"Why were there Air Marshalls on a plane like that?" Sho asked as he watched it fly away.
"YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF WIND COURSE GAS!" Maddawg screamed shaking his fist at the plane.
Sho and Maddawg walked through the portal to where Chell was standing and where Grimm was bleeding internally.
"Argh... The mystic ovals still make me sea sick..." Sky mumbled.
"Well, it's that or walk like 4 miles through the desert." Sho said from the other side.
"Fine." Sky said and reluctantly walked through.
As the group steps through the portal, Grimm runs over to Sho, he seems to be missing alot of hair.
"HEELLPPP!" he screams hiding behind the white heard man
"Come back here!" says Chell tackling Grim, and ripping more hair out with her teeth.
"oh hey peoples, theres a shiny thing in here.
Ryan soon began to adjust to his new blindness, besides there wasn't much else to hit on the moon. There weren't any bobble heads on the moon, except he sensed some ancient presence on the moon he followed it to the dark side of the moon, there was no sunlight here it was dark no astronauts could have seen but he didn't need his eyes. as he traveled he eventually found it, an ancient door hidden to all. it lead to a tunnel and at the end of that tunnel he found a chamber, inside was a shocking discovery, he called over Frank and the Shrike when they finally arrived they saw a glowing green crystal sphere the size of a baseball floating in the middle of the room.
"What is that thing?" asked frank reaching toward it
"It's a teleporter crystal, it could take us anywhere, a strange planet, the bottom of the sea, even an alternate dimension. but we got to be careful we don't know how to operate it. all I know is that it teleports anything within a 5 foot radius, the exact dimensions of this room. so whatever you do Don't touch that crystal."
"How do you know? DO YOU HAVE X-RAY VISION!?" Sho said covering his privates.
"No... But there's a big glowey sign right there." Chell said and pointed to the large neon sign that said SHINY THING IN HERE
"That's.... Unsettling..." Sho mumbled. "Feels like a trap."
"Theres a glowey for that too." Chell said and pointed to another neon sign. IT ISN'T A TRAP SHO. THERE'S SHINY STUFF IN HERE. IT'S BADASS. "I am going in just because of how awesome these signs are." Sho said
"Why we would we fall for thi-" Grimm began when a third sign that Chell had pointed to interupted him. FUCK YOU GRIMM, IT'S AWESOME IN HERE, YOU CAN BE A WHINEY PUSSY OUTSIDE WHILE YOUR FRIENDS HAVE BADASS FUN WITH SHINY STUFF. "What friends... Whatever, I'll go..." Grimm grumbled.
"Argh... Even I'm getting a bad feeling about this one..." Sky muttered as a fourth sign appeared. SHINY=TREASURE. "ARGH! I'm in!"
"What's in it for me?" Asked Maddawg. A DECENT INTERNATIONAL AIR COMPANY? "Fair enough..." Maddawg sighed. The group headed into the pyramid that the signs were referring to.
Jakeman sat in the cockpit of the C-17. "Umm guys, where did you all go? Guys? Dammit, this is what I get for dozing off after getting yelled at..." Jakeman got up from the pilot's chair, and walked down into the cargo hold. "Hmm, okay. I've got a troop transport truck, a Humvee, the plane itself, a decent tool and welding kit, AND A BOX OF SCRAPS! It's TOOL TIME!!!"
A wierd glow erupted from the Cargo hold of the C-17 as Jakeman began his epic construction. Noises and the occasional scream could be heard from the inside as Jakeman worked....
Meanwhile, over at the Pyramid....
"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Grimm muttered in the dark of the large hall that they had walked into.
"YOU MORON!" Sho said as he started beating all different kinds of crap out of Grimm.
"Argh, he cursed us didn't he?" Sky proclaimed.
"Yep. And I was hoping to get a treasure without any problems, for once. Just once!" Maddawg lamented.
"Wait, Candy hair did what now?" Chell asked.
"Say what now?" Frank asked as he took a leak on the crystal. It glowed red, and a worm hole appeared above Earth, unleashing unspeakable horrors into the world.
Microsoft fanboys! Furries!
12 year old gamers!
The nintendo wii!
