The hell is wrong with me? Please read.

[Quiet Stranger]

Some of you might remember me from my post about my new night shift job so this might be a cause of it.

Anyways, I'll just post what I messaged to a friend.

"I've been really depressed all day, I shouldn't be, my life is good, maybe it's my new job, I work back shift at the super store, I hear sleep deprivation can cause depression or at least lots of stress.

like today when I was at my girlfriends place I wanted to cry and I have no idea why, I guess I thought that I wouldn't be able to keep the job and there might be another possible job offer at Payless shoe source and I was thinking if I got a job there I wouldn't keep it, I kept thinking of my future and how I wouldn't really have one cause I wouldn't be able to keep the job(s)
I don't usually think about that stuff, working back shift is really hard.

and when I was leaving my girlfriends house I didn't wanna leave, I wanted to stay there with her (i mean I could have but I would have been lonely cause she had to go to bed)


yeah but like even now I wish she was awake so she could text me and I wouldn't be alone, I mean you're here but I can't explain it, i haven't been this way since I didn't want my friend joey going home so very long ago
I think my problem is that I really want someone to touch and hold right now, someone I can talk to, its probably why I still sleep with my stuffed mickey mouse so it feels like im holding someone as I go to sleep

i know i'll see her again but its like I can't wait, like I need them here now and always around me, maybe my adhd is acting up again, who knows

and even though i've only done two shifts so far, I feel like they'll fire me (not that i'd mind that too much) because I'm not as fast as the other people, and whenever I go in before a shift at least for this next one I always think I wont do good or something bad will happen like I fall asleep or I just give up, fuck I don't know whats wrong with me, i just want someone to hold me and to stroke
stroke my hair and say it will be okay
when my girlfriend was holding me I wanted to cry but decided not to.....I wish I wasn't so fucked up"


TLDR: Basically after my last shift I felt really depressed and stressed out, when I went to my girlfriends place I felt like I wanted to cry in her lap but decided not to, (it would have been hard to stop) and when she was going to bed I really wanted to stay but I would have been lonely cause she had to go to bed, it's like i needed her there with me, like all the time, to hold her or for her to hold me, you should just skim the post to know.

I don't know what it is but I haven't been like this since I was a kid when I didn't want to go home or for a friend to leave my place, I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

EDIT: Also this, I feel like I'm wasting time like when I try to stick to my sleeping pattern or sleep in, I feel like I should be doing something I can't explain it or maybe I'm just scared of my next shift so I don't want to the hours to fly by, by sleeping in.

I wouldn't actually mind if they just let me go, I mean I need the job to pay for my car but I don't think I'd really care if they let me go

 

[Saelune]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

 

[Laurie Barnes]

See a professional counselor. You are right to worry if it was bad enough to spill on a website like this, and a professional will be more likely to have the tools needed to detect the root of your problem. The best thing would be to write down as much of what you feel as possible and take it with, and make sure to capture yourself in a variety of moods to get a good scope of your base emotional state.

 

[Catalyst6]

You're having a personal crisis, you're not going mad. You're just unsure of your life, so it's messing with your head.

You just have to sit back, take a deep breath, and think about what's good in your life. You have a girlfriend. You have a job. You might not feel that you're the best at your job, but that just means that you can improve if you work hard. And let's face it, you're probably a pretty good guy and that is more rare than you might think.

As the saying goes, que sera sera. Whatever happens will happen, and you shouldn't sabotage yourself by worrying about it too much.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

It might be your new job, and maybe you should see how the transition goes before you worry too much about it. Seeing as it's a new job maybe it's stressing you out and making you depressed and over analyzing the hell out of everything.

That's what happened to me when I started my job several years ago, just wait awhile and if it doesn't get better then you should do something about it.

 

[headshotcatcher]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Nothing's wrong with you, you're just a human. And I sympathize with you. Feeling like that sucks, I remember the last time I decided to get clean, and I was going through the withdrawals and I just wanted anyone to make me feel better, but unfortunately there wasn't. Still, I made it, and you'll make it too.

I know it's hard right now, you're right that sleep deprivation can alter the chemical balance of the brain in ways that cause depression (amongst other things), and if you're still feeling incredibly stressed like you were yesterday that probably isn't helping matters either, but with time you'll adjust, you'll get enough sleep, and you'll start to feel better. If you start that exercise routine I suggested yesterday that'll help too. Believe me when I say that I know how incredibly hard it can be to start an exercise routine, especially when you're depressed, but the endorphins it releases will have you feeling a lot better.

Until then, just keep at it. When you feel depressed it can feel like you're never going to feel happy again, it's soul crushing and terrifying and overwhelming, but even though it's hard to believe right now, you will feel better. Maybe it'll take a little time, and until then all you can do is be with it, but you'll feel better sooner than you realize.

If there's something I wish someone had told me when I was going through those withdrawals and depressed as hell, it's that no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. And believe it or not, it will.

Best of luck to you!

 

[MisterGobbles]

It could be something completely different, but do you take medication for the ADHD that you mentioned? That stuff can cause some serious depression problems, and I can definitely relate to what you feel like, having felt like that while I was taking those meds. It wouldn't be just because of the medicine, but it still might be an influence.

