The Story of the Seven Deadly Sins (Closed, Started)

[DarkRawen]

[HEADING=1]The Story of the Seven Deadly Sins[/HEADING]

Seven people wake up in the middle of an ancient temple. The floor and walls are of a dark-sand colored stone that is warm to the touch, and it is oddly light, despite having apparent source of light. However, as they look around, they find that there are no walls, the floor they stand on seems to be surrounded by an endless flow of lava. Somehow, they are not melting, but it is hot enough to be uncomfortable. They are not dressed very heavily, but rather in thin and dark cloaks that covers just enough. If there is a ceiling it is so high up that is cannot be seen or reached. Around them, there are a number of obelisks in different shapes and colors. All are made of stone, and between each pair of matching ones, there is a mirror into another world. Each of these is a trial, a level to clear. In the middle of the room, a circle is drawn, like that of alchemy, but for now, it only seems like a decoration. It is a strange and wondrous place, and none of them know why they are there.

Suddenly, a man appears in front of them. His face is obscured by a mask far too similar to a human face, and he is dressed in white. On his back, there are two broken bones sticking out, almost as if he used to have wings. His hair is long and blonde, almost white in color. He speaks.

They have all committed a grave sin, he tells them.

"Luxuria, Gula, Avaritia, Acedia, Ira, Superbia and Invidia. I have waited."

He lets the words hang in the air for a while. With a sinister grin he then explains that this is a special part of Hell, and that they have been chosen for a trial because of their past deeds. Should they succeed in passing all of the trials then they will be set free to the outside, and should they fail... well, that remains unsaid.

"Now, let the game begin."




Hello, I'm DarkRawen, this is a weird RP idea, but it might appeal to people. I do hope so, obviously. My Co-GM will be IFS, and I look forward to seeing how it will turn out.

Spoiler: The RP

This RP is a character-based story where the goal is to solve different conflicts in all of the Levels. These conflicts will be based on several things, and can be solved in several ways, all depending on player creativity and powers. There will be puzzles, but I will provide clear hints to them, especially if people are having trouble solving them (which I highly doubt) While it might seem like there's a specific ending to the RP, the truth is that the outcome is far from decided, and that it won't be before all the Levels are cleared.

Spoiler: Setting

The setting will be that room in Hell, and the different worlds. Each of them will be described when the different windows are entered. I have not yet decided the exact number of windows, because I'm not sure how many I want yet. There will be more than seven, but less than 13, and none will be based on a simple sin. If you do want to suggest a level and/or conflict/puzzle, please send me a PM, I would be very interested in seeing that. Most of the levels will have a distinct feeling of the fantasy genre, there will be very little to no sci-fi, and some might not make sense at all.

Spoiler: Power

The power is meant to be a punishment as much as a tool. With that said, I would like to make a few restrictions. Basically, the power cannot be "turned off", and will either work upon touch, speech, or be a passive effect that's always working. It also has to be a hinder for their enjoyment and their sin. An example would be that Wrath might restore whatever he tries to punch, or that Envy can create a copy of just about anything, but it will never be as good or desirable as the original, and he can never obtain the original itself. Be creative, but keep the punishment part in mind. Also remember that the powers as tools means that everyone can't have someone with offensive powers that's only good for fighting, and that the characters won't get anything from attacking each other.

Spoiler: Rules

- No Trenchcoating or Mary Sues. (if that's even possible with these characters.)

- I will accept 7 sheets, one of each sin. I might seem a bit strict, but I will accept any
sheet that is good enough, and give feedback within a day if there is changes needed to your sheet.
(If not, there will be a good reason for it, but it shouldn't happen. If it should happen, there is a great chance I will ask the Co-GM, IFS, to give feedback instead.)

- Common sense is required, as odd as that sounds. Basically, don't write posts with a lack of a certain amount of logic.

- Feedback, comments and suggestions are all very welcome, but don't be rude about it, please.

- Be civil to other people too, even if you don't agree with them.

Spoiler: Sheet

Sin: (Latin name if you want to be fancy, English name if you like to keep things simple.

Name: (You can also skip this and refer to your character as the sin.)

Appearance: (You can choose to either have a picture, just text, or picture and text.Please note that they will not have many items at all. The only item apart from basic clothing will be an item that makes it clear which sin they represent. Currently, I was thinking items with a gemstone in a specific color, but you can also suggest something better. The item will be theirs alone, and cannot be given to anyone else, nor lost/thrown away. They possess a completely dark cloak in Hell, which are closed and cannot be removed. Their outfits in the Levels are designed to fit the current setting, but can be decided by the player. The clothes will have to be simple and inexpensive, and often put them under the label of travelers. They will always consist of basic clothing, with no additional items.)

Personality: (The character is an extreme, so you have to make them a very bad person, who has done bad things. You can go with the redemption sort of character, but please note that the sin in them will have to be strong still, and that they do not fully regret what they did, because else they wouldn't be there, representing their sin.)

Power: (This one might be the most difficult one to do, so it is described in it's own spoiler. Remember that it's supposed to be both a tool and a punishment.)

Backstory: (You can have a little about childhood and life before their most evil and extreme deed, but the deed is undeniably the most important. The deed has to be pretty damn bad. You can also write how they die, but the character can't know how they died unless it's logically that they do. You can choose which "time period" it is, but it is more alike fantasy than real life, and one should give as little details as possibly when it comes to the setting of the backstory, as it will not be that relevant later.)

Accepted Players:
Avaritia/Greed - Ruedyn
Ira/Wrath - VonKlaw
Superbia/Pride - cori
Luxuria/Lust - Terratina.
Acedia/Sloth - roushutsu
Invidia/Envy - Quintley
Gula/Gluttony - IFS

 

[IFS]

Hey everyone, I'm IFS your (hopefully) benevolent Co-GM. I will be attempting to give feedback on all the sheets (usually after Rawen has), if you would prefer that I do so via PM rather than in the thread say so in your post. I look forward to seeing what submissions we get.

 

[Ruedyn]

Spoiler: Greed

Sin: Avaritia

Name: Sinclair Pierrick

Spoiler: Appearance

Stands at 6'2, picture explains the rest

His burden is a large silver disc, the size of his palm, with symbols of a shadowy figure sneaking through a forest and getting caught on a bear trap forming a ring around the center, where a bright and flashy yellow gem sits. It's worn around his neck as an amulet.

Personality: Greed is ruled by avarice, as his name suggests. He feels compelled to steal, to take what should naturally be his. His obsession is just that, he will do everything in his power to get the things he seeks. Greed is an out bisexual, and tends to act a bit lustful when a person catches his eye. He is also a bit of a coward, though quick witted enough to usually get out of it, and can even be arrogant in his abilities as a thief and highway man.

Power: With but a touch, Greed simply destroys whatever he's holding, so long as it is not organic material. He can hold onto a plant, but if he were to hold a weapon or shiny object, he can only watch as it slowly but surely turns to nothing, as it's very atoms are ripped apart. He can't control it, though his Burden seems fine despite how long he holds it.

Backstory: Sinclair was born the son of a wealthy, if miserly, merchant in a southern land. He was forced to work for his money, like his 10 brothers. Unlike them, he had no true skill beyond his swift hands and handsome face. His path in life became obvious, though it was difficult. The worst part was being quiet about something he was so good at...

Sinclair never truly had a definitive moment of sin, it was rather stretched out over his lifetime. His descent began when he his dear Father laid on his deathbed, and Sinclair was but 17. His father turned to the boy, and told him that he knew of his hobby, his job. Sinclair responded by putting a pillow over the old man's face. It wasn't out of wrath, but necessity, the wealth was meant for Sinclair. He needed it, to live, to keep himself sustained.

He fled the city after that, it was too dangerous, too many questions. He was forced to have three of his brothers killed in their sleep, more inheritance for him of course. He hired mercenaries from the next town, he promised riches from a life of banditry, in so many words. His band answered in force, they roamed the country side for many months before his group put Sinclair down.

During this time, in Sinclair's reign of fear, the band preyed on small villages mostly. They would attack them, burn a few houses and the churches. The children always made good bargaining chips when he separated a family from their wealth. Oh how many little ones felt the prick of his blade against their throats. Women too, the fathers always put up the most fight. A sign of times, perhaps.

They moved up, eventually. Small towns weren't enough when a group catches attention from other groups doing similar. Sinclair's group were trained, others flocked to them, followed their example, offered gifts. Why, Sinclair lived like a king for a while, mountains of money, valuable religious symbols, gems, paintings, the odd person sold into slavery (sex or otherwise). He was living large by his 25th birthday.

