The Troll Siege Forum-Writ Survival Guide!

[The Potato Lord]

Seeing as we've been having more trolls recently we need to help each other prepare tor the siege. the Trolls are obviously planning a long-term attack on the Escapist and we all need to know how to fend off these fiends! Basically the same as my other Survival guide topc but with Trolls.

Begin!

P.S. Flip them over to attack thier weak point for massive damage!

 

[John Galt]

Well, first you take a stroll down to your local gun store and purchase something in .22. Then, go back up to your computer, unplug it from the internet, and proceed to fire no less than four rounds into your modem. If we can damage the internet enough, we should be able to suck the trolls right out through the wound.

 

[stompy]

I still believe in a screening process. To register to TE, you have to pass some sort of IQ test. If you fail, you're modem gets shot. Easy troll eliminator.

What about human rights? the masses ask. These are trolls, and...

This-is-THE-ESCAPIST!

(oh, come on, someone was going to say it sooner or later. Might as well beat them to it.)

 

[Fire Daemon]

Don't forget that Trolls are not able to understand simple logic. Try explaining to them that people do not like those that annoy them. This will usually confuse them.

 

[Knight Templar]

Beware of the rickroll! youtube has become infected nothing is safe!
IP bans?

 

[rougeknife]

"This is a forum, not a democracy.
And its my forum."

-The Great Catweazle, shortly after being appointed "super-moderator" with the tast of cleaning the place up, before banning half the forums memberlist.
EDIT: A time know as the great purge of 02.

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

"This is a forum, not a democracy.
And its my forum."

-The Great Catweazle, shortly after being appointed "super-moderator" with the tast of cleaning the place up, before banning half the forums memberlist.
EDIT: A time know as the great purge of 02.

Nothing scarier than a new moderator.

 

[PurpleRain]

It seems that there's more attacks lately. They seem to be testing our walls for weaknesses. Soon they will strike.

One way to kill a troll is to go into the internet itself. We grab them and log out dragging them into the real world were they can be killed forever. This is extremely dangerous and should only be done by experts of the english language... and Steve McQueen.

 

[John Galt]

"This is a forum, not a democracy.
And its my forum."

-The Great Catweazle, shortly after being appointed "super-moderator" with the tast of cleaning the place up, before banning half the forums memberlist.
EDIT: A time know as the great purge of 02.

Reminds me of Robert A. Heinlein's quote

"How can you tell who's the captain in a life boat? Easy, it's the one with the gun."

 

[Saskwach]

Trolls regenerate all wounds except those inflicted by fire. So remember, fight flame with flame. Have boiling oil drums placed at regular intervals on The Escapist's walls.

Stock up on ninth level spells and touch up on your Shakespere. Wink. Oh wait, I meant, wink.

Surely you mean brush up your Shakespeare.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-CSb3Xe06s

 

[Action_Bastard]

Don't forget to go pick up your torches and pitchforks at you local Lows. Also, after the battle don't forget to go around and burn the survivors for they will regenerate and come back in greater numbers.... I've been read way to much Forgotten Realms lately.

 

[stompy]

Just got a message for GEMS...

i have been wallowing in my ban, but seek to puppet events from on high! i know how gems has two accounts, it was a plan him and me discussed, tell him almightyjoe still lives and will hunt his betraying ass to the abyss!

I will have his head on a platter yet

Hmm, brains... Uh, I don't think the guys over at the zombie survival guide really need to know 'bout this, m'kay?

 

[Zero-0]

i would take the portal gun and put them in a infinate loop and then take the bottom portal away to make some troll pancakes...lol or run 4 my life

 

[Finnish(ed)]

Just do not give them any attention. Everyone knows that it is the best way to deal with them, but few can actually maintain this policy. Often people have to have the last word, or make some quip, even if it is just food for the troll. We should not need moderators at all. If someone makes a post you do not like, just ignore it. It is not like he/she is screaming in your ear.

Forums should not be taken very seriously. If something aggravates you, go do something else. If people cease to act so passionately and impulsively, there would be no niche for trolls.

"You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive."

http://www.xkcd.com/386/

 

[teh_snakerer]

-snip-

 

[Saskwach]

Don't forget that Trolls are not able to understand simple logic. Try explaining to them that people do not like those that annoy them. This will usually confuse them.

The way that you explain them makes them sound stupid, they know you do not like them annoying you, that is what makes them continue, being a former troll myself (Acting fucktarded and highly intelligent, though usually it's easier to act fucktarded while trolling.)

they aren't idiots, they know how to annoy you, and simply explaining it to them that you don't like it is like getting into a fight with a man wielding a serrated knife , proceeding to rip off the top of your own skull, and say "Here's my brain, you could take me out a lot quicker now I've exposed my weak point to you."

Don't give them what they want, all power to the trolls from me though, and since trolling is usually associated to 4chan, i must ask, is there a 4chan hate on this site, in my case, they make me lol, not as much as ED however.

I can't speak for everyone but I (and Khell_Sennet) browse 4chan as part of my low-brow entertainment diet. Mostly /tg/ but some /b/ when I feel like being defiled while searching for good laughs.