And Karkat stood there with the rest of the trolls.
He stood puzzling and puzzling: "HOW COULD IT BE SO?"
"THE POSTS CAME WITHOUT COMPUTERS! THEY CAME WITHOUT JUNK FOOD!"
"THEY CAME WITHOUT TOASTERS, BREAD OR SHROOMS!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his nubby horns was sore.
Till Terezi pointed out what he hadn't thought of before:
"TH1S 1S 1NCR3D1BLY S1LLY."
And what happened then? Well...in Can Town they say,
That Karkat face palmed 20 times that day!
And the minute he realized what a waste of time this had been,
Kanaya suggested they screw the whole thing.
So they brought back the computers, so all that fan art they could post.
And he, HE HIMSELF! Karkat partook in some lazy Christmas-breakfast toast!
THE END
All the kids in the veil liked Christmas a lot, but Karkat who lived with the other trolls, did not.
Karkat hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his horns were too nubby
Or maybe his head in spite mode looked a little bit chubby.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his collapsing and expanding bladder based vascular system was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His vascular system or his horns,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the kids (whom he scorns),
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Karkat frown
At the cans all lined up neatly in their town.
For he knew that Jade obtaining artifact grist loots,
Was busy now, alchemizing some conksuck boots.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING?" he snarled with a sneer.
"HUMAN PEREGREE'S EVE ISN'T AT THIS TIME OF YEAR."
Then he raged out aloud, with his troll hands facepalming,
"DOESN'T THIS SHITHIVE BROAD KNOW THAT THE RECKONING IS COMING?"
For, tomorrow, he knew all the people in the forums,
Would rush to their computers, to see Jade alchemize sweet loot for them!
And then! Oh, the conundrum! Oh, the conundrum!
Conundrum! Conundrum! Conundrum!
That's one thing he hated! The CONUNDRUM!
CONUNDRUM! CONUNDRUM! CONUNDRUM!
Then the humans, young and old, would sit down in their hives
and they'd F5
and they'd F5
and they'd F5!
F5!F5!F5!
They would F5 on their desktops, and laptops as well.
Which makes Karkat say "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every MSPA Reader, the tall and the small,
Would rush to the forms, their breakfast some quick and easy toast.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the humans would post!
They'd post! And they'd post! And they'd POST!
POST! POST! POST!
And the more Karkat thought of this Reader Christmas Posting,
The more Karkat thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"WHY, FOR ALMOST TWO MINUTES I'VE PUT UP WITH IT NOW!"
"I MUST STOP THESE UPDATES FROM COMING! BUT HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
KARKAT GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO" Karkat laughed in his protein chute.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and suit.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "WHAT A GREAT TROLLY TRICK!"
"WITH THIS COAT AND THIS HAT, I LOOK JUST LIKE SAINT NICK!"
"ALL I NEED ARE SOME REINDEER..." Karkat looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop Karkat? No! The he simply said,
"IF I CAN'T FIND REINDEER, I'LL MAKE ONE INSTEAD!"
So he called the other trolls, and put collars on them with a scowl.
(Equius got sweaty, so he needed a towel.)
THEN He loaded some bags, and after a few eye rolls,
On a ramshackle sleigh, he hitched up the trolls.
Then Karkat said, "HURRY UP YOU IDIOTS!" And the sleigh continued down,
Toward the homes where the Readers were awake in Can town.
All of them were still up, because they had no lives,.
All of them like zombies, mashing F5.
When he came to the first reader's little hive.
"THIS IS STOP NUMBER ONE" the troll leader hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then they all slid down the chimney. (Difficult since Vriska is fat.)
But, "IF SANTA CAN DO IT, SO CAN SHE!" said Karkat.
They got stuck only once, for a moment, (though Sollux would say two).
Then they came crashing out of the fireplace flue.
He had Vriska put all the readers to sleep,
So into the house they could quietly creep.
Then they slithered and slunk, with a smile most un-nice,
Around the whole room, and they took every computing device!
Apples! And PC's! palm pads! Laptops!
iPhones! Cell Phones! And Desktops!
And they stuffed them in bags. Then Karkat, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took all the bread!
Then he replaced it with decent food of nutritional value instead!
For good measure he took their toasters and junk food too.