That's the day his men turned on him.

His head was put on a pile of coins, in his mouth a single yellow gem.

There we go.

 

[VonKlaw]

Spoiler: Ira/Wrath

Sin: Ira/Wrath

Name: ??

Appearance: Ira is a fairly tall (6"1) and solidly built male (practical muscular), with dark brown hair that has begun to age with grey early and pale blue eyes. His face (and body, although these aren't generally visible) has numerous scars through rough training and years of fighting, but is otherwise fairly ordinary.

His burden is a bloodstained blindfold, encrusted with a small, damaged ruby between the eyes. He is unable to remove the blindfold, though it somehow does nothing to limit his vision beyond tinting everything with a slight red shade.

Personality: Ira is generally a quite individual, having been taught that individuals are defined by actions rather than words. His view of everything is incredibly black and white, based on his religious views and fanaticism. Because of this, he is typically unable to work with views that differ from his own, treating them with quiet contempt at best and outright hostility at worst.

Power: Ira can move through people, who he cannot touch at all, and objects, to a certain degree, through he is unable to tell whether it would be possible for him to do so until he tries. This power appears to be a punishment to ensure that Ira is unable to physically hurt other people. He can still touch objects, though the power appears to stop him doing anything that would harm another person (i.e. he can pick up and pass a dagger to somebody else, but attempting to throw it at anybody would cause him to "move through it" before he could do so.

Backstory: A medieval knight and religious zealot, Ira's life was defined by warfare. As he grew from boy to man, resentment grew within him at having to follow orders by those he viewed as incompetent who had been given power through "divine right" without being questioned. In time, he became a veteran - frequently seen at the front line despite his rank, guided by an unquestioning view that God that was on his side.

During a long and bitter war against a different region with differing religious views, Ira was eventually made commander of a large force charged with sieging an important supply city. The siege was long and brutal, but they were eventually successful. Religious doctrine dictated everyone who had defended the city should be slain, for they had been given the chance to repent and had refused, but Ira was ordered to spare them - his leader, tired of the cost of the war, was incredibly close to a peace settlement. Unable to hide his resentment any longer, Ira refused the order. With a small band of equally fanatical followers, he entered the city to slay the defenders. Once inside, and blinded by his fanaticism, Ira could no longer differentiate between civilians and defenders. He ordered everyone in the city to be slain (himself reveling in doing so) before burning the city to the ground.

Horrified by what Ira had done but unable to execute him due to his rank, his leader banished Ira for his heinous act. But the damage had already done - furious at the massacre of the city, peace talks failed and the nations were condemned to years of further fighting...

Let me know what you think (preferably in PM) and let me know if I need to change anything.

 

[Shadowstar38]

Spoiler: Gluttony

Sin: Gula

Name: Gula

Appearance: Gula is a black male of average height. He weighs 230 pounds with muscular arms and a fat stomach. He has brown eyes, and his long black hair is styled into braids. He wears faded jeans and a white undershirt under his black cloak. He keeps a black bandana tied over his mouth when traveling.

Gula's burden takes the form of a brown, cloth mask over the top half of his face. Metal wires come off the mask to the inside of his mouth, binding a blue gem into his tongue.

Personality: Feeding is the only thing that's ever on Gula's mind. He sees all but a select few living organisms as a potential meal, and even those he doesn't eat he salivates off their scent. His lack of value for life as made him brutal and masochistic to anyone in his path, resulting in snapping without provocation.

Power: Anything that enters Gula's mouth melts down into a vile tasting, black tar. This makes the process of getting anything past his stomach intolerable at most times. This liquid can spewed out and will begin to take a more solid form within a few moments.

Backstory: Gula grew up in Los Angeles during the 20th Century. He was known by classmates and neighbors as the child with the most ravenous appetite in town. As he got into his late teens, he began to fill himself with alcohol and drugs, as well as fating foods.

Unable to stand Gula's habits, and having other children to think about, Gula's parents kicked him out and he was made to fend on the streets. After he lowering himself to picking scraps from the trash, Gula's hunger prevailed to the point he was willing to feed on human meet to survive. Soon, members of the homeless community he had joined were disappearing.

Upon clearing out an old building used by squatters, Gula contacted friends from his old neighborhood that had joined gangs. He licensed himself out as a cheap hitman, with the condition that he be allowed to keep the victims for his freezer. He made a hefty living well into his 30's, until the police began closing in.

 

[DarkRawen]

Spoiler: Gluttony

Sin: Gula

Name: Gula

Appearance: Gula is a black male of average height. He weighs 230 pounds with muscular arms and a fat stomach. He has brown eyes, and his long black hair is styled into braids. He wears faded jeans and a white undershirt under his black cloak. He keeps a black bandana tied over his mouth when traveling.

Gula's burden takes the form of a brown, cloth mask over the top half of his face. Metal wires come off the mask to the inside of his mouth, binding a blue gem into his tongue.

Personality: Feeding is the only thing that's ever on Gula's mind. He sees all but a select few living organisms as a potential meal, and even those he doesn't eat he salivates off their scent. His lack of value for life as made him brutal and masochistic to anyone in his path, resulting in snapping without provocation.

Power: Anything that enters Gula's mouth melts down into a vile tasting, black tar. This makes the process of getting anything past his stomach intolerable at most times. This liquid can spewed out and will begin to take a more solid form within a few moments.

Backstory: Gula grew up in Los Angeles during the 20th Century. He was known by classmates and neighbors as the child with the most ravenous appetite in town. As he got into his late teens, he began to fill himself with alcohol and drugs, as well as fating foods.

Unable to stand Gula's habits, and having other children to think about, Gula's parents kicked him out and he was made to fend on the streets. After he lowering himself to picking scraps from the trash, Gula's hunger prevailed to the point he was willing to feed on human meet to survive. Soon, members of the homeless community he had joined were disappearing.

Upon clearing out an old building used by squatters, Gula contacted friends from his old neighborhood that had joined gangs. He licensed himself out as a cheap hitman, with the condition that he be allowed to keep the victims for his freezer. He made a hefty living well into his 30's, until the police began closing in.

Since you didn't specify, I'm assuming you want feedback here.

Anyways, I do have issues with this sheet. Firstly, a few minor things. The humans are wearing nothing under the cloaks as they are really not the person having been taken there, but the soul that has gone to hell after dying. Secondly, I don't really understand how Gula is supposed to use his power with a gem (Also, Gula is Orange, Not Blue, just a very minor thing) and several wires in the way. The mask over the eyes is also rather similar to what the sheet above yours have, so I would try to avoid it altogether if I were you. The personality is fine, perhaps a bit too wrathful, but that's more personal preferences.

So, then there's the power. Thing is, I don't really know how it would be useful for most things, as I'd need to know more about what happens when it takes a solid form. Can you form it? Is it really tough? Slimey? Basically, what is the uses for it?

The thing that troubles me the most is the backstory, though. I did say it should be more fantasy than real life, and that I would rather not have a lot of details when it comes to the setting. Since you've given not only a time, but a real place, it sort of seems a bit off compared to what I asked for. There is also the fact that while you've described what his deed was, you haven't really been clear on it. He was a cannibal hitman? How many people did he kill? And did he eat them alive, or kill them and then eat them? It's with the deed I really want the details.


I do hope this doesn't discourage you, I like the idea, but I need to make sure that 1. I have enough info to work with, and 2. it doesn't clash with the theme/setting/details of the RP.

 

[cori]

Spoiler: Superbia/Pride (edited)

Sin: Superbia/Pride
Name: Seera
Appearance: She is mixed blooded Asian and European with long red wavy hair and stands roughly 1.78m. She's extremely skinny with an angular face. She has a violet coloured gemstone tied onto her ankle.

Personality: She is very haughty and thinks everybody is below her. She is manipulative and willing to go to extremes to get what she wants but will not under any circumstances put herself in a lower position than someone else. She is very competitive and believes she has superior power mentally and physically. She is very aware of her beauty and has a narcissistic streak. She hates men in general and can kill in a heartbeat without feeling guilt. She is vengeful and any insult you direct at her will be remembered and a consequence will be dealt out.

Spoiler: Power

Power: She has the ability over time. She can use this power to simply travel through time or she can heal others by reverting time on that person. However by using this power, she ages a proportion of the time she rewinds for the person or the action, placing a strain on her beauty which she values above all else.

