Rhymenoceros said:
David_G said:
Yeah, sorry. Forgot about that.
***
I don?t get this one. What?s the piggyback?
Once there was a family of four, the father, the mother, the son and the daughter. The father and the mother had grown cold to each other in recent years and were arguing all the time. In spite of that, the family planned to go on a holiday. But the day before the holiday began the couple had a fierce fallout again. The father this time got out of control and murdered the mother. The next morning the father left home for the holiday with the children as if nothing had happened. After some sight-seeing the three of them sat down to rest. Then the son looked quizzically at his father and asked; ?Daddy, why have you been carrying Mommy piggyback all morning??
***
As in: the fathers been carrying the mothers corpse around all morning
Oh... well that's not creepy.
Illness. This is the word that has plagued my life.
"His illness prevents? he has an illness? his illness is progressing? we can cure his illness? we can't cure his illness". Omens spewed forth from the mouths of so many white-clothed prophets and soothsayers. They are paraded around my bed on a daily basis; grim faced apparitions bedecked in the colour of angels but carrying the devil's tools. Hope and misfortune.
The ringmasters of this morbid circus stand behind the flowing line of white; their faces permanently blackened by the shadows of their creases. The daily baptism of tears never seems to wash them away. This is the image I have fixed in my mind of my paternal shadows because they rarely approach me, preferring distant love to nearby grief. When they do lean over me the light over their head creates a halo encompassing the forced smile and dying eyes. I'm not sure which is worse: the silence of shadows or the falseness of light.
In times of blessed solitude, free of the constant intrusion of cold metal and colder niceties, I survey the room. It is the only entertainment available to me. It is my earliest and, indeed, only memory. It is not very large, completely bare of furniture apart from my bed. The walls, oh the walls, are extravagantly dressed however. An assault of colour; a bombardment of images. Cards, photographs, flowers, paintings? All as colourful as possible. Individually they are pleasant enough but together the affect is overwhelming and extremely nauseating; one is put in mind of a masquerade. A hysterical and sinister masquerade where the masks are the most honest things present; for in reality the colour is just as mask. A lie to dispel the truth of my illness.
The only natural light in the room comes from a small, circular window. I often look up at it; cursing the fact I am too low to be able to gaze out at reality. Straining to bathe my senses in but the smallest shred of Outside. It is hopeless however: my body is atrophied and it is too high and too thick to provide anything but a shaft of light. An apology of sorts I suppose.
Usually I exist in a state of bright delirium; my mind thickened, weighing my thoughts down and my senses assaulted by the facade of my walls. The tightness of my blankets, the looming medical apparatus, the piercing, artificial light, the heaviness of my thoughts and that hideous display entombs me. I cannot think. I cannot talk. I cannot move. I am solely an observer to my own misfortune but to observe I must live. Vitality, no matter how dim and cracked, spurs my heart.
Recently there has been a more permanent face amongst the line of false prophets. It is a kindly one; creased with pitied happiness and framed with lustrous blond hair. The most glorious part of him however are his eyes, not pools of shadows like my parents or dead like the other doctors, but alive and radiant. The deepest blue reminds me of the sea I shall never experience, the blond the fields of wheat I shall never touch and the happiness the joy I've never witnessed. He is of the Outside. His presence comforts me and the shaft of light agrees; spilling approvingly around his body.
My memories are a series of episodes; brief flashes of illumination in darkest oblivion. What I can remember I remember vividly: the motherly embraces, the picture books she used to show me of the outside, the long, lazy winding smoke trails from my father's pipe as he read me stories. The pain. The fear. The tears. The shouting. Then worse: the numbness. The creeping, perfidious numbness that infected my limbs and then spread to my parents. The tears of love replaced by the tears of habit. The colours of life replaced by the colours of desperation. It is better not to remember.
The smiling face has been looking at me differently recently; the smile is less happy and more piteous. The eyes less radiant and more piercing. Less ocean and more drowning. Less wheat field and more bile. Less joy. More hysteria. The room is infecting him. I have caught the odd glances; the pained expressions. The dark resolutions forming slowly behind his gaze. My illness is his illness.
I suppose, in the time when I was in bed but not bed ridden, I have been outside. I have walked. I dream of it occasionally but it is a vague and poorly painted dream. I can hear the murmuring of a lot of people but it is distorted, their faces are blank? not blank but indistinct. I am surrounded by these people while I walk down an avenue lined with trees. The buildings are blurred but I catch glimpses of signs offering things I have no knowledge of. There is a creeping sense of unfamiliarity as it continues and things become increasingly alien to me: the people are more in focus but their features are abhorrent to me, the avenue is flowing together, the trees are larger and more verdant. The signs I can see no longer make any sense at all and there is a frightening element to their gaudy brightness and nonsensical language. I realise that it is not the place that does not belong but myself and this sickens me. I fall to the ground and the people offer hands to help but I cannot touch them. My head falls; I stare in to the blue sky (the only thing I recognise) and then I awake, staring at the window.
The smiles of the Outside man have become friendlier again but this strikes me as much worse; a resolution has been made but I am powerless to comprehend what it is. I am painfully aware that I can do nothing but wait.
The Outside man has replaced my other doctors: the shadows have taken a liking to him. He is around more and more. Leaning in, mumbling that it shall all be alright. I have nothing to fear. Hope is eternal. Death is kindness to the dead. I am alive however and try to tell him this with my eyes. The desperate stares seem to encourage him however and for my part I cannot stand to gaze in to the certainty of his.
The time has come. He is stroking my hair and whispering in to my ear.
"It will all be alright. I am here to help you. I love you," he announces in his kindly, fatherly tones whilst reaching in to his doctor's bag. He withdraws a small syringe filled with a clear liquid. I stare at it, then him.
"I am alive! Alive!" my eyes scream, desperately fighting the befuddlement of my heavy thoughts.
