The Customer Is Always Wrong

[Jamanticus]

Perhaps the problem is that most of us are stunningly polite most of the time; but then there's 'that' customer...and the eyebrows arch.

I find a lot of people are actually surprised at how polite and helpful we are.

Actually being able to help a customer makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, especially when they express their gratitude. It sometimes makes up for the utter arsewipes that can ruin your day.

Especially if she's cute

Yes. I get great joy from helping a customer who is polite and respectful. I get even more joy from belittling an asinine fucktard. So, in summation, treat us kindly, we will move the world to help you, piss us off, and YOU will have to move the world to hide from our rage...

It's good to see that politeness and courtesy are looked well upon- I've never had a major problem with a person at a store or restaurant (etc) when both of us were courteous to the other.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

There are also the customers you feel really shouldn't be out.

One lady came up to me, whilst I was in the basement, and said in a sweet, nervous voice "How do I get out of here?" whilst standing next to the staircase...

One guy came into the bookshop looking for a bottle of whiskey.

A Policewoman tried to correct me on retail law, and got it wrong.

Two kids today said "What sort of bookstore is this when they haven't got the book I want?", so I turned and said, loudly, "Well, we only have room for 10,000 books."

My favourite story.

"Excuse me, where are the rubber stamps?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have any."
"How old are you?"
"Excuse me?"
"How long have you worked here?"
"Well, five years at the moment."
"Then you are too young, who's the oldest person here?"
"That would be me. The Manager."
"My mother told me she got some stamps in here ten years ago. Where are they?"
"Madame, we have never stocked rubber stamps."
"You are useless. I will come back when there's someone older."

I think that was actually a compliment, especially as the others were only 18.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

And then there's days like today...

Woman comes in. Goes to pay with a card. Card's not been signed. I ask if she's got any ID and she hasn't. She calls her husband.

"'aven't you got Chip & Pin?"
"No sir, it's an expensive system and we prefer the old way."
"Do we have to pay extra for your opinion, tosser?"
...
Hold on a moment...
"I'm sorry sir, but we're just trying to keep your money secure."
"Just shut up and get the fuck on with it." *throws his card at me*
....
Calm...
...
"It's fucking good enough for a third of the civilsed world."
"There we are sir."

Cue him storming off with his shocked wife and two infants.

Far be it from me to ask to be spoken to like a reasonable human being, but his wife's cards unusable, he's had to pay a third of the RRP and he dressed in the manner of a male prostitute.

Think I'm gonna shoot something on TF2 now.

 

[Johnny Ringo]

Thought I'd toss this out there. Strangest request I've ever had from a customer.

Earlier tonight, or last night if you want to get technical, I had a few people come in asking around. They wanted to know where there were any good places to eat in town. I reccomended a few places, we chatted and they left.

Well about thirty minuted later I get word I have a call on line 1. Normally I expect my parents to check up on me in their normally semi-stalkerish method before I get off work. Suprise, suprise. It's one of the people I'd helped earlier. The conversation transpired as followed.
"Hello this is (Ringo) how may I be of assistance?"
"Hi, this is the guy from before. You helped us with finding a restaurant remember?"
"Oh, yeah. What did you need help with?"
"Listen, remember the woman with the brown hair? "
"Yeah"
"Not the Indian one but the other one."
"Yeah"
"That's my wife. She's taken a liking to you and wanted to know if you wanted to come over and have a threesome."
"...Excuse me?"
"Don't worry we wouldn't have to come in contact. You could-"
"Sir. "
We came up from San Francisco. Most of the people we meet here are pretty conservative-"
"Sir"
"I know she's my wife but we're in an open relationship."
"Sir, no."
"Why not?"
"I don't do that."
"Is she unnatractive?"
"No sir, she's very attractive."
"What, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Sir, I'm counting my till out."
"Well after-"
"No"
"Come on-"
"No"
"Sir, I am not having a threesome with your wife."
"She"
"Sir, I'm hanging up now."

When I hung up my co-worker was staring at me with a rather amused expression. Luckily not too many people were around to hear me.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

^ "Nice restaurant recommendation, wanna f^ck me and my wife?"

I love that, that just made my day.