Backstory: Seera was the youngest child in a royal family. Due to her upbringing, she often competed for her parents' attention with her siblings and have always won due to her dominating personality. Being spoilt by her family, Seera's always had a competitive streak and loved to have the best things and be the best at what she did. She would often go into a sulk for multiple days refusing to eat or talk if someone beat her at an activity she was good at or if one of her siblings were praised for something whilst she was not. She had no friends because of this. Despite this, she had plenty of suitors.

She was considered almost an attraction in the kingdom. Her beauty was unmatched and she knew it. The walls of her room are lined with mirrors, often family heirlooms, that she had gathered from other girls after she ordered the ban of using mirrors by peasants. If anyone except from the royal family or noble women were caught with a mirror, it was an execution on the spot. Ever since turning 16, every month Seera would murder a maiden whom she considered to be competition in terms of beauty and bathed in her blood in the hopes of achieving eternal youth. She has kept this dark secret from all around her except a selected few servants whom she has marked as "hers" by scarring their face so they could never marry.

Being feared and/or adored by all since she was born, she had forgotten what rejection felt like. When she finally fell love with a man from another noble family, they decided to leave their families and start a new chapter of their lives, together. Knowing the man only loved her for what she showed on the outside and living in fear of losing him if he saw the evil deeds she committed, Seera restrained her habit of murder for 11 months, enchanted by the man that was now her husband. That was, until she found out he had been cheating on her with another woman. In response to heart break, Seera kidnapped the woman her husband loved and tortured her for 7 days in her bedchambers, skinning her alive, relishing in her screams and pleads for death.

Done, hopefully

 

[IFS]

Spoiler: Greed

Sin: Avaritia

Name: Sinclair Pierrick

Spoiler: Appearance

Stands at 6'2, picture explains the rest

His burden is a large silver disc, the size of his palm, with symbols of a shadowy figure sneaking through a forest and getting caught on a bear trap forming a ring around the center, where a bright and flashy yellow gem sits. It's worn around his neck as an amulet.

Personality: Greed is ruled by avarice, as his name suggests. He feels compelled to steal, to take what should naturally be his. His obsession is just that, he will do everything in his power to get the things he seeks. Greed is an out bisexual, and tends to act a bit lustful when a person catches his eye. He is also a bit of a coward, though quick witted enough to usually get out of it, and can even be arrogant in his abilities as a thief and highway man.

Power: With but a touch, Greed simply destroys whatever he's holding, so long as it is not organic material. He can hold onto a plant, but if he were to hold a weapon or shiny object, he can only watch as it slowly but surely turns to nothing, as it's very atoms are ripped apart. He can't control it, though his Burden seems fine despite how long he holds it.

Backstory: Sinclair was born the son of a wealthy, if miserly, merchant in a southern land. He was forced to work for his money, like his 10 brothers. Unlike them, he had no true skill beyond his swift hands and handsome face. His path in life became obvious, though it was difficult. The worst part was being quiet about something he was so good at...

Sinclair never truly had a definitive moment of sin, it was rather stretched out over his lifetime. His descent began when he his dear Father laid on his deathbed, and Sinclair was but 17. His father turned to the boy, and told him that he knew of his hobby, his job. Sinclair responded by putting a pillow over the old man's face. It wasn't out of wrath, but necessity, the wealth was meant for Sinclair. He needed it, to live, to keep himself sustained.

He fled the city after that, it was too dangerous, too many questions. He was forced to have three of his brothers killed in their sleep, more inheritance for him of course. He hired mercenaries from the next town, he promised riches from a life of banditry, in so many words. His band answered in force, they roamed the country side for many months before his group put Sinclair down.

During this time, in Sinclair's reign of fear, the band preyed on small villages mostly. They would attack them, burn a few houses and the churches. The children always made good bargaining chips when he separated a family from their wealth. Oh how many little ones felt the prick of his blade against their throats. Women too, the fathers always put up the most fight. A sign of times, perhaps.

They moved up, eventually. Small towns weren't enough when a group catches attention from other groups doing similar. Sinclair's group were trained, others flocked to them, followed their example, offered gifts. Why, Sinclair lived like a king for a while, mountains of money, valuable religious symbols, gems, paintings, the odd person sold into slavery (sex or otherwise). He was living large by his 25th birthday.

That's the day his men turned on him.

His head was put on a pile of coins, in his mouth a single yellow gem.

There we go.

Looks good to me, I've got no complaints.

Spoiler: Gluttony

Sin: Gula

Name: Gula

Appearance: Gula is a black male of average height. He weighs 230 pounds with muscular arms and a fat stomach. He has brown eyes, and his long black hair is styled into braids. He wears faded jeans and a white undershirt under his black cloak. He keeps a black bandana tied over his mouth when traveling.

Gula's burden takes the form of a brown, cloth mask over the top half of his face. Metal wires come off the mask to the inside of his mouth, binding a blue gem into his tongue.

Personality: Feeding is the only thing that's ever on Gula's mind. He sees all but a select few living organisms as a potential meal, and even those he doesn't eat he salivates off their scent. His lack of value for life as made him brutal and masochistic to anyone in his path, resulting in snapping without provocation.

Power: Anything that enters Gula's mouth melts down into a vile tasting, black tar. This makes the process of getting anything past his stomach intolerable at most times. This liquid can spewed out and will begin to take a more solid form within a few moments.

Backstory: Gula grew up in Los Angeles during the 20th Century. He was known by classmates and neighbors as the child with the most ravenous appetite in town. As he got into his late teens, he began to fill himself with alcohol and drugs, as well as fating foods.

Unable to stand Gula's habits, and having other children to think about, Gula's parents kicked him out and he was made to fend on the streets. After he lowering himself to picking scraps from the trash, Gula's hunger prevailed to the point he was willing to feed on human meet to survive. Soon, members of the homeless community he had joined were disappearing.

Upon clearing out an old building used by squatters, Gula contacted friends from his old neighborhood that had joined gangs. He licensed himself out as a cheap hitman, with the condition that he be allowed to keep the victims for his freezer. He made a hefty living well into his 30's, until the police began closing in.

My criticisms are basically the same as Rawens, so nothing new here.

 

[DarkRawen]

So far, here is the deal:

Spoiler: Greed

Sin: Avaritia

Name: Sinclair Pierrick

Spoiler: Appearance

Stands at 6'2, picture explains the rest

His burden is a large silver disc, the size of his palm, with symbols of a shadowy figure sneaking through a forest and getting caught on a bear trap forming a ring around the center, where a bright and flashy yellow gem sits. It's worn around his neck as an amulet.

Personality: Greed is ruled by avarice, as his name suggests. He feels compelled to steal, to take what should naturally be his. His obsession is just that, he will do everything in his power to get the things he seeks. Greed is an out bisexual, and tends to act a bit lustful when a person catches his eye. He is also a bit of a coward, though quick witted enough to usually get out of it, and can even be arrogant in his abilities as a thief and highway man.

Power: With but a touch, Greed simply destroys whatever he's holding, so long as it is not organic material. He can hold onto a plant, but if he were to hold a weapon or shiny object, he can only watch as it slowly but surely turns to nothing, as it's very atoms are ripped apart. He can't control it, though his Burden seems fine despite how long he holds it.

Backstory: Sinclair was born the son of a wealthy, if miserly, merchant in a southern land. He was forced to work for his money, like his 10 brothers. Unlike them, he had no true skill beyond his swift hands and handsome face. His path in life became obvious, though it was difficult. The worst part was being quiet about something he was so good at...

Sinclair never truly had a definitive moment of sin, it was rather stretched out over his lifetime. His descent began when he his dear Father laid on his deathbed, and Sinclair was but 17. His father turned to the boy, and told him that he knew of his hobby, his job. Sinclair responded by putting a pillow over the old man's face. It wasn't out of wrath, but necessity, the wealth was meant for Sinclair. He needed it, to live, to keep himself sustained.

He fled the city after that, it was too dangerous, too many questions. He was forced to have three of his brothers killed in their sleep, more inheritance for him of course. He hired mercenaries from the next town, he promised riches from a life of banditry, in so many words. His band answered in force, they roamed the country side for many months before his group put Sinclair down.

During this time, in Sinclair's reign of fear, the band preyed on small villages mostly. They would attack them, burn a few houses and the churches. The children always made good bargaining chips when he separated a family from their wealth. Oh how many little ones felt the prick of his blade against their throats. Women too, the fathers always put up the most fight. A sign of times, perhaps.

