The Heir Apparent: A Fantasy RP (Interest/Sign-up Thread -- APPLICATIONS CLOSED)

[Arcanist]

I'm sorry it's taken so long to get around to this rounds of critiques, everybody! University is hard.

Further, I have some bad news - my co-GM, CJ, has lost his internet and will have a spotty connection at best until he has it restored on Wednesday. I'll try to pick up the slack, but like I said, University is hard.

Anyway, without further ado...

Spoiler: Sir Demyan Vasil

Name: Sir Demyan Vasil

Sex: Male

Age: 38

Order: Diviners

Appearance: Sir Demyan Vasil is at least 7 ft 2, though some argue he is even taller. Nobody really knows because he won't let anyone measure him anymore. His hair is a flaming curly red that goes down to his back. He hasn't cut it in years. Vasil has blue eyes and surprisingly lacks freckles or any other distinguishing marks on his face, aside from his lack of eyebrows due to constantly singing them off.

Vasil rarely dresses in fancy clothing as it holds him back, though if forced to he will only wear his most insane looking neon green suit custom fit with a purple tophat that has streamers sewed down the sides. In normal situations, he is wearing a long tan leather cape along with spectacles and outrageously shiny shoes. His shirt is a dark black and his pants sag a bit, he is mostly unkept.

As for equipment, Vasil is famous for his magical telescope which lets him see through walls. Aside from that, he carries a pocket watch, though has the time in his head anyway. He also has a personal rapier and dagger stowed away in his Armor should the need arise for personal combat (Though he is more likely to just join someone else if you send him in situations that require him to leave his armor and fight). He doesn't carry around gunpowder anymore, though he has plenty of empty barrels lying around in case the need arises.

Armor: Vasil has a really REALLY big Armor. It is at least twenty feet tall, but has scant few weapons placed on it. It has no weapons apparent on it, but the real weapon is Demyan's mind and magic. It is capable of hand to hand combat due to its arm augmentation but most of the armor acts as a giant channel for his magic to work.

Because of this, it has a perpetual glow to it in the back of its boxy shape. Moving rarely if ever in a battle and acting more as a home base for Demyan. It also has an elevator out of the middle for him to get out and observe the battlefield with his telescope while still controlling the Armor.

Vasil has perfected his own unique style of magic, which entirely runs around his study and use of gunpowder. He no longer requires people to make it for him as he can generate it on his own, infusing it with various other forms of magic before throwing it in magical shells that he can detonate at will. The insane size of his Armor allows him to easily heft these balls clean over a castle's wall and into vulnerable locations.

That isn't all his armor allows him to do however, Vasil is an expert at using his abilities on other people's weapons as well. Often traveling with a platoon of smaller earth magic using armors, he uses what he calls the Ka-plowie Stick style to hollow out the front of a spike of rock and fill it with enough explosives to level a wall. Once the spikes burrow inside the wall, he detonates them and causes the wall to act as his own personal scattergun.

He is also able to generate gunpowder in areas near and under him, creating traps for enemy soldiers to run through. The only major disadvantage he has is that it takes time for him to do anything. Everything Vasil does is intricately planned but if he is caught off guard, he might have trouble escaping or dealing any significant damage.

The shells themselves are a glowing purple ball of energy that Demyan can take control of. It's more efficient to simply throw them, but in dangerous situations he can wield many of them, launching and moving them at will. He can also use the same tactic to create barriers in order to protect himself or rarely allies.

Personality: For Vasil, loyalty has been a fickle thing. Not only because of his own personality, but because of the way others have treated him. Demyan was in no way an outcast as a child but acts like one and is not a social creature. He sees humans as mere tools to something much greater and only wants to gain power in order to have more lab assistants once this whole "war thing" ends.

Demyan is dismissive to most, though a kind fellow if you get to know him. He has an odd view of how the world works, sees it as more of a clockwork with things just lining up as they should. Kind of like a Cukoo Cukoo clock.

Bio: Scientists are rare now. Most having fled the kingdom in search of less...trying times. Demyan is not one of them. He has instead embraced what has happened around him and is looking to further his influence on the field through this little game of the Queen's.

Born in the Advent and surrounded by progress, Demyan Vasil was made to join the ranks of the progressives. He just always was hampered by people trying to shoot at him. He joined the royal branch of science only to be shot at for being a loyalist. Then he joined the Dukes at Parliment only to then be shot at again for rebeling against the now returned Queen.

Demyan was always proficient in magic, but spent most of his time facinated with other areas. Mostly in the newfangled "gun powder" advent that allowed commoners to best mages in the best of times. Through a lot of trial and error, with some of the error being catastrophic, Demyan now has a full and complete understanding of what makes the material tick.

Barnaby attempted to convince Demyan to stay, as he was still quite gifted and held enough power to help immensely. He refused. Demyan was tired of being held back by this war and found that the ex Queen was working the fastest to end it. To this end, he found himself right at home in the ship of progress with the Queen at the helm.

Secretly however, Demyan was really looking for a medium with which to test his findings. That gunpowder was capable of being a medium for magic within itself, spreading and amplifying the effects of it to devestating levels. He intends to use the Duke's settlements and army as test subjects.

Like we discussed earlier, guns and gunpowder are almost exclusively the domain of the Sheriffs. Aside from that, the backstory works.

A general note to the other apps - siding with the Queen has a huge risk associated with it. Her army is strong, but she's facing the combined might of both the Nobles and the Parlimentarians, so she(and by extension, you) are facing an uphill battle. What motivates the decision to side with her? Kyle's choice - that he sees her as a means to an end in his political machinations - answers this question. We want reasons to fight aside from a nebulous sense of patriotism or mere ignorance.

Trying to go for a mixture of a 40K space marine Chaplin and a Sigmar warrior priest, hope it is acceptable.

Spoiler: Lysander Kantor

Name:Lysander Kantor

Sex:Male

Age: 38

Order: Paragon

Appearance: Standing at around 7 feet tall with a large muscular build, Lysander is a giant of a man. He has a tanned complexion which compliments his stern brown eyes. Due to his order Lysander has shaved off all of his hair along with his facial hair, this is also a personal choice as he believes that those of the holy order should be clean in appearance as well as soul. When he is out of his armour Lysander will usually be seen in the robes of his holy order.

Armour: Lysander's armour has been built with several things in mind: to provide protection, durability, strength in combat and to inspire his fellow man. These requirements suit Lysander?s style of combat well as he is always in the front line fighting beside the normal soldiers that make up any regular army. The armour stands at around 18 feet tall and is made up of large white master crafted plates of iron with a layer of chain-mail and leather underneath the plates. Along with his armour Lysander carries a large expertly crafted spiked warhammer which he uses effectively to bash his way through formations of foes with relative ease.

When he is in his armour Lysander uses his magic to achieve feats of strength unrivaled by other Mages and to improve the overall defensiveness of his armour. When in combat; Lysander also uses his magic to project his voice so he can shout words of encouragement to his allies and hatred towards his enemies. On one occasion he also gave a combat sermon to his unit as they drove through a line of heavy infantry. As he uses this vocal magic his armour begins to glow with a vicious red colour, this is intended to rally the men around him as they drive through the enemy lines.It also gives him a terrifying appearance to his enemies and many of them have called Lysander the ?Red priest?; not only for the glow of his armour but also for the destruction he leaves in his wake.

Personality: Kind, Brave and always ready to defend his beliefs and the beliefs of others, Lysander is a man of principles and honour. He fully believes in the tenants that his order upholds and will always strive to protect the weak from the strong, help those less fortunate than him and always act in kindness to all those around him. When in battle he is ferocious and will stop at nothing to destroy his enemies. But when the haze of battle ends; he will always be the last off the field as he tends to the wounded and dying from both sides. As one of the original members of the Parliament, Lysander fully believes that there should be some sort of council for the common folk to voice their problems and concerns to the upper class. This is his main goal and when this conflict ends he hopes that his goal will come true in some shape or form.

Bio: Born in the hard country of the Frontier, Lysander was born into a noble family with a long military background in service to the royal family. Naturally strong, clever and kind. Lysander grew up under the watchful eye of his strict father who trained him constantly in the arts of war and combat, much to the dismay of his mother who wanted her son to be able to choose his own path in life. The training was brutal and punishing on the young Lysander who would usually be left in a sore and bruised state after every session. And when he started to show signs of being blessed with the gift of magic, his harsh training intensified.

But despite his horrible life Lysander did not allow it to affect his attitude to others and on days he could be seen bringing food and water to prospector families in his father's lands.His mother had always encouraged him to keep being kind to those less fortunate than him, but his father scoffed at this and would always tell him that the weak suffer because of their failings. Lysander would always disagree with this much to the fury of his father who would punish him for speaking back.

After the death of his mother when he was 16; Lysander ran away from his father?s lands and headed north seeking adventure and a better life. During his travels he would help those in need and on most occasions fought bandits prying on peasant lands; using the combat skills that he learned from his intense training from his father and basic magic that he picked up along the way.

His attention and kindness to the lesser folk were noticed and soon a Mage from the Paragons found him and offered him a place within their ranks. Lysander agreed, happy that there were people who sought to help those in need. But before he could join, the paragon fought Lysander to see if he was worthy. He fought well and the young Lysander was accepted to begin his training within the order.

Once he began his training he started to fully embrace and master the skills and teachings of the order and soon proved to be an excellent initiate within the order. He completed his training and quickly after that he forged his suit of armour to aid him in his duties of protecting the people. He served his order loyally through his duties and when Renault Arche begin his uprising; Lysander was one of the first to lend his aid to the Knights noble cause and soon began to preach to the masses about the knight?s wise ideas.

When the fighting began Lysander?s strength and bravery were a few of the reasons why the Parliamentarians had many early victories and his reputation grew which each battle. But after 10 bloody years of combat this meant little, and during an ambush Lysander and his unit were cut off and tried to flee into the wilderness to continue the fight. However enemy forces caught up with them and they were soon surrounded. Lysander and his men set up defensive positions and readied themselves to give their lives dearly for their cause. The enemy soon moved in and a desperate battle took place and although Lysander's unit fought well they were overrun and Lysander was left badly wounded.

