The 'whats the point in marriage?' debate :)

[Samantha Muir]

Coming from a violently broken family I can say that there is no real need for marriage if it's just going to blowup in everyone's face ten years down the line... However, the idea of marriage has always been something my young and naive mind has been wrapped around. I see no real point in getting married but it's a nice thought... I digress really because even with the ceremony and symbolism of marriage something always goes wrong sooner or later... Then again my aunt and uncle have been together for twenty years now and they don't seem to be showing any signs of turmoil... so it could just be my sad but realistic view that alot of times shit gets fucked up in marriages...

In Japan, marriage must hold a stronger meaning because the divorce rate is really low... then again, it's "Disgraceful" to divorce there so I guess most people care more about their own pride than the fact that they may or may not hate the person they chose to commit themselves to haha

 

[pulse2]

I am seriously sad about how jaded and cynical people are towards marriage. It is the most awesome thing two people can do for another (vowing to stick with eachother)

I think I'm going to be alone now. ;_;

Don't be put off by it

Like I said, I brought it up for disscussional value, not to just point out bluntly that it's pointless. I appreciate marriage and all that it offers and if you TRULY love someone, you should definitely consider it and maybe even prove my whole point wrong

 

[TheJoojo]

I'm a christian. And because of this marriage is a huge deal to me. It's a supernatural bond to eachother, between God and the persons getting married. That being said, the traditional weeding as it is now (with all decoratings, dresses, invitations, seating orders etc) is kind of pointless. But since it's a huge change in anyone's life (or can be) I think people want it to be nice and beautiful. That's at least what I think.

 

[bdcjacko]

Best feeling in the world knowing you have someone who will say she wants to be with you and only you forever. It is nice not wondering if you are going to grow old alone. It is emotional security that nothing else can really offer.

Sure, it must be an amazing feeling for the people that don't get divorced after a few months of wedded bliss.

Yeah...you shouldn't enter into marriage lightly, and probably shouldn't get married until you are old enough to see past the wedding day.

But it's not as though divorce only happens to younger people. Sure it's more prevalent in people around my age but plenty of older people get married and divorced as well. To me, marriage is uncertain because love itself is uncertain and it seems foolhardy to make such a life changing decision based on such a fleeting emotion. You may be able to look past the wedding day but you can't predict what you'll feel then.

Then perhaps you shouldn't get married. But do you take such a pessimistic view of everything? Why go to college when lot of people fail? Why get a job, I'll just be fired. Why do anything because I'll be over looked and it will amount to nothing.

But these things are things that rely on your efforts and your efforts only, you know the extent of your abilities so you know what you are capable of doing and you can push yourself to achieve these things, but in marriage, you don't know what your lover is capable of, flaws that may not be trivial, but in fact quite prominent, flaws that you may not notice as girlfriend and boyfriend due to the fact you are trying your best to impress. When married you no longer have to impress, you are more or less free to be yourself, making changes to fit the circumstances of the marriage, but what happens if you find out the person you married is unwilling to change the way they operate despite the fact they claimed to be commited to you, what if you are making all the effort and they aren't? How do you get past those hurdles, especially when it involves children, how do you deal with someone who is neglecting your kids or even hurting them or you? How do you deal with a cheating partner? How do you deal with less drastic issues, like them refusing to help you deal with household bills, or falling out with your family and refusing to make amends despite how much you want things to get better.

Yes, there is a degree of pessimism to this point, but you have to face it, it's truth, we as humans are inclined to think differently from each other and quite often we make decisions that are short term rather than long term, we make decisions because they make sense now, but come 5 years down the line, that decision loses its affirmity.

Even the 26 years my parents have had together has been challenging at the best of times, quite often to the point divorce was considered, nothing as big as cheating or abuse, but plain and simply because my dad is admittedly uncooperative, grumpy and rather unreasonable, as kids we've gotten used to it and find it amusing to tease him because of it, but to my mum, it can be a stress at times, 90% of the time we are one big happy family, laughing, joking, playing, the usual, but that odd 10% can leave my mum crying, simply because she would like my father to be a little more considerate towards her feelings.

There are some couples that are perfect and never encounter these issues, but that's rare, luckily, despite my dad's annoying habits, he would never cheat on my mum, he just doesn't have it in him nor would he ever lay a finger on her.

I'm going to guess either your girlfriend is bugging you about how she didn't get an engagement ring for Christmas and has been giving you the silent treatment/stink eye for the past few days if not broke up with you.

or

You gave her an engagement ring for Christmas and made a big show of it and she turned you down.

or

There was some sort of break up, possibly cheating going on.

So now you are hurting and saying marriage in general is pointless because you can't trust other people. And again I'll say what is right for you isn't right for others.

 

[Jedoro]

Tax breaks, and other stuff I haven't cared to learn but have heard about

If nothing else, do it for the money. Ever heard of a marriage of convenience?

 

[Double A]

Nonchristians normally do it so they don't lose their spouse's possessions when they die.

Laws are bitchy and strict.

