The ten commandments of gaming

[BoredRolePlayer]

Thou shall not give women face smacking jugs
Thou shall not have AI dummer than a wallnut
Thou shall not make angry bald space marines

But above all else

THOU SHALL REMAKE PERSONA 4 FOR PS3

NO I want persona 5 for the PS3 Damnit

 

[siffty]

BEHOLD MY FELLOW GAMERS

 

[ChildofGallifrey]

According to the poster on my wall, there are 12, and they are as follows:

I. Gaming is thy holy pastime, thou shalt not have outdoor activities before thee.
II. Thou shalt not be fanboyish in the name of gaming.
III. Remember keep holy the game release dates.
IV. Honor thy PC and thy console.
V. Thou shalt not kill steal.
VI. Thou shalt not frag...without gloating in the aftermath.
VII. Thou shalt lose graciously; thou shalt not ***** nor whine when fragged.
VIII. Thou shalt accept thy dice rolls as the will of the gods.
IX. Thou shalt teabag only in the wake of unquestionable ownage.
X. Thou shalt not cheat nor support the farming of gold.
XI. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's rocket launcher. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's epic mount, nor his video card, nor his high score.
XII. Know thy group function; thy DPS shalt avoid aggro, thy tank shalt not attempt to DPS, thy mage shalt not forget mana potions, and thy healer shalt not go AFK without notifying thy group.

-snip-

Aaaaand, there would be the actual poster. Ninja'd me by one post. Good show sir!

 

[KarlMonster]

Lo, the Siffty did bring down the Commandments of Gaming from on high. And they were good.

But Judas said: "... but armor/plane camping is still cool, right?"

And the Lord God spoke from the thundercloud saying: "Judas, you are such a Smacktard!"

 

[blankedboy]

Thou shalt BUG TEST YOUR MOTHERFUCKING GAME, TEAM MEAT I AM LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION NOW.
I fucking love Super Meat Boy, but honestly, when you're casually playing along and you just stop for a second, then the level resets and counts a death or you clip into a wall filled with scenery saws, that's just lazy.

 

[codebulder]

I. thou shall not dumb down games for recent generations of gamers,(rainbow six)
II. Thou shall ship a tangible object or collectors item when a collectors and/or special edition is purchased so said customer may bragg about how leet they are.
III. Thou shall not make different special/collectors editions for different continents,towns, city's, realms, planets, plains, or any space were life in any form is warranted and/or permitted.

 

[melikeyshootey]

1. Thou shall not give enemies infinite ammo
2. Thou shall not rip off other game's ideas
3. Thou shall not whine about gamers buying pre-owned games
4. Thou (gaming community) shall not make a youtube video showing hatred to game unless it completely deserves it (Halo wouldn't, Brink would)
5. Thou shall make less FPSs and focus on different genres
6. Thou shall not sue other companies for retarded reasons (see Mojang vs Bethesda lawsuit)
7. Thou (gaming community) shall calm the hell down while playing Call of Duty, or not play
8. Thou shall not put gravity in Minecraft (sand and gravel don't count)
9. Thou shall never make a game with long, boring, unskippable cut scenes
10. Thou shall never make a movie-based video game that is designed to pull in money (see Avatar: the game)

 

[Kahldris71]

Thou Shall Change poop time, into game time.
Thou Shall not sell power for money in MMO's
Thou Shall not Cut content to use as DLC
Thou Shall Give the gamer a meaty challenge based on skill

 

[ChickenZombie]

Dead Space 2 seems to fit into almost all these categories...

 

[Innegativeion]

Instantaneous death shall never be caused by enemy characters.

Thou shalt challenge thine players, but be cursed if thy mistake frustration for challenge.

Thou shalt not have any graphics before aesthetic.

Thou shalt never sacrifice fun in any name.

Thine cash stores shalt not sell power.

Thou shalt remember thine fans, for they have made you holy.

 

[Daniel Baker]

Thou shalt have at least 1 quotable line of comedy in thine game.