"That's right, I can cure your pain. Your misery. I have seen the desperation in your eyes, I understand what you want," he replies with a bittersweet smile. The more I fight the more leaden my mind becomes but I redouble my efforts; screaming at every part of me to move if only to save itself. My little finger twitches. It twitches and the pain returns. The pain long absent returns to remind me that I am alive. Elation swells in my breast and I determine to try once more. Again it twitches. Again there is pain. Again I am overjoyed. I return my gaze to him as if to scream triumphantly but he has not noticed. My hands are covered by my blankets. I twitch and twitch but am unable to disturb what is quickly becoming my tomb. He smiles at me once more before piercing the tube of my IV drip with the syringe needle.
As his thumb nervously hovers over the plunger I am aware of a faint tapping outside. My mother opens the door and walks in to the scene. I am saved. Her eyes grow wide as she gazes at the doctor, realisation slowly dawning. She screams and lunges at him, he falls over waving his hands and trying to explain.
"You sick bastard!", the first time I have heard my mother's voice in years, "he's my son! How could you? How could you!".
"He's sick and he's never going to get better. I am offering him the only peace he will ever have," he replies, the illness pouring from his mouth. Then, my mother faltered. Then stopped. Horror, blackest horror and betrayal, fills my mind with its bile. My mind is tarred shut. He stands and walks to the corner of the room, she follows and they murmur quietly. I strain to hear, desperate to know my fate but I can discern nothing but the occasional sorrowful glance back to me. When they have finished she approaches me, sitting on my bed she strokes my face and looks in to my eyes. I pour my heart, my soul? my very life in to my gaze. I look at her. She at me. Then, with a genuine expression of love, she turns to him and nods.
My life is forfeit. He returns to the syringe and pushes down. My delirium intensifies, my ears are filled with the murmuring of the people on that dream street. I scan the room from them, to the detestful walls and finally to the window. As I feel my vision fading I grasp at it mentally; my one solace. My mother and the doctor lean over, blocking it from view. I see the illness in their eyes.
---
My name is Gerald. I'm a truck driver. I work for the North American Transport Company (NATCO). I normally make runs up into southern canada, but this time was different. My boss had asked me to make a run up north, way north. It was further than I normally went, but the boss was offering me double overtime for this one run, saying it was for a really important client. Normally I would have put up more of a fight, as I liked to stick to my schedule, but I really needed the money.
The run was mostly uneventful, and went by rather quikly, as I seemed to be riding lighter than normal. The boss hadn't let me check the cargo, saying I didn't have time. Oh well, not really important to me anyway. After a good while on the road, it started to snow. Visibility was almost zero by the time I got to my destination. The stop was at a Bar & Grill aptly named the End of the Line. I went inside to find the owner. Inside I found a strange group of people, dressed funny, like from the olden days. Come to think of it, the place looked kind of old too. Well, it did take forever for new stuff to make it all the way up here, I figured. I went and talked to the barkeep, but he told me that the owner was out, and would be back shortly, and why not sit down for a bit while I waited. I figured it couldn't hurt anything, and I was getting kinda hungry for somethin' 'sides what I had brought along with me.
A tablet hanging on the wall behind the bar declared today's special to be 'The Best Damn Sandwich Ever' and a side of fries for $5. I decided to give it a shot, and told the barkeep to give me one. What he put out in front of me made me grimace. Before me was a sandwich, on plain white bread, filled with mustard, mayonaisse, ketchup, onions, tomatoes, pickles and a whole bunch of other condiments that seemed ready to burst out from between the slices, and all of it was centered around a thick slab of meat that defied indentification. I almost turned it down, but I had already payed, and years of living on truck stop fare had given me a cast iron stomach. I bit down into the soggy sandwich and nearly choked.
It was the best damn sandwich ever.
And the fries weren't half bad. I ate it like ravenous 'gator after a chicken, and the sandwich dissappeared far more quickly than I would of hoped. I asked the barkeep what had been in it, but he said it was a secret. I was a bit annoyed at first, but then I realized how silly that was. It was probably some kind of local animal I had just never tasted before. I decided that, since the proprietor had yet to return, that I would finally go check on the cargo. When I got to the truck however, I got very confused. Now I knew why I had seemed to be riding so light.
The trailer was empty.
At first I thought that mabye some local had pilfered my cargo while I was goofin' off, but there was no sign of it. I decided to call my boss and get to the bottom of this. When he picked up the phone, he seemed genuinely suprised to hear me, and kept dodging the question of what had become of the cargo. Finally I decided that I had had enough and hung up. I climbed in the cab of the truck and turned around, determined to get back to base as soon as I could. Let's just see that weasel squirm his way out of a conversation when we were face-to-face.
After about 15 minutes on the road, I came to a dead end. I had apparently missed the turn in the snow, so I turned around to check the way. After about a minute I saw the red neon sign of the End of the Line Bar & Grill. That was the last straw, I got on the phone to base, and after a few tries I managed to get through.
"What do you want now Gerald?" he asked on the other end.
"Dammit Jackson, you weasel! There was nothing in the trailer the whole way up here, meaning you wasted all my time for nothin. And don't even think about trying to weasel out of paying me, or I'll skin ya alive! And on top of that, this damn snow keeps getting me turned around. I can't get out of this place. When I get back to base, we are gonna have us a little talk?"
"Well of course you can't leave Jerry, these people payed good money for that cargo, so you can't just drive off with it." Jackson replied calmy on the other end.
"What the hell are you talking about Jackson, there was no cargo in that trailer!"
"Who said anything about the trailer, that was just there to keep you from getting suspicious."
"Suspicious of what?"
"Of the nature of your cargo."
"What in the hell are you talking about Ja?"
And the it dawned on me. He was talking about me! I was the cargo! What kind of sick shit was he trying to pull? I decided to get in the truck a try the highway again, but what I saw next made my blood run cold. The people in the bar were staring at me through the window. Their eyes were glowing red.
I jumped in the the cab and gunned it for the highway. After about twenty minutes, though, I noticed a red glow in front of me, and stopped the truck.
There, in the snow, was the End of the Line.
