The Unwritten Laws of Man

[supermaster1337]

http://www.scribd.com/doc/306165/Man-Law

It's the official list. You can thank me now, or later. I don't care.

Thank you now.

 

[Lunatic_Monk]

Handbanana

 

[Doug]

And so it was written...

Thou shall not stand directly next to a fellow man in the public loo's, unless no other urinals are available.
Thou shall attempt to distance thy self from thy fellow man as far as possible whilst using urinals.
Thou shall NEVER attempt to engage in conversation with thy fellow man whilst using a urinal.
Thou shall NEVER look around at thy fellow man when at the urinal.

 

[traceur_]

Thou shalt not pop thy collar under any circumstances unless mocking another who has done so.

Thou shalt not scream under any circumstance unless thou has been attacked by a venomous snake or equally dangerous creature, in which case thou art permitted to scream once and only once, manly howls are permitted no more than three times.

Thou shalt not cry in the presence of other humans unless thy testicles have been struck by an object traveling at a velocity greater than four metres per second.

When passing another male, no verbal expression of recognition is necessary, an upward nod for friends and a downward nod for fellow men is acceptable

 

[manaman]

Thou shalt not use the urinal next to one being used by someone else.

How about Thou shalt shut the hell up when in a room full of guys with their dicks in their hands.

There is no talking to others at the urinal, if you are at the urinal your self or not, wait for them to get to the sink to resume the conversation.

 

[traceur_]

If you both want to hit the same girl, there will be no grudge held against he winner!

As an addition to this law, the loser is legally bound under man law to distract and/or eliminate the target's fat friend.

 

[Toners]

If you both want to hit the same girl, there will be no grudge held against he winner!

As an addition to this law, the loser is legally bound under man law to distract and/or eliminate the target's fat friend.

Fairly sure that's written in the law somewhere... Not necessarily fat, but unattractive. I'm not going into a "do you prefer "curvy" or "thin" girls" debate, but some of the more rotund can be kinda cute but yeah I do know a couple of girls fit for bowling alley racks, terrible times.

I'd say one of my unwritten rules is never cry lest somebody dies.. or some ho leaves you

 

[Toners]

1. Always bailout a buddy unless he killed someone you liked

Fixed

Also a man shall never:

Cry in public
Compliment another man's haircut/clothes using more than 5 words.
Drink flavoured beer.
Get in touch with his feminine side (whatever that means)
Smoke slim cigarettes.
Let his hair impair his sight (exception: Slash)

A man shall:

Lie to a woman if necessary whenever talking about his friend/her boyfriend.
Pump iron often enough to look manly
Have vast knowledge about wars, war machines, box/MMA, football, action movies and liquors.
Make red meat his primary source of calories.

Some of the manliest men in history have had long hair, man. You get it from being stuck in position, stalking out the enemy, or being in war so long you don't exactly have access to a barber. Obvious choice for an example is GENGHIS FREAKING KHAN. Or like... anyone in a metal band, it's kinda mandatory. I even had long hair myself at one point before I got sick of it. Also pumping iron all the time to make yourself big and completely toned (i.e. bodybuilding) is ridiculously gay, looking at yourself naked in the mirror all the time.. yeuch. Chicks hate that too most of the time, big naked oiled dude with muscles that don't look right I've been told on many occasions look terrible. I do get down the gym a bit myself though
Everything else I pretty much agree with. Good man

 

[Oneirius]

Never sit on the toilet if it is possible to do it while standing.

 

[dontworryaboutit]

Thou shalt not use the urinal next to one being used by someone else.

This is the most important one.

Seriously dudes, there are like five urinals.
Why do you come to the one next to me?

What is that about?
Unless you are a gay dude, there is seriously no call for that kind of thing.
And even then it is extremely impolite.

ps: All men must have sex with anything that is female and remotely human.
And they must love sports and drink lots of beer.

pps: Just kidding all of those things suck.

Females sucks?

Thou shalt not use the urinal next to one being used by someone else.

How about Thou shalt shut the hell up when in a room full of guys with their dicks in their hands.

There is no talking to others at the urinal, if you are at the urinal your self or not, wait for them to get to the sink to resume the conversation.

Sometimes I don't want to hear about your day when we are holding our dicks. Especially not if you're my teacher.

I fucking hate urinals. I mean, if I'm going to get my dick out in a room full of other men, there better be something consistent between me and everyone else.

Or at the very least, there better be some form of payment for doing so.

Seriously.

I took a wide stance...

 

[Trilby]

Do not attempt to eat this giraffe.

 

[Ghost]

Just read the A to Z of manliness, it will answer your questions.

 

[traceur_]

Just read the A to Z of manliness, it will answer your questions.

Spoiler: ta da

A is for Ass-Kicking
B is for Boners
C is for Copping A Feel
D is for Dump, Taking A
E is for Enlightenment
F is for Female Wrestling
G is for Gas
H is for Hot Sauce
I is for Irate
J is for Jerky, Beef
K is for Knockers
L is for Lumberjack
M is for Metal
N is for Norris, Chuck
O is for Obedience
P is for Pirates
Q is for Quickie
R is for Road Rage
S is for Sneaking a Peek
T is for Taunting
U is for Urinal Etiquette
V is for Violence
W is for Winner
X is for XXX
Y is for Yelling
Z is for Zombies

 

[SoonerMatt]

When visiting another man's party, thou shall honor the host's rules for beer pong.