Too many times are games too serious, (most Fps') and need to liven up (portal or anything by Valve). Sometimes serious is ok (like Bioshock and a few others that slip my mind), but for the most part, please, liven up a little.

 

[Karma168]

1.thou must not substitute incredible damage and grenade spamming in exchange for better enemy AI (CoD series i'm looking at you)

2.If thy game contains driving said driving must be enjoyable (GTA4)

3.Thou must not change the lore of thy games universe (Mass effect changing to thermal clips)

4.Day 1 DLC is an unforgivable sin and is irredeemable, map packs are equally abhorrent

5. The graphics and brightness of thy game must be such that the player can actually see the game (GTA 4 again)

 

[Epicspoon]

Thou shalt not develop another Call of Duty or Final Fantasy game

2nd that the ff part
Ot:
Thou shall must innovate over sequals
Thou shall not release stand alone expansions as "sequeal" at full price (mw3 i am looking at you)
Thou shall not be greedy and fight against 2nd hand purchases
Thou shall not camp hack or grief

I would take this seriously if you hadn't made more than one obvious grammatical error when you have access to spellchecker.

 

[Epicspoon]

Hmm, these are all the 10 commandments of gaming, Authorised King James Version by the sounds of it!

How about:

You will not make every single protagonist a boring white male space marine.

Honour your paying customers and do not treat them like criminals. Do not use DRM that slows load times, locks players out or causes crashes to desktop.

Include at least one incredible and unusual weapon, for gamers love turning the other players into chickens, manipulating gravity and killing giant flying monsters with forks.

Honour your female characters; do not give them boobs bigger than their heads or make them run like they are mincing about in high heeled maribou feather mules.

well the last one isn't a problem for me as long as the stereotypical female video game characters don't exceed %3 of the female cast.

 

[Epicspoon]

Thou shalt not make enemies detect you hiding in a bush five miles away

better yet.

Thou Shalt not give AI the ability to shotgun snipe you through a wall from ten miles away.

Freaking Cod 4

 

[Romblen]

Thou shall not force gamers to make yet another account just to play the game.

Unless it is absolutely necessary, do not make me create an account with you. I don't care. This goes for every game that has ever used Games for Windows Live.

 

[instantbenz]

Thou shall stop making DYNASTY WARRIOR GAMES!!!

BBbbbbut ... *pout* I suppose it goes back to innovation of sequels commandment.

Thou shalt allow players to play their own music at all times if your score blows.
Thou shalt add multiple languages to the voice acting, not only English, French, Japanese and Spanish. Ich will Deutsch... bitte.
Thou shalt only design peripherals that don't explode as soon as they are played with in their intended manner.
Thou shalt properly design consoles so that they don't burn up from standard intended use. And if your console does have a problem, a fix will be made before producing or selling anymore faulty machines.

FPS Specific Commandments:

Thou shalt test the melee in your games and not simply say 'meh, close enough, we'll fix it with a perk'.
Thou shalt make leveling up be interesting and fulfilling instead of unfair and the main focus of gameplay.

 

[ColeusRattus]

Thou shallst not put a lengthy, unskippable cutscene between a savepoint and a tough fight. No matter how awesome the cutscene is, it will get on the nerves of many gamers before they beat that section.

Though shallst not call fast paced action games realistic, just because you modeled the graphics after the real world. Looking at you, CoD and BF!

 

[azninja888]

I. Thou shalt focus on gameplay, game mechanics, and story over graphics
II. If thy game should include single and multiplayer, honest effort must be put into both.
III. Thou shalt include tutorials that are interactive.
IV. Thou shalt put effort into sequels.
V. Thou shalt NEVER EVER use DRM.
VI. Thou shalt give thy game depth.
VII. Should thy game include moral choices, thou musn't categorize them as good or evil.
VIII. Thy single player must tell an in-depth story.
IX. Thou shalt play test thy product for any bugs or glitches and fix them.
X. Thou shalt invest more time in genres other than FPS.
XI. Thy cutscenes must be skippable.