Preparing to back up and turn around, I saw something in the mirror that made my heart stop. In my rear-veiw mirror was the red neon sign of the End of the Line. That's when it dawned on me, I knew what the secret ingredient in the End of the Line Bar & Grill's "World Famous" 'Best Damn Sandwich Ever' was.
I thought to myself, as the red-eyed patrons circled the truck, "I wonder what his name was?"
---
If you ever find Dargaia?s nectar, you?ll probably be one of the ones who have been looking for it all their lives, and thus won?t need any instructions on what to do with it.
Just the same, it?s pretty simple, at least to start with. Make sure your affairs are in order (incase you have a bad reaction), and then? Bottoms up.
The coming months are the least pleasant part. You?ll find yourself unable to keep food down long before you?re far enough along to stop needing it. Same with sleep. The color of your blood will be off, and your veins will consequently stand out more. Expect a few ingrown body parts; little things, just fingers and ears and teeth, usually pressing up against the skin. Make sure you?re caught up on your booster shots because you?re never going in for a checkup again. Or wearing anything more revealing than a trenchcoat in public, most likely.
Eventually, a little cut on your belly will start ?unhealing?, becoming a puss-filled wound in a few days. Over the coming week, three things will emerge from this.
The first object resembles a greasy black beechnut with maybe a tooth or two growing from it. When you?re dead someone will eventually find it and use it to make a new batch of Dargaia?s nectar. Hide it well, make things fun for future generations.
The second object basically looks like a softball-sized cluster of veins, many of them broken and leaking oily black stuff, all wrapped around something. Then it?ll squirm and you?ll notice the twisted little skinless fetus in the middle. It will only survive for about twenty seconds. Burn the remains.
The third object will?
well, let?s just call it ?object 3″. It?s easier that way.
You can plant it anywhere you want. I advise some place where you don?t mind spending all your time and no one else would go. Your back yard or under your cellar works if you don?t have any roommates; as long as there?s fertile soil. Dig at least five feet down. It won?t want to be buried, but just keep piling dirt onto it (if you can still hear it when you?re finished you didn?t go deep enough).
Its veins (or roots, I guess) will eventually spread in all direction about a foot and a half for every year of your life. Grass and weeds will grow stiff and bony, or black and oily, or take on the color and texture of a spider bite, or rice paper. Wood will be infected too; you?ll hear the arteries in your walls pulsing on quiet nights. The ground will rot with dead insect and animal life. Don?t mow your lawn; it bleeds like hell.
This is your sanctuary.
No matter what threats or injuries beset you outside, here you will be safe and healthy. Well, what passes for ?healthy? for you now. And if you really hate someone, bring them here. Trick them into coming. They?ll get infected, one way or another; a lungfull of spore, a thornprick, a bit of residue on their hand. They will blood-vomit and the blood will have tiny centipedes in it. They?ll shit out their own spinal fluids. Their eyes will milk over and hatch; little spines and brambles will grow from the sockets. They?ll survive for months or years, doctors will be baffled, it will be completely fucking great.
That?s all for starters. You?ll learn more as you go. Much more. But if I told you everything now you might not do it.
Whatever you do, just guard it with your life, with your very soul. If you think you?re in danger of loosing it, dig it up, kill it with a silver needle, let someone else make a new one some day. You?ll feel as if you?ve pierced your own heart, but it?s better than letting it fall into the wrong hands.
Because you?re a Holder now.
And you?d better not let them come together.
---
The Intruder is a silhouette and similar in shape to a Siamese cat. When sitting, it is about 7.5 feet tall. It has two overly large, slanted eyes, which glow a bright fluorescent green, and have no pupils. It blinks these eyes occasionally. Other than the eyes, it has no other discernible facial or body features.
Whenever you enter your home after dark, The Intruder is always watching. It sits about 10 feet away from you in plain view. It remains immobile and does not even try to conceal its presence. While outside, it can only be seen by one person at a time. If it were to be within the sight range of two people then the first person who sees The Intruder would remain being able to see it while it would remain completely invisible to others.
It emits no noises of its own. The only time it can be heard is when it is stretching its claws on a tree or your house siding. If you approach it then it will run away very quickly and violently, kicking up dirt and rocks. The sounds of the wind from The Intruder?s movements and flying debris from under The Intruder?s feet can be heard. If you were to throw an object toward it or discharge a firearm at it you would get the same effect. Once you turn back to the door to insert your key you will find that The Intruder has noiselessly returned to its previous position where it continues to watch you.
Some say that The Intruder listens to your key hit the lock. They say that The Intruder can eventually ascertain the shape of your key simply by hearing the pins of your lock moving. It is unknown how many times The Intruder must hear you unlock your door before it can determine the exact shape of your key.
You see, The Intruder wants to kill you, that is, if this creature is even capable of wanting anything. Perhaps it is better to say that it intends to kill you. However, The Intruder can only kill you inside your house, and may not force its way in. Furthermore, it cannot enter an empty house. You must already be at home in order for it to enter. If you were to run outside of your house once The Intruder enters, The Intruder will pursue you, drag you back inside, and then kill you.
If you ever hear a key hitting your door in the dead of night then it may be The Intruder trying out its key that it has made. The Intruder only tries to use its keys when it is close to perfecting them, so if you do hear it trying to unlock your door then you can be certain that it will have a proper working key within a few nights. If you enter your house through another means, for example a garage or screen door, then you may suddenly find it them inoperable from the outside, through both remote or attempted physical operation of the door. If you attempt to leave your door unlocked in order to prevent The Intruder from hearing the shape of your key, then you may be disappointed to find that the door has been locked by the time you arrive at home.
If you hear a key hit your lock it is advised that you turn off all of your lights and attempt to push on the door to try and prevent The Intruder from entering, although it likely outweighs you. Once The Intruder enters your house all light sources above that of a candle become blinding to all inhabitants other than The Intruder. If you have time to light a candle then it is suggested, as this will allow you to see the silhouette without becoming blinded. A very small advantage that you may have is that, once it is inside a home, all inhabitants are able to see The Intruder simultaneously.