He awoke hours later wounded but still alive and began moving North as he believed that Renault and the last of his forces were killed by the advancing enemy forces. He took refuge in a local village away from the fighting in the shadow of the mountains to heal his wounds and to help the local people within the village whose way of life was affected by the war.

When Queen Lisbeth came down from the mountains with an army at her back, he was cautious when they first approached the village. He demanded to speak with the young Queen as he feared they might bring harm upon the village's inhabitants.But after speaking with her; Lysander began to take interest in her cause as he began to feel sorry for what had happened to the young queen and he agreed that for this war to end a strong leader was needed.She had also personally heard of his reputation and skill in battle and of his constant attempts to protect the weak. She soon asked him if he would join her in taking back her throne, and after much thought he agreed and joined the ranks of her advancing army.

Although Lysander has taken up a new cause, he has not forgot about his main goal of establishing a people?s parliament. So whenever he can he will try and draw the young queen, his new mage allies or regular soldiers into a discussion about the matter. So far mostly only a few common soldiers have taken interest in the ideas, but for Lysander this is progress.

Other In the main army camp Lysander is usually found preaching and giving rites to the soldiers, he has also used this as an attempt to preach about his ideas to the men. However so far this has caused some trouble for him within the army.

Lysander also wants the Queens forces and the Parliamentarians to join together as allies. As he believes that they both share noble causes and it would beneficial for the people overall if they did join together to fight their common enemy.

Done a bit more editing on the Bio and fixed some mistakes that where present throughout the document.

I'll be honest, I'm a sucker for the 40k mythos, so I really, REALLY like this sheet. The only admittedly nitpicky problem I see is his height - over seven feet tall is a little ridiculous. I know you were going for the whole Space Marine angle, but in this setting it just doesn't make much sense - you're still technically ordinary humans physically, and ordinary humans are almost never that large. Scale it down a bit to, say, 6'8" and this sheet would be golden.

Here's my sheet, if you have any problems with it, let me know.

Spoiler: Arthur Sol

Name: Arthur "Art" Sol

Sex: Male

Age: 30

Order: The Diviners, Study in the arts of scrying and to a certain degree, being able to see into the future, albeit this is an ability which is uncontrolled and highly random, rendering much of that which he does see fairly useless or confusing. It's a work in process, basically.

Appearance: If you don't like pictures, please ignore my avatar, which I was using prior to this. It is of Art, however.

Anyways, completely red hair which is not natural , but rather the result of his research, albeit he refuses to tell anyone how that happened. and light-toned brown eyes, with a light skin tone. A decently handsome face, and his somewhat pointy eyebrows makes him capable of displaying emotions easily, if he wants to. His hair is messily swept back and to the left, and he does have a few patches of hair as a fringe. Around 6'1" and lean, although not skinny, with long legs rather than a long torso. He's normally dressed in colors like orange, red and yellow, often wearing an orange poncho a high-collar with several layers of colors and a bit of flashy details. Underneath it, he wears a red and/or orange thing that most people seem to mistake for a kind of short, sleeved-dress. This is mostly due to the laces on the border, and it's shape. He does claim it's a robe, but adds he could totally pull off a dress either way. Apart from that, he wears white stockings, and high, dark red boots. Clearly his fashion sense is top notch.

As for items, it is not unusual for Art to be carrying writing tools and a badge with the coat of arms of his noble patron, Lord Patrick of the Roesen family, which is an orange coat of arms with a snake and a sun. He is openly wearing the badge at times, which sometimes causes people to question his intentions, as they don't always realize that Lord Roesen is a supporter of the queen. He also have a dagger, which he carries with the tools in a small bag hanging from his hip.

Armor: His armor is not too large, around 13 feet, and not very heavy. It is surprisingly sturdy for it's weight, but it's not fit for use in combat, as it's a pain to use for anything else than running, jumping and magic. It is also quite flashy, sporting the colors of the Roesen family, Red, Orange and Yellow, and being beyond reasonable shiny, mostly due to Art's requests to make it so. It is, however, capable of being used to scry a rather large part of the area around what it is scrying. It is used to give information about the area to other Power Armors, and very often, to gain the attention of the enemy. It is therefore equipped with a large, magic "speaker" capable of making Art's voice hearable from quite the distance, if he wishes it to be. For combat purposes it's equipped with short sword, only about the size of a small child, and the ability to make it fire small balls of electricity.


Personality: Cunning, ambitious as well as curious and charming, all in one person. The kind of guy who enjoys politics and making deals, but by no means a pacifist, as words are simply another way of fighting. He is loud and confident when he needs to be, but not without grace and a careful, rather than direct, approach. Information is often seen as more of a tool than a right, and he will withhold information easily if he feels it will aid, as too much knowledge might ruin a few things. However, he is extremely loyal. Despite the fact that his loyalties firstly lies with Lord Patrick Roesen, this is also extended to the Queen, as Lord Patrick Roesen is one of the few nobles who has supported her from the beginning. If his loyalties should conflict, something which is very unlikely. it will be Lord Roesen who he'll support.

A common idea of him is that he's an eccentric guy, always been a bit strange, if very sociable and knowledgeable. He is also fairly arrogant at times, and doesn't trust anyone's judgment above his own. He speaks in an eloquent way, likes to do stuff as he think is best, and dislikes being talked down to. Usually, he is fond of people and schemes, and will listen rather than argue when someone makes a point, unless he feels that it is absolutely necessary. He is rather open when it comes to personal stuff, and doesn't talk about his work that much. If he's not working, reading and/or talking to people, he's likely to be in a garden, relaxing in the sun if the weather is nice.


Bio: Arthur was born a commoner in a family with no last name of importance, in the lands of Faeborough. At age three he was sold to the Roesen family due to his family being poor and unable to take care of all the children, and raised by an old maid to be a servant. However, as the Roesen resident was close to the forest where Fae is said to reside, he would spend a lot of time there. One day, was found by Lord Patrick Roesen, the young head of the family, who soon realized the kid had a talent for magic and a bright head, as well as a growing curiosity of magic. Of course, they met by coincidence, as Art would sit outside the forest where Fae is said to reside very often. Lord Patrick himself had a personal interest in magic, but due to having been born the heir of his family, he only got the chance to study it when he was the head of the family himself, at age 22. At this point of time, Arthur was about 7 years old, but he was already capable of discussing aspects of it with Lord Roesen, if uneducated and with the words of a commoner. Patrick took a liking to the boy, as they shared the interest in magic.

Lord Patrick decided to take Arthur under his wing, giving him an education more fitting a noble than a servant. Later, Lord Roesen started founding his research, eagerly hearing about and discussing what Arthur did find out, treating Arthur almost like a younger brother. In return, Arthur's research took the form of a question, the question being: "How can I best aid my lord?" As Lord Roesen's life mostly revolved around politics and society, the answer Arthur came up with was scrying, and attempts at seeing the future, so he could advice Roesen and warn him of future events. He also started reading about more about the politics so he could understand it better, even if he did know about the basics from having served a noble family for so long.

It was not until ten years ago, when the conflicts with the queen started, that Arthur actually started learning how to properly use a power armor and how to read a battlefield. This was because, if by a coincidence or not, he had dreamed that the queen would return, and told Lord Patrick. His Lord requested that he prepared for aiding her when he did. Ten years later, his dream proved to have been true, and he was sent by the completely loyal Lord Roesen as a magic knight to serve her. According to his Lord's wishes, Arthur took the oath of loyalty to the queen.

I like the concept, but I'm not entirely certain how we'd be able to balance clairvoyance as a player power. I'll need to confer with my co-GM before I render any further judgement on the Armor itself. The backstory works, though.

Constructive criticism is welcome, as always.

Spoiler: Caspian von Brandt

Name: Caspian von Brandt

Sex: Male

Age: 28

Order: The Shades

Appearance: Pale and raggedy. The trade of the Shades is a dirty one indeed and Caspian?s appearance reflects that. Caspian?s eyes are a dull grey, and cold. His face is pale and clean-shaven, with high cheekbones, but it is not a face one would find welcoming, as it never smiles. An isolated web-like patch of burn scars can be seen crawling from his left ear and ends at about a few centimetres away from his left eye. He wears clothes with heavy stitching, as they have been torn apart and repaired many times. Patches also dot his clothes. The clothes in question would be considered to be very smart and striking if not for the zig-zag of stitches and patches. He often wears a tattered cloak in an attempt to conceal his marred attire and the tools of the assassin's trade he has hidden in his pockets. He stands at 5?10?.

Armour: His Armour is sleek and light, build for speed. Each of the separate parts - the breastplate, pauldrons, etc - are loosely connected by wreath of aether. In its default state, the pieces of metal resemble crystal in colour, however, when cloaking is activate, these panels fill with the colours of its surroundings.Though even with that one feature of the Armour sticks out - behind the main body of the Armour, there is a fan-like contraption. This one piece has an important function. As part of his hit-and-run fighting style, Caspian has an secondary engine of sorts installed. The fan-like contraption is the main part of it. Whenever he activates it, it begins to rotate and the wreath of aether turns into a wreath of azure flames, propelling the Armour forward at high speed.

The crystal-like plates of the Armour glow red-hot because of the heat that is produced. In addition to this, the Armour has a pair of blades mounted on the gauntlets. When extended, they appear to resemble normal curved daggers with curved hilts. However, with but a thought from Caspian, the hilt can slide outwards and show its true nature - that it is in fact two additional blades. When the dagger is thrust into a crevice in another?s Armour - say in a backstab - the springing action of the two hilt blades are perfect for removing metal plates from the Armour or even removing the enemy Mage from his/her Armour - Caspian?s speciality. For this purpose, the Armour is somewhat smaller compared to others, standing at about 10 foot. It is nicknamed 'Dosenoeffner' after a joke that was made about it.

Personality: Caspian is cool, calm and collected, at least on the outside. In truth, he is a person used to killing, and even takes pleasure in the act, believing that the relationship behind hunter and prey is the oldest and deepest one there is. One key aspect of his personality is his determination and focus, once given a target, he will hunt it down with cold efficiency. That was the way he was conditioned, after all. Caspian considers himself an intellectual who is above feelings and desires, but sometimes gets rather... overzealous in his work, and even succumbed to battlelust at one point. Caspian aspires to never let that happen again, even if his emotions conspire against him. In short, he loves the ?iciness? that great focus brings and bears disdain for emotions and how they make things ?messy?.

