The Least Punk Song EVER.

[Master_of_Oldskool]

So, me and most of my friends are big fans of punk rock. Some of us have vague aspirations of starting our own band. In discussing this total delusion, we had an idea for a musical experiment- could we cover the absolute least punk thing that had ever been recorded, and, without changing the lyrics, only their tone and the accompanying music, make it punk?

We concluded that yeah, we (or at least, someone) probably could. Look at what Judas Priest did with "Diamonds and Rust." From cheesy crooner to epic metal? Yeah, it can be done.

But that led to a different debate- what actually is the least punk-rock song ever recorded?

We had more trouble with that one.

So, Escapists- what is the least punk song you can think of? A song that promotes blind patriotism, total obedience to authority, absolute conformism, indolent acceptance of your lot in life, conservative hairstyles, the whole schtick. I am thinking chiefly of country music here, but someone could surprise me.

Once I find a response I agree with, we'll post the resulting cover as soon as any of us learn to play an instrument.

 

[tippy2k2]

...good luck

I looked through a bunch of post-9/11 country since that's when country went incredibly nuts with the patriotism (which don't get me wrong, they had good reason but a LOT of these songs sound nuts now).

This one I always felt was the nuttiest of the nuts. Just dripping with patriotism and 'Merica. Don't question it because 'Merica!

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

Maybe "Hip to be Square" by Huey Lewis and the News, but I've always struggled to understand whether that song was supposed to be ironic or not.

 

[Buzz Killington_v1legacy]

A song that promotes blind patriotism, total obedience to authority, absolute conformism, indolent acceptance of your lot in life, conservative hairstyles, the whole schtick.

It's from Broadway (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying) and done for humor value, but there's always "Company Way":

 

[Mocmocman]

Spoiler

You got everything you asked for there in one nice package.
EDIT: Someone compiled lyrics, too.

Spoiler

Chorus:
R - E - S - P - E - C - T
Respect authority
O - B - E - Y
Obey Authority!
Come on come on
Respect Authority!
Come on come on
Obey Authority!
Come on Come on
Authorities are here to help you,
Do what they say!
And everything will be okay.
Come on come on
Respect Authority!
Come on come on
Obey Authority!

Jesus has authority... In your life when he's lord of your life. scratch
So if you... Listen and obey, success is yours today.

[[you will be okay]]

[Chorus]

Children: listen to what your father teaches you... and respect your mother's teachings too
Honour your father and mother, then the Lord will... give you a long good life.

Students: Obey school rules.
Respect your teachers and listen to their teachings.
They are here to help you learn and grow up to be successful.

BUT!
First of all...
Prey for all who are in authority.
So that we can live in peace and happiness.
[[repeat from BUT! x1]]

[Chorus]

Believers!
Honour God!
Children:
Obey your parents!
Students!
Respect your teachers!

Come on, come on...
Come on, Come on!

Respect!
Authority!
Obey!
Authority!
Respect!
Authority!
Obey!
Authority!
Come on, come on!

Spoiler

...good luck

I looked through a bunch of post-9/11 country since that's when country went incredibly nuts with the patriotism (which don't get me wrong, they had good reason but a LOT of these songs sound nuts now).

This one I always felt was the nuttiest of the nuts. Just dripping with patriotism and 'Merica. Don't question it because 'Merica!

The wikipedia page for this song makes it better:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtesy_of_the_Red,_White_and_Blue_%28The_Angry_American%29
My favorite part was when he responded to the criticism from the Dixie Chicks by Photoshopping the singer into a picture of Saddam Hussein.

 

[Fat Hippo]

SNIP

Jesus christ, that's scary is hell. Without the video, I'd assume it was ironic, but it's actually like something from a dystopian science fiction novel. But then, I believe in questioning everyone and everything, so this simply goes against every fiber of my very being.

 

[Goro]

Sk8r Boi by Averil Lavigne.
And isn't she shacked up with Chad Kroeger? That makes for one hell of an unholy alliance, and pretty damn anti punk if you ask me.

 

[Verlander]

Didn't Sid Vicious already do this with "My Way"?

 

[Verlander]

Also... there's thousands of punk cover albums. And Me First and the Gimme Gimme Gimmes

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

I think this has to be a contender. It's not as anti-punk as the others ideologically, but thematically, well its a children's song. That is not very punk.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Spoiler

I raise. http://www.feralnetwork.com/2013/06/29/music-video-about-dressing-modestly/

or this possibly

 

[ImperialSunlight]

So, Escapists- what is the least punk song you can think of? A song that promotes blind patriotism, total obedience to authority, absolute conformism, indolent acceptance of your lot in life, conservative hairstyles, the whole schtick. I am thinking chiefly of country music here, but someone could surprise me.