The Intruder will kill every human inside of the house. It will only attack pets if the animal chooses to engage The Intruder. Most animals choose not to engage. The only time that the Intruder will make any noise of its own is during a killing strike. The Intruder will make a quick hissing sound during this strike, and will not make this noise again until it claims its next victim. The Intruder has never been known to kill anyone without hissing at the killing blow. It will usually try to completely disable its prey to the point where it cannot move before such an action is taken. It is thought that The Intruder prefers to disable its prey before a kill strike because the act of hissing may be the only time that it is vulnerable to damage. This is purely speculation however.
---
You can see him in your dreams.
The man turned your sleepy little mountain town upside-down, and everyone's been abuzz since he arrived. Whenever you think about him, the warm glow of contentment suffuses you (why?) - this is the type of person you dream of meeting, you dream of being. What is he doing in a nowhere place like this?
It doesn't matter, you tell yourself (yes, it does). Why look a gift horse in the mouth? The man's done so much for the community, brought you all together? now that you think of it, you can't really think of what, exactly, he's done. But the fact that the community's better than ever can't be denied, and who can grudge him a few neighbors for that?
Come to that, you realize with a tinge of excitement, it's going to be your turn soon. You begin the walk to his house (nest?), even though you know you're early. You can hear Ms. Andrews, that girl from down the street, crying inside. Silly girl always was overemotional. "Thank you, thank yo?" you can hear her say before abruptly cutting off. Her turn, now my turn, you think with a smile on your face as you rap on the door.
After a long moment, the door swings open and the man (men have faces, what could this be?) opens the door. He gestures you inside, and you're struck at first by the odor of his house (nest) before he shuffles you over to one of the chairs. Ms. Andrews is sleeping (dead) in a nearby chair, poor girl must have tired herself out.
"Is it my turn yet?" you croak. It hurts to speak, and you realize you haven't spoken since you met this man.
The man (thing) nods wordlessly, and you realize you've never heard his (its) voice. Somehow, that doesn't matter. You smile, and despite yourself, you can't help but shed a tear of gratitude.
"Thank you," you say in that same rough voice, as he (it) leans closer to you.
You, too, will be host to his eggs.
---
I was deposited to awareness with an abruptness normally reserved for the newly born, and much like them, my first view of the world was enough to send me in to wracking sobs. I attempted to recoil, to fall back to the nothing that I had came from, but found myself frozen, my body not my own, only able to watch and look in horror at the world I now found myself in.
Cracked bricks and blocks formed an endless road before me, while behind laid only a flat mass of black more dark and empty then the place I had already come from. Stones and clumps of masonry floated here and there, as if frozen after being flung free by some massive explosion. Yawning tubes dotted this narrow, cyclopean highway, and the road has even crumbled away in sections, to reveal gaping maws of oblivion.
It was not this alien landscape that filled with me horror. While it gnawed and gnashed at the edges of my strength of mind, it was the subtle?awareness of the place that cause me to recoil in my frozen body. Everywhere, half-perceived faces leered from the bricks, the ground, the clouds. Everywhere eyes, dull but gleaming with a mocking, predatory awareness, seemed to watch, their vapid emptiness vanishing when perceived too closely.
Faced with the blank nothing behind me, or the unknown horror before, I forced my unresponsive limbs forward, each step a jerky ordeal. I kept my eyes locked ahead, seeing only the next step, the next stone, never looking at the impossible islands of floating, decayed brick that drifted over me, nor at the mocking faces laughing at my plight from every crevice.
Merely steps in to my journey, I froze, nearly recoiling back to beat at the blank nothing-wall behind me rather then take another step. Where before had been naught but the crumbling road, there was now another traveler. It shambled forward, slouching low under its own rotten weight, pulpy black lumps of feet slowly dragging it along the road. Two staring, blank eyes floated in the bloated, fungoid mass of its body, fixed on me with the unseeing focus of a mind as alien to mine as a deep sea worm.
I stood, frozen and uncomprehending as it slowly strode forward, its wheezing body barely bigger then that of a child. Its glaring eyes were fixed on me, the pulpy thing slowly drawing closer. I could not move. To retreat would result only in eventual capture by the thing, but to advance would mean crossing it, and the thought of touching that?thing?
The decision was made for me, for as the thing drew close, I was galvanized in to action. By horror or rage, I leapt forward, screaming nonsense, and struck at that bloated body. I kicked and stomped at it, crushing the flabby and far too soft flesh under me, sobbing in horror as I felt the flesh touch me, then melt away, rotting to nothingness in seconds, but leaving such a unclean memory in me that I knew I would feel that dull, soggy weight against me long after even the sweet, cold embrace of the beyond.
After that, I ran. I ran and cursed whatever black fate had brought me here, and obliterated my memory, my life, and left only the road, the eternal road. I would have cried, had balled up and thrown myself down one of the endless pits that had broken open the road, but I was compelled to continue, legs continuing in a jerky rhythm that propelled me over the crumbling brick, leaping across the pits even as I secretly wished to fall in to their depths and obliterate the road, the faces, and myself.
As I ran and jumped, I came to one of the thick, twisted tubes that dotted the claustrophobic landscape. I thought to look in for a moment, curiosity fighting to overcome my almost manic desire to be free of this place, but upon hearing a strange shuffling and gurgling, coupled with a deep, bass pulse from the bowels of the black pipe, I decide against it and squeezed around. As soon as I was past, there was a sudden rush of air behind me, followed by a sharp, oddly muffled snap, as if to iron bars wrapped in cotton had been thrown together behind me. I did not turn, merely using this to further galvanize my stuttering walk, ignoring the continued snapping and rustling as it faded behind me.
Far ahead, I saw a long, glossy stair, leading up, and beyond it what looked like a squat dwelling made of the same crumbling brick as the road. While I feared what may lie inside, the idea of someone else, some other person with which to share this horrible place with filled me with the first hope I had felt in hours. I ran, eyes fixed on that stair, and soared across the final gap. It was mid-way across the abyss when I saw the thing waiting on the other side.