And many more!
But worst of all, a firery number burned across the skies for all to see, so evil it struck fear in the hearts of the toughest of soldiers... 1337!
Plauges of n00bs came flying out, surely bringing death, doom, destruction and general annoyance in their wake.
What I thought that thing was a teleporter not a doomsday device, well there's only one person Who can handle this and I'm going on Vacation."
suddenly his very body disappeared with an strange noise it was possibly the most beautiful sound in the universe.
suddenly a blue police box appeared out of nowhere, out stepped a man in a blue suit and brown trench coat and sneakers (I think there red converses)
also was a woman with Blonde hair emerged
"Where are we now Doctor?" asked the Woman
"well Rose It seems we're on the moon except we can breathe, why can we breathe, oh we're in a secret tunnel on the moon, there must have been oxygen sealed inside."
"Who are you?" asked Frank
"I am The Doctor."
Screams could be heard across the Eygptian night as the hordes of n00bs descended upon the world. Jakeman stopped his welding as he heard their pain carrying across the desert. "Oh dear god.... Those kind of screams mean only one thing! n00bs!!!!!!!!!" Jakeman ran to the radio, and hit transmit. He held the mic to the cargo bay door, and the rest of the villians heard the godawful screams of the civillians being tortured by n00bs. "Maddawg! Some idiot has unleashed the n00bonic plagues! Those screams will be from us soon unless we take the fight to the n00bs! WE MUST UNLEASH OUR INNER PRO'S!" Jakeman dropped the mic, not waiting for a reply. He ran over to the secret construction, and jumped into the pilot's seat. "Ok, ignition switch on, plasma reactor green, weapons spinning and hot. Let's rock and roll!"
The C-17 paled in comparison to the n00bs sweeping before it. Halo fanboys, CoD n00bs, Counter-Strike campers and hackers, the list goes ever on. They had formed the Grand n00b Army, and the swept aside all in their path. As they turned their attention on the lone cargo plane, it fell apart to reveal a 30 foot tall walking machine of death and destruction. Jakeman sat in the cockpit of his newly built Mad Cat Assault Class BattleMech, grinning evily. The speakers on his Mech and in his cockpit began to ring with the sound of a single bell being tolled. A single electric guitar joined in, followed by another electric and a bass, then the crash of the drums finished off the entrance. AC/DC's 'Hells Bells' stopped the n00bs cold, allowing Jakeman his moment. "HAIL TO THE KING!" Jakeman shouted as he unleashed hell. Missiles flew, machine guns roared and Particle Plamsa Cannon shots blasted forth into the n00bonic plague as Jakeman cackled with glee. But even with the firepower of the Mad Cat, Jakeman was beginning to be overrun. "Oh you want some? Well here, have it! Aw Yeah? You want some too? TAKE IT, *****! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT MY PRONESS! HAIL TO THE KING!!!" Jakeman shouted as the n00bs brought down his Mech. He opened the canopy and jumped out, Axe slashing at the n00bs trying to knife him. "Is that the best you got? COME ON!!!"
As Jakeman fought for his life against the n00bs, he didn't notice a giant gearbox falling from the sky. It landed in the center of the n00bs masses. It opened to the sound of 'Back in Black', with AC/DC themselves playing it from a rising stage. Center stage was the one man rumoured to be long dead, but revived for one last round of Proness. "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all outta gum." Duke Nukem said, before jumping into the n00bs headfirst, slaughtering them by the thousands. But still more came. The Duke fought his way over to Jakeman and the two stood back to back, covered in the blood of n00bs. "We are so gonna need more help...." Jakeman said to Duke.
"Yeah. We gotta stop 'em here though. KEEP FIGHTING!" Duke said as more n00bs rushed them.
More blood was spilled as Jakeman and Duke Nukem fought to hold off the n00b hordes.
The Shrike observed from the moon looking down. He saw that the n00bs were slaughtering all the people of earth. He made a massive leap and broke free of the moons weak gravity and began to fall quickly to earth. He smashed into a legion of n00bs. Standing up he saw that his body had melted into a smooth white hot demon. He spread his arms wide grabbing n00bs burning them alive, throwing himself against them.
