You don't need us to tell you what to you. You're mature enough to handle whatever happens and you've made up your mind. I wish you good luck.Skarvey said:
The Temporary Break Up
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Skarvey said:
Then she's acting like a typical 17 yr old, she doesn't know what she wants or what is going on. My advice is to just get over it, your in college now and shouldn't be stuck on a girl that is still obviously in high school and has alot of maturing to do. Good Luck.
Well, as has already been said, this is something you need to let her do. Unfortunately, you probably can't do anything to change her mind; you tried spending time with her and that didn't work, so she seems pretty set in her ways. However, given her distant manner, I'd say she spent a while thinking about it. She definitely cares deeply.Skarvey said:
As I said, though, you've got to let her do her own thing. As good as a relationship is, sometimes there are things that need to be done which you can't change. If you want to win her back, don't mess around with any other girls. Stay true to her and show her that you'll always care for her. Don't talk to her less or anything; try to maintain contact and stay close.
If all goes well, she'll come back to you. If it doesn't, I'm not sure there's much you can do...
You sound a lot like me, though. This is creepy.
Thank you sir, you're both a decorative coat rack and a gentleman. I know theres really no point to this thread, I'm hoping for just one of two things. 1.) I can get some of this post break up emotion out into a safe space where I don't have to burden my friends with it and 2.) and this is the less feasible one, that there will be someone here who can assure me or give me instruction on how to flawlessly win her back. I know that won't happen but hell, anything is worth a shot.ThrobbingEgo said:
I've actually decided to take this "hiatus" as a chance to improve myself. I'm learning the piano from a friend, and I've applied to join the Peace Corps. Its something I had been thinking about for a while, and now I think I've got the force to go through with it.
I'm going to tell you what I tell people on advice forums: There's no such thing as flawless relationship advice. People are unique, like snowflakes. We all have different values, wants, and goals. If I could tell you surefire how to "win her back" what would stop anyone else from taking my instructions and doing the same thing? People have, for the purposes of a relationship, free will. If you could manipulate someone into being with you, it wouldn't be a real partnership.Skarvey said:
That kind of advice just isn't possible.
Anyway, good luck. Breakup aside, it's cool that you're actively trying to improve yourself. Just remember that you shouldn't limit self-improvement, growth and "soul searching" just to times of romantic angst.
Well now thats just the thing ThrobbingEgo, I never really do any soul searching unless my whole world is upside down. I changed myself a long time ago, and I thought it was for the better. I liked myself more, people liked me more, she liked me enough to go out with me. Now I don't like myself as much, the people who liked me have subtley sabotaged my relationship, and the girl I love has left me. Self improvement is a mandatory now, its long overdue, I just didn't realize how much the playing field had shifted up until this point.
Well, two of my past girlfriends broke up with me by just cheating on me and announcing it to me the next day, so you still got the light letdown...
OK, I am a bit biased, I admit, but what you have here sounds similar to what my friend experienced some time ago. He was pretty much together with a girl, there weren't any spoken declarations on her part, but well, kissing and all this other stuff - that's a rather strong declaration, methinks. One day she says she needs to think about their relationship and that she wants to "hang up" for two weeks. After two weeks, she asked for more time. And then again. And again. It ran to 5 months in the end. Then it turned out she's been seeing another dude. Wanted to see how this plays out, but kept my friend (who gets extremely involved and believed in her pure intentions up until the end) as her "backup plan". Y'know, so if the other guy dumps her, there'll be a soft cushion to land on.
Thing is, a lot of girls (maybe guys too, I don't date'em, so couldn't say) seem to have this obsession about "keeping all the doors open". Which generally results in those "gentle letdowns", because they know there'll be someone to come back to if any of their ventures doesn't play out well.
Now, the ugly thing - there might be a lot of nice talk there, with all the standard stuff about "having some time off", "experiencing other things" and suchlike. But the bare fact is, she did want to get away from you. I'm not going to delve into possible reasons. But if she wants a "temporary breakup" now, then - if she comes back - she'll want more in the future. This sort of thing might work at early stages of a relationship, but at some point - you just have to be committed. Which she clearly doesn't want to at this point.
My advice - give her some time that she wants, but not too much. Maybe a month or two can be the upper limit. If she still wants to continue this temp breakup, then well - it's time to move on, as some people say. But for now - don't worry! If she doesn't want to come back, she won't, and there's nothing you can do about it. If she does - well, all the best for you.
OK, I am a bit biased, I admit, but what you have here sounds similar to what my friend experienced some time ago. He was pretty much together with a girl, there weren't any spoken declarations on her part, but well, kissing and all this other stuff - that's a rather strong declaration, methinks. One day she says she needs to think about their relationship and that she wants to "hang up" for two weeks. After two weeks, she asked for more time. And then again. And again. It ran to 5 months in the end. Then it turned out she's been seeing another dude. Wanted to see how this plays out, but kept my friend (who gets extremely involved and believed in her pure intentions up until the end) as her "backup plan". Y'know, so if the other guy dumps her, there'll be a soft cushion to land on.
Thing is, a lot of girls (maybe guys too, I don't date'em, so couldn't say) seem to have this obsession about "keeping all the doors open". Which generally results in those "gentle letdowns", because they know there'll be someone to come back to if any of their ventures doesn't play out well.
Now, the ugly thing - there might be a lot of nice talk there, with all the standard stuff about "having some time off", "experiencing other things" and suchlike. But the bare fact is, she did want to get away from you. I'm not going to delve into possible reasons. But if she wants a "temporary breakup" now, then - if she comes back - she'll want more in the future. This sort of thing might work at early stages of a relationship, but at some point - you just have to be committed. Which she clearly doesn't want to at this point.
My advice - give her some time that she wants, but not too much. Maybe a month or two can be the upper limit. If she still wants to continue this temp breakup, then well - it's time to move on, as some people say. But for now - don't worry! If she doesn't want to come back, she won't, and there's nothing you can do about it. If she does - well, all the best for you.
Seriously, these guys have it right. She's 17, so she's probably starting to think about college guys or something.TheNecroswanson said:Anonymouse said:Beat yuh to itTheNecroswanson said:
Really, she's letting you down easy. If she really cared she'd be more honest and less obscure/vague about what she wants from your relationship. If there's something she's not "getting" out of your relationship, it's probably to do with other guys.
Kick this one to the curb, or confront her and force her to be honest with you, THEN kick her to the curb.