 

[Ashen87]

I'v got several, I'm a Team Leader for a leading UK high street retailer (would say but not sure if i would get into trouble as they do track what their staff say on the net)

I'v been threatened by customers a couple of times, one because in our catalogue it says the delivery of an item is 'uselly within 14 days' but after going through my till it came up with 21 days. i explain to the customer that we are perhaps experianceing problems with stock replenisment with the item, to which he throws a huge hissy fit and threatens to punch me. His wife eventually calms him down and they leave, without anything.

Second one was some guy who bought a poker set from another one of our stores and reserved another at our place. It's out policy that the buyer of these must be over 21 so when he comes to the till i ask for ID. Needless to say he throws a fit about the other store not IDing him and why should we. I refuse the sale obviously and he actually swings for me, Seriously. One of my staff members phones the police and he runs out the store. Unfortunatly i don't think they caught the d**k.

I have more as well just these don't involve me getting threatened, thankfully.
One day I had an argument with a woman because she wanted a refund on a printer a month before the warrenty ended, I told her calmly that the item needed to go away for repair because of it's age (In British consumer law in the first 6 months we have to prove to the customer that the item isn't faulty, after that they have to prove to us that it is). To which she starts saying how i'm wrong and that she is entitled to anything she wants. I tell her what the laws are for this and then she tells me im an idiot and she will go to trading standards about us. Never did hear from Trading standards though.

I have alot more but i have work soon actually.

 

[Cyclomega]

^ "Nice restaurant recommendation, wanna f^ck me and my wife?"

I love that, that just made my day.

The more I read it, the more I think I might have said Yes if I were in his place...

 

[Sayvara]

Yesterday the comuter train home was full... and I mean full. People were standing in the isles from from 'til back. I ended up right out side the crew chief's room, a 1m x 1m compartment with a chair and some cabiets. She had left the sliding door open and some passenger - let's call him Whiny Pete - had wandered in and made himself comfortable in the seat.

Train started and she come back to make the public departure announcements. She found the guy and asked him to get out of her workplace. Whiny Pete promptly blew up in her face... the exchange was something like this.

- I'm not going to put up with this! I'm not going to be standing up for 47 minutes up to !

- Not much I can do about that I'm afraid.

- This is outrageous. How can you run an operation like this?

- Well I'm not in charge of circumstances outside of my control.

- Yes you are! Can't you do proper planning or what?

- I don't do the planning.

- Yes you are! You are the traffic carrier.

- ...?! No I'm not.

- You are the company representative, are you not!

- Look, you'll have to take that up with Scania Traffic. They are in charge.

- You(!) are them!

- No I'm not, I work for DSB Sweden.

With this response Whiny Pete lost momentum and she used the break to slip into the room and shut the door to make the announcements, check on her papers and such. I couldn't see details through the frosted glass walls but her body language seemed to tattle that she was upset.

10 minutes later when we approach my stop, she opened the door and stood there waiting for the train to pull in. As we were both standing behind the guy, I tapped her arm to call her attention, leaned in and whispered: "Good job on handling Whiny Pete there". She looked surprised for second... then she broke up in a smile and patted my shoulder back gratefully.

/S

 

[Xhumed]

Having been called in to work four hours early due to under-staffing, towards the end of my shift I was rewarded by 4 Asian students buying a corner desk- then asking me to take the larger of the two boxes it came flat-packed in apart so they could fit it in their Toyota Camry (not the biggest of cars.) Most of the pieces were small enough so it wasn't too much of a problem. However, the main desk top was still very large and awkwardly shaped.
Cue 10 minutes of trying to fit it in the back seat with two of the students already sat in there, myself assisting and trying not to laugh.
Eventually, it dawned on them that maybe it would be easier to do it if they got out of the car first.
We got it in. Just.
They managed to get back in the car too.

 

[Xhumed]

Had a delightful couple come in on Saturday, during my epic 10 1/2 hour shift, who spent about an hour and a half deciding what desk and chair they wanted. They were great fun to talk to and joke around with- turns out the guy was a gamer, so we had a nice chat about games, best place to get a Gaming rig, etc.
Still the most indecisive couple I've ever met though.

 

[Mr. Moose]

Reading all these stories makes me want to get a night job at a grocery store, so I can see all the crazy people that are afraid of daylight.

 

[poleboy]

Yes, I have seen some pretty horrific pictures all those years ago.