Bio: Born in Hush, in a simple town. Caspian was an unnervingly quiet child, and was pampered by his noble parents who saw his talent in magecraft. His father often joked that the child was destined for the Shades because Caspian often seemed to appear out of nowhere. His mother just wanted him to be happy. However, in the end, neither of their opinions mattered. A fire burnt everything away, leaving him only with a singular burn scar and his mother?s last gift to him - a sapphire necklace. For a few months, he wandered the dark woods of Hush, unphased by the aura of unease. Even now, he still does not speak of what he saw, if he saw anything. However, that chapter of his life ended quickly as his uncle found him by the outskirts of the town, collapsed. His uncle, who recognised the necklace, dragged him out of the snow and into his household, adopting the child as one of his own.

Caspian hated it at his uncle?s. Except for the few moments when his uncle was around, he got picked on by his cousins. Partly because of the scar, and partly because the child didn?t react to the jibes that his cousins played in him, partly because they were jealous of him and that pretty stone he always carried, but mostly because he was someone who didn?t belong. Caspian soon learned the virtues of numbing himself, of casting his emotions away. One day, his uncle stumbled into the large playroom and saw what his sons and daughters did behind his back. Immediately, he dragged Caspian out of the room and apologised for indirectly causing the child some hardship. But, on seeing Caspian?s blank stare, his uncle sighed and knew what path would be best for the child, despite his late sister?s objections to that Order.

He took Caspian away from that dreadful place and to the Shades for training. With a heavy heart and a final whisper of goodbye, he left Caspian in their care. The training was grueling and tough. From the arts of assassination, to the more subtle arts of espionage, Caspian was taught it all and absorbed the teaching like a sponge with water. After almost a decade, he was ready to craft his Armour. With the same focus that carried him the tough years, he carefully crafted his Armour, pouring all of the swaying emotions that he had bottled up over the years. The result was an Armour built with a focus on singling out targets and destroying them effectively and mercilessly. Even since then, he has taken a large number of assignments, simply content to be given an objective and complete it. However, the war changed things. Chaos ruled the nation as the Dukes fought each other over who should rule.

As the war when on, Caspian found himself wanting for assignments. With the number of battles in the open, no one seemed to want a shadow that could strike in the dark when the same could be achieved more cheaply, at least in terms of gold, with a grand battle. However, he didn?t have to wait long. One stray Duke that was still loyal to the Crown hired him to take out one of the vassals of the enemy - a Mage no less. Caspian immediately began tracking his target and found the vassal in a small village in Upperland. True to his training, he striked from the shadows, landing a blow in a ***** in the enemy?s Armour. But, the fight didn?t end there. The enemy recovered and retaliated. Caspian was already in a bad mood that day, and that just made things worse. Filled with a new-found fury, he charged at his target.

The streak of azure flame crashed into the enemy?s Armour and finished it off, leaving the Mage to burn along with it. The small village was also consumed in blue flame from the battle as well, and Caspian found himself hunted by Parliamentarian supporters. In response, he sulked into the shadows, once more into the forests of Hush, letting the stories of the Blue Demon overshadow him. Caspian was content to wait there until the war ended and the stories died down. However, the heir to the throne, Lisbeth, made a reappearance just as the fires of war were just about to cool. Caspian came to the conclusion that hiding in the forests would do him no favours and followed the example of Lisbeth. He marched to The Viridian and pledged loyalty to the rightful Queen, knowing that it would be what his late parents would do. Not to mention that Caspian feels a kinship with the Queen, both being people shaped by determination and focus.

[b]LAST EDIT[/b] - 10/03/13, 15:03 PM GMT: Expanded the Bio and added a little snippet about the Armour.

I admit that I like the idea of using his magic to remove mages from their Armor. Just keep in mind that mages are hardly defenseless without them, and with the 'bulkier' ones it'll definitely take quite a few whacks to get someone out.

Spoiler: Abbey Hartel

Name: Abbey Hartel

Sex: Female

Age: 21

Order: The Diviners

Appearance: At first glance, Abbey does not appear threatening in anyway. In fact, she is downright fragile. She is short, about 5'5", and only 110 pounds soaking wet. She looks frail, however, she is actually stronger than she looks. She has red hair, which she lets fall freely, and green eyes. Her skin is rather fair.

Her clothes are very simple. Her brown leather pants and wool shirt are hidden under a brown wool cloak which makes it next to impossible to discern her gender before she speaks. She normally throws the hood up over her head. Her boots are worn but still function.

Armor: Abbey's armor is her polar opposite. While Abbey is small and frail, her armor, which is 15 feet tall, is as white as marble. In fact, to the untrained eye, it looks like it is made of marble. It is not meant as a fighting machine; instead, it's designed to protect the occupants with interlocked metal plates creating a sort of plate mail. While the machine is moving, Abbey concentrates any magic she doesn't use up controlling the mech, towards making it faster. When it isn't moving, Abbey redirects her magic through the armor, using it to heal wounded combatants. In the event combat is required of the armor, the fists are augmented with metal plating. Furthermore, the back of the armor has a small foldable gurney capable of being unfolded and used for hauling wounded soldiers away from battlefields on the armor, though it does make that section of the back weaker to attacks.

The inside of the armor is quite plain. A long metal tube allows a suspended Abbey to see out of the armor's "eyes", while she magically controls its actions from the inside .

Personality: Abbey is very shy and reserved, unable to start conversations, and given very short answers to questions. However, she can get very aggressive towards those who she dislikes, and she has a very short temper. Her poor health and physique are the only things preventing her from actually acting on any threats. Nonetheless, Abbey has a heart of gold, and doesn't enjoy seeing people get hurt if they didn't deserve it.

Bio: When Abbey thinks back on her childhood, there are not many pleasant experiences. Born in Hush to a woodsman and his wife, Abbey was not a healthy baby in the slightest. She was born with a large amount of fluid in her lungs. She survived this, only to suffer a very high fever within a week of being brought home. By some miracle, Abbey survived, but her immune system was left in tatters from the ordeal, leaving her susceptible to even more diseases. It is a miracle that she survived to age 1, much less to 19. All throughout her childhood, Abbey's health was in a constant state of disarray. Abbey suffered from all sorts of ailments, from a common cold, to heart murmurs. She never got to play with other kids of her age, she rarely even left the house.

However, her time in bed did give her the chance to learn something else. Magic. She had known she had it for awhile, but she didn't really have a mentor to train her. One day, when she was 9, her father returned from work with a journal that had been lost in the woods. The journal happened to contain several magical techniques. Assuming the owner had died in the woods, Abbey's father gave it to her to study. While this didn't last long-the Diviner who had lost it just so happened to have been alive and passing through Abbey's hometown-and managed to locate where the book had gotten to. At this point, Abbey's life began to change.

Upon arriving at the Hartel's house, the mage noticed how sickly Abbey looked. He asked for his journal back, explaining that the techniques in there were far to powerful for a young novice to use. Abbey begrudgingly handed the book over, but the mage agreed to do something in return. Using some of his healing magic, he managed to take some of the burden off of Abbey's immune system, allowing it to begin its recovery. Abbey felt stronger the moment the spell was applied. To top things off, the mage, impressed by the faint traces of magic he sensed in the young girl, offered to take her as a ward. Knowing that Abbey had a chance as a mage, and realizing she would need a master if she wanted to approve, her parents agreed. After a round of tearful good-byes and last-minute words of advice from her parents, Abbey set off with her new master.

Abbey spent two years learning magic. She was an adept student, learning much in only a year. By that time, she was also considered able enough to learn some more complicated techniques, such as early lessons on how to pilot an armor. Abbey was still undergoing training when the kingdom split. Abbey was almost caught and executed for her loyalty to King Vernon and, by extension, Queen Lisbeth. She only managed to escape when her master sacrificed himself for her, telling her to take his own armor and journal, and get out. Abbey managed to narrowly escape in the armor, which she could barely pilot at her age, but her master died. In her anger, Abbey swore vengeance on Duke Colin, and if there was one thing Abbey refused to give up on, it was a grudge. She somehow managed to joined up with Lisbeth's fleeing army, handing over control of the armor to a more experienced mage in the process.


For the next 10 years, Abbey honed her the teachings her master had left behind. She also managed to toughen herself up so she'd be able to plot her armor. She succeeded in this, but still retained that frail, scrawny look of her youth. Eventually, when Lisbeth decided to make her return, Abbey was ready to join her, reaffirming her oath of allegiance, while also reaffirming her vow of vengeance. She managed to get her master's armor back from the mage she had given it to, who had never really considered it his property. The mage had added plating to the knuckles, and some other plating to the main body. Abbey, who wished to help those who were injured, asked him to help her add a few extra bits that would be useful to a medic, as she didn't know how to. The mage kindly agreed, and helped her install the gurney to the back of the armor. Fitted for combat, Abbey is now ready to reclaim the kingdom.

Sorry it's so late. Criticize away.

Edit: I don't know what the hell was showing up originally, but the problem's fixed now.

While I get the idea behind your Armor's powers by being a non-combatant healer of sorts, most of the fighting will take place with Armors, so I'm not sure how Abby would fit in. Revamping her to focus less on support and more on fighting would be my recommendation.

 

[Arcanist]

It's a little late, I suppose, but better late then never, right?

Spoiler: Marcus Leitner

Name: Marcus Leitner, the Viridian's Storm

Sex: Male

Age: 19

Order: Chevaliers

Appearance: Standing at about 5'10", Marcus' body is comprised of roughly 180 lbs of smooth, lithe muscle. His feathery, earth-colored hair is kept neatly trimmed, keeping his brow covered but leaving his hard, hazel eyes with a full range of vision.

Though he's certainly not much of a looker, Marcus isn't exactly ugly either. His rough, mostly unblemished cheeks and chin are coated by the barest hints of a beard, and although his face is perpetually marked by a few scratches and scrapes, he's managed to keep his battle worn features mostly whole.