 

[DarkRyter]

It provides legal kinship. You really dig some guy or gal, you wanna bring them into your family or have a family with them and you wanna make it legal.

And there's never a bad reason to throw a party.

 

[Suicidal Hobo]

I see the point in marriage, I don't like the idea of weddings however.

 

[Riff Moonraker]

Well, first off, marriage is not strictly related to religion. People have been getting married before Christianity even existed for example. Non-religious people usually don't have a religious ceremony in a church, they have what's called a civil ceremony. And they can chose where they have this ceremony, ei. City Hall, outdoors etc.. So they don't employ the church's services at all. I don't know where you got the idea that marriage has to go through the church.

Second of all, from your post, I'm going to assume that you don't know that marriage is actually a legally binding contract that the government recognizes. There are a couple benefits to this: like certain social services, certain tax breaks, also can make a joint bank account that can come with lots of other financial benefits.

And thirdly, and this is probably the most important point of marriage, is that it's a commitment. When you marry someone, your basically telling them in a fancy, and elaborate way that you will love, and support them, and be faithful to them for the rest of your life. If you think of marriage in a cold, rational way, then you will never understand. You have to use your emotional side. I really hate to pull the age card, but how old are you? It's likely that you'll understand this concept when your older.

Well said. Unfortunately, there will still be a large sum of people that will completely fail to grasp what you just said..

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Nowadays, "marriage" is far too advantageous for women, which may explain why many want it. I'm definitely gonna avoid because the last thing I wanna be is taken for a ride that castrates me via wallet and other things.

Also, there is little to no point in marriage since the "holy" in holy matrimony has been taken out and replaced with "contractual". I believe it's very much possible to love someone and not want to marry them.

 

[_Cake_]

We don't have to convince you marriage is worthwhile you have try and find a girl who actually believes that, and good luck with that buddy. When she's sitting around with her friends or family "So how long have you two been dating?" "5 years now" yeah the rest of that conversation is going to be fun. There are two sides to every relationship and for most women knowing a guy wont ever get married is a deal breaker.

People get married cause they love each other and it takes a lot more guts to legally bind yourself to another person then just saying that you will always be together. Marriage isn't religious for me but the ultimate act of putting your money where your mouth is.

As for dying alone you completely missed the boat on that one. Its not about the act of dying it's about growing old with them. Having someone to depend on and look after you when your old if you can't do it on your own, and vowing to do the same in return.

 

[zutagonecver]

You know, bdcjacko, all you've done so far, is try to counter the arguments against marriage presented here by calling the posters just plain immature and the good old "you just don't get it". Meanwhile, the only argument you've given is "emotional security", which falls flat on its face, if you look at the divorce statistics, not counting all of the families that are miserable, but still run with it out of habit or financial instability (I know quite a few of those). BTW, I'm only 19 so be sure to point that out in your counterargument. ^^

 

[are.you.the.god.its.me.vader]

Most marriage is basically a glorified "dibs" law.

 

[LittleChone]

Marriage is essentially promising that you will never leave/abandon/cheat/harm/forget/dishonor your special someone until one of you dies. Or demands a divorce (That's the coward's way out).

 

[Blatherscythe]

Just a way of showing devoution and commitment, no need for a big old, fancy fucking ceremony.

 

[Steel Ronin]

This is just me, but whenever I see someone arguing against marriage, I assume they are a teenage boy, or they have the maturity level of a teenage boy.

*And after checking the age of everyone else that has posted, and finding the oldest of you is 22, I kind of stand by that.

Well what do you think of the topic.I don't think anyone here is really against marriage as you are depicting them to be.You obviously think intelligence is based upon age while you yourself are in your 20s.But I would like to see what you think and what your agruements are.Do you honestly think that you can't love someone without being married.
I think that marriage isn't as much of a way to express your love or devotion to someone but rather an old tradition that got monarchs money and more land to rule over.Today people that support marriage as the only way to express your love are very close-minded and definatly religious.(I am not against marriage I just think people can love each other without it.)

 

[Erana]

I want to get married because it would offer conviences and legal protection for my hypothetical future child(ren). If my husband winds up to be a terrible man, I can pull out some court papers and make him help me financially in raising my offspring.

My father was an absolutely terrible husband, and if it weren't for the legal rights my mother had for having been legally married to him, when my parents broke up, would have taken everything- savings, the house, probably the car, and then just left us in the dust.

I've watched my mother work so hard to raise two gifted girls on her own, without any family to help her. If my father had been willing to work more for the marriage, then so many of the hardships in our lives wouldn't have been.
So yeah, if there's no other point for marriage these days, then its to protect the children and have them get all the love and attention they need without working the only parent to death.

 

[Krantos]

There are financial benefits to it.

I'm not sure what they are exactly but a lot people want the tax benefits from marriage. That's why denying homosexuals the ability to get married is such an issue.

 

[pulse2]

Best feeling in the world knowing you have someone who will say she wants to be with you and only you forever. It is nice not wondering if you are going to grow old alone. It is emotional security that nothing else can really offer.