It was a twisted parody of some kind of reptile. Its elongated face was filled with a dim sort of menace, and his mouth yawned in anticipation of my reaching the other side, the jagged edges glinting as it made a choking squeal. Its body balanced on two squat, shapeless legs, a shell of hard, cracked flesh encasing the bulbous torso. Two stunted limbs projected through the flaking shell, coated in fibrous growths, and slowly shifted in a sick mockery of wings.
I screamed and twisted, trying in vain to return to the far edge, but it was too late, and my struggles were enough to bring me short, slamming in to the hard wall of the pit, the thing above me shrieking in frustration as I fell. Down, and down, spinning in to the endless blackness, I felt the dark enclose around me. However, seconds before the emptiness could provide me its final solace, I suddenly remembered.
Endless roads, lakes of fire, crumbling tombs filled with the rotting, shambling bones of beasts, hazy forms of glowing slickly light following in the dark, floating networks of ancient wood drifting in a hot sky, it all came back to me in a flood, the remembrance of where I had been, what I had done, and knowing that it would continue.
I do not know how long I have done this, nor what I have done to earn this.
Only that I must walk the road.
Forever.
---
-Jan 1st, 2009
I've made my new-years resolution. I'm going to start writing again. I bought this journal at Barns and Nobel so I could get some creative juices flowing. I am writing out my thoughts as I think them so I do not forget anything that might be important to the story. Good luck, me!
Jan 1st, 2009
Idea: Bio-terrorism story. maybe something to do with a government cover-up. I know it sounds over done, but its worth a shot.
-Jan 2nd, 2009
I can't think today, journal. but, I suppose this shouldn't only be for Ideas. Today, the president gave an address to the nation. Something about 'Doing the best we can' or something. I couldn't really hear over the sound of my typewriter. I wasn't even really paying attention.
-Jan 3rd, 2009
I'm really starting to slip into the loop now, journal. Three more pages in just a few minutes. oh, I never remembered writing to be this much fun. I'm going to watch a bit of TV, and let my hands rest. So much fun!
-Jan 3rd, 2009
I'm deciding against watching TV right now. There is a storm warning or something scrolling down at the bottom of the TV, making a really loud annoying buzzing sound. It said something about staying indoors, so I figure its just another big storm or something. I'm going back to writing for today.
-Jan 4th, 2009
Someone came to the door. I think they were selling something, but they seemed hysterical, so I shut the door in their face. My concentration needs to be on my story right now. And also, a story landmark: Chapter 1 and two are now finished. I'm not giving away any secrets to you yet, journal, but I will say this: The story is far more realistic then anything I've ever written!
-Jan 5th, 2009
I've given my story a name, now, journal. I'm calling it 'The Four Horsemen' It sounds hokey, but hell, the story is coming along better then expected. So far, the main character seems to be the last man on earth after a horrible bio-terrorism attack. I can't remember ever being so wrapped up in a story before. I don't think I've left home in several days.
-Jan 5th, 2009
The electricity is browning out, so I'm writing all this by candle light. I think I'll speak with the Electric Company tomorrow, if I'm not to busy with the story.
-Jan 6th, 2009.
Guess I lost track of time today. I haven't visited the electric company today, though the power is completely out. Thankfully, my typewriter is mechanical. I think I'll go to the electric company when I am finished with this chapter.
-Jan 7th, 2009
Something?s happened. I went outside for the first time in what?s felt like forever, but it was so quiet. I live next to the highway, but the sounds weren't even coming from there anymore. I'm kind of creeped out, but I don't have time for such things. My story is almost finished.
-Jan 8th. 2009
Still no sound from anywhere. I still haven't gone to the electric company. I think my story is still too short, so I'm scrapping some of the end parts, and adding more to it. I tell you, when my publisher gets this, he will be ecstatic!
-Jan 9th, 2009
My candles are almost burned out, so I guess I should get some more. The electric company is to far a drive anyway. I don't want to be away from my story for too long, in case I get a good idea while I'm out.
-Jan 9th, 2009.
Couldn't get to the store, the roads are jammed, and nothing looked like it was moving. The cars were still running, though, so it must be a traffic jam. There is a lot of that around here. I figured I'd rather be at home writing then messing around with that kind of traffic.
-Jan 10th, 2009
Ok, this is starting to bug me. Those cars haven't moved STILL. I wound up behind the exact same jerk off in a white Pontiac that I did yesterday. I'm going back, to give him a piece of mind.
-Jan 10th.
That asshole wouldn't look me in the face when I was shouting at him. He was just staring ahead like some moron without a brain. But I suppose my story is more important then some idiot.
-Jan 11th, 2009
Typewriter is out of ink, headed to the store. I'm walking, so it will be awhile.
-Jan 11th, 2009.
The store was deserted, and smelled awful. All the electricity there was out, to, so that food has gone bad. I got my ink, and ran out of there. I don't know if its stealing or not. The man in the white Pontiac was smiling today. His car isn't running, either. His smile was creeping me out. It was big and toothy, like someone pulled his lips off. maybe writing will get the image out of my head.
-Jan 15, 2009.
I have been writing for so long, I don't think my hands can take it anymore. There is a loud annoying sound outside, like someone is shouting at the top of their lungs, and its been going like this for hours. I'm going to go investigate.
-Jan 15th, 2009
It was the man in the white Pontiac. His head was against the steering wheel, and sounding the horn. He was facing me when I got there, it was really creepy. I opened his door, and pulled him out. I think he was dead.
-Jan 16th, 2009
Journal, I think I'll go crazy if i don't get some company. i haven't seen anyone but the guy in the Pontiac in almost two weeks. My story is keeping me occupied, though.
-Feb 20th
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. The story is still going strong, though. I checked on Pontiac man a few days ago, and talked to him. he didn't talk back. He is good company. Its a long walk to see him, so i think I'll invite him over.
-Feb 23rd, 2009.
Pontiac man is here. he is watching me write, though I think its a little hard for him to see. his eyes are all white and puss-y. I hope he is alright.