They moved up, eventually. Small towns weren't enough when a group catches attention from other groups doing similar. Sinclair's group were trained, others flocked to them, followed their example, offered gifts. Why, Sinclair lived like a king for a while, mountains of money, valuable religious symbols, gems, paintings, the odd person sold into slavery (sex or otherwise). He was living large by his 25th birthday.

That's the day his men turned on him.

His head was put on a pile of coins, in his mouth a single yellow gem.

Spoiler: Ira/Wrath

Sin: Ira/Wrath

Name: ??

Appearance: Ira is a fairly tall (6"1) and solidly built male (practical muscular), with dark brown hair that has begun to age with grey early and pale blue eyes. His face (and body, although these aren't generally visible) has numerous scars through rough training and years of fighting, but is otherwise fairly ordinary.

His burden is a bloodstained blindfold, encrusted with a small, damaged ruby between the eyes. He is unable to remove the blindfold, though it somehow does nothing to limit his vision beyond tinting everything with a slight red shade.

Personality: Ira is generally a quite individual, having been taught that individuals are defined by actions rather than words. His view of everything is incredibly black and white, based on his religious views and fanaticism. Because of this, he is typically unable to work with views that differ from his own, treating them with quiet contempt at best and outright hostility at worst.

Power: Ira can move through people, who he cannot touch at all, and objects, to a certain degree, through he is unable to tell whether it would be possible for him to do so until he tries. This power appears to be a punishment to ensure that Ira is unable to physically hurt other people. He can still touch objects, though the power appears to stop him doing anything that would harm another person (i.e. he can pick up and pass a dagger to somebody else, but attempting to throw it at anybody would cause him to "move through it" before he could do so.

Backstory: A medieval knight and religious zealot, Ira's life was defined by warfare. As he grew from boy to man, resentment grew within him at having to follow orders by those he viewed as incompetent who had been given power through "divine right" without being questioned. In time, he became a veteran - frequently seen at the front line despite his rank, guided by an unquestioning view that God that was on his side.

During a long and bitter war against a different region with differing religious views, Ira was eventually made commander of a large force charged with sieging an important supply city. The siege was long and brutal, but they were eventually successful. Religious doctrine dictated everyone who had defended the city should be slain, for they had been given the chance to repent and had refused, but Ira was ordered to spare them - his leader, tired of the cost of the war, was incredibly close to a peace settlement. Unable to hide his resentment any longer, Ira refused the order. With a small band of equally fanatical followers, he entered the city to slay the defenders. Once inside, and blinded by his fanaticism, Ira could no longer differentiate between civilians and defenders. He ordered everyone in the city to be slain (himself reveling in doing so) before burning the city to the ground.

Horrified by what Ira had done but unable to execute him due to his rank, his leader banished Ira for his heinous act. But the damage had already done - furious at the massacre of the city, peace talks failed and the nations were condemned to years of further fighting...

You two have been accepted.

While you two:

Spoiler: Superbia/Pride (edited)

Sin: Superbia/Pride
Name: Seera
Appearance: She is mixed blooded Asian and European with long red wavy hair and stands roughly 1.78m. Extremely skinny with an angular face. She has a violet coloured gemstone tied onto her ankle.

Personality: She is very haughty and thinks everybody is below her. She is manipulative and willing to go to extremes to get what she wants but will not under any circumstances put herself in a lower position than someone else, she would rather die. She is very aware of her beauty and has a dominant narcissistic streak. She is very smart and a great leader however she is not open to others' opinions. She is vengeful and any insult you direct at her will be remembered and a consequence will be dealt out eventually.

Spoiler: Power

Power: She has the ability over time. She can use this power to simply travel through time or she can heal others by reverting time on that person. However by using this power, she ages a proportion of the time she rewinds for the person or the action, placing a strain on her beauty which she values above all else.

Backstory: Seera is the youngest child in an aristocratic family. Due to her upbringing, she often competed for her parents' attention with her siblings and have always won due to her beauty. Her beauty was something Seera protected fiercely. Every month she would murder a maiden whom she considered to be competition in terms of beauty and bathed in her blood in the hopes of achieving eternal youth. She has kept this dark secret from all around her except a selected few servants whom she has marked as "hers" by scarring their face so they could never marry. Being feared and/or adored by all since she was born, she had forgotten what rejection felt like. When she thought she fell in love with a man, he chose another beautiful woman from a foreign land to love instead. In response to heart break, Seera kidnapped the woman and tortured her for 7 days until her corpse was mutilated, broken, and completely unrecognisable. She proceeded to kill the man whom rejected her by slitting his throat with a piece of broken glass.

Spoiler: Gluttony

Sin: Gula

Name: Gula

Appearance: Gula is a black male of average height. He weighs 230 pounds with muscular arms and a fat stomach. He has brown eyes, and his long black hair is styled into braids. He wears faded jeans and a white undershirt under his black cloak. He keeps a black bandana tied over his mouth when traveling.

Gula's burden takes the form of a brown, cloth mask over the top half of his face. Metal wires come off the mask to the inside of his mouth, binding a blue gem into his tongue.

Personality: Feeding is the only thing that's ever on Gula's mind. He sees all but a select few living organisms as a potential meal, and even those he doesn't eat he salivates off their scent. His lack of value for life as made him brutal and masochistic to anyone in his path, resulting in snapping without provocation.

Power: Anything that enters Gula's mouth melts down into a vile tasting, black tar. This makes the process of getting anything past his stomach intolerable at most times. This liquid can spewed out and will begin to take a more solid form within a few moments.

Backstory: Gula grew up in Los Angeles during the 20th Century. He was known by classmates and neighbors as the child with the most ravenous appetite in town. As he got into his late teens, he began to fill himself with alcohol and drugs, as well as fating foods.

Unable to stand Gula's habits, and having other children to think about, Gula's parents kicked him out and he was made to fend on the streets. After he lowering himself to picking scraps from the trash, Gula's hunger prevailed to the point he was willing to feed on human meet to survive. Soon, members of the homeless community he had joined were disappearing.

Upon clearing out an old building used by squatters, Gula contacted friends from his old neighborhood that had joined gangs. He licensed himself out as a cheap hitman, with the condition that he be allowed to keep the victims for his freezer. He made a hefty living well into his 30's, until the police began closing in.

Will be accepted when/if you make the necessary changes and are approved by both of us.

 

[DarkRawen]

Spoiler: Superbia/Pride (edited)

Sin: Superbia/Pride
Name: Seera
Appearance: She is mixed blooded Asian and European with long red wavy hair and stands roughly 1.78m. She's extremely skinny with an angular face. She has a violet coloured gemstone tied onto her ankle.

Personality: She is very haughty and thinks everybody is below her. She is manipulative and willing to go to extremes to get what she wants but will not under any circumstances put herself in a lower position than someone else. She is very competitive and believes she has superior power mentally and physically. She is very aware of her beauty and has a narcissistic streak. She hates men in general and can kill in a heartbeat without feeling guilt. She is vengeful and any insult you direct at her will be remembered and a consequence will be dealt out.

Spoiler: Power

Power: She has the ability over time. She can use this power to simply travel through time or she can heal others by reverting time on that person. However by using this power, she ages a proportion of the time she rewinds for the person or the action, placing a strain on her beauty which she values above all else.

Backstory: Seera was the youngest child in a royal family. Due to her upbringing, she often competed for her parents' attention with her siblings and have always won due to her dominating personality. Being spoilt by her family, Seera's always had a competitive streak and loved to have the best things and be the best at what she did. She would often go into a sulk for multiple days refusing to eat or talk if someone beat her at an activity she was good at or if one of her siblings were praised for something whilst she was not. She had no friends because of this. Despite this, she had plenty of suitors.

She was considered almost an attraction in the kingdom. Her beauty was unmatched and she knew it. The walls of her room are lined with mirrors, often family heirlooms, that she had gathered from other girls after she ordered the ban of using mirrors by peasants. If anyone except from the royal family or noble women were caught with a mirror, it was an execution on the spot. Ever since turning 16, every month Seera would murder a maiden whom she considered to be competition in terms of beauty and bathed in her blood in the hopes of achieving eternal youth. She has kept this dark secret from all around her except a selected few servants whom she has marked as "hers" by scarring their face so they could never marry.