I think the most shocking picture I ever saw was two vacationeers just happened to be in China during the Tienamen (sp?) square protest, the one where China denied to the world atrocisties that were reported.....well, I saw a picture of a citizen who was burned alive and dragged into a back alley with his waistline split open and his guts hanging out on the outside. That picture still bothers me today, even more so when Chinese officials *denied* to the world that there were any problems on the news that night....the same day I developed that picture.

Just curious, did blackmail ever cross your mind, even for a moment?

I don't think blackmailing China is a very good idea. They're pretty good at pretending certain things never happened.

 

[Xhumed]

Yes, I have seen some pretty horrific pictures all those years ago.

I think the most shocking picture I ever saw was two vacationeers just happened to be in China during the Tienamen (sp?) square protest, the one where China denied to the world atrocisties that were reported.....well, I saw a picture of a citizen who was burned alive and dragged into a back alley with his waistline split open and his guts hanging out on the outside. That picture still bothers me today, even more so when Chinese officials *denied* to the world that there were any problems on the news that night....the same day I developed that picture.

Just curious, did blackmail ever cross your mind, even for a moment?

I don't think blackmailing China is a very good idea. They're pretty good at pretending certain things never happened.

Wasn't quite what I meant- was referring more to the various kinky shenanigans captured on film by upright pillars of the community.

 

[Larmo]

I work at a Dollar Store in a poorer part of the county with no Wal-mart for about 10 miles so we get the brunt of the business on Sunday when EVERYONE gets out of church and goes to our store. So from noon till about 3 its packed in out store, we get complaints every Sunday about long lines because out store is relatively small and we only have 2 full time registers, but what i hate is people who think i have some control over this.

Customer: your lines are really long
Me: ya everyone just got our of church so there trying to get there shopping done and going back home to dinner
Customer: cant you open another line
Me: sir we have no more registers to open
Customer: well what do you plan on doing about the lines

Now i normally just explaing that theres nothing i can do as politly and as calmly as possible but i had just explained ti to about 5 people in a row gave them all a customer service number to complain to instead of me, and wondered how they all managed to miss this conversation, so i instead answered

Me: I plan to ban all faith because it empty in here till churches lets out then everone goes shopping and the result is as you see now. So in support of my group Atheist Around the World would you be willing to spread the message to not go to church on Sunday so that the lines will be shorter.
Customer: just ring my stuff up

I knew I was taking my anger out on that guy but after being asked the same stupid question over, and over, and over again i had enough *sigh* the end

 

[Xhumed]

Spoiler: Even Ninja hairdressers and Dark Lords of the Abyss have grumpy customer problems, it seems.

 

[The Eupho Guy_v1legacy]

Reading all these stories makes me want to get a night job at a grocery store, so I can see all the crazy people that are afraid of daylight.

I'm the opposite. After reading all these stories, I'm glad I work in a warehouse, so I only have to deal with my co-workers. :/

 

[Xhumed]

</textarea

Reading all these stories makes me want to get a night job at a grocery store, so I can see all the crazy people that are afraid of daylight.

I'm the opposite. After reading all these stories, I'm glad I work in a warehouse, so I only have to deal with my co-workers. :/

Jammy sod! Although today in the warehouse at work I encountered a Red-back spider. They look cool, but they are ridiculously poisonous. Luckily, spiders have trouble biting people when crushed under shoes.

Why are spider and snakes in Australia so much more poisonous than they need to be to kill their prey?

 

[Deliverance]

*Sigh*

Another time I had to serve some racist man that didn't like the Indian man I served previously. I stopped serving him and voided his transaction. No food for you!

I could go on with these.

So you're effectively racist against racists... nice...

 

[The Eupho Guy_v1legacy]

</textarea

Reading all these stories makes me want to get a night job at a grocery store, so I can see all the crazy people that are afraid of daylight.

I'm the opposite. After reading all these stories, I'm glad I work in a warehouse, so I only have to deal with my co-workers. :/

Jammy sod! Although today in the warehouse at work I encountered a Red-back spider. They look cool, but they are ridiculously poisonous. Luckily, spiders have trouble biting people when crushed under shoes.

Why are spider and snakes in Australia so much more poisonous than they need to be to kill their prey?

Heh. I have a few interesting stories from my time there. I'll have a go at writing them tomorrow, as its midnight here and I can't be bothered at the moment.