This is the tale of a small group of warriors, a brave band of brothers who have fought and still fight to this day, the king of trolls?the master of madness?Moogly Googly The Great?
The battlefield has been torn to shreds; broken English lay everywhere?Only a group of survivors stand?This is the last revolt.
*TheNecroSwanson stands at top of hill wielding flamethrower*
?My noble brethren, we stand here in the name of our king Haliwali, the troll slayer, ready to throw flames upon this beast. I ask unto you, will you set fire to this beast without a clue for your king, for your country!?
CHARGE!?
Haliwali knows what he has to do
?I have been summoned from my dark throne...?
*PurpleRain stands aloft on the edge of the cliff. His cape blowing in the wind, to his side is Haliwali the notorious troll slayer. Down at the bottom of the cliff amongst the ruins of the English language lays the Troll in wait. Waiting for the battle to begin. He turns around to address the men (and women) who have gathered together for the nearing assault.*
"Brothers and sisters! We have been united together in a common cause! Many adjectives and pronouns have fallen in this trolls wake. It obtains the mighty power to slay any capital letters, commas and full stops that dare oppose him. He has destroyed those words for which we hold dearest to ourselves. I say do we let this happen! Do we allow the destruction of such an ancient and beautiful languages go to waste! Nay! Today we flame!"
*He holds his keyboard in the air and his dictionary close to heart.*
*GyroCaptain boosts morale with a speech reminiscent of Shakespeare?s 100 Year War*
?We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that posts his bile with me
Shall be my brother; be his avatar ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And forum goers in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they flame not here,
And hold their post counts cheap whiles any hits reply
That flamed with us upon Saint Crispin's day.?
*PurpleRain begins the assault*
?Chaaaaaaaaarge!?
*The keyboard crusaders take to arms. The Troll unleashes a cluster of his most devastating moves to date:
YOU BUGGER YOU RETARDED CAMMELS OR DONKEYS THAT HAVE NO PURE ESSENESE OF LIFE.
GOTHZ (A BUNCH OF R3TARDED BUNNIES THAT DONT KNOW IF THEY JUST HAD SEX OR A VERCECTERMI).
AND THEN YOU BEALEVE THAT YOU HAVE BALLS BUT THEN LOOK DOWN TO MASTUR BATE TO FIND THERE MISING YOU THEN WONDER WERE YOU PUT YOUR PLASTIC BOLLUX.
The word warriors, stunned by sheer awesome power of this raping of the dying language, quickly move in to defend it.
Talisker:
The fuck.....? Is this even English?
Jagdedge:
Goddamn... How? How is this even possible?
Talisker and Jagdedge say, wide eyed, underestimating the creature.
Looking around him, seeing his brothers lost for words, monodiabloloco brings forth a devastating blow,
monodiabloloco:
Buggering "DONKEYS THAT HAVE NO PURE ESSENESE OF LIFE"?
Have you had a bad donkey dating experience? That is a pretty bitter view of donkeys in general. Or are you meaning that we are to bugger ONLY those donkeys that have no 'pure essenese of life?' Where would a donkey obtain 'essenese' of life? Isn't that the juice used by the Skeksis to stay young?
"AND THEN YOU BEALEVE THAT YOU HAVE BALLS BUT THEN LOOK DOWN TO MASTUR BATE TO FIND THERE MISING"
You masturbate your balls? I mean, if you are REALLY into it you could fondle them I suppose, but to actually masturbate them? Doesn't that hurt? If you are wanking your sack, I think you need to look up the proper techniques online.
The rest of the brother?s band together and fire there report buttons to summon the mighty gods down to crush the troll with the full might of the Escapist!*
*thebobmaster shouts*
?We must all unite, in order to protect our brethren from the foul beast that dwells inside this topic! Who will stand for our right to our eyes remaining unraped?!?
*John Galt flies in on wings of Objectivist majesty; he clearly just wants attention though.*
?Rain! Take my +9 Copy of Funk & Wagnall! It's pre-internet; the beast will not be able to handle it!?
*PurpleRain catches it mid air. He utters the following:
"You disgust The Escapist as well as myself with you're verbal raping of the English tongue! The contaminated lexis you type within these pages revolts and horrifies youngest of children. I desire for you to depart this existence and smolder in misery at the perpetually depths of despair."
*The beast withers at the foreign language spoken.*
*Melty Blood joins the fray and utters*
?Ah, we're smiting him now. Can I help??
*PurpleRain finds time even amidst battle to inform his comrade*
?Tell him a big word that he won't understand. That should do it. Or just tell him that his mother was good in bed last night.?
*Fire Daemon glares down at the battle field, his cloak flapping in the wind, his fists clenched. As he watches the troll struggle with the weight of the Escapist Guard a hawk shrieks and land on his shoulder. Without a word Fire hands the hawk a piece of paper and the bird takes to the sky again, gliding over the battle field and disappearing into the horizon.*
*He looks down again on the battle field, hat nearly falling over the cliff
"Bloody fools" me mutters, voice muffled by the cloth rapped around his face.
He knows only to well that the trolls can never been beaten. He knows that for every troll destroyed another will come to take its place. He knows that the members of the escapist may win this battle, they may win the next but when the sun sets once and for all he knows to well that the trolls will have won the day.*
Knight Templar interjects
?Maybe if we exorcize the troll within??
*Purple Rain walked around MGG, chanting from a dictionary held open in his hands.*
*John Galt threw under-flavored juice in MGG's face shouting:?I before E except after C!"*
*He joins in now, "The power of logic compels you!"*
Duck Sandwich narrates the ongoing battle:
Enemy trainer wants to fight!
Enemy trainer sent out MGG=REVIEWS!
Go! PURPLERAIN!
MGG=REVIEWS used BASH FACE INTO KEYBOARD!
It's Super Effective!
PURPLERAIN used REASON!
It's not very effective.
MGG=REVIEWS used DEMONIC TONGUE!
Sp. Attack went way up!
PURPLERAIN, return!
Go, ZEN5887!
ZEN5887 used SPELLCHECK!
MGG=REVIEWS' Sp. Attack went way down!
MGG=REVIEWS flinched!
Return, ZEN5887!
Go, FIRE DAEMON!
FIRE DAEMON used LECTURE!
It has no effect!
Return, FIRE DAEMON!
Go, JOHN GALT!
MGG=REVIEWS used REST!
MGG=REVIEWS fully recovered!
JOHN GALT used EXORCISM!
Sp. Attack went way up!
JOHN GALT, return!
Go, MOD!
MOD used LOCK THREAD!
It's super effective!
MGG=REVIEWS fainted!
Enemy Trainer sent out MGG=REVIEWS!
To be continued?
*John Galt holds the demon down by the arms. He then beats him silly with a copy of Atlas Shrugged.*
"Read foul beast! It's over 30 pages! READ!"
*Beast convulses, the very thought that English could contain complex philosophical statements baffles him. Duck Sandwich, clearly still narrating the Pokemon fight in his head, shouts out "HIT WEAKSPOT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!"*
*Melty blood starts chanting for a spell:
"I summon you, powerful ruler of worlds, come forth and smite those that have wronged you. Come forth, ENGLISH!"
*A stream of words fly about, and separate into syllables. They fly around the beast, and smash into it. The beast is obviously wounded.*
*The Beast begins to attack, uttering a fair warning to the warriors, but then releasing a devastating stream of twisted letters and broken English*
?One minute igno this if you want but just to se if it works
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?
Apone, in horror, exclaims
?Even more nonsensical rubbish??
*Melty Blood starts humming the kefka battle theme*
To Be Continued . . .?
