The detective game
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Detective voice: ...andthenhewalkeduptothemanandSTABBEDTHEMOTHERF***ERINTHEFACE! *removes glasses* I'm sorry, please go on.
OOC: Haha nice you actually did it.
IC:
Detective voice: *goes cross eyed* So business has been good since the accident?
Suspect: Yeah I've been making a killing since that day.
Detective voice: *uncrosses eyes* A killing you say? *Removes glasses* Mean anything by that?
Suspect: No! No, thats not, I... I... And I would have gotten away with it too! *sprints off*
IC:
Detective voice: *goes cross eyed* So business has been good since the accident?
Suspect: Yeah I've been making a killing since that day.
Detective voice: *uncrosses eyes* A killing you say? *Removes glasses* Mean anything by that?
Suspect: No! No, thats not, I... I... And I would have gotten away with it too! *sprints off*
Detective voice: *Walking away from a building* "Don't worry Jimmy, the suspect is inside the appartment behind us." *Removes sunglasses, throwing them over shoulder*
Jimmy: "Shouldn't we go back that way?"
Detective voice: *Is wearing sunglasses again* "No, definately not." *Sunglasses slide off and are trampled on.*
Jimmy: "Why?!"
Detective voice: *Pulls off sunglasses before throwing them on the ground, shattering them.* "Cause I'm just about out of sunglasses." *Walks away from the building as it explodes.*
Jimmy: "Shouldn't we go back that way?"
Detective voice: *Is wearing sunglasses again* "No, definately not." *Sunglasses slide off and are trampled on.*
Jimmy: "Why?!"
Detective voice: *Pulls off sunglasses before throwing them on the ground, shattering them.* "Cause I'm just about out of sunglasses." *Walks away from the building as it explodes.*
Reporter voice: *Looks at the camera from a ridiculously obscure angle* "Unfortunately today a local detective, D.I. Dillingerrrrrrr, was caught in a huge explosion and killed. He was already walking away from the building as it happened. It appears that in his prior search of the building for a local criminal, he had removed so many sunglasses that the building's contents had reached critical mass, and produced a sum of an explosion much greater than the parts involved. R.I.P. Dillinger."
Couldn't resist.
Couldn't resist.
"I say Holmes, have you developed an astigmatism?"
"Not quite Watson, it seems as though my lax use of cocaine was a little too un-PC for the modern audience, so I have to make witty quips and use these darkened glasses."
"I was wondering why we were investigating a junior school for knife crime."
"Not quite Watson, Baker Street is now in Downtown America now, so that junior school is..."
*removes sunglasses*
"Elementary, Dear Watson."
*Cue the Who.."Yowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"*
"Not quite Watson, it seems as though my lax use of cocaine was a little too un-PC for the modern audience, so I have to make witty quips and use these darkened glasses."
"I was wondering why we were investigating a junior school for knife crime."
"Not quite Watson, Baker Street is now in Downtown America now, so that junior school is..."
*removes sunglasses*
"Elementary, Dear Watson."
*Cue the Who.."Yowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"*
Detective voice: I am now completely sure who killed Mr. Completly-Real-Person *removes glasses* and he's in this room.
Person A: But, sir. Mr. Completely-Real-Person was killed over 30 years ago!
Detective voice: EXACTLY!! *crushes glasses* It was a clever ruse but nothing that I could not see through *points at child in the room* IT WAS YOU, you duplicitous larcenous ursine! *looks at crushed glasses* I demand you buy me new glasses.
Child: Me? I wasn't alive 30 years ago.
Detective voice: I know. *straightens top hat* I was practising.
Person A: But, sir. Mr. Completely-Real-Person was killed over 30 years ago!
Detective voice: EXACTLY!! *crushes glasses* It was a clever ruse but nothing that I could not see through *points at child in the room* IT WAS YOU, you duplicitous larcenous ursine! *looks at crushed glasses* I demand you buy me new glasses.
Child: Me? I wasn't alive 30 years ago.
Detective voice: I know. *straightens top hat* I was practising.
Det4ective Voice: Buh-da-ba-buh-baaa, I'm *Takes off sunglasses, Journeys to the center of the earth and tosses them into a lava pit* lovin it.
"The arsonist has set fire to the building!"
"Looks like we need to fight fire...*removes sunglasses*...with fire."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Stop complaining, set yourself on fire and run in there. Hurry up."
"Looks like we need to fight fire...*removes sunglasses*...with fire."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Stop complaining, set yourself on fire and run in there. Hurry up."
"The arsonist has set fire to the building!"
"Looks like someone is just...*takes of sunglasses*...arson' about."
"Looks like someone is just...*takes of sunglasses*...arson' about."