His body was deformed from the fall the heat and the impact. But despite this he did what he was truly made to do. Murder humans. He took no pride in this slaughter as bullets bounced off his carapace and under barrel launched grenades exploded, killing more n00bs than actually harming him.
He initiated fast time. Running through the hordes of n00bs into the slaughter.
"Yes" he thought "Come to the slaughter, you aren't humans" his disembodied voice rose to a crescendo and his next words echoed over the shouts of the n00bs and gun fire. "YOU'RE PIGS!!"
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! It's David Tennant!" Frank shouted running up to the doctor.
"Wait, you regenerated like last season!" Frank said.
"Oh well, DAVID TENNANT WAS ALWAYS SUPERIOR!" He shouted, rumbling the Tardis.
"Ooh, ohh, can you do the thing with the Sonic screwdriver?" He asked.
"What you mean this?" he said as he activated the Sonic screwdriver, it's light glowed and it made it's ominous humming noise. Frank squealed in delight
"I have one other question." said Frank
"What is that?"
"Are you my mummy?"
The Doctor laughed, they were floating 25 feet in the air watching the battle. The Doctor watched the Shrikes insane Rampage through the horde of n00bs
"Seriously that guy has got issues
Meanwhile, in the meta-world....
A furry brown lump in a gi slouched in front of a huge bank of monitors. It spoke.
"Well. Give me the odds, biocomputer?"
Exactly 0.0%, sir. Without outside help, they will not survive this battle, not even with The Duke.
"I'd say that it means nothing, but this isn't Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. Odds actually do matter. Helena? What do you suggest?"
Well boss, I'd advise you to get down there and kick some ass.
"Are we sure I'll actually tip the odds in any significant manner?"
Yeah, we are, I just finished running the sim. Odds of all Player Character's survival go up to 24% with the addition of your powers.
"Huh. Still don't like those odds much. Any way to improve 'em?"
Short of dropping Luna onto the battlefield, nothing significant.
"Well, win some, lose some. I've been gone too long anyway. Consensus?"
I advise dropping in for a visit.
At the risk of sounding crass, boss? Go kick some ass. You've been restless for a while now and you're making the rest of us jumpy. I think you need a vacation, this seems a perfect opportunity.
"And I'm definitely down. Makes it unanimous among us. Drop me a portal, I'll be back with Daitatsu and the scroll in a minute."
On the battlefield.....
"We're being overrun, Sergeant! Please, pull out, we've got a chopper waiting! We'll nuke the place from orbit!" The pro gamer clan grunt was almost frantic with worry, shooting and retreating.
"I'm not done yet! Macross! Missile! MASSACRE!!!!" With a single button press, millions of missiles shot out of the C-17s pods, inflicting serious damage on the army. It didn't matter, the n00bs kept coming.
Even the Duke was hard pressed. He was trapped in a ever closing circle of enemy combatants, slowing him down further and further, wearing away at his ammo supply.
Slowly but surely, the heroes and villains were losing. There were simply.....too many enemies.
It is said that, on the far side of darkness, there is a kind of light. It is not visible to the naked human eye, but can be sensed through the same sense that tells you when someone's looking at you or that warns you that the supernatural is about. The portal technology the furry brown lump used to move into the battlefield harnesses this, breaking reality down at a very basic level. The upshot of this is that, wherever the portal goes to suffers a huge explosion as previously inert matter is compressed and coded into a sentient being. This explosion tore through the ranks of n00bs, killing thousands and leaving a huge crater. For the first time since the battle had begun, silence reigned over the Egyptian desert as every being on the battlefield turned to face the center of the crater, where stood now a short, mongoloid figure bearing a large black scythe and a scroll as large as it was.
Ragnorak's head snapped up and met the eyes of every one of the player characters on the field. "Hey guys. Thought you could use a hand....er, paw."
A puff of desert sand and Ragnorak was walking nonchalantly towards Jackman's C-17, twirling Daitatsu with ease as every n00b that had been standing in a direct line between the two points fell over slowly.