Punk-inclined people seem so focused on their messages...

I'd say things like this are as far from Punk as you can get, though for markedly different reasons than those stated:


I can't even imagine how to approach covering something like this in a punk style. The idea is just... really absurd.

 

[YuberNeclord]

Ok, here you go, punk this:

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

...good luck

I looked through a bunch of post-9/11 country since that's when country went incredibly nuts with the patriotism (which don't get me wrong, they had good reason but a LOT of these songs sound nuts now).

This one I always felt was the nuttiest of the nuts. Just dripping with patriotism and 'Merica. Don't question it because 'Merica!

Jesus, that's an actual song? I can almost hear that being sung by Trey Parker in a South Park episode. Sad that I was only 9 when 9/11 happened, it might have been interesting to follow USA's collective patriotic freakout from across the pond.

OT:
Another Avril Lavigne song was posted already, but IMO this takes the cake. The fact that she was called a "punk rocker" in her time only makes it worse.

And isn't she shacked up with Chad Kroeger? That makes for one hell of an unholy alliance, and pretty damn anti punk if you ask me.

Shit, for real? That's like an anti-punk singularity. Or maybe it'll follow the rules of mathematics (ie. two negatives make a positive) and one day they just flip out and make the most rancid, raunchy, angry and politically incorrect punk co-album ever.

 

[Littaly]

As I've understood it, one of the central elements of punk has always been how musically simple it is. The idea was to take rock back to it's three chord roots, away from the virtuoso rock stars. Fast and loud instead of musically complex.

So I'm guessing the most non-punk song ever, apart from carrying a message of obedience and conformism would have to be something really musically complex and widely regarded as a unique, brilliant composition. Unfortunately, I'm terrible at music, so I can't really distinguish the things that are considered musically good from the rest, so that's about as much help I can give ^^

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

Didn't Sid Vicious already do this with "My Way"?

Eh, kind of. It's like the "Diamonds and Rust" example I gave- the overall sound is very different, but lyrically "My Way" was actually a good match for a punk rock song.

Seven-minute lap steel guitar solo snip. Yes I know that was from "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence."

Well... that would certainly be a feat. I don't think taking the "three chords and the truth" approach to any given Dream Theater song would leave anything recognizable, but I'd love to see someone pull it off. Maybe the Clash, or one of the better post-punk bands.

Spoiler

You got everything you asked for there in one nice package.
EDIT: Someone compiled lyrics, too.

Spoiler

Chorus:
R - E - S - P - E - C - T
Respect authority
O - B - E - Y
Obey Authority!
Come on come on
Respect Authority!
Come on come on
Obey Authority!
Come on Come on
Authorities are here to help you,
Do what they say!
And everything will be okay.
Come on come on
Respect Authority!
Come on come on
Obey Authority!

Jesus has authority... In your life when he's lord of your life. scratch
So if you... Listen and obey, success is yours today.

[[you will be okay]]

[Chorus]

Children: listen to what your father teaches you... and respect your mother's teachings too
Honour your father and mother, then the Lord will... give you a long good life.

Students: Obey school rules.
Respect your teachers and listen to their teachings.
They are here to help you learn and grow up to be successful.

BUT!
First of all...
Prey for all who are in authority.
So that we can live in peace and happiness.
[[repeat from BUT! x1]]

[Chorus]

Believers!
Honour God!
Children:
Obey your parents!
Students!
Respect your teachers!

Come on, come on...
Come on, Come on!

Respect!
Authority!
Obey!
Authority!
Respect!
Authority!
Obey!
Authority!
Come on, come on!

That... is terrifying. I think my brain might be bleeding slightly. I don't know whether to thank you or curse your name. Someone must cover this.

 

[Silvanus]

I'm pretty sure that "God save the Queen", if sung unironically, is the least punk song ever.

 

[MrGalactus]

So, me and most of my friends are big fans of punk rock. Some of us have vague aspirations of starting our own band. In discussing this total delusion, we had an idea for a musical experiment- could we cover the absolute least punk thing that had ever been recorded, and, without changing the lyrics, only their tone and the accompanying music, make it punk?

Bad Religion did this last year.


I think the song your after is that patriotic bullshit Lil Wayne pulled out of his arse a few years ago. Egotistical, nationalistic, vapid, artless,exploitative, AND for-profit!

 

[necromanzer52]

If you could make anything by blink 182 sound remotely punk, I'd be quite surprised.

On a less flamebaity note, here's a song I think you could do something with.