Marcus' clothing, when he's not inside his Armor anyways, is the most obvious sign of his station. A pair of fine black boots, only slightly scuffed, well stitched pants or leggings, and an embroidered shirt, either red or golden, makes up his typical attire, and he wears a silver ring, engraved with his family's crest, on his right hand. Finally, he constantly carries around a steel saber, sheathed and latched onto his leather belt.

Armor: Unlike the towering hulks that many members of his Order possess, Marcus' "Eurus" stands at a mere fifteen feet. Granted, it's fifteen feet of the finest steel and craftsmanship available to a noble house, but still.

But what Eurus lacks in sheer size, it more than makes up for in complexity. Though of course it has the standard shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees, and ankles of any Armor, Eurus also possesses half a dozen other joints. The first two, in the middle of its left and right forearm, are omnidirectional, more akin to a wheel's axle than a proper joint, and allow for the front half of the limbs to spin in any direction. The other four are built into Eurus legs, two in the Armor's calves and two in its shins. Each of these bends in the opposite direction of the knee, allowing Eurus to contort into some truly bizarre positions. However, whenever any of these joints are not in use, the Armor appears to be perfectly natural; clever design hides the mechanisms beneath interlocking plates that can only be separated by Marcus' command.

In addition to Eurus' joints, it has one other unique feature: A series of wedge-shaped flanges, similar to a fish's fins or a bird's wings, run along the Armor's limbs and torso. Without exception, each of the flanges is slanted away from Eurus' front, giving the machine a smooth, streamlined appearance when viewed from the front. And of course, these fins are for more than mere decoration; when combined with Marcus' magical talents, they help to turn Eurus into a steel blur of death.

Like his father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc. Marcus is a gifted wind mage; he can bend the air itself to his will, summoning anything from gentle zephyrs to furious hurricanes upon the battlefield. However, instead of wasting time and power controlling the weather, the soldier focuses his abilities on manipulating small, but powerful, gusts of wind. By slamming these winds into Eurus' fins, the soldier is able to give his Armor a significant speed boost, and can even increase the power of his attacks. Marcus is also able to use his powers to hinder his foes' movements.

Eurus, like its pilot, wields a curved saber, one designed for slashing and parrying. A full five feet in length, the blade weighs nearly a hundred pounds and is capable of tearing through most defenses even without Marcus' magic.

Personality: Marcus will be the first to admit that he's a fry cry from the idolized Chevalier that most people seem to think of when they hear of the order. He is no knight in shining armor, and his habits and preferences are far from perfect. He drinks, he flirts, and, even at the best of times, he comes across as harsh and grating, lashing out at anyone who deals him the slightest insult or injury.

Still, there is one good point to him. Above all else, Marcus is loyal. To his Queen, to his comrades, to those who have lent him their support, he would rather die before betraying or failing any of them. It doesn't matter if he hates you or loves you, insults you or breaks bread with you, if you've managed to earn Marcus' loyalty, he will do everything in his power to fight for you and your cause.

Bio: The Leitners have been a minor noble house in the Viridian for generations now, stretching back to the time of Marcus' great-great-great grandfather. Though they lacked the wealth and power held by many other noble families, they were well enough off, blessed with a spacious manor and enough farmlands to ensure a steady income. Since their rise to nobility countless years ago, the Leitners have served as vassals to both the lord of the Viridian and the Royal Solari family, each of house's heads faithfully pleading fealty to their lord and king. For a time, all was good.

However, ten years ago, after the death of King Veron XII, Marcus' father, Garret Leitner, made a fatal mistake: Valuing his oath of loyalty above all else, he sided with the young Lisbeth in the following war of inheritance, leaving his wife and child behind as he marched to Advent, ready to wage war on the behalf of his young Queen. He was slain in the first few days of fighting.

Unable to flee with Lisbeth and labeled the son and wife of a "traitor", Marcus and his mother were taken captive by the Archduke's forces. As noble hostages, they were entrusted to another house in the Viridian, the Radcliffes, who had managed to earn Renault's favor in the war. Only nine years old at the time, Marcus was stripped of almost everything: His father, his home, his birthright, even his mother, who died mere months after Lisbeth's flight.

But Marcus persisted. Raised among the Radcliffe children, the boy was taught the ways of knighthood, swordplay, and magic, and was even allowed to practice his family's traditional branch of magic. True, he was bullied and derided, but he was still heir to the Leitner name and estate, and was entitled to a decent education. Such was his right, even if his family name had earned the Archduke's ire. He would not let the Leitners end here, in such disgrace and disarray.

Then, one day, one beautiful, glorious day...

Lisbeth came back.

And as her army cut a swath into the Viridian's forests, Marcus was one of the first to rush to greet her, bearing only his sword, his Armor, and the oath of fealty he owed the heir of the Royal family.

Feel free to criticize or complain.

See, people? If you want patriotism or loyalty to be the reason your character sides with the Queen, this is how you frame it. Don't just say, "They like it better that way." Explain WHY they want the Queen to win, and why they're willing to risk their necks to see it happen. Excellent work, Pappy.

Spoiler

Name: Rickard of Langenberg
Sex: Male
Age: 36
Order: The Shades
Appearance:
Rickard was a comely man in his youth and age has been kind to him it would seem. His lustrous black hair falls to his neck with a few silver streaks and recedes from his brow to reveal a stern forehead and a small pointed beard to give him a elegant yet devious look. His eyes are a striking azure blue which depending on your familiarity and experiance with Rickard reflects his kind, lusty and flirtatious nature or his cold frozen heart. His body is well-formed standing at a respectable six foot.

His clothing relfects a wealthy background as he is never without an exquisitely sewn black leather long coat with numerous inner pockets and a silver pocket watch, brown gloves of extremely high quality enlaid with golden lace, a fine set of ebony coloured trouser leggings decorated with a flawless silver and amysterist belt buckle and a fine pair of boots.
He also has a curved dagger with intricate decorations constantly on his person perfecting his aristicratic and wealthy look.
Rickard also owns a pair of oval reading glasses.

Rickard also wears the Langenberg crest on much of his atire, depicting a green serpent devouring a man.

His overall appearance can be said to have an inate allure that naturally makes a young girl's heart beat faster.

Armor:
Known as "Nocte"
Standing at a mere 8 feet Rickards armour is not much larger than himself, being designed to become more like a second skin rather than armour. Thus it is dwarfed by its other cousin counter-parts, indeed some men jest as to what makes Rickard's particular armour much different to a man head to toe in common plate. These men are fools to put it bluntly. Rickard's armour while small, is no less capable than its larger counter-parts and acts not to be instinctively aggressive or charge into the breach but to be an opportunistic and calculating hunter.

This machine is the ultimate predator avoiding situations where it would be outmatched and stiking where an army is at its most vulnerable relying on great speed and a variety of potent poisons, gases and nerve agents to sow terror and confusion in an enemies rank and target important targets of strategic interest, after all what soldier would stay and fight while drenched in the blood and viscera of his commanding officer?.
The machine also has its uses in combating other Armours despite its small size and compensates for its lack of size through its speed and ghuille to off-balance larger opponents and exclusively attempts to target the user inside the enemy armour rather than than try to incapacitate the armour itself.

To this end the entire machine is built around speed and the delivery of Rickard's potent concoctions. Thus it does not carry weapons of a conventional nature but rather incoporates various forms of weaponry into armour. The right-arm itself is a thin rotary hammer drill with inner-tubing designed to pierce and then fill the insides of armour with nerve agents and the like much like a syringe. The left hand is most similar in appearance to a human hand but would be better described as a five-fingered talon and is used almost exclusively as for wiping out infantry as it has little hope of slicing open most forms of larger armours. The palm of the hand is also used to deliver shpere like glass balls containing varying degrees of toxins which acts an an area of effect attack.

The machines legs are somewhat bulky and has both ankle and leg joints and is best described as "Chicken-like" in movement and appearance. The bulky strength in its legs and the joints allows the machine to sprint fast and leap high distances while allowing it to operate in any form of rough terrain. The height and length of which the machine can leap has made people question wether or not the machine is actually flying to which Rickard states "It doesn't fly, it jumps really well".

The Machines head piece has a single red cyclops eye and is docarated with ivory and a deep blue colour scheme and also carries a bulky filter mask in order to protect Rickard from the toxins he spreads across the battlefield that may be as harmful to him as the enemy he is inflicting it upon.
The torso and legs are coloured in varying degrees of black and grey, like layers of darkness composed of several layers of steel, iron and brass to give adequate protection but a light over-all weight. It is said that each layer of armour reveals a decade of faithful service to its master.

Personality:
Rickard has a dominating sense of character with a quick wit, a barbed tongue and a snide demenour. However the image he portrays varies from person to person. To some he is a scheming, hedonistic, incorrigible, souless wretch. While to others he is a playful daemon with a penchant for silver words. Both are true and neither are correct.

Rickard is a master of falsehood,a purveyor of golden promises and an elusive shadow. He is sly and obsequious, without the scruples of more noble men.

To say he has a personality is a misnomer for a personality is but a mere tool for Rickard, a character to perform, a mask to shed off like a snake's skin. His life is a mummer's play and the courts, his audiance.

Despite his decietful nature Rickard does still retain a sense of twisted honour. Rickard would never lie to a man's face, but then would only ever reveal a partial truth.

He lives to manipulate, giving just enough of himself to create the fascade of baser loyalty. In fact the man himself is but partial truth for while his mouth may curve in a sultry smile, his eyes never change.

If there is one pure characteristic of the man he cannot hide it is a love of coin and knowledge.

Rickard is also obssessed with pedigree and nobility despite his families low-born nature, a fact which never ceases to torment him. This has led Rickard to look upon more "Noble-born" creatures with shrouded disdain and jealousy

Bio:
Rickard is the middle son of one of the leading patrician families in Hasthfold and as such has received blessed upbrining however he did not receive the typical childhood of a langenburg child. Unlike his brothers whom were tutored by the best scholars and shrewd merchants money could aquire from a young age, Rickard was chosen for another purpose, to help fufill the grand machinations of langenburg family through intrigue and ghuille rather than coin and trade.