Being feared and/or adored by all since she was born, she had forgotten what rejection felt like. When she finally fell love with a man from another noble family, they decided to leave their families and start a new chapter of their lives, together. Knowing the man only loved her for what she showed on the outside and living in fear of losing him if he saw the evil deeds she committed, Seera restrained her habit of murder for 11 months, enchanted by the man that was now her husband. That was, until she found out he had been cheating on her with another woman. In response to heart break, Seera kidnapped the woman her husband loved and tortured her for 7 days in her bedchambers, skinning her alive, relishing in her screams and pleads for death.

Done, hopefully

Indeed you are, welcome aboard.

 

[Terratina.]

Spoiler: Luxuria

Sin: Luxuria

Name: Lucrece d?Laval

Appearance: Underneath the dark cloak, there is a woman with blonde hair, blue eyes and a half-lithe, half-rubenesque figure. In short, she is the ideal woman of the 19th Century gentlemen and has an alluding face to match. Her trademark is a teasing smile, like the cat that has got the cream. A black choker edged with white lace is another of her trademarks, at least in the afterlife as it is her burden to bear. The tightness can be described as that of a hand lightly pressing against her throat. A dark blue sapphire is set in the center. She cannot remove the choker from her person.

Spoiler: Reference Picture

Personality: Luxuria craves pleasure, the carnal kind. Nevertheless, that is not the only aspect of her personality. She is quite the tease and quite the flirt. However, she is quite selfish as well. For example, Luxuria will only do something, like become close to someone, for her own benefit and nothing else. If things aren?t going her way... Well, she would simply force things to go her way. Luxuria is somewhat callous, and only cares about what she can get out of the situation, whatever it may be. She has a large amount of confidence, though that may be cracked if she loses morale.

Power: With just a touch, Luxuria can absorb the memories of others. Nevertheless, she has no control over which memories she can absorb. As part of the punishment, unhappy memories are the first to be absorbed, whether they be memories of war, strife, committing grave acts, etc. The longer she stays in contact with the target, the higher the quantity of memories she absorbs. Nevertheless, along with this, the memories get worse the longer the power is used, and only happy memories can be viewed once there are no unseen bad memories left.

Backstory: Through her early life, all was fun and games. Being from a rich family, she wanted for nothing. Well, almost nothing. Her childhood was uneventful, the usual grind of learning how to be a lady, including polite conversation, politics, and of course, balancing a book on her head while walking. Nevertheless, before she could even step out into the world, a gentlemen was chosen for her. The son of a duke. However, regardless of the betrothal, war erupted. Those able to fight were sent out to fight, leaving the very young and the very old and the female to hope their loved ones would come back safely.

Of course, Luxuria got up to much more than that, when the cat is away, the mice will play and all that. After all, her education in ladylike ways ensured that she knew how to court, and even how to seduce. The court itself became a place of decadence under her influence. Young and old and her took part in orgies that never seemed to end. That is, until the soldiers returned victorious. Or maybe not... Luxuria carried on the way she always had and the orgies continued, and her betrothed was away recovering from a war-wound. Even so, strife was sowed with her acts. Jealous, or even lusty, lovers hounded her and the court. Duels to the death were common.

She became known as the person who seduced others, only to break their families apart. Luxuria didn?t care herself, she had got what she wanted anyway. Nevertheless, her betrothed that finally recovered and they were both of marrying age. And so they got married in a quiet, but elegant ceremony. That day, rose petals seemed to rain from the sky, endlessingly. However, the duke?s son had been clearly changed by the war and was stern where he would be jovial. On their honeymoon night, he confronted Luxuria about her deeds, and with rage he strangled her. She did the same back. They both died in a mockery of a lovers? embrace.

There it is. Be gentle.

 

[DarkRawen]

Spoiler: Luxuria

Sin: Luxuria

Name: Lucrece d?Laval

Appearance: Underneath the dark cloak, there is a woman with blonde hair, blue eyes and a half-lithe, half-rubenesque figure. In short, she is the ideal woman of the 19th Century gentlemen and has an alluding face to match. Her trademark is a teasing smile, like the cat that has got the cream. A black choker edged with white lace is another of her trademarks, at least in the afterlife as it is her burden to bear. The tightness can be described as that of a hand lightly pressing against her throat. A dark blue sapphire is set in the center. She cannot remove the choker from her person.

Spoiler: Reference Picture

Personality: Luxuria craves pleasure, the carnal kind. Nevertheless, that is not the only aspect of her personality. She is quite the tease and quite the flirt. However, she is quite selfish as well. For example, Luxuria will only do something, like become close to someone, for her own benefit and nothing else. If things aren?t going her way... Well, she would simply force things to go her way. Luxuria is somewhat callous, and only cares about what she can get out of the situation, whatever it may be. She has a large amount of confidence, though that may be cracked if she loses morale.

Power: With just a touch, Luxuria can absorb the memories of others. Nevertheless, she has no control over which memories she can absorb. As part of the punishment, unhappy memories are the first to be absorbed, whether they be memories of war, strife, committing grave acts, etc. The longer she stays in contact with the target, the higher the quantity of memories she absorbs. Nevertheless, along with this, the memories get worse the longer the power is used, and only happy memories can be viewed once there are no unseen bad memories left.

Backstory: Through her early life, all was fun and games. Being from a rich family, she wanted for nothing. Well, almost nothing. Her childhood was uneventful, the usual grind of learning how to be a lady, including polite conversation, politics, and of course, balancing a book on her head while walking. Nevertheless, before she could even step out into the world, a gentlemen was chosen for her. The son of a duke. However, regardless of the betrothal, war erupted. Those able to fight were sent out to fight, leaving the very young and the very old and the female to hope their loved ones would come back safely.

Of course, Luxuria got up to much more than that, when the cat is away, the mice will play and all that. After all, her education in ladylike ways ensured that she knew how to court, and even how to seduce. The court itself became a place of decadence under her influence. Young and old and her took part in orgies that never seemed to end. That is, until the soldiers returned victorious. Or maybe not... Luxuria carried on the way she always had and the orgies continued, and her betrothed was away recovering from a war-wound. Even so, strife was sowed with her acts. Jealous, or even lusty, lovers hounded her and the court. Duels to the death were common.

She became known as the person who seduced others, only to break their families apart. Luxuria didn?t care herself, she had got what she wanted anyway. Nevertheless, her betrothed that finally recovered and they were both of marrying age. And so they got married in a quiet, but elegant ceremony. That day, rose petal seemed to rain from the sky, endlessingly. However, the duke?s son had been clearly changed by the war and was stern where he would be jovial. On their honeymoon night, he confronted Luxuria about her deeds, and with rage he strangled her. She did the same back. They both died in a mockery of a lovers? embrace.

There it is. Be gentle.

Neither me nor IFS can see anything wrong with it. Welcome over to the dark side

 

[roushutsu]

Spoiler: Acedia/Sloth

Sin: Acedia

Name: Conrad Adelric

Appearance: He has short black hair that is usually unkempt, as if he rolled out of bed. He has soft hazel eyes and he wears glasses. He has a tall and lanky figure, but when he stands he slowly sways back and forth, looking ready to collapse. Underneath his new dark robes, he wears his basic clothes, and attached to them is his burden--a single button. It is made of crystal and is light blue in color. It is firmly sewn into his shirt that it makes it difficult for him to change out of his clothes once he enters a new Level.

Spoiler: Here's a pic for reference

Personality: Conrad is very apathetic towards others and has very little confidence in himself. He is perceptive of his surroundings, reaching conclusions and finding solutions quickly. However, he lets his cowardice and apathy interfere, so while he may come up with plans he will never act on them. He is usually silent and keeps to himself when in discussions. Whenever he does speak, he sometimes yawns during conversation.

Power: Conrad can peer into peoples' dreams when they sleep, allowing him to view their innermost secrets. But at a price, he is cursed from ever sleeping and dreaming himself.

Backstory: Conrad was born into a family of merchants who traveled across the country selling their wares. They were very successful in their trade, but instead of accumulating their wealth for themselves they often gave their profits to the city churches and to those less fortunate. As such, the Adelric family was highly respected and loved, with many people claiming them to be angels sent to do God's work on Earth.

But as Conrad grew older, he noticed things as he traveled: just citizens still resorted to crimes, families were still starving and dying in the streets, and despite their teachings of love and peace, the church played a heavy hand in conflicts. He spent years questioning if one's efforts could truly change the world, but eventually he reached the conclusion that all of his efforts in life were meaningless.

