The most useless superpower you can think of

[SweetLemonTea]

The power to make people yawn.

The power to feel what grass feels.

 

[LordLucan375]

I can turn invisible! ....but only when no one's looking.....
I can fly!......but only while in an airplane.....
I can read your mind!....but only when you're think about bananas....

 

[Groxnax]

Time Travel.

But first you can only go back one million years then you can go forward 100 years at a time by asking someone to kick you in a certain spot and after every jump you have to recharge the ability for six months to a year.


You can turn into a cat but to turn back you have to eat a whole mouse/rat.

 

[Vegosiux]

Invulnerablity. Imagine.

No haircuts, even when you have miles of hair.
No surgeries if there's something nasty that needs to be taken care of
Anyone can beat the shit out of you yet they can say they didn't because they won't leave any marks (remember, being invulnerable doesn't mean you don't feel pain)
Don't think of getting any cool tattoos or anything
Being asked to do dangerous life threatening stuff all the freaking time, and not a moment to sit down and relax

 

[IamQ]

You can read minds, but only when your thumb is up their anus.

 

[The White Hunter]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

Okay then, the ability to generate more saliva, so much so that you can barely eat.

Uhhh...
I think I got nothing....
I'll let that one SLIDE then...
HA

VICTORY!

Now I have to think up more useless powers!

Well, I only needed one attempt...
NOT SO HOT NOW, ARE YA?

You mean the bee one? Bees would love it!

So how is that not useless?

Remember, bees don't have brains and they die after orgasms, at least the male ones do...

It would be great if there is an over-infestation of bees, make the males die happy and keep the population down if there is a problem with bees.

You are aware of course, that the global bee-population has dwindled in recent years?
And that I can only kill one bee every minute?
And that male bees are basically useless anyways?

Poor male bees, useless and die when they orgasm...they are also part of a dwindling species...

Bees have it rough.

Not to mention that without bees we'll probably have not-enough food and start to die out ourselves. And yet the US refuses to ban those terribad pesticides that are causing bee colonies to collapse? Even the UK voted against that in the European Court, thank the lifestream it was overruled...

OT: The ability to quote TizzyTheTormentor to inform him of the disastrous consequences of using pesticides that harm bees from anywhere in the world.

 

[Nokturos]

The power to turn into a slightly fatter version of yourself.