To achieve this the family contacted the masters of shadow themselves, The secretive Shades who accepted him into the order, for any door can be opened with enough weighted coin. Under the Shades guiding hand he learnt all about the dark underworld of man, hidden in plain sight. The Shades trained his body, as well as his mind, keeping his mind as sharp as his knife.

Under the significant patronage of the Langenburg family Rickards armour, "Nocte" was also furbished with the knowlege of the Shades, to act as the ultimate tool to achieve the families goals

Under the Shades tutelage Rickard has grown as a weapon as well as a scholar. Creating a man perfected in the arts of herbalism, toxicology, biology and even medicine if there is one in the world who trust Rickard enough to willing place himself under Rickards care.

Once Rickard had finished his training his family put him to task. As a socialite Rickard maneuvered through the noble courts, treating with the key players in the service of his family and removing those who were deemed too much of a threat.

As the civil struggles in Hasthfold threaten to reshape its political landscape and rulers forever one thing will always remains the same; The Merchant families such as the Langenburgs.

Wealth speaks just as loudly a pauper's ideology or a noble-mans birth right.
And while men fight and die for their lordlings dealings among the patricians continues on, business as usual. Chief among these is the business of war, for no business is more profitable than the trading of blood and iron.

Since the start of the civil war the Langenburgs have set their family to the task of loaning out the monumental gold required for the Parliamentarians and Dukes to wage their ten-year war, for gold flows through their hands quicker than water. And Thus in a sense, the Langenburg's are on both sides of the conflict.

However the return of Queen Lisbeth has caused a stir amongst the family, having be written off as irrelevant in the new age of Hasthfold the family's tendril like influnce is non-existant amongst the upstart Queen. The family has become unnerved by these turn of events, afterall, if she succeeds, how far will the Queens vengance go? will she settle for Duke and Parliament heads upon pikes? or will her thirst for vengance be so unquenchable that she would seek it amongst the family?.

This sudden wild card was deemed to unacceptable and thus Rickard was put to task, unformally pledging his families allegiance to the Queen and travelling with "Nocte" to provide his assitance in her war efforts it is hoped that should Lisbeth succeed, the family will be spared her scrutiny or at least, have the means to remove her should her lust for vengance not be satiated, however it is of paramount urgency that the war burn brighter and hotter so the families machinations can continue and the gold remains flowing.

Character revamped, edit what you wish.

I like the idea - a pseudo-mob noble family using him to keep tabs on the Queen. Just keep in mind we expect you to really roleplay the fact he's got an agenda of his own.

Spoiler: Miranda Thrussell

Name: Miranda Thrussell

Sex: Female

Age: 27

Order: The Diviners

Appearance: Miranda?s hair is a bright strawberry blonde, with all the brown she surrounds herself in it is her most striking feature, accompanied with green eyes and a smattering of faint freckles that stretch across the bridge of her nose. She halfs damns her pale skin for the frequency that is burns from too much exposure from the sun. Miranda tends to wear her hair in a unkempt bun with, strands of hair findings new way to escape every time she rearranges it. She stands at 5?7 at the average weight of her slim physique.

More not wanting for the stains to show than be fashionable, she has some sense of coordination when it comes to what she wears, but only as much to match a few colours together. Miranda?s attire usually consists of of an mostly brown outfit with a white blouse. Her boots, brown, are knee high and have small but flat heels. Arching from the ankle is what keeps them on, a row of sullied brass buttons with a zip hidden underneath; her slightly baggy, brown, trousers are tucked into them.

Around her waist lies an holster with a small firearm tucked into into, the belt it is attached to has a (one of the few things she will take care off) brightly polished brass belt. Miranda wears a loose fitting leather jacket (again with brass buttons), on top of a white blouse that has a pattern that is slightly frilly embroidered into the top of it. Lastly, around her neck she wear a neckerchief obscuring a locket that holds a picture of her family that is tied on a tight leather thong.

Armour: Unlike most other amours, Miranda?s takes the shape not of a gigantic humanoid but more akin to a bird. For what it lacks in it?s small size, approximately 8ft , it makes it?s it huge wingspan which is about 15ft. Mostly to help keep it aloft in the air, however the propulsion system discreetly hidden where the tail feathers would be does that for the most part. Although it would add to the bulk and told it would increase the time creating it, Miranda stuck to that design for aesthetic purposes, saying it would not be true to life if it was any different.

The main body is designed to appear similar to that of the eagles that lived on the summit of Heavensview, with a few differences to make it battle ready. First, to make it more aerodynamic the ?talons? retract inside main body when not in use. Miranda adopts the tactics of the eagles while in battle, building up momentum, swooping down to deliver powerful strikes from the magic powered guns underneath the wings. Sometimes if the armour that she is attacking is small enough, she will dive down and grab it with the unretracted talons, lifting it high in the air and dropping it, rather like how the mountain eagles crack tortoise shells, leaving it to plummet downwards onto other armours.

However, as a Diviner, this is not the only trick she has. Stationed in the ?beak? of the armour, there is a large cannon, the most powerful weapon this armour has to offer, a ?miniature? siege weapon that takes a minute or so to charge up to its full might. When that magical energy is released, a beam of unprecedented power is unleashed upon whoever is unfortunate enough to be its target. This she calls the ?Aether Strike?. And that?s all either, the beady eyes of the armour can perform a quick scan of other armours, giving her basic information of the weapons that armour possesses.

Personality: A free spirit. Miranda values her freedom above all else, she hates those who would try and take that away from her, and pities those who let their freedom be taken without a fight. Kind to a fault, and a bit naive, she won?t just stand by, she will go out of her way to help them regain it. Nevertheless, when not fighting for others freedom, she is playful in a regard, often joking, making light of bad situations and often tries to turn more serious conversations into playful banter.She will unthinkingly take risks, diving in her armour lowing then is really needed, ?playing chicken? as it were and getting high of the adrenaline of battle.

Bio: Growing up in Heavensview, the supposed center of the world and a crossroads of sorts for the many people who would visit it; Miranda felt stuck. Her potential for magic was detected at an early age, and although her parents made sure that she wouldn?t be joining an order until they felt she was at the right age to leave home, it meant that her life was preordained before she could say anything about it. She did what many placed in the same situation would do; she rebelled.

Going against her parents wishes, and possibly common sense; she would spend the time when not studying magic to scale the mountain which their home duchy was named after. There she would look over the world, mesmerised at small it looked compared to how big it sounded. Miranda would also study the birds that flocked around the peak, one of her favourite presents was a sketch book with charcoals, which she would take with her on the climb. In it numerous sketches of birds in flight.

She grew to admire the birds she studied, adoring their free spiritedness, however this only made her feel more trapped within the world, her world. She had never asked for the talent of magic that she possessed, without it she wouldn?t have to join an order once she came of age, she would be free to explore the world and do what she wished. Instead she was stuck here, tied the wills of others and not her own.

Towards the date that her parents had chosen her to leave for the diviners, Miranda had become increasingly restless and stressed that the small amount of freedom she had might be taken away from her. Miranda decided that the only course of action that would finally give her the freedom she wanted was to run away. However that notion was short lived. She had succeeded in quietly slipping away, but what she had not been prepared for was the outside world, the world she had so longingly yearned for, she was overrun by the reality outside of her quaint home and mountain.

She only lasted a few days before the cold, the hunger and the loneliness got to her; it was on her return when her elder brother Joshua whom she had never been close to because of his lengthy trips away from home found and took her back home where she received a lengthy scolding and was sent to her room. The day after, once her parents had time to calm down and no longer had to fret about the safety of their daughter, they called a family meeting of sorts. Miranda told them why she had run away, her parents tried be understanding, but they were frustrated that she hadn?t spoken to them about this earlier, that if she had just talked to them the situation wouldn?t have gotten as dire as it had. Reassuring that the diviners wouldn?t be as bad as she thought, they helped her pack her things and gave her a locket with a picture of them and her family to remind her of home.

They were right, it wasn?t as bad as she thought, however the locket has the inverse effect that her parents had intended; it reminded her of home, but it also made her more homesick. Longing for the high peaks of Heavensview and not the verdant flatlands of Faeborough. Instead of running away she spent years studying magic and creating a new, unconventional armour. Formed after one of her longest passions; one shaped like a bird, not a man.

Unfortunately war erupted within the duchies and with her completed armour she was forced to pick a side. Not really knowing anything about politics and only wanting to return to Heavensview to see her family again, she flipped a coin to decide her allegiance. Heads for the Queen, tails for the parliamentarians and the duke.

Heads it was.

Apologies for the lateness.

Much like drmigit's sheet, it bears repeating that only the Sheriffs have adopted the use of gunpowder as a part of their Armors. Carrying a pistol outside it is fine, but the technology to incorporate guns into an Armor is something exclusively spearheaded by the Sheriffs. Further, we don't want to give flight to players, as it would provide too much of a tactical advantage in most cases.

And, like many others, we're not looking for naivete or ignorance as a reason for fighting with the Queen. Try and come up with a reason she would care who rules - and why she would want it to be the Queen.

 

[DarkRawen]

Sheet critique

I only added it as I was told before that it might work. I can remove it if there's a problem with it, or tone it down so that it would only be apparent in the vague, might be might not be "vision" in the back-story.

As for the Armor, the idea is basically for it to be a reflection of the character itself, drawing attention to himself, using it as a decoy. It's more for tactics rather than attacking, albeit I'll probably add a bit more to the offensive magic; the lightning magic that's mentioned, if my character can't have clairvoyance, in order to balance it.

Edit: Also, you didn't add IFS sheet...

 

[Arcanist]

Sheet critique

I only added it as I was told before that it might work. I can remove it if there's a problem with it, or tone it down so that it would only be apparent in the vague, might be might not be "vision" in the back-story.

Like I said, I'd like to synch up with CJ before I make any judgements on that. It definitely could work, but we'd need to define exactly what it could do before I'd be comfortable with a go-ahead. Powers like precognition and clairvoyance are an absolute nightmare for GMs if you aren't careful.

Edit: Also, you didn't add IFS sheet...

>.>
<.<

University is hard.


I'll get right on it.

 

[Arcanist]

And here is my sheet, let me know if there are any problems with it.