Sure, it must be an amazing feeling for the people that don't get divorced after a few months of wedded bliss.

Yeah...you shouldn't enter into marriage lightly, and probably shouldn't get married until you are old enough to see past the wedding day.

But it's not as though divorce only happens to younger people. Sure it's more prevalent in people around my age but plenty of older people get married and divorced as well. To me, marriage is uncertain because love itself is uncertain and it seems foolhardy to make such a life changing decision based on such a fleeting emotion. You may be able to look past the wedding day but you can't predict what you'll feel then.

Then perhaps you shouldn't get married. But do you take such a pessimistic view of everything? Why go to college when lot of people fail? Why get a job, I'll just be fired. Why do anything because I'll be over looked and it will amount to nothing.

But these things are things that rely on your efforts and your efforts only, you know the extent of your abilities so you know what you are capable of doing and you can push yourself to achieve these things, but in marriage, you don't know what your lover is capable of, flaws that may not be trivial, but in fact quite prominent, flaws that you may not notice as girlfriend and boyfriend due to the fact you are trying your best to impress. When married you no longer have to impress, you are more or less free to be yourself, making changes to fit the circumstances of the marriage, but what happens if you find out the person you married is unwilling to change the way they operate despite the fact they claimed to be commited to you, what if you are making all the effort and they aren't? How do you get past those hurdles, especially when it involves children, how do you deal with someone who is neglecting your kids or even hurting them or you? How do you deal with a cheating partner? How do you deal with less drastic issues, like them refusing to help you deal with household bills, or falling out with your family and refusing to make amends despite how much you want things to get better.

Yes, there is a degree of pessimism to this point, but you have to face it, it's truth, we as humans are inclined to think differently from each other and quite often we make decisions that are short term rather than long term, we make decisions because they make sense now, but come 5 years down the line, that decision loses its affirmity.

Even the 26 years my parents have had together has been challenging at the best of times, quite often to the point divorce was considered, nothing as big as cheating or abuse, but plain and simply because my dad is admittedly uncooperative, grumpy and rather unreasonable, as kids we've gotten used to it and find it amusing to tease him because of it, but to my mum, it can be a stress at times, 90% of the time we are one big happy family, laughing, joking, playing, the usual, but that odd 10% can leave my mum crying, simply because she would like my father to be a little more considerate towards her feelings.

There are some couples that are perfect and never encounter these issues, but that's rare, luckily, despite my dad's annoying habits, he would never cheat on my mum, he just doesn't have it in him nor would he ever lay a finger on her.

I'm going to guess either your girlfriend is bugging you about how she didn't get an engagement ring for Christmas and has been giving you the silent treatment/stink eye for the past few days if not broke up with you.

or

You gave her an engagement ring for Christmas and made a big show of it and she turned you down.

or

There was some sort of break up, possibly cheating going on.

So now you are hurting and saying marriage in general is pointless because you can't trust other people. And again I'll say what is right for you isn't right for others.

I think you are over analysing things ¬_¬ If you are going to over analyse, at least do it correctly.

This has nothing to do with my girlfriend, but seeing as you're interested, we get on just fine, however, both of us share the same opinion that we love each other but find marriage a little extreme a consideration to make at this point in time, we're young, we have a whole life to live and plenty of time to get married if we choose to do so. We love the romance / sexy stage of the relationship we have at the moment as it is and we've been together for a little more than 3 years, so we can say we are serious about each other. We aren't always together, so we appreciate the time we do get to be together. I'm not against love by any means. I think it's wonderful that humans can share love for one another, what I'm puzzled about is why we need to PROVE this love with marriage. Only my gf knows if she has it in her to fall for another guy and as far as I'm concerned, if I felt I could be tempted at this point, I would have, I've had plenty of opportunities, but the idea of leaving my gf heartbroken despite all the issues we've faced together, joy and scrutiny from ignorant individuals just doesnt seem to pop up in my head, she appreciates my hobbies and my skills and she makes me happy all the time, why risk that to be with someone who I find out further down the line doesn't understand me at all, at which point, I can't make a U-turn because it's too late. That would be pretty darn stupid.

I just don't personally see the point in marriage for ME, so the point of this discussion besides killing time while I wait for dinner and to entertain me with some of the humourous replies I get on the escapist, is to get involved in an interesting debate and see what YOUR opinion of marriage is.

 

[bdcjacko]

You know, bdcjacko, all you've done so far, is try to counter the arguments against marriage presented here by calling the posters just plain immature and the good old "you just don't get it". Meanwhile, the only argument you've given is "emotional security", which falls flat on its face, if you look at the divorce statistics, not counting all of the families that are miserable, but still run with it out of habit or financial instability (I know quite a few of those). BTW, I'm only 19 so be sure to point that out in your counterargument. ^^

You are 19, and idealist and think the world is ran by reason. Marriage is an emotional bond, just because divorce happens, doesn't mean it is pointless. Just because people have gotten divorced, doesn't mean they don't see the value in marriage. You are only 19, and still haven't really experienced the world. You can't understand the complexities. Marriage isn't just the ceremony.