The Joke Topic (literally)

[The_Pen_is_Mightier]

Here is a topic to post any jokes you know, your favourite joke, your most used joke and finally the worst joke you know.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in

Oh and if you really want to post "Use the search bar" please do, it'll just bump me right to the top.

Many thanks.

 

[Twilight_guy]

The worst joke ever:
Why couldn't the ten year old see the new pirate movie?

Because it was rated ARRRR!

Edit: fixed.

 

[Deef]

Welcome to the Escapist.

Why did the camel cross the lake?
IT DIDN'T THERE ARE NO LAKES IN EGYPT DON'T BE STUPID!

 

[ssgt splatter]

Welcome to the Escapist.
2 men walk into a bar the third one ducks. In case you can't tell, that's the worst joke I've ever heard

 

[Rascarin]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over Bays they'd be Bagels.

(that one kinda needs to be said aloud)

 

[throwitinthetrash]

'Never run with scissors.
Ok, that's fine, but it needs some rephrasing:
Never run with scissors, unless, there's a burglar in your house. Then, run, with the scissors, at him, and stab him, in the leg... and then when they're in, you can open the scissors. (every comma is necessary)' -Demetri Martin "Important Things" Saftey episode

 

[Gaskell]

A man walks into an elevator, and asks the woman standing in there
"Can I smell your vagina?"
"No!" She exclaims,
"Oh," he replies, "it must be your feet then."

 

[Avatar Roku]

Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a really dirty joke? Bubbles was the girl next door.

Yeah, I know, lame.

 

[ExodusinFlames]

Two sausages frying in a pan, one says to the other "Man, its getting hot in here eh?" The other looks at him and says "Holy hell, a talking sausage!"

 

[Insert Funny Name Here]

Have you heard the joke about the bin?

I won't tell you. It's rubbish.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I crack myself up. XD

 

[traceur_]

There are two pies in an oven, one of them says, "man, it's getting hot in here", the other one says, "oh my god a talking pie!"

EDIT: holy shit, ninja'd with the same joke

 

[The_Pen_is_Mightier]

Thank you for the welcoming.

Rascarin, I like your joke the best so far.

 

[dmase]

A blond rear ends a truck driver the driver flags her over to a rest stop and tells her to get out of the car. He is pissed as hell and takes out a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the pavement and tells the blond to stand there and don't move. The truck driver then goes over and runs his key up her car. The blond starts laughing. The truck driver even more angry knocks off both side mirrors and headlights. The blond laughs even harder. This works the truck driver up into a frenzy and he starts to demolish her car by busting out all the windows and slashing her tires. The blond is laughing hysterically now. The truck driver doumb founded asks her why she is laughing. She says when you weren't looking i stepped out of the cirlce three times.

This isn't an exact copy of the joke but this is one of my favorite blond jokes. As a blond this is hilarious.

 

[Avatar Roku]

'Never run with scissors.
Ok, that's fine, but it needs some rephrasing:
Never run with scissors, unless, there's a burglar in your house. Then, run, with the scissors, at him, and stab him, in the leg... and then when they're in, you can open the scissors. (every comma is necessary)' -Demetri Martin "Important Things" Saftey episode

Another good one from him:

"People say 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' How about 'Just don't throw stones'? I mean, that's crappy behavior. The exception, however, is if you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, throw it! So really, it's 'only people in glass houses should throw stones, provided they are trapped there and have a stone.' "

 

[pffh]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he was stuck in the chicken.

 

[Insert Funny Name Here]

Doctor, doctor. Can you help me out?

Certainly. The same way you came in.


Doctor, doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together!

 

[dmase]

I got another one that should be done in person but oh well here it goes. If you were a pirate would you have your parot on this shoulder(puts hand on closest shoulder) or on this shoulder(puts hand on farthest shoulder) and pulls you a bit closer. My reply is usually am i straight pirate or you, but you could put a million things to throw that one back. That is one of the worst i've heard.

 

[Sir Pysco Sexy]

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

Yeah, you need to say that aloud too.

 

[The_Pen_is_Mightier]

What do pirates smoke?

CigARRRS