Spoiler: Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Name: Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Sex: Male

Age: 23

Order: Chevaliers, focusing a little more on other magics than those typically used by the order, but still mostly focused on theirs. Extra details are listed in the armor section.

Appearance: Of average height, but is muscular, with messy dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. Dilwyn would be quite handsome if he gave much care to his looks, as is he typically has a farmer?s tan, and wears rather simple clothing, feeling uncomfortable in fancier apparel. He has a few scars, though the one on his face is more or less unnoticeable. He has been noted for looking honest, and trusting, and can frequently be found grinning widely.
Armor: Modeled after the armor used by his mentor, Dilwyn?s armor stands at around fifteen feet tall, and he takes care to keep it polished and in good condition. It is designed with two purposes in mind, the first to be practical, the second to be intimidating. It is designed to move fluidly and with speed that matches even the shades or outriders in some cases, and more importantly can take tremendous damage, even shrugging off falling from great heights with little damage.

The armor does bear a few spikes in places, though they are designed in such a way as to move smoothly with the armor and do not hinder its movements, as well as a almost demonic looking head bearing forward facing horns. While the metal of the armor is quite heavy the interior has some amount of padding and even ventilation to protect the mage inside from heavy blows and to insulate him against various flavors of magic, be they fire, ice, or even lightening.

The armor is of course designed to enhance Dilwyn?s physical abilities to a great extent, the left arm and a few other parts are designed to enhance his magical abilities, which he uses primarily to cast very short range spells in combat, typically elemental spells such as fire, cold, wind, or lightening, as well as a few spells of his own creation that allow him to alter gravity to an extent, though that has a very limited range. The elemental spells tend to be short range, as opposed to flinging fire or lightening he tends to simply radiate it from his hand for a short distance, the exception being wind, which he flings out bursts of to fling things, although again his range is limited. His weapon of choice is a monstrous sword, though it has been noted to bear some similarity to a hammer due to its enormous weight. While it holds a slight edge due to magic, its main danger comes from how its weight can smash and dent even other armors, with unfortunate results for those inside.

Personality: Dilwyn is relentlessly optimistic, hardworking, good natured, and honest to a fault, and while his naivete tends to make him seem simple he is more intelligent than he seems, although certainly not the brightest. He is aware that many view him as stupid, and has worked to get rid of his more rustic mannerisms and some of the habits resulting from his upbringing. At the same time he is proud of his origins and the easiest way to offend him is to insult either his family or his mentor, Iolo Emlyn. He is startlingly talented with magic given how intelligent he seems, but has difficulty explaining his more unique developments to others.

Bio: Born into a family of poor farmers in the countryside of Malshire, Dilwyn wasn?t a terribly unusual child, he was good natured, friendly, and a hard worker, however he kept getting into trouble in various odd ways. From somehow winding up on the roof of the house without meaning to, or somehow freezing the milk solid, strange things seemed to happen around him with him being able to offer little in the way of explanation. Suspecting magic his mother contacted the Chevaliers, who sent Iolo Emlyn, a mage who quickly recognized Dilwyn?s talents. After discussing the situation with his parents Iolo took Dilwyn away for training, although he was able to periodically visit his family and sent them whatever money he could scrounge up.

Dilwyn proved to have an unusual knack for magic, picking up spells with ease, even while lacking some of the complex understanding of his peers. Things just seemed to click for him when it came to magic, and while he studied hard and tried to learn how to explain what he could do. Iolo had by that point become his mentor, and he paid special attention to the physically enhancing, and combative magics wielded by the chevaliers, and while his discovery of how to alter gravity made the diviners consider taking him, he eventually decided to follow his mentor and join the chevaliers.

He did well in the Chevaliers, and their code of honor appealed to his sensibilities, and the focus on martial prowess appealed to his hardworking nature. Even so he was more inclined towards other magics than some of his peers, and when it came time to craft his armor he and his mentor took that into account, which he chose to model after Iolo?s own armor as a sign of respect towards the man. When the war broke out Dilwyn gladly followed his mentor?s example and took the side of the queen. Iolo himself recently went missing for reasons unknown, although Dilwyn doubts that he is dead.

Edit: fixed a weird text character that hadn't showed up in the preview or edit screen, and clarified how he tends to use elemental spells.

A little succinct, but it looks good. I'm sorry I don't have much more to say, but you've already touched on most of my points from earlier.

 

[Pandalisk]

Snippety do dah

Course, do reign me in if i take too much liberties with the Langenburg family, there wasn't much information on anything about merchant princes and the like so i was cautious to just straight up invent another minor power in play besides the big three.

 

[Arcanist]

Snippety do dah

Course, do reign me in if i take too much liberties with the Langenburg family, there wasn't much information on anything about merchant princes and the like so i was cautious to just straight up invent another minor power in play besides the big three.

By all means, feel free to take some liberties with the world so long as it doesn't cause any problems with continuity. CJ and I have neither the time nor the inclination to completely populate the setting, and I always found it fun to see what players come up with when you give them some creative freedom.

 

[RandomMan01]

Snip

I'll edit in another weapon, though that was the point of the reinforced knuckles, so that if Abbey did get into combat (which I plan to try and avoid unless completely necessary), she could take them on in hand-to-hand.

Edit: I added in a shortsword for the armor. That way Abbey has a (slightly) longer-ranged option than her fists.

Spoiler: Abbey Hartel

Name: Abbey Hartel

Sex: Female

Age: 21

Order: The Diviners

Appearance: At first glance, Abbey does not appear threatening in anyway. In fact, she is downright fragile. She is short, about 5'5", and only 110 pounds soaking wet. She looks frail, however, she is actually stronger than she looks. She has red hair, which she lets fall freely, and green eyes. Her skin is rather fair.

Her clothes are very simple. Her brown leather pants and wool shirt are hidden under a brown wool cloak which makes it next to impossible to discern her gender before she speaks. She normally throws the hood up over her head. Her boots are worn but still function.

Armor: Abbey's armor is her polar opposite. While Abbey is small and frail, her armor, which is 15 feet tall, is as white as marble. In fact, to the untrained eye, it looks like it is made of marble. It is not meant as a fighting machine; instead, it's designed to protect the occupants with interlocked metal plates creating a sort of plate mail. While the machine is moving, Abbey concentrates any magic she doesn't use up controlling the mech, towards making it faster. When it isn't moving, Abbey redirects her magic through the armor, using it to heal wounded combatants. In the event combat is required of the armor, the fists are augmented with metal plating, and there is an iron short sword at its hip, which measures about 6 feet. The sword is thick, about 2 feet wide, and can cut through weak patches of armor, though it can be used to bludgeon in stronger sections, just like a real knight's sword would.

Furthermore, the back of the armor has a small foldable gurney capable of being unfolded and used for hauling wounded soldiers away from battlefields on the armor, though it does make that section of the back weaker to attacks.

The inside of the armor is quite plain. A long metal tube allows a suspended Abbey to see out of the armor's "eyes", while she magically controls its actions from the inside .

Personality: Abbey is very shy and reserved, unable to start conversations, and given very short answers to questions. However, she can get very aggressive towards those who she dislikes, and she has a very short temper. Her poor health and physique are the only things preventing her from actually acting on any threats. Nonetheless, Abbey has a heart of gold, and doesn't enjoy seeing people get hurt if they didn't deserve it.

Bio: When Abbey thinks back on her childhood, there are not many pleasant experiences. Born in Hush to a woodsman and his wife, Abbey was not a healthy baby in the slightest. She was born with a large amount of fluid in her lungs. She survived this, only to suffer a very high fever within a week of being brought home. By some miracle, Abbey survived, but her immune system was left in tatters from the ordeal, leaving her susceptible to even more diseases. It is a miracle that she survived to age 1, much less to 19. All throughout her childhood, Abbey's health was in a constant state of disarray. Abbey suffered from all sorts of ailments, from a common cold, to heart murmurs. She never got to play with other kids of her age, she rarely even left the house.

However, her time in bed did give her the chance to learn something else. Magic. She had known she had it for awhile, but she didn't really have a mentor to train her. One day, when she was 9, her father returned from work with a journal that had been lost in the woods. The journal happened to contain several magical techniques. Assuming the owner had died in the woods, Abbey's father gave it to her to study. While this didn't last long-the Diviner who had lost it just so happened to have been alive and passing through Abbey's hometown-and managed to locate where the book had gotten to. At this point, Abbey's life began to change.

Upon arriving at the Hartel's house, the mage noticed how sickly Abbey looked. He asked for his journal back, explaining that the techniques in there were far to powerful for a young novice to use. Abbey begrudgingly handed the book over, but the mage agreed to do something in return. Using some of his healing magic, he managed to take some of the burden off of Abbey's immune system, allowing it to begin its recovery. Abbey felt stronger the moment the spell was applied. To top things off, the mage, impressed by the faint traces of magic he sensed in the young girl, offered to take her as a ward. Knowing that Abbey had a chance as a mage, and realizing she would need a master if she wanted to approve, her parents agreed. After a round of tearful good-byes and last-minute words of advice from her parents, Abbey set off with her new master.

Abbey spent two years learning magic. She was an adept student, learning much in only a year. By that time, she was also considered able enough to learn some more complicated techniques, such as early lessons on how to pilot an armor. Abbey was still undergoing training when the kingdom split. Abbey was almost caught and executed for her loyalty to King Vernon and, by extension, Queen Lisbeth. She only managed to escape when her master sacrificed himself for her, telling her to take his own armor and journal, and get out. Abbey managed to narrowly escape in the armor, which she could barely pilot at her age, but her master died. In her anger, Abbey swore vengeance on Duke Colin, and if there was one thing Abbey refused to give up on, it was a grudge. She somehow managed to joined up with Lisbeth's fleeing army, handing over control of the armor to a more experienced mage in the process.


For the next 10 years, Abbey honed her the teachings her master had left behind. She also managed to toughen herself up so she'd be able to plot her armor. She succeeded in this, but still retained that frail, scrawny look of her youth. Eventually, when Lisbeth decided to make her return, Abbey was ready to join her, reaffirming her oath of allegiance, while also reaffirming her vow of vengeance. She managed to get her master's armor back from the mage she had given it to, who had never really considered it his property. The mage had added plating to the knuckles, and some other plating to the main body. Abbey, who wished to help those who were injured, asked him to help her add a few extra bits that would be useful to a medic, as she didn't know how to. The mage kindly agreed, and helped her install the gurney to the back of the armor. Fitted for combat, Abbey is now ready to reclaim the kingdom.

