There's this girl (as these things often go). We've been friends for about three years. Since about day two of knowing her, she's all I ever think about. Starting around November of 2009, she admitted to me that she had similar feelings for me. The downside is that she had a boyfriend at the time. But the further and further we got into December, the more intimate our conversations became. For once I felt like I was actually gonna have a chance with her. And then she made her choice...she stayed with her boyfriend. In all honesty, I wouldn't have minded as much if she just said she loved him more than me, I'd be crushed but I could live with it. No, her exact words to me were "I just feel like I'm being unfaithful with how close we're getting and its not fair of me to lead you on when I'm sure things are going to work out with him. I would love to teach you everything I know about dating and sex and me...but this move is for my conscience." I GOT SHOT DOWN FOR A CONSCIENCE RATHER THAN ANY KIND OF EMOTIONAL FUCKING CERTAINTY! About three days later I was listening to some music and a song came on that I remembered from a dream I'd had where I was kissing her and I just fucking lost it. I was on my floor crying for 45 minutes and then I spent another two hours shambling around my house like a mental patient. Great start for 2010.