-Feb 24th, 2009
Pontiac man stinks, so I gave him a bath. he was all bruised up under his clothes. i asked him if he got in a fight, but he didn't say anything. I think he is trying to hide something from me.
-Feb 25th, 2009
I have a new guest with me now. A nice lady from the store. She is watching me write, too. I like my friends.
-Feb 26th, 2009
Pontiac man and store lady aren?t with me write now. They were talking, so I left the room. I think Pontiac man is trying to hit on her, and I didn't want to interfere. My story is so good, right now, Journal.
-Feb 27th, 2009
I'm really hungry, but I'm all out of canned food. I don't want to go to the store, either.
-Feb 27th, 2009
Pontiac man tastes good.
-Feb 28th, 2009
Store lady is mad because I ate part of her boyfriend yesterday. I locked her in the bedroom, but I can still hear her shouting at me. She isn't as nice as Pontiac man. I bet she doesn't even taste good.
-Feb 28th, 2009
She does.
---
*shatter*
FLASH
I'm lying on the floor, in more pain than I've ever felt before. I guess this is what it feels like to have a bullet in your gut. The pain is a constant but everything else is fading: I must be losing blood fast.
Wait - how did I get here? The last thing I remember was the break-in, that little guy turning around as they ran, the gunshot? and Angie gasping, clutching her stomach, and collapsing in a pool of her own blood.
ANGIE! Where is my wife?! There, standing where I was when she got shot, she looks as shocked as I am. She rushes over to me, not even paying attention to the furniture in her way. The old oil lamp falls off the end table, hits the floor?
*shatter*
FLASH
The pain is gone, and I'm back on my feet. But I was just? oh God, Angie's on the floor bleeding, like she was before. I've got to help her, I try to get over to her, to help her, stop the bleeding, something, ANYTHING. My elbow brushes the old oil lamp, it falls?
*shatter*
FLASH
FUCKING OW! I'm back on the floor, but at least Angie's okay. What the Hell is going on here? First she's dying, then I'm the one dying, then her, then me again - and nothing else is changing at all! Angie runs over to me, bumps the table, knocks over that old lamp?
*shatter*
FLASH
Switched again? How? It doesn't matter - I have to help Angie. I rush over, knocking over a table on the way?
*shatter*
FLASH
I'm the one dying again, but Angie doesn't look like she's any happier. She looks so confused, so scared. She looks at me, at her stomach, at the lamp. Wait a minute - why is that lamp in one piece? I remember now, when that little slimebag shot Angie in the first place, I ran over to help her, but I knocked that lamp over on the way. I didn't see what happened to it, but I heard it break.
She picks the lamp up off the table, barely able to hold it her hands are shaking so badly. She lifts it up above her head, throws it down?
*shatter*
FLASH
Standing and healthy again. I look out the door, see the two thugs running, not ten feet from where they were when they shot Angie. The lamp's back, too - does it rewind time or something? What the Hell is going on? How does some random oil lamp I bought in a store as a decoration somehow rewind time, and how do Angie and I keep getting switched?
No time to think about stuff like that. I know how little time Angie has: I could feel it when I was the one on the floor. There's no way an ambulance could get here in time, even if somebody else called them the instant they heard the shot. The only way to save her now is for me to be the one that dies. I grab the lamp and hurl it to the floor?
*shatter*
FLASH
It worked - I'm back on the floor. I see Angie reaching for the lamp, try to tell her that it's all right, tell her to let me go, but it's too late. The lamp falls?
*shatter*
FLASH
I grab the lamp, look down at my poor Angie, and tell her I'll save her?
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
We've been married almost twenty years - known each other twice that. Childhood friends, highschool sweethearts, always together. Everybody pretty much knew we'd end up married. I've sworn to myself ever since I was a kid: I'd always protect her, no matter what, even if it cost me my life?
*shatter*
FLASH
So why won't she let me?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
I wonder if this thing ever runs out of juice? If it does, I hope it's while I'm the one down?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
I grabbed so fast, the lamp's glass chimney came loose in my hand. I throw it down in frustration?
*shatter*
FLASH
Huh - I guess it works with just the chimney. That'll make things faster, if nothing else?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
At this point, I'm pretty sure that if whoever's down dies before the lamp breaks, it won't switch us again. I just need to keep it in one piece long enough that I die before Angie can take my place?
*shatter*
FLASH
I grab the chimney, and wait. Watching her suffer like this, watching the life drain out of her without doing anything to stop it, it feels like my heart and soul are being ripped apart, but I have to wait as long as I can. If I delay the switch, it should put me closer to dying when we switch, and maybe Angie won't have time to switch back?
*shatter*
FLASH
DAMN. All the way back to when the lamp broke the first time. Delaying isn't going to work?
*shatter*
FLASH
I apologise to Angie for letting her suffer so long last time, and beg her to just let me die, let me save her?
*shatter*
FLASH
Angie begs me to let her die, let her save me?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
I think I may actually be starting to get used to the pain - the physical part, at least. They say a person can get used to anything, but nothing dulls the horror of helplessly watching the woman I love dying slowly on the floor. I HAVE to save her?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
By the rest of the world's reckoning, it was only a few minutes ago that we were cleaning up after dinner. Then those two thugs, bold as brass, just kicked in the front door. The big guy started grabbing whatever he could, while the little one ran room to room. He was probably looking for us, since he stopped when he found us hiding in the kitchen, pointed that gun at us, and ordered us into the living room?
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
We watched as they tore apart our home, grabbing whatever caught their fancy, and smashing a lot of what didn't. While the big guy was all business, the short one kept coming back to threaten us. The little rat giggled every time he made us flinch by jabbing us with his gun. That sick fuck must get off on hurting people - I saw the look on his face when he turned, gun in hand?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
Maybe if I could kill myself somehow before Angie could smash the chimney again, I could break the cycle on the right side. The problem is I only get a couple of seconds?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
Nope, that didn't work, either. Can't convince Angie to just let me die - she's obviously as set on saving me as I am on saving her. I'll find some way to kill myself in time?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
How many times have we gone back and forth? I haven't exactly been counting, but it must be hundreds. Or thousands?