When Conrad reached adulthood, he was asked to take control of the family business and continue their work. His apathetic attitude and disheveled look drove customers away, and what little money he did make wasn't enough to give to all of the charities that his family consistently gave to. Within a year, he had let the business slip so deep that his family was forced to take control away from him. He then spent most of his days cooped up in his home, letting his body and mind go to waste. Concerned for their child, his loving family started using their hard-earned money to try to help him. They sent him to doctors and priests, hoping that someone out there could save their wayward son, but every attempt failed and he secluded himself further each time. Soon their money went dry and the once beloved Adelric family was now poor themselves. Time would eventually get the best of him, as Conrad had contracted a deadly disease that ravaged his weakened body and he died within days.

Hope this works for ya.

 

[DarkRawen]

Spoiler: Acedia/Sloth

Sin: Acedia

Name: Conrad Adelric

Appearance: He has short black hair that is usually unkempt, as if he rolled out of bed. He has soft hazel eyes and he wears glasses. He has a tall and lanky figure, but when he stands he slowly sways back and forth, looking ready to collapse. Underneath his new dark robes, he wears his basic clothes, and attached to them is his burden--a single button. It is made of crystal and is light blue in color. It is firmly sewn into his shirt that it makes it difficult for him to change out of his clothes once he enters a new Level.

Spoiler: Here's a pic for reference

Personality: Conrad is very apathetic towards others and has very little confidence in himself. He is perceptive of his surroundings, reaching conclusions and finding solutions quickly. However, he lets his cowardice and apathy interfere, so while he may come up with plans he will never act on them. He is usually silent and keeps to himself when in discussions. Whenever he does speak, he sometimes yawns during conversation.

Power: Conrad can peer into peoples' dreams when they sleep, allowing him to view their innermost secrets. But at a price, he is cursed from ever sleeping and dreaming himself.

Backstory: Conrad was born into a family of merchants who traveled across the country selling their wares. They were very successful in their trade, but instead of accumulating their wealth for themselves they often gave their profits to the city churches and to those less fortunate. As such, the Adelric family was highly respected and loved, with many people claiming them to be angels sent to do God's work on Earth.

But as Conrad grew older, he noticed things as he traveled: just citizens still resorted to crimes, families were still starving and dying in the streets, and despite their teachings of love and peace, the church played a heavy hand in conflicts. He spent years questioning if one's efforts could truly change the world, but eventually he reached the conclusion that all of his efforts in life were meaningless.

When Conrad reached adulthood, he was asked to take control of the family business and continue their work. His apathetic attitude and disheveled look drove customers away, and what little money he did make wasn't enough to give to all of the charities that his family consistently gave to. Within a year, he had let the business slip so deep that his family was forced to take control away from him. He then spent most of his days cooped up in his home, letting his body and mind go to waste. Concerned for their child, his loving family started using their hard-earned money to try to help him. They sent him to doctors and priests, hoping that someone out there could save their wayward son, but every attempt failed and he secluded himself further each time. Soon their money went dry and the once beloved Adelric family was now poor themselves. Time would eventually get the best of him, as Conrad had contracted a deadly disease that ravaged his weakened body and he died within days.

Hope this works for ya.

Most of it is good, I was counting on the sin of sloth to be a little less extreme than the others (since there's not a lot you can actually mess up when your sin is not doing anything, and I think Conrad messed up just about anything he could), but there's one thing that bothers me, which is the appearance. Basically, that they aren't actually wearing anything underneath the cloaks, since it's closed and long enough to cover everything it should cover, and because they aren't given any items apart from that one. Since your character has glasses, I would suggest working the gem into those.

 

[IFS]

Spoiler: Acedia/Sloth

Sin: Acedia

Name: Conrad Adelric

Appearance: He has short black hair that is usually unkempt, as if he rolled out of bed. He has soft hazel eyes and he wears glasses. He has a tall and lanky figure, but when he stands he slowly sways back and forth, looking ready to collapse. Underneath his new dark robes, he wears his basic clothes, and attached to them is his burden--a single button. It is made of crystal and is light blue in color. It is firmly sewn into his shirt that it makes it difficult for him to change out of his clothes once he enters a new Level.

Spoiler: Here's a pic for reference

Personality: Conrad is very apathetic towards others and has very little confidence in himself. He is perceptive of his surroundings, reaching conclusions and finding solutions quickly. However, he lets his cowardice and apathy interfere, so while he may come up with plans he will never act on them. He is usually silent and keeps to himself when in discussions. Whenever he does speak, he sometimes yawns during conversation.

Power: Conrad can peer into peoples' dreams when they sleep, allowing him to view their innermost secrets. But at a price, he is cursed from ever sleeping and dreaming himself.

Backstory: Conrad was born into a family of merchants who traveled across the country selling their wares. They were very successful in their trade, but instead of accumulating their wealth for themselves they often gave their profits to the city churches and to those less fortunate. As such, the Adelric family was highly respected and loved, with many people claiming them to be angels sent to do God's work on Earth.

But as Conrad grew older, he noticed things as he traveled: just citizens still resorted to crimes, families were still starving and dying in the streets, and despite their teachings of love and peace, the church played a heavy hand in conflicts. He spent years questioning if one's efforts could truly change the world, but eventually he reached the conclusion that all of his efforts in life were meaningless.

When Conrad reached adulthood, he was asked to take control of the family business and continue their work. His apathetic attitude and disheveled look drove customers away, and what little money he did make wasn't enough to give to all of the charities that his family consistently gave to. Within a year, he had let the business slip so deep that his family was forced to take control away from him. He then spent most of his days cooped up in his home, letting his body and mind go to waste. Concerned for their child, his loving family started using their hard-earned money to try to help him. They sent him to doctors and priests, hoping that someone out there could save their wayward son, but every attempt failed and he secluded himself further each time. Soon their money went dry and the once beloved Adelric family was now poor themselves. Time would eventually get the best of him, as Conrad had contracted a deadly disease that ravaged his weakened body and he died within days.

Hope this works for ya.

Looks pretty good to me, my only minor concern is that the crime isn't nearly as extreme as the others, but as Rawen said that's pretty hard to do with Sloth so it should be fine.

 

[roushutsu]

Most of it is good, I was counting on the sin of sloth to be a little less extreme than the others (since there's not a lot you can actually mess up when your sin is not doing anything, and I think Conrad messed up just about anything he could), but there's one thing that bothers me, which is the appearance. Basically, that they aren't actually wearing anything underneath the cloaks, since it's closed and long enough to cover everything it should cover, and because they aren't given any items apart from that one. Since your character has glasses, I would suggest working the gem into those.

Looks pretty good to me, my only minor concern is that the crime isn't nearly as extreme as the others, but as Rawen said that's pretty hard to do with Sloth so it should be fine.

Yeah, coming up with his backstory was the most difficult part for me, especially since Sloth is more of a personal and spiritual sin, but I tweaked it a tad bit regardless. ^_^ Let me know if it needs any further adjustment.

Spoiler: Acedia/Sloth (edited appearance and backstory)

Sin: Acedia

Name: Conrad Adelric

Appearance: He has short black hair that is usually unkempt, as if he rolled out of bed. He has a tall and lanky figure, but when he stands he slowly sways back and forth, looking ready to collapse. He has soft hazel eyes and he wears glasses. Hanging off the right side of the frames is a small light blue jewel, dangling off of a thin silver chain. The jewel hangs to his chin.

Spoiler: Here's a pic for reference

Personality: Conrad is very apathetic towards others and has very little confidence in himself. He is perceptive of his surroundings, reaching conclusions and finding solutions quickly. However, he lets his cowardice and apathy interfere, so while he may come up with plans he will never act on them. He is usually silent and keeps to himself when in discussions. Whenever he does speak, he sometimes yawns during conversation.

Power: Conrad can peer into peoples' dreams when they sleep, allowing him to view their innermost secrets. But at a price, he is cursed from ever sleeping and dreaming himself.

Backstory: Conrad was born into a family of merchants who traveled across the country selling their wares. They were very successful in their trade, and they were devoted to the church. Instead of accumulating their wealth for themselves they often gave their profits to the city churches and to those less fortunate. As such, the Adelric family was highly respected and loved, with many people claiming them to be angels sent to do God's work on Earth.

As their only son, he had received special training and education. He was promised the family business when he reached adulthood. But despite the high expectations and hopes placed on him, Conrad barely put his gifts to use. He preferred to simply lie around and daydream, sometimes sneaking off to sleep during the day as his family worked hard. He saw little point in working for others, especially when very little changed in the world as a result. Families were still starving in the streets. Righteous and just people still resorted to crimes. And despite all their teachings of love and peace, the church was quick to condemn others and played a heavy hand in conflicts.

