The Three Questions You Would Ask Your God (that aren't philosophical)

[Lazy Kitty]

I wouldn't ask anything, I'd just keep looking in the mirror until I'm done.

 

[TheOneBearded]

1. Soul mate. Where is she?

2. Friendly Aliens. Where are they?

3. Sentient Robots. When?

How do you know it's a she?

 

[TheOneBearded]

1: Considering you are a being based purely off of faith, and I am talking to you now, that means I have knowledge of you. Logically, now that faith is no longer required to know of your existence, and that you are based off of faith, you should no longer exist, should you?

With luck, he'll disappear in a puff of logic.

And out comes your real god - Spock.

 

[Free Thinker]

Why the platypus?
Why can't you smite stupid people?
Can I see Macho Man Randy Savage beat the crap out of your son?

 

[TheOneBearded]

1. Why f'ing mosquitoes? Why?
2. Can you retroactively take George Lucas to heaven BEFORE he made the Clone Wars 3D cartoon?
3. Could we have our Dragons, Unicorns, and other mythic beasts back if we promise not to break them again?

1. Hey! I don't want them up here.

2. That's odd. I'm looking at my list and I already have a George Lucas and he has some crazy ideas for a sequel for his only three Star Wars movies. You must be talking about some other guy.

3. I did...and then they wiped out all of humanity - one by one. Then, I started over again with Adam and his skank.

 

[Ulfserker5]

1. Can I borrow your hammer and magic belt for a little while? Just for hour or so, I want to kill some Frost Giants and other people.....

2. Can you please remove this "blessing" Odin has given to me? Or at least tell me there is a way to get rid of it.

3. Can you tell me or at least show the the location of Mimir's well for me?

 

[TheOneBearded]

1)What is your opinion on crazy, preachy fundamentalists being evil in your name?

2)What about smug antitheist douches acting morally and intellectually superior to religious people and citing the actions of said fundamentalist minority as justification?

3)Can I please please please please please have sex at some point in the near future? Preferably more than once?

1. Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

God does not approve. Nothing does quite so much damage to the effectiveness of Christianity as places like Westboro.

2. Without God, there can be no morality (as in, a fundamental moral law above every single person without exception), so how can anti-theist people be morally superior when they have refused the source of morality itself? Also, it is perfectly possible to be the most intelligent person alive and still as dumb as a rock, for there is a great difference between intelligence and wisdom.

3. ...

Does "..." indicate "No" or "I'm disgusted by your question and refuse to answer it"?

Fine (puts on my favorite carny costume)

Here is the ball. Here are three cups. I'm going to put the ball under one of these cups and move them around at the speed of light. If you get it right, I'll let you pick my sexiest angel and give you some privacy. I'll even hook you with a third testicle (Pimp My C*ck?).

If you lose, I will make sure that ,with the best of my ability, your penis will only get an hard-on when you see the ugliest, manliest women. Would you tap that?

Well now, are you ready to play?

 

[TheOneBearded]

Why the platypus?
Why can't you smite stupid people?
Can I see Macho Man Randy Savage beat the crap out of your son?

1. I had some spare parts back in my shed and I wanted to put them to good use. I guess I should have left them alone.

2. Then I would have the sole blame for ruining YouTube. They make money of stupidity.

3. Sure, I have it all video taped. Come with me to my entertainment center.



Jesus Christ: Here I go. The Rapture won't start itself.

"Macho Man" Randy Savage: SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!

JC: Whoa! What are you doing here!

MMRS: I'M A TOWER OF POWER, BETTER THAN A WELL WRITTEN LETTER, AND HAIRIER THAN A MANLY TERRIER AND I'M HERE TO STOP YOU!

JC: Oh no, you won't!

JC pulls out a lightsaber as MMRS yells FUS RO DAH.

Your eyes melt and your ears plug up after this. Some people just can't handle this.

 

[DarthVella]

Hmm. What to ask...

1. Hey, how's things?
2. Okay, so what went on when you created everything? I'm pretty sure my interpretation is off...
3. What am I and why was I made that way?

 

[Vicarious Reality]

Where have you been hiding?

Can we trade stuff with you?

Why have you been hiding?

 

[Innegativeion]

How do you know it's a she?

Because of my definition of soul mate.

 

[SarcasmoPope]

What would happen if Pinocchio said "My nose will grow now"?
Why is my internet so slow?
Do I ever get to fuck Nina?

 

[Bebus]

Where can I get a decent beer in Luton?
Do you actually like the pope?
Do you have a beard?