"SURELY," Karkat said, "THAT WILL GIVE ME LESS LAZY BASTARDS TO VIEW!"
Up the chimney he stuffed all the toasters and bread and smuckers.
"AND NOW!" grinned Karkat, "UP GOES THE KRINGLEFUCKER!"
And they grasped the KRINGLEFUCKER firmly, and they shoved like a pander,
When into their midst, wandered a salamander!
They turned around fast, and they saw who it was!
Little Casey, who the readers all knew and loved.
They all had been caught by this tiny amphibian,
Who noted what a messed up scene she found herself in.
She stared at Karkat and glubbed, "Santy Claus, why,?
"Why are you taking our KRINGLEFUCKER? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Karkat was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"WHY, YOU SLIMY LITTLE PIECE OF FILTH," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"THIS ABOMINATION MIGHT ACTUALLY BE DRAWN WELL ON ONE SIDE."
"SO I'M TAKING IT HOME TO MY WORKSHOP DUMBASS."
"I'LL FUCK IT UP THERE. THEN I'LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK."
And his fib fooled the not-quite-frog. Then he bopped her head,
She got knocked out, and he Left her 4 Dead.
And when they were sure Casey would no longer glub,
Gamzee went to the chimney and FuCkIn ShOvEd AlL tHe ShIt Up!
And the last thing they took were the 'shrooms from the farm!
Then he went up the chimney, KRINGLEFUCKER in arm,
and he swore and he shouted, wishing nothing but harm
to the lazy-ass humans asleep in their beds
whom he sorely despised, all their strange hornless heads.
Then He did the same thing To the other human's hives
Leaving no good source for the internet, which contains their lives!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Homo sapiens still drooling in bed,
All of them, still asnooze When they packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their updates! Their posts! Their snacks!
Their cell phones! And the iPhones! Their PC's! Their Macs!
All the way out! To the furthest ring,
He rode with his load to dump everything!
"TO HELL WITH THE READERS" he was trollishly humming.
"THEY'RE FINDING OUT NOW THAT NO UPDATES ARE COMING!"
"THEY'RE JUST WAKING UP! AND THEY'LL ALL BE SICK!"
"THEIR MOUTHS WILL HANG OPEN FOR A MINUTE, AND HERE IS THE KICK:
ALL OF THE ALIENS DOWN IN CAN TOWN WILL ALL SHIT A BRICK!"
"THEIR CONSTIPATED GROANING, I SIMPLY MUST HEAR!"
So he paused. And listened throughout the Incipisphere.
And he did hear a sound rising through the flagellum,
A sound which made Tavros utter a nervous "uMMM"
Because the sound wasn't forced feces! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Can Town!
Karkat leaned down real low!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE, bRo!
All the readers from the forum, the tall and the small,
Were making fanart of the updaates! Without any fucking computers at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas updates from coming! They CAME!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!
And Karkat stood there with the rest of the trolls.
He stood puzzling and puzzling: "HOW COULD IT BE SO?"
"THE POSTS CAME WITHOUT COMPUTERS! THEY CAME WITHOUT JUNK FOOD!"
"THEY CAME WITHOUT TOASTERS, BREAD OR SHROOMS!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his nubby horns was sore.
Till Terezi pointed out what he hadn't thought of before:
"TH1S 1S 1NCR3D1BLY S1LLY."
And what happened then? Well...in Can Town they say,
That Karkat face palmed 20 times that day!
And the minute he realized what a waste of time this had been,
Kanaya suggested they screw the whole thing.
So they brought back the computers, so all that fan art they could post.
And he, HE HIMSELF! Karkat partook in some lazy Christmas-breakfast toast!
THE END
Banned for thinking I'm not going to post the other troll literature written by the forumites of the MSPA forums.
Ah, hell, go read them yourself [http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?34060-How-Karkat-Stole-Christmas.].
EDIT:
Ah, hell, go read them yourself [http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?34060-How-Karkat-Stole-Christmas.].
EDIT:
Banned for not finishing his chores. You won't be able to go to the ball until you finish scrubbing the castle!
Also, Braille, this may be worth following [http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?34149-NEPETAQUEST-2011-Incredibly-serious-business.].
Also, Braille, this may be worth following [http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?34149-NEPETAQUEST-2011-Incredibly-serious-business.].