When Conrad reached adulthood, he was reluctantly given control of the family business and was tasked to continue their work. His family had hoped and prayed that putting him in a position of power and responsibility would make him realize the error of his ways. His apathetic attitude and disheveled look drove customers away, and what little money he did make wasn't enough to give to all of the charities that his family consistently gave to. Within a year, he had let the business slip so deep that his family was forced to take control away from him in order for them to survive.

Concerned for their child, his loving family started using their hard-earned money to try to help him. They sent him to doctors and priests, hoping that someone out there could save their wayward son, but every attempt failed and he secluded himself further each time. The church soon condemned Conrad for his refusal to help his family and his church, and word spread quickly of the sinful son. This drove devoted customers away even further, soon their money went dry, and the once beloved Adelric family was now poor themselves. For the first time, his family delved into sin by cursing their son for their poverty.

Time would eventually get the best of him. His years of inactivity weakened his body, and Conrad had contracted a deadly disease off of the streets. The illness ravaged his frail body and he died within days.

 

[DarkRawen]

Most of it is good, I was counting on the sin of sloth to be a little less extreme than the others (since there's not a lot you can actually mess up when your sin is not doing anything, and I think Conrad messed up just about anything he could), but there's one thing that bothers me, which is the appearance. Basically, that they aren't actually wearing anything underneath the cloaks, since it's closed and long enough to cover everything it should cover, and because they aren't given any items apart from that one. Since your character has glasses, I would suggest working the gem into those.

Looks pretty good to me, my only minor concern is that the crime isn't nearly as extreme as the others, but as Rawen said that's pretty hard to do with Sloth so it should be fine.

Yeah, coming up with his backstory was the most difficult part for me, especially since Sloth is more of a personal and spiritual sin, but I tweaked it a tad bit regardless. ^_^ Let me know if it needs any further adjustment.

Spoiler: Acedia/Sloth (edited appearance and backstory)

Sin: Acedia

Name: Conrad Adelric

Appearance: He has short black hair that is usually unkempt, as if he rolled out of bed. He has a tall and lanky figure, but when he stands he slowly sways back and forth, looking ready to collapse. He has soft hazel eyes and he wears glasses. Hanging off the right side of the frames is a small light blue jewel, dangling off of a thin silver chain. The jewel hangs to his chin.

Spoiler: Here's a pic for reference

Personality: Conrad is very apathetic towards others and has very little confidence in himself. He is perceptive of his surroundings, reaching conclusions and finding solutions quickly. However, he lets his cowardice and apathy interfere, so while he may come up with plans he will never act on them. He is usually silent and keeps to himself when in discussions. Whenever he does speak, he sometimes yawns during conversation.

Power: Conrad can peer into peoples' dreams when they sleep, allowing him to view their innermost secrets. But at a price, he is cursed from ever sleeping and dreaming himself.

Backstory: Conrad was born into a family of merchants who traveled across the country selling their wares. They were very successful in their trade, and they were devoted to the church. Instead of accumulating their wealth for themselves they often gave their profits to the city churches and to those less fortunate. As such, the Adelric family was highly respected and loved, with many people claiming them to be angels sent to do God's work on Earth.

As their only son, he had received special training and education. He was promised the family business when he reached adulthood. But despite the high expectations and hopes placed on him, Conrad barely put his gifts to use. He preferred to simply lie around and daydream, sometimes sneaking off to sleep during the day as his family worked hard. He saw little point in working for others, especially when very little changed in the world as a result. Families were still starving in the streets. Righteous and just people still resorted to crimes. And despite all their teachings of love and peace, the church was quick to condemn others and played a heavy hand in conflicts.

When Conrad reached adulthood, he was reluctantly given control of the family business and was tasked to continue their work. His family had hoped and prayed that putting him in a position of power and responsibility would make him realize the error of his ways. His apathetic attitude and disheveled look drove customers away, and what little money he did make wasn't enough to give to all of the charities that his family consistently gave to. Within a year, he had let the business slip so deep that his family was forced to take control away from him in order for them to survive.

Concerned for their child, his loving family started using their hard-earned money to try to help him. They sent him to doctors and priests, hoping that someone out there could save their wayward son, but every attempt failed and he secluded himself further each time. The church soon condemned Conrad for his refusal to help his family and his church, and word spread quickly of the sinful son. This drove devoted customers away even further, soon their money went dry, and the once beloved Adelric family was now poor themselves. For the first time, his family delved into sin by cursing their son for their poverty.

Time would eventually get the best of him. His years of inactivity weakened his body, and Conrad had contracted a deadly disease off of the streets. The illness ravaged his frail body and he died within days.

I can't see anything else that's wrong with it, so you're in.

 

[Quintley]

This seems like a really interesting concept!
Let me know if you want me to make adjustments (PM preferably)

Spoiler: Invidia/Envy

Name - Zavi
Appearance - Zavi is easy to overlook. She is small, thin, and has a rather grubby complexion. She has short hair, ash-coloured, cut rather badly - she does it herself, with a blunt knife. Her cheeks and forehead are covered with small colourless patches - pox scars, a remnant of the plague that ravaged her city when she was a child. Her right eye is missing - a large, dark green gem fills the socket. Zavi prefers hooded clothing, and sticks to the shadows. Her voice is low, and very soft.

Personality - Zavi is very quiet, and dislikes company. She will avoid eye contact most of the time, but watches you constantly when your back is turned. She absolutely loathes those above her in society, with all their possessions, their beauty, wealth, and many companions. Why should they have such things when she does not? Zavi is not ambitious per se, but once she sees something that she wants, she will focus on obtaining it to the exclusion of all else. Any means to an end. When she has a goal in mind she can be extremely cunning, totally ruthless, and willing to stab anyone in the back.

Power - Zavi has the ability to 'enhance' other people - to make them (temporarily) stronger, more resilient, and so on. She can boost any natural talents a person may have, such as the ability to persuade others, or any physical skills. Being able to improve somebody else in this way - to raise their skills to levels far above her own - is abhorrent to the bitterly jealous Zavi, and so is very reluctant to use this ability.

Backstory - Born in the slums of a dirty, sprawling city, the closest Zavi got to splendour and luxury was to watch the nobles in the upper city as they paraded through the streets with their trains of servants and guards, ignorant - or, rather, uncaring - of the way the rest of the city lived. Zavi hated them all - wealthy snobs with their fine clothes, vapid talk, obsessions with fashions, politics and gossip. One night, searching through the filth in the gutters for coins, Zavi caught sight of a group of guards escorting a beautifully dressed noblewoman home from a party. It was the Duchess, the wealthiest woman in the city - stunningly handsome even in her 40s, extremely fashionable, and highly influential, being a member of the ruling City Council. The epitome of everything the 10-year-old Zavi had come to despise.
Zavi loved her. Zavi wanted to be her.

By this stage in her life Zavi had lost most of her family - either to plague, violence, or simply starvation. However, she had an older sister who absolutely adored her. She was a servant in the house of a minor noble family, and her meager wage kept the two sisters fed. After a particularly bad month - during which one of the city's incessant political squabbles resulted in the noble house which Zavi's sister worked for losing a lot of money and influence - the sister announced with delight that she had been sold off to work in the Duchess's mansion, and would hopefully be earning a little more. She was still smiling when Zavi stuck the knife in her gut. An hour later, Zavi started work in the mansion.

Her obsession with the Duchess only increased the closer Zavi got to her. She rose up through the ranks of the household staff by any means necessary - hard work, sleeping with the head steward, arranging the occasional 'accident' to take another servant's place. She saw the Duchess frequently - sometimes now they were even in the same room - but this was nowhere near enough. After a few years, Zavi reached the position of maid to one of the Duchess's young children. She hated the way that the noblewoman constantly doted on the boy. The little brat was nothing special. She wanted the Duchess for herself. It took the child weeks to die from the poison in his food.

After the lingering death of her youngest son, the Duchess was distraught; she lost interest in the scandals and fashions of the city's elite and shut herself in her room, refusing to see anyone. Except for servants, of course - they weren't really 'people' anyway. It was easy for Zavi to steal a key to her chambers.
When the steward came with breakfast the following morning, the door was barricaded. When the panicked guards eventually broke through the door (and the pile of furniture surrounding it), they found Zavi in the middle of the room, swamped in a gorgeous green velvet gown - one of the Duchess's favourites - and covered in strings of pearls, gold bangles, glittering rings. On her face was some kind of mask - made of bloody strips of flesh. She was smiling.
They found the woman lying on the marble floor of the bathroom. The skin of her face had been cut off. She was still alive.