Of course it might be something else entirely, just a possibility.

 

[Saelune]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

 

[flim.geek.chic]

awwwwwwwww sweetie it'll be okay. First few days of a Mcjob always suck. I suggest organizing something with your girl this weekend, even if it's just hanging and watching a film so you can have youre cuddle time.

 

[Tax_Document]

This might sound horrible but seriously, toughen up?

Also, constant contact with people (Via Social Networking and Texting), leads to this sort of thing, you get so attached to other human beings and their problems that you eventually just... Break, and you can't stand being alone, get depressed, ect.

My advice, don't go on Facebook or Text for two weeks, you'll feel ALOT better.

 

[headshotcatcher]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

Oh so now because I'm happy I'm naive and uninformed?

I would like you to tell me why depressed people are better for the world than happy people.. As far as I can tell happy people make other people happier, while depressed people either share their woes with eachother or take away from the mood of happy people.

I know that the world is full of bad things, but when you get handed a toy box full of torture ware it doesn't take long to figure out that theres some stuff in there that could be used in a good way.

 

[chainer1216]

man, i used to work the graveyard shift, it was rough, it messes with you. esspecialy on you're days off when you're up and everyone you know is asleep. it gets really lonely. but after acouple weeks my body adjusted to the shift and things got alittle better, no more random bouts of self-loathing, but the isolation was still a bit hard to cope with.

 

[ThongBonerstorm]

I work midnights too man, so i know where you're coming from. I haven't personally had a problem yet, but alot of the people i work will tell me they have trouble with getting no sunlight. some never even see the sun. maybe trying to stay up after your shift and jogging around outside in the daylight might help you a little more.

good luck.

 

[Erana]

Are you getting enough sleep and eating decently?
Some people are very sensitive to these sorts of things, and are a wreck if they don't take care of themselves.

Also, this "I'm so fucked up" mantra you've got going on is a problem here. You aren't broken, you aren't messed up. You've been living how you've been going, and the world hasn't ended, has it? You're never going to be perfect, and that's perfectly alright.
There's no immediate danger here; things will turn out fine and you have plenty of time to learn what you need to know to be a competent employee.

Now go baby yourself a little! Curl up with one of your favorite books and have some hot chocolate. Put on some nice music and cozy up with a comfy throw or take a nice bath. Make your primary goal right now just to calm down. And Don't let yourself get into this "I'm not worthy" nonsense.

 

[bader0]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

if one can choose know the bad things that are happening and simply not think of them or let them impede on their own happiness does that make them ignorant? i dont think so i think it makes them the least ignorant of anyone

 

[Saelune]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

Oh so now because I'm happy I'm naive and uninformed?

I would like you to tell me why depressed people are better for the world than happy people.. As far as I can tell happy people make other people happier, while depressed people either share their woes with eachother or take away from the mood of happy people.

I know that the world is full of bad things, but when you get handed a toy box full of torture ware it doesn't take long to figure out that theres some stuff in there that could be used in a good way.

Change for the better. Civil Rights movements were not started by happy people. Revolutions arent started by happy people. I am considering focusing my life on activision and changing the world if only slightly, because I hate how it is. Hell, it pissed me off when I went to my counselor, and she told me I have to just accept that things arent always great. I dont think we should just let things be bad.

 

[Saelune]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

if one can choose know the bad things that are happening and simply not think of them or let them impede on their own happiness does that make them ignorant? i dont think so i think it makes them the least ignorant of anyone

Yes. Nothing says understanding and knowing of something by ignoring it and pretending its not there. Thats not near the definition of ignorant. Please refer to my post below the one Im responding to for more info.

 

[headshotcatcher]

You're human. Thats what. Besides...happy people are not natural. A stand up comedian said it best.."Maybe its the happy people that are messed up"

How so? I don't agree. The kind of plastic happiness some people have by just throwing money and plastic surgery at everything, that's messed up. Not just weighing good and bad stuff together and coming out positive

And OP, ever considered it's because of the night shift? Being tired does some pretty horrible stuff sometimes, and even moreso when you have a glorified jetlag

Ok, fine. I guess naive and uninformed people are not really messed up. But the world sucks and is full of bad things. Anyone who is happy is either insane, or ignorant. (Not neccesarily the offensive kind)

Oh so now because I'm happy I'm naive and uninformed?

I would like you to tell me why depressed people are better for the world than happy people.. As far as I can tell happy people make other people happier, while depressed people either share their woes with eachother or take away from the mood of happy people.

I know that the world is full of bad things, but when you get handed a toy box full of torture ware it doesn't take long to figure out that theres some stuff in there that could be used in a good way.

Change for the better. Civil Rights movements were not started by happy people. Revolutions arent started by happy people. I am considering focusing my life on activision and changing the world if only slightly, because I hate how it is. Hell, it pissed me off when I went to my counselor, and she told me I have to just accept that things arent always great. I dont think we should just let things be bad.

Happiness doesn't mean passivity though. I'm happy but I don't close myself off from all the bad stuff. It's just, all those bad things happen so far away, so my mood will not change those things. If I feel good about myself because the stuff that does happen around me tends to be good, I'm not gonna let it be ruined by something that happens far away, since you can donate money when you're mad as well as when you're happy.