*shatter*
FLASH
________________________________________
*shatter*
FLASH
I don't remember my name. I don't remember who I am, where I grew up, or much of anything else that happened more than a minute ago by the rest of the world's time. We've been going back and forth for pretty much as far back as I can recall - years, at least. All I really remember clearly is that I can't let her die?
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
*shatter*
FLASH
---
The smell of the place was putrid, rotting meat and formaldehyde, along with the coppery scent of blood.
Michelle's first reaction was to turn her face way from the breeze carrying that awful smell, as her mind began to struggle through the haze of drugs into consciousness. When she finally managed to crack her eyes open, she was greeted with a bare bulb hanging from a dirty concrete ceiling, rather than the expected sight of her bedroom. Michelle?s confusion at this strange sight was dulled by the fading, yet still pervasive fog of sedatives clouding her brain. She attempted to sit up, but all that she accomplished was a weak wriggle of her back muscles as she pushed up against the ropes (?) holding her down to the table.
A face appeared at the edge of her vision, the surgical mask stretched across it stained with old blood. A shaved head shone in the glare of the bulb, the pale flesh almost luminescent. Glassy, slightly manic eyes stared down from above the mask.
?You?re awake! Wonderful! I?ve been waiting for hours. I thought about waking you up, but you seemed so worn out that I just didn?t have the heart to deprive you of your rest. After all, today is going to be a rather busy day for you!?
Michelle opened her mouth to speak, but only managed a harsh gurgle. The confusion was rapidly turning to panic. How had she gotten here? The last thing she remembered she had been going to the post office while Greg looked after the baby? ?Oh, don?t try to talk! You?ll only manage to hurt your throat. You don?t want to irritate what?s left of your vocal cords, do you?? What was left? What had happened to her?
?A shame about that by the way, but I couldn?t have you thanking me too loudly, now could I? I mean, the last several people I helped were so loud. The neighbors raised such a fuss; even called the cops! Said I was a crazed madman. They said I was a killer! The nerve of it! Slandering a good Samaritan?s name like that??
As the man chattered on, he was also moving around the room, though she couldn?t see what he was doing. A clattering noise and some clinking only made her more panicked. She tried to sit up again, and though she could muster more of an effort this time, her attempts were again fruitless. She could barely move her head, and the straps holding her down, (a surgical table?) made it so she could only stare at the ceiling and the walls to her side. What she saw there only made her more terrified. Photographs taped to the wall, scenes of torture and carnage that had been highlighted on the nightly news for weeks.
??I mean, a photographer would want to see the world through a lens right? So I was helping him! And he was grateful! If he wasn?t grateful, why would he be screaming with joy??
The man, apparently finished with his task, moved behind her head and set something down with a harsh click. Glass on metal. Other objects rattled loudly on the surface.
?But enough about my past works. I don?t want to brag. Bragging is for the prideful, and the Lord teaches us not to be prideful. So, let?s talk about you, Michelle. I have to say, I?m really happy that I saw you on the street a few days ago! Ever since I had to leave Wisconsin, I?ve been having a hard time picking who to help out! But then I saw you, walking down the street, and I saw that you needed my help more than anyone. That look of loss in your eyes, like you needed someone to give you purpose, to reaffirm your life? That spoke to me. And so I decided to answer your plea, and here we are, ready to get you back on the right track!?
The man reached down and grabbed her jaw firmly, and with his other hand reached into her mouth and fixed something in place over her teeth. A mouth guard, made of rubber. He patted her cheek as his hand withdrew. ?Don?t want you to bite your tongue. Not before we?re finished.? She stared at him, beseeching him with her eyes to let her go. He paid no heed, too lost in his own thoughts.
?Where was I? Ah yes. So I followed you, and I saw your life. The love you have for your husband, and your child. But I noticed that you were unhappy, particularly when your son and husband weren?t with you. Feeling lonely? Didn?t know what to do? I understand. Some people mock homemakers, saying they?re just a relic of a past time, but I disagree. I think it?s your choice, and you?ve made a worthy decision. So let?s get you back in that role you chose!?
He reached down and picked something up from behind her. As he walked around to stand next to the table, she saw the scalpel glint in his hand. Her eyes widened. She began to hyperventilate, the breaths through her nose sucking in more of that stench, making her gag. With one hand he held her stomach down, while with the other he reached down and slit the shirt she was wearing, exposing her abdomen. The scalpel continued cutting, drawing a burning line down her diaphragm. The wet, warm feeling of her own blood trickling down her sides as each breath began to hurt. He stepped back and put the scalpel back behind her and his hand came back up holding a large jar. The source of that earlier sound. The smoked sides gave no indication of what was inside, beyond faintly discernable motion. He turned it upside-down, and unscrewed the lid, holding it over the mouth as he brought it next to the cut.
?Now, don?t worry. This may sting at first, but its all right. A little pain is worth purpose, right??
The hand holding the lid flashed away as he firmly pressed the jar down on the cut. Michelle?s breaths were harsh as she felt the sharp pinpricks of the feet of the creatures inside the jar. She tried to struggle but was still too weak, the pain from her diaphragm and the psychological shock of what was going on making her movements pathetically impotent. He looked down at her, one hand dropping the lid on the ground to come up and stroke her hair.
?You?ll soon be all better. Let them inside and they?ll never leave you alone like your family does. Just what a homemaker would want, right??
His hand moved past her head, back to grab something from behind her. A tuning fork. He sharply rapped it against the side of the jar, frightening the insects inside. Michelle screamed inside her mind as the first slipped inside, a burrowing pain in her entrails. More and more entered her, a gnawing tide clawing and biting at whatever it needed to get away. Tears streamed down her cheeks as more blood began to pour from around the jar, sliding down her ribcage and the writhing bulges under her skin. Her heart beat faster and faster, until the sensation of prickling feet and devouring mandibles entering it caused it to cease completely.