 

[IFS]

This seems like a really interesting concept!
Let me know if you want me to make adjustments (PM preferably)

Spoiler: Invidia/Envy

Name - Zavi
Appearance - Zavi is easy to overlook. She is small, thin, and has a rather grubby complexion. She has short hair, ash-coloured, cut rather badly - she does it herself, with a blunt knife. Her cheeks and forehead are covered with small colourless patches - pox scars, a remnant of the plague that ravaged her city when she was a child. Her right eye is missing - a large, dark green gem fills the socket. Zavi prefers hooded clothing, and sticks to the shadows. Her voice is low, and very soft.

Personality - Zavi is very quiet, and dislikes company. She will avoid eye contact most of the time, but watches you constantly when your back is turned. She absolutely loathes those above her in society, with all their possessions, their beauty, wealth, and many companions. Why should they have such things when she does not? Zavi is not ambitious per se, but once she sees something that she wants, she will focus on obtaining it to the exclusion of all else. Any means to an end. When she has a goal in mind she can be extremely cunning, totally ruthless, and willing to stab anyone in the back.

Power - Zavi has the ability to 'enhance' other people - to make them (temporarily) stronger, more resilient, and so on. She can boost any natural talents a person may have, such as the ability to persuade others, or any physical skills. Being able to improve somebody else in this way - to raise their skills to levels far above her own - is abhorrent to the bitterly jealous Zavi, and so is very reluctant to use this ability.

Backstory - Born in the slums of a dirty, sprawling city, the closest Zavi got to splendour and luxury was to watch the nobles in the upper city as they paraded through the streets with their trains of servants and guards, ignorant - or, rather, uncaring - of the way the rest of the city lived. Zavi hated them all - wealthy snobs with their fine clothes, vapid talk, obsessions with fashions, politics and gossip. One night, searching through the filth in the gutters for coins, Zavi caught sight of a group of guards escorting a beautifully dressed noblewoman home from a party. It was the Duchess, the wealthiest woman in the city - stunningly handsome even in her 40s, extremely fashionable, and highly influential, being a member of the ruling City Council. The epitome of everything the 10-year-old Zavi had come to despise.
Zavi loved her. Zavi wanted to be her.

By this stage in her life Zavi had lost most of her family - either to plague, violence, or simply starvation. However, she had an older sister who absolutely adored her. She was a servant in the house of a minor noble family, and her meager wage kept the two sisters fed. After a particularly bad month - during which one of the city's incessant political squabbles resulted in the noble house which Zavi's sister worked for losing a lot of money and influence - the sister announced with delight that she had been sold off to work in the Duchess's mansion, and would hopefully be earning a little more. She was still smiling when Zavi stuck the knife in her gut. An hour later, Zavi started work in the mansion.

Her obsession with the Duchess only increased the closer Zavi got to her. She rose up through the ranks of the household staff by any means necessary - hard work, sleeping with the head steward, arranging the occasional 'accident' to take another servant's place. She saw the Duchess frequently - sometimes now they were even in the same room - but this was nowhere near enough. After a few years, Zavi reached the position of maid to one of the Duchess's young children. She hated the way that the noblewoman constantly doted on the boy. The little brat was nothing special. She wanted the Duchess for herself. It took the child weeks to die from the poison in his food.

After the lingering death of her youngest son, the Duchess was distraught; she lost interest in the scandals and fashions of the city's elite and shut herself in her room, refusing to see anyone. Except for servants, of course - they weren't really 'people' anyway. It was easy for Zavi to steal a key to her chambers.
When the steward came with breakfast the following morning, the door was barricaded. When the panicked guards eventually broke through the door (and the pile of furniture surrounding it), they found Zavi in the middle of the room, swamped in a gorgeous green velvet gown - one of the Duchess's favourites - and covered in strings of pearls, gold bangles, glittering rings. On her face was some kind of mask - made of bloody strips of flesh. She was smiling.
They found the woman lying on the marble floor of the bathroom. The skin of her face had been cut off. She was still alive.

It looks good to me, and Rawen should have her comments up by tomorrow.

Since we're mostly waiting on a gluttony now I'm going to go ahead and mention that if none shows up in a few days then I will go ahead and make a gluttony sheet so we can get this thing started.

 

[DarkRawen]

This seems like a really interesting concept!
Let me know if you want me to make adjustments (PM preferably)

Spoiler: Invidia/Envy

Name - Zavi
Appearance - Zavi is easy to overlook. She is small, thin, and has a rather grubby complexion. She has short hair, ash-coloured, cut rather badly - she does it herself, with a blunt knife. Her cheeks and forehead are covered with small colourless patches - pox scars, a remnant of the plague that ravaged her city when she was a child. Her right eye is missing - a large, dark green gem fills the socket. Zavi prefers hooded clothing, and sticks to the shadows. Her voice is low, and very soft.

Personality - Zavi is very quiet, and dislikes company. She will avoid eye contact most of the time, but watches you constantly when your back is turned. She absolutely loathes those above her in society, with all their possessions, their beauty, wealth, and many companions. Why should they have such things when she does not? Zavi is not ambitious per se, but once she sees something that she wants, she will focus on obtaining it to the exclusion of all else. Any means to an end. When she has a goal in mind she can be extremely cunning, totally ruthless, and willing to stab anyone in the back.

Power - Zavi has the ability to 'enhance' other people - to make them (temporarily) stronger, more resilient, and so on. She can boost any natural talents a person may have, such as the ability to persuade others, or any physical skills. Being able to improve somebody else in this way - to raise their skills to levels far above her own - is abhorrent to the bitterly jealous Zavi, and so is very reluctant to use this ability.

Backstory - Born in the slums of a dirty, sprawling city, the closest Zavi got to splendour and luxury was to watch the nobles in the upper city as they paraded through the streets with their trains of servants and guards, ignorant - or, rather, uncaring - of the way the rest of the city lived. Zavi hated them all - wealthy snobs with their fine clothes, vapid talk, obsessions with fashions, politics and gossip. One night, searching through the filth in the gutters for coins, Zavi caught sight of a group of guards escorting a beautifully dressed noblewoman home from a party. It was the Duchess, the wealthiest woman in the city - stunningly handsome even in her 40s, extremely fashionable, and highly influential, being a member of the ruling City Council. The epitome of everything the 10-year-old Zavi had come to despise.
Zavi loved her. Zavi wanted to be her.

By this stage in her life Zavi had lost most of her family - either to plague, violence, or simply starvation. However, she had an older sister who absolutely adored her. She was a servant in the house of a minor noble family, and her meager wage kept the two sisters fed. After a particularly bad month - during which one of the city's incessant political squabbles resulted in the noble house which Zavi's sister worked for losing a lot of money and influence - the sister announced with delight that she had been sold off to work in the Duchess's mansion, and would hopefully be earning a little more. She was still smiling when Zavi stuck the knife in her gut. An hour later, Zavi started work in the mansion.

Her obsession with the Duchess only increased the closer Zavi got to her. She rose up through the ranks of the household staff by any means necessary - hard work, sleeping with the head steward, arranging the occasional 'accident' to take another servant's place. She saw the Duchess frequently - sometimes now they were even in the same room - but this was nowhere near enough. After a few years, Zavi reached the position of maid to one of the Duchess's young children. She hated the way that the noblewoman constantly doted on the boy. The little brat was nothing special. She wanted the Duchess for herself. It took the child weeks to die from the poison in his food.

After the lingering death of her youngest son, the Duchess was distraught; she lost interest in the scandals and fashions of the city's elite and shut herself in her room, refusing to see anyone. Except for servants, of course - they weren't really 'people' anyway. It was easy for Zavi to steal a key to her chambers.
When the steward came with breakfast the following morning, the door was barricaded. When the panicked guards eventually broke through the door (and the pile of furniture surrounding it), they found Zavi in the middle of the room, swamped in a gorgeous green velvet gown - one of the Duchess's favourites - and covered in strings of pearls, gold bangles, glittering rings. On her face was some kind of mask - made of bloody strips of flesh. She was smiling.
They found the woman lying on the marble floor of the bathroom. The skin of her face had been cut off. She was still alive.

I can't see anything bad, I assume it's okay to tell you here since the feedback is basically that it's good, and welcome aboard.