The Guy above me is a troll because...

[Neonbob]

...for taking a bus of retards to a lake and leaving them there for a day.

 

[Sassafrass]

...for sealing a bus full of kittens.

 

[Neonbob]

...for launching people using a contraption made up of bottles!

 

[Sassafrass]

...for launching a Space Shuttle made out of cardboard and Silly Putty.

 

[Ren3004]

For supplying said Silly Putty.

 

[Neonbob]

...for smiling in rainstorms of unparalleled magnitude!

 

[Sassafrass]

...for gluing a metal rod to his head in the middle of the worst lightning storm ever.

 

[Sassafrass]

...for playing baseball with toddlers as the ball.

 

[Sassafrass]

...for not enjoying it enough.

Spoiler: And not hating these things like Dr. Cox

• J.D.
  Hugh Jackman
  Receiving help from others in any form
  Dane Cook
  Being given nicknames by complete strangers
  Republicans
  The Republican National Convention
  Hope Floats
  Being wrong
  Emotions
  Religion
  Shrinks
  Losing patients
  The Big Discussions
  Anyone who adds "izzle" to any word.
  Private practice doctors
  Everything in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions
  People who say the phrase "Let's rock and roll" or "I have to rock and roll"
  The name Perry
  People who wear their hands-free phones while not using them
  People who call Wednesday "Humpday"
  All Sandra Bullock movies
  Low carb diets
  High def TV
  Wireless hot spots
  The United Nations
  Getting Punk'd
  The Latin Grammys
  The real Grammys
  Jeff, that darn Wiggle that sleeps too much
  The Yankee's payroll
  All the red states
  All the blue states
  Michael Moore
  The Bush daughters
  Kabbalah, and all Kabbalah-related products
  People not listening to what he has to say
  Dermatologists
  Every Hybrid Car
  Every Talkshow Host
  Everything on the planet
  Everything in the solar system
  Everything
  The term "Back in the day" being used by young people.
  Being touched.
  People calling his daughter J.D.

 

[Sassafrass]

...for "You angry, hate filled people! You slightly sicken me!"

 

[Sassafrass]

...for making me sick of being sick of kids.