However, I'm not willing to totally change the armor so it's combat-oriented. I wanted to see if playing as a healer could still be fun, even when everyone else is busy fighting.

 

[MortifiedPenguin]

Snip

And what would those tactical advantages be? And I don't mean just "oh she can fly", but taking into account there are amours that are to fast to be be seen, ones that can cloak or ones that can scry the whole battlefield while safely hanging back. I don't see why flying is that much of an advantage, can armors not shot up or something?

Edited just for clarification.

 

[Rogue Trooper]

Fixed the problem with my characters height

Spoiler: Lysander Kantor

Name:Lysander Kantor

Sex:Male

Age: 38

Order: Paragon

Appearance: Standing at around 6'8" feet tall with a large muscular build, Lysander is a giant of a man. He has a tanned complexion which compliments his stern brown eyes. Due to his order Lysander has shaved off all of his hair along with his facial hair, this is also a personal choice as he believes that those of the holy order should be clean in appearance as well as soul. When he is out of his armour Lysander will usually be seen in the robes of his holy order.

Armour: Lysander's armour has been built with several things in mind: to provide protection, durability, strength in combat and to inspire his fellow man. These requirements suit Lysander?s style of combat well as he is always in the front line fighting beside the normal soldiers that make up any regular army. The armour stands at around 18 feet tall and is made up of large white master crafted plates of iron with a layer of chain-mail and leather underneath the plates. Along with his armour Lysander carries a large expertly crafted spiked warhammer which he uses effectively to bash his way through formations of foes with relative ease.

When he is in his armour Lysander uses his magic to achieve feats of strength unrivaled by other Mages and to improve the overall defensiveness of his armour. When in combat; Lysander also uses his magic to project his voice so he can shout words of encouragement to his allies and hatred towards his enemies. On one occasion he also gave a combat sermon to his unit as they drove through a line of heavy infantry. As he uses this vocal magic his armour begins to glow with a vicious red colour, this is intended to rally the men around him as they drive through the enemy lines.It also gives him a terrifying appearance to his enemies and many of them have called Lysander the ?Red priest?; not only for the glow of his armour but also for the destruction he leaves in his wake.

Personality: Kind, Brave and always ready to defend his beliefs and the beliefs of others, Lysander is a man of principles and honour. He fully believes in the tenants that his order upholds and will always strive to protect the weak from the strong, help those less fortunate than him and always act in kindness to all those around him. When in battle he is ferocious and will stop at nothing to destroy his enemies. But when the haze of battle ends; he will always be the last off the field as he tends to the wounded and dying from both sides. As one of the original members of the Parliament, Lysander fully believes that there should be some sort of council for the common folk to voice their problems and concerns to the upper class. This is his main goal and when this conflict ends he hopes that his goal will come true in some shape or form.

Bio: Born in the hard country of the Frontier, Lysander was born into a noble family with a long military background in service to the royal family. Naturally strong, clever and kind. Lysander grew up under the watchful eye of his strict father who trained him constantly in the arts of war and combat, much to the dismay of his mother who wanted her son to be able to choose his own path in life. The training was brutal and punishing on the young Lysander who would usually be left in a sore and bruised state after every session. And when he started to show signs of being blessed with the gift of magic, his harsh training intensified.

But despite his horrible life Lysander did not allow it to affect his attitude to others and on days he could be seen bringing food and water to prospector families in his father's lands.His mother had always encouraged him to keep being kind to those less fortunate than him, but his father scoffed at this and would always tell him that the weak suffer because of their failings. Lysander would always disagree with this much to the fury of his father who would punish him for speaking back.

After the death of his mother when he was 16; Lysander ran away from his father?s lands and headed north seeking adventure and a better life. During his travels he would help those in need and on most occasions fought bandits prying on peasant lands; using the combat skills that he learned from his intense training from his father and basic magic that he picked up along the way.

His attention and kindness to the lesser folk were noticed and soon a Mage from the Paragons found him and offered him a place within their ranks. Lysander agreed, happy that there were people who sought to help those in need. But before he could join, the paragon fought Lysander to see if he was worthy. He fought well and the young Lysander was accepted to begin his training within the order.

Once he began his training he started to fully embrace and master the skills and teachings of the order and soon proved to be an excellent initiate within the order. He completed his training and quickly after that he forged his suit of armour to aid him in his duties of protecting the people. He served his order loyally through his duties and when Renault Arche begin his uprising; Lysander was one of the first to lend his aid to the Knights noble cause and soon began to preach to the masses about the knight?s wise ideas.

When the fighting began Lysander?s strength and bravery were a few of the reasons why the Parliamentarians had many early victories and his reputation grew which each battle. But after 10 bloody years of combat this meant little, and during an ambush Lysander and his unit were cut off and tried to flee into the wilderness to continue the fight. However enemy forces caught up with them and they were soon surrounded. Lysander and his men set up defensive positions and readied themselves to give their lives dearly for their cause. The enemy soon moved in and a desperate battle took place and although Lysander's unit fought well they were overrun and Lysander was left badly wounded.

He awoke hours later wounded but still alive and began moving North as he believed that Renault and the last of his forces were killed by the advancing enemy forces. He took refuge in a local village away from the fighting in the shadow of the mountains to heal his wounds and to help the local people within the village whose way of life was affected by the war.

When Queen Lisbeth came down from the mountains with an army at her back, he was cautious when they first approached the village. He demanded to speak with the young Queen as he feared they might bring harm upon the village's inhabitants.But after speaking with her; Lysander began to take interest in her cause as he began to feel sorry for what had happened to the young queen and he agreed that for this war to end a strong leader was needed.She had also personally heard of his reputation and skill in battle and of his constant attempts to protect the weak. She soon asked him if he would join her in taking back her throne, and after much thought he agreed and joined the ranks of her advancing army.

Although Lysander has taken up a new cause, he has not forgot about his main goal of establishing a people?s parliament. So whenever he can he will try and draw the young queen, his new mage allies or regular soldiers into a discussion about the matter. So far mostly only a few common soldiers have taken interest in the ideas, but for Lysander this is progress.

Other In the main army camp Lysander is usually found preaching and giving rites to the soldiers, he has also used this as an attempt to preach about his ideas to the men. However so far this has caused some trouble for him within the army.

Lysander also wants the Queens forces and the Parliamentarians to join together as allies. As he believes that they both share noble causes and it would beneficial for the people overall if they did join together to fight their common enemy.

 

[Terratina.]

-Critique Snip-

I'm well aware of Caspian being a Fragile Speedster [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FragileSpeedster] and that as well. Glad to see that I haven't majorly screwed up somewhere though.

 

[IFS]

And here is my sheet, let me know if there are any problems with it.

Spoiler: Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Name: Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Sex: Male

Age: 23

Order: Chevaliers, focusing a little more on other magics than those typically used by the order, but still mostly focused on theirs. Extra details are listed in the armor section.

Appearance: Of average height, but is muscular, with messy dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. Dilwyn would be quite handsome if he gave much care to his looks, as is he typically has a farmer?s tan, and wears rather simple clothing, feeling uncomfortable in fancier apparel. He has a few scars, though the one on his face is more or less unnoticeable. He has been noted for looking honest, and trusting, and can frequently be found grinning widely.
Armor: Modeled after the armor used by his mentor, Dilwyn?s armor stands at around fifteen feet tall, and he takes care to keep it polished and in good condition. It is designed with two purposes in mind, the first to be practical, the second to be intimidating. It is designed to move fluidly and with speed that matches even the shades or outriders in some cases, and more importantly can take tremendous damage, even shrugging off falling from great heights with little damage.

The armor does bear a few spikes in places, though they are designed in such a way as to move smoothly with the armor and do not hinder its movements, as well as a almost demonic looking head bearing forward facing horns. While the metal of the armor is quite heavy the interior has some amount of padding and even ventilation to protect the mage inside from heavy blows and to insulate him against various flavors of magic, be they fire, ice, or even lightening.

The armor is of course designed to enhance Dilwyn?s physical abilities to a great extent, the left arm and a few other parts are designed to enhance his magical abilities, which he uses primarily to cast very short range spells in combat, typically elemental spells such as fire, cold, wind, or lightening, as well as a few spells of his own creation that allow him to alter gravity to an extent, though that has a very limited range. The elemental spells tend to be short range, as opposed to flinging fire or lightening he tends to simply radiate it from his hand for a short distance, the exception being wind, which he flings out bursts of to fling things, although again his range is limited. His weapon of choice is a monstrous sword, though it has been noted to bear some similarity to a hammer due to its enormous weight. While it holds a slight edge due to magic, its main danger comes from how its weight can smash and dent even other armors, with unfortunate results for those inside.

Personality: Dilwyn is relentlessly optimistic, hardworking, good natured, and honest to a fault, and while his naivete tends to make him seem simple he is more intelligent than he seems, although certainly not the brightest. He is aware that many view him as stupid, and has worked to get rid of his more rustic mannerisms and some of the habits resulting from his upbringing. At the same time he is proud of his origins and the easiest way to offend him is to insult either his family or his mentor, Iolo Emlyn. He is startlingly talented with magic given how intelligent he seems, but has difficulty explaining his more unique developments to others.

Bio: Born into a family of poor farmers in the countryside of Malshire, Dilwyn wasn?t a terribly unusual child, he was good natured, friendly, and a hard worker, however he kept getting into trouble in various odd ways. From somehow winding up on the roof of the house without meaning to, or somehow freezing the milk solid, strange things seemed to happen around him with him being able to offer little in the way of explanation. Suspecting magic his mother contacted the Chevaliers, who sent Iolo Emlyn, a mage who quickly recognized Dilwyn?s talents. After discussing the situation with his parents Iolo took Dilwyn away for training, although he was able to periodically visit his family and sent them whatever money he could scrounge up.