The man looked at the slowly cooling body of what was once a human being, now just a hive. He reached down to the surgical table and picked up a camera. Another successful mission of mercy.
---
After the third day since the first injection, Brian knew there had been a mistake.
He could even pinpoint the exact moment he figured it out. The nurse had pressed the tip of the needle to his skin, and as it broke the flesh, every nerve in his body lit on fire. His wild, enraged backhand had caught her right across the jaw, the animalistic, pained bellows coming out of his mouth drowning out the noise of her neck snapping like so much dry cordwood. It had taken ten men to hold him down, and the sedatives had been another bonfire of agony coursing throughout his system.
They never said it would be like this. When he?d signed up for the enhancile treatments he was promised that he would be faster, stronger, invincible. He would be a god, no, a titan, striding through the battlefield, laying waste to anything that dared to cross his path. Day Four was spent having his contract explained to him. In all his frenzied daydreaming he had missed the part of the contract that said, in the finest small print military dollars could buy, ?Mark I Serum is still in alpha testing phase?. In English that came out ?we fucked up and when we boosted your muscles, we also heightened your senses, to the point where every breath of air is burning pain?. His gratitude had been overflowing, then, later; it had just been a rage fueled punch to a doctor?s face, interrupting some bullshit explanation about how it wasn?t their fault.
In the middle of day five there had been talk: talk of ?testosterone overproduction?, and ?exponential aggressiveness growth?. Brian found he was beyond caring as his fists drove into the concrete, splinters puncturing, pain searing up his arms. Pain was good. He liked the pain now. It made all that beautiful red appear in front of his eyes. He could lose himself in it. Drown out the screaming, (and it was screaming now, someone was very frightened, maybe of him, and Brian laughed in his chest at the thought as the men in the other room went dead quiet) about ?mutagen coalescence? and how this was all Thomson?s goddamn fault.
He hadn?t cared. By day six, everything had gotten so very simple. He'd wanted food, so he'd hunted down a scientist and bit off a piece. His head felt different, like there was more bone there. The red fog never went away and his thoughts drifted across it as the soldiers poured into the room. The first few bullets lodged in his chest, the force absorbed by the spiny plates growing just under the skin. He had swung one massive hand, ridged with white protruding bone, and pulverized a helmet. The men at the end of the hall had screamed about backup and how ?firebreak? needed to be used. He ignored it, with all the men firing at him it had seemed unimportant, and the red whispered to him how good it would feel to just take the tattered remains of his skin off and let his muscles breathe. It was only when he ran out of soldiers that he looked around. The idea of retreat no longer had any place in his fury-soaked brain. He?d run through the halls of the base and roared, daring them to challenge him. The beeping echoing was just another distraction. He ignored it.
As a consequence of this, the slow inability to breathe and the soft fall into blackout from oxygen starvation was less surprising than the fact that he could still die.
________________________________________
?Goddamn mess. The whole thing.?
?Look General, we said-?
?You said it was goddamn safe! That we would have a working prototype in a year, and mass-production in two more!?
?And we thought we were right! No one could have foreseen that, that THING being created!?
?That?s your fucking job isn?t it?! To think ahead! Not to fuck up so badly we have to pump halon into the goddamn vents! And don't tell me that's nothing to worry about! You were five seconds from dying yourself you little shit!?
?We?ll figure a way to explain this all away. We?ll be fine-?
?No. There is no ?We?.?
??You?re not seriously suggest-?
?It?s either I throw you to the dogs, or we all get nine-millimeter retirements. I'm gonna have a hard enough time spinning this towards the equipment and specimens saved, rather than the dozens of personnel dead.?
?I-?
?You knew the risks when you signed up for the job. And I?m not going to die because you tried to be God. Good bye Doctor.?
??Well. I guess I?ll see you in hell then??
?Not if that thing is waiting for you there.?
---
I am followed by fire.
It sounds really, really weird, I know, but it?s true. Every house, every apartment I?ve ever lived in has burned to the ground. Even stranger?it?s predictable. If I lived somewhere for six years, six years after I move out it goes up in flames. It?s not exact, but its close, usually accurate to within two or three months.
It?s true. I?m not sure when I noticed the pattern for the first time, but it's always been there. When I was just a kid, right after I was born, my family lived in an old house behind my grandmother?s house. We were there until I was two, when we moved. I remember visiting my grandmother?s at four, watching the smoldering embers of the little house and the curling smoke rising into the air. Old wiring from the 50?s finally gave out.
From the shack, we moved to a farm. We weren?t well off enough to own it or anything, but we did run it for the local doctor. The farmhouse wasn?t that big, and most of my childhood memories come from the cozy, family setting it engendered. Here, I remember Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays. I think of it whenever I think of ?back home.? We lived there from when I was two until I was nine, when the doctor we worked for died. At fifteen, it burned, an old tree struck by lightning sparking off the blaze.
The third house I lived in was the second to burn to the ground. We only lived there for around two years, so it happened when I was thirteen. It was an old house, a very old house. What I remember most was its shape. We called them ?shotgun? houses, because you could fire a shotgun from one end and it would pass all the way through to the other. One room after another, all in a straight line, built as needed. It was, honestly, very old and dry. I?m not surprised that the heating stove in the front room sprung a leak on the tenants after us.
Other than where I?m at now, the only place left is my parent?s current house. When they asked me why I was moving all my stuff stored in the basement out, I didn?t have the heart to tell them, so I made up some excuse about having my old books and stuff closer to college. I didn?t know what else to say.
When I turned nineteen, I moved out of my parent?s house, and went to college. Before renting the house I live in now, I stayed in an apartment in the city. I shared it with a couple of assholes that seemed nice enough before I moved in. Everyone knows the type. Won't pay their bills on time. Eats whatever they can lay hands on. It got worse and worse until I made up my mind. When I'd finally had enough, I left. We were four months into a one year lease. Now I'm just keeping an eye on the news. Waiting for the sparks. A gas leak, a stray match? Sooner or later, they'll burn.
They always burn.