Well Snideley, it seems that *Removes sunglass and puts C4 on them then runs to the next room and detonates it* We've run out of luck
Why is that, sir?
My car won't start, it's raining and *Pulls eyes out of sockets* my toaster broke, it seems that we need to*Takes off face then throws it into a fire* save me thousands of dollars on my car insurance.
Why is that, sir?
My car won't start, it's raining and *Pulls eyes out of sockets* my toaster broke, it seems that we need to*Takes off face then throws it into a fire* save me thousands of dollars on my car insurance.
Detective: I have come to a startling discovery. It all makes perfect sense now. The zombie outbreak, city hall's corruption.. Fratley, our fair city is completely and utterly... *removes sunglasses* out of chapstick.
OOC: All butlers' names end in -ley
OOC: All butlers' names end in -ley
[/quote]Spartan Bannana said:
Detective Internal monologue: it looked like he tried to use the quote button, but he hadn't got it quite right. Life was cheap, and 'mistakes' like this were all too common when Spartan "the peeler" Bannana was around. I was beginning to suspect something about him, suspicions that had first been aroused when I saw him purchase a supply of thermo-nuclear warheads. At the time it hadn't seemed out of place, just another fish trying to make it through the commercial net that was this city. But as nuclear weapon based crime increased in the ensuing months I started to connect the dots, but it was like I was a man playing mouse trap with a blindfold on. Perhaps this struggling fish wasn't a tuna, but was instead a hammerhead shark, a marlin or even a manta ray. Perhaps the commercial net was no net but a cunningly disguised squid. Either the way the monkey was well and truly out of the bottle now. It was a rainy and cold night when I knocked down his door "Sorry, Mr Bannana, it was open," I think my clever excuse fooled him long enough for me to enter his house. The manta ray was well and truly the swordfish now and the shoe was in the other court. He saw me, opened his mouth and-
Said:Well Mr. Shanks, it seems that you've *removes sunglasses and places them in pocket* found me out, the ostrich is in the cooker, and there's nowhere I can *Takes off sunglasses and shoots them* run like a marmot, you've caught me like emu and it appears that I must *Takes off sunglasses and stomps on them* kill you like a Possum.
I began to suspect he may be onto me. The constant destructions of glasses suddenly made sense, the last victim had been surrounded by over 40 pairs of sunglasses in various states of damage. That metaphor involving the possum could only mean one thing, anyone listening to our conversation would have easily understood what he meant and he was pushing it. "Well Mr. Bannana you could do that, but if you did, you'd never know about the diamonds in switzerland. Wouldn't that be like putting your finger in the pencil sharpener as they say?" It was my only chance, I had to keep him on the hopping foot, if I didn't there was no doubt he'd smash my proverbial piggy bank possibly dipping his fingers in the potato salad while he was there, and as they say in Rome, Carpe Diem: Seize the Carp. Suddenly he-Spartan Bannana said:
Calmly said: Well then lead me to the diamonds Mr. Shanks and I won't be forced to *takes off sunglasses* destroy you
Detective voice: Jeeves by carefully examining the evidence I've come to the conclusion that this *Removes glasses* Is SPARTA! *Kicks Jeeves in the chest*
Nice to see you...*takes of sunglasses*...to see you nice.
If you don't get that, it's Bruce Forsyth's catchphrase. Do a Google Image search for him.
If you don't get that, it's Bruce Forsyth's catchphrase. Do a Google Image search for him.
Bartelby: Alright, you seem convinced there was some crime here and you've never been wrong in the past. What happened?
Detective voice: Bow *removes glasses* chicka wow-wow.
Bartelby: ... What? That doesn't make sense. You're supposed to tell us what the crime was.
Detective voice: That's *removes glasses* what she said.
Bartelby: No, It wasn't. It was what I said. Where do you keep getting these glasses?
Detective voice: Now you got to ask yourself one question *removes glasses* Do you feel lucky *removes glasses* Well *removes glasses* Do ya *removes glasses* punk!
Bartelby: ... No?
Detective voice: Good cause I've already sold your body to science *puts glasses back on*.
Detective voice: Bow *removes glasses* chicka wow-wow.
Bartelby: ... What? That doesn't make sense. You're supposed to tell us what the crime was.
Detective voice: That's *removes glasses* what she said.
Bartelby: No, It wasn't. It was what I said. Where do you keep getting these glasses?
Detective voice: Now you got to ask yourself one question *removes glasses* Do you feel lucky *removes glasses* Well *removes glasses* Do ya *removes glasses* punk!
Bartelby: ... No?
Detective voice: Good cause I've already sold your body to science *puts glasses back on*.