Dilwyn proved to have an unusual knack for magic, picking up spells with ease, even while lacking some of the complex understanding of his peers. Things just seemed to click for him when it came to magic, and while he studied hard and tried to learn how to explain what he could do. Iolo had by that point become his mentor, and he paid special attention to the physically enhancing, and combative magics wielded by the chevaliers, and while his discovery of how to alter gravity made the diviners consider taking him, he eventually decided to follow his mentor and join the chevaliers.

He did well in the Chevaliers, and their code of honor appealed to his sensibilities, and the focus on martial prowess appealed to his hardworking nature. Even so he was more inclined towards other magics than some of his peers, and when it came time to craft his armor he and his mentor took that into account, which he chose to model after Iolo?s own armor as a sign of respect towards the man. When the war broke out Dilwyn gladly followed his mentor?s example and took the side of the queen. Iolo himself recently went missing for reasons unknown, although Dilwyn doubts that he is dead.

Edit: fixed a weird text character that hadn't showed up in the preview or edit screen, and clarified how he tends to use elemental spells.

A little succinct, but it looks good. I'm sorry I don't have much more to say, but you've already touched on most of my points from earlier.

Which points from earlier? Did I accidentally make him a seven foot tall three year old with a gunpowder based flight system built into his armor?

In all seriousness it would be appreciated if you could be more specific, the feedback I got is a bit too vague to be of any use to me, and it gives me the impression that you didn't do much more than glance at my sheet.

 

[CJ1145]

Still battling with a connection that enjoys dying on me, so I haven't really been working on my own critiques. However as it happens there is actually one sheet that came up in discussion privately, and I'm going to touch on it while I can.

Snip

And what would those tactical advantages be? And I don't mean just "oh she can fly", but taking into account there are amours that are to fast to be be seen, ones that can cloak or ones that can scry the whole battlefield while safely hanging back. I don't see why flying is that much of an advantage, can armors not shot up or something?

Edited just for clarification.

The reason your sheet i particular isn't workable is because it consistently begs the question, "How?"

Trying to explain how your Armour works is simply very difficult. You mention something in the sheet about a propulsion system, but you don't really explain what it is. If you mean a steam or combustion engine, or anything along those lines, then that raises the issue that this world doesn't have technology like that yet. If it's fueled by magic it ties into this next thing.

I've been trying to think of how on earth a mage might keep something like this afloat, and I simply don't see it happening. It would require constant concentration and an influx of magic. You actually helped in a big way because it made me think on what the actual limits of a mage are. And I think I've come to a decision.

Mages, for the most part, do have immense power, and can keep it going for a long time. But magic, something like bending the laws of reality, is extremely difficult to accomplish for any extended period of time. So the common strategy for a mage should be relying on spells that only last a few moments. A fireball will travel its distance and explode. A burst of light weight or increased speed is best used, as said, in bursts. A constant focus on a single spell would drain its user fairly quickly. I'd wager that you could probably manage an hour of flight a day, maybe two if you're really pushing it. But in a medieval setting where fights could last from dawn until dusk, or longer, that leaves you as a very impractical weapon.

 

[MortifiedPenguin]

Snip

I'll be withdrawing this sheet then.

Edit, unless you can think of a way of working around this.

 

[CJ1145]

Well, far be it from me to kill somebody's fun because I'm a stickler. I haven't written your sheet off wholesale, and if I can think of a way to incorporate it I will be certain to let you know.

 

[hiei82]

Snip

Snip

If the problem is the flight ability, then couldn't you argue that instead of a "propulsion system", it's built more like a glider; using the occasional burst of wind to push higher into the sky as needed? That way, it shouldn't require too much mana (I'm picking a word for magical energy; forgive me) to keep it up. Down side: the armor would have to be of lower weight then a ground based armor and therefore would likely have thinner armor. You could even extend the wind magic usage to be related to it's weapons - I'd like to see a giant flying armor that fires tornadoes from its mouth.

Just an idea.

 

[CJ1145]

My internet connection is finally stable again, so first, an announcement: We'll be selecting our final roster in two days. Then we can finally get this show on the road.

But to come with that announcement, I understand not everyone was pleased with various aspects of my co-GM's critiques. So I'll be going over them myself in this post, and hopefully touch on a few things he didn't, or explain issues more clearly.

Spoiler: Ser Garath Brightlance

Appearance: (Give us an idea of what your character looks like, and what sort of equipment they carry. Preferably no images, please, just stick to text descriptions.)

Also, your character is upset that they didn't get to show off their armor due to a time of peace? There was a decade-long war going on, in full swing right around the time your character would have first started fighting. I'm all right with your motivation to join the Queen though. Love (pure or otherwise) is certainly one motivation to join a war, especially in this sort of setting.

Lady Alexis Leveque d'Aur, Knight of her Majesty, Rightful-Queen Lisbeth Solari

Well, what can I really say? Great sheet all around. A few nitpicks and misspoken terms, but I never failed to understand what you meant to say. An older character and an action girl at that, along with a unique fighting style. Exactly the sort of thing I'd like to see. Creativity and all. If I had one grumble with your sheet it was that I had to go back and rethink Lisbeth's backstory if there was another knight by her side the whole time. I'm not feeling petty, though, so whatever. Good job, again.

And since it has a backstory tied in...

Mary "Noose" Derleth

Again, what can I really say? I'm happy with the output here, and I'd be interested to see how her character arc plays out to be sure.

Doubling back up for a mo'...

Ambrose Ausoman

A very good sheet all around. You give a good reason for a Sheriff to wind up in the service of the Queen, I guess my only nitpick is that he's a little on the young side. But it's not something I'm going to press, as his age is kind of an important point I'd think. Thumbs up.

Kallu Ikastine

I'd probably say that this is my favorite incarnation of Kallu that you've made. I like his backstory, and I already have a few ideas I'd certainly like to explore for what, exactly, Kallu is. The thought of him outpacing even the master Diviners at such a young age is a bit of a stretch, though. Your characters are some of the best at what they do, but I'll say now, going into this war thinking you're the creme de la creme is going to earn you a rude awakening.

That said, I'm happy with this one. Kallu's certainly odd, though, considering there's an actual race of Dwarfs around, to the point that he looks more like them than a human.

Krakow/Diana Silen Brouge.

I like what I see here, but I've gotta be honest that I need some serious assurance that you'll be able to post regularly if you want in. And considering it's been a full week since we've so much as heard from you...

Spoiler: Lysander Kantor

I like the crazed battle-priest angle. My favorite class by far back when I played WAR. It should be interesting to see how the equivalent of a buffer class would play out in a more realistic scenario, as well. I personally wasn't having any hateboners over the height thing, but it looks like you updated it on the next page over, so we'll just go with it as it is I suppose.

Arthur "Art" Sol

I think I like this guy. An interesting personality and an interesting ability. Still, for some reason it feels like his loyalty doesn't mesh with other aspects of his personality and his more politically-geared aspects. I don't know, maybe that's just me. And it should be noted that, for the most part, your abilities would be restricted to scrying objects in real time. Observing future events would be something up to the plot and done at my discretion. Shit'd get crazy otherwise.

Dilwyn Cadwaladen

Not bad. Every war can use an everyman to be sure. We're certainly getting a lot of Chevaliers. Picking these sheets is gonna be tough...

Caspian von Brandt

Glad to see some more interest in the Shades! Also glad to see a sheet demonstrating the kind of fucked-up people that Hush churns out. I'm definitely liking the unique style of this guy, very good overall.

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT POST.

 

[MortifiedPenguin]

Snip

Snip

Super Snip

Thoughts CJ? I'll get on to editing the sheet if this fits.

And thanks Hiei

 

[hiei82]

Lady Alexis Leveque d'Aur, Knight of her Majesty, Rightful-Queen Lisbeth Solari

Well, what can I really say? Great sheet all around. A few nitpicks and misspoken terms, but I never failed to understand what you meant to say. An older character and an action girl at that, along with a unique fighting style. Exactly the sort of thing I'd like to see. Creativity and all. If I had one grumble with your sheet it was that I had to go back and rethink Lisbeth's backstory if there was another knight by her side the whole time. I'm not feeling petty, though, so whatever. Good job, again.

I didn't mean to preclude other knights who have been with her the entire time - only that the remnants of the Leveque d'Aur family aided in her escape at great cost. Other people could easily have helped in the escape as I doubt every loyal mage-knight in the kingdom came from that single family. I also didn't mean to mess with Lisbeth's backstory - it was left pretty vague so I played with it.

Tangentially: I also don't mind if you use the family for other things (creating more NPC knights/survivors, etc) if that helps.

Bottom line: while Alexis is an old knight of the royal guard, she doesn't have to be the only old knight of the royal guard - NPC or otherwise. Similarly, I can change the back story a bit to make it better fit your needs - the only requirements I had for the character were a) she was a royal guard, b) she aided in the queen's flight from the throne, and c) most of her family died to save the queen. Hope that helps resolve any problems.

If you have anything specific you'd like changed, feel free to let me know either here or, if the information is on a need-to-know basis, via PM.

Glad you liked the character.

And thanks Hiei

No problem; happy to help.

 

[DarkRawen]

Arthur "Art" Sol

I think I like this guy. An interesting personality and an interesting ability. Still, for some reason it feels like his loyalty doesn't mesh with other aspects of his personality and his more politically-geared aspects. I don't know, maybe that's just me. And it should be noted that, for the most part, your abilities would be restricted to scrying objects in real time. Observing future events would be something up to the plot and done at my discretion. Shit'd get crazy otherwise.

Ah. The loyalty. Well, perhaps I should give you a bit more details. Firstly, his interest in politics is mainly for the reason of assisting Lord Roesen. I do know he seems like the kind of person who would support a parliament, but his methods is highly... varied. Yeah. Varied. As for why he's so loyal to Lord Roesen, there's the fact that Lord Roesen took him in and gave him a possibility to be educated and to do research, the fact that this is 23 years ago. And even before that, he was a servant who was raised from the age of three to serve Lord Roesen. The final nail in the coffin is that Art is in love with this guy, and has been since he was around 15 years old. So he has pretty much dedicated his whole life to him.

And I'm fine with the limited scrying thing, not like I was expecting for him to be able to look into the future whenever he thought it was convenient.