"Welp, I s'pose this'd be as good a time as any to make my dramatic entrance..." Sam muttered. He leapt off the back of the giant eagle he was riding on, falling the thousand feet between him and the ground in record time, and landing beside Rag. Sam pulled a sledgehammer out of his bag and walked alongside Rag, smacking any n00bs that Rag missed into the dirt. "Hello! Welcome back. Tell me, how interested would you be in helping me rally the rest of the heroes? Once we're done with this, of course." Sam grabbed a n00b by the throat, threw him to the ground and made a mess of his head. "Anyway, as an aside, what was all that business with percentages? We're incapable of defeat. It was never below 100. The addition of you and me, that's just bumped it up to 300. And what the hell do you mean "this isn't Gurren Lagann"? It so bloody is!" The pair reached Jakeman and his chums. "Hi. How are we doing?"
"Damn these n00bs, I have to land this plane now." said Jakeman as he was force to land the C-17. He stepped out of the damaged aircraft and saw a blue portal was on the hull of the plane, through it he saw the other Villans about to follow neon signs into a pyramid.
"Why the hell not" he said as he jumped through the portal.
Chell was busy nawing on Grim's candy flavored head when the shiny armor man shot out of the Orange portal.
"Hiya, shiny armor man" said Chell.
"Jakeman what happened to my Plane" said Maddawg.
"Yes, something went wrong and it isn't my fault." said Grim
"Shut up Grim, your Useless is going to spread." said Sho
A blue haired man and a Monkey ninja, landed by the pyramid.
"Hi. How are we doing?" said the blue haired man
"MONKEYYYY!" screams Chell as she pounces on RagnarökTres, "Can keep him Maddawg, can I can I huh." she says
<spoiler=OOC> WTF Just happened??? Since when was I flying the C-17? I destroyed it in my last post to create a Mad Cat BattleMech from the Battletech universe.... Ahh well, Let's just roll with it. A hero's spawn point and villian's spawn point shall need to be defined, so that we can round up all the characters and then go on an epic adventure!!!
Jakeman looked at Chell wierdly. "Dude, WTF? He's not a pet..... Anyways, I'm just going to assume that with Rag and Sam here the n00b's have been defeated. Don't ask about how I know their names, I've been thrown in, around and through the time space continuum quite a few times in the recent past. So, what's the go now? I was the pilot for the bad guys, if you can call them bad.... Ah to hell with it. Lets just go on an epic adventure."
The doctor saw that when Frank urinated on the Crystal it caused a horde of n00bs from another dimension appear, with his 3D glasses he could see that they were covered in particles from their dimension. He then began working on the crystal with some tools until.....
"All right Frank These n00bs are from an alternate Dimension using that frequency I'm going to suck them all back where they came from in ........... 2............1!"
the crystal glowed red once more and the n00bs, dead or alive, were sucked into a void, it would put them back in their dimension and seal them off permanently."
"Ah how I love a happy ending." he said smiling.
Rag tilted his head at Sam and said "Look, I know that and you know that. We don't really need to talk about it anywhere, do we? My superiors would.....take exception to my presence otherwise."
"OOOOOOhhhh. You were looking for an excuse. I see." Sam grinned lopsidedly at the monkey. "You are a right bastard, you know that?"
"I've begun to suspect this, yes."
Then Rag was tackled by Chell. Or at least, that's what it looked like. In truth, Chell was now tackling a log, Rag having sensed the tackle attempt when it started. He reappeared on top of her head. Grinning, he shouted "LLLLLLLLOOOOGGGGG'DDDDDD!"
Still grinning, he turned to Jackman. "There really aren't any "good" or "bad" guys anymore. There's just PCs and NPCs, though all the PCs should not party up, there's some serious alignment conflict going on there. I don't suppose I could get a quick rundown of recent events, could I? I just happened to investigate at this point in the space-time continuum."
I have no idea who's who, what's what and where's where. All the details I've got in my entrance post are garnered from Jackman's post 3 up. That's as long as I've been paying attention. >.>
"A job well done." Frank said.
"So can I ride the Tadis with you guys back to Egypt?" Frank asked.
"Sure why not?" The Doctor shrugged. "ALONZE!" Frank shouted and ran into The Tardis that was disguised as a police box.
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