Please remember the words correctly, it is important.
"Klatu Veratu Nicto" comes to mind as an example of why
"Klatu Veratu Nicto" comes to mind as an example of why
The World Is A Literal Horror Movie, Lets Write the Survival Guide
- Thread starter cojo965
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Ooh, threads like these are fun.
SCI FI
-You know that person you have with you who is on the exact same quest/research mission or whatever but for personal gain of some form? Lock them away somewhere. Yes, yes, it was their idea or they paid for the whole voyage. But you don't want them to have an active role. Because they will get you killed.
Mysterious planet with mysterious creatures? They will go behind your back and opt to take one with them. Death.
Someone gets gravely injured? They will prevent you for proper aid by some form of interference.
Trust me, it's just not worth the hassle.
-So there's a meteor that just crashed onto earth... stay the hell away from it. This will not be a momentous discovery. there's no reason to go over there and touch it. So don't go over there and touch it!
SCI FI
-You know that person you have with you who is on the exact same quest/research mission or whatever but for personal gain of some form? Lock them away somewhere. Yes, yes, it was their idea or they paid for the whole voyage. But you don't want them to have an active role. Because they will get you killed.
Mysterious planet with mysterious creatures? They will go behind your back and opt to take one with them. Death.
Someone gets gravely injured? They will prevent you for proper aid by some form of interference.
Trust me, it's just not worth the hassle.
-So there's a meteor that just crashed onto earth... stay the hell away from it. This will not be a momentous discovery. there's no reason to go over there and touch it. So don't go over there and touch it!
Supernatural Survival 101
Rule #1: The most charming and or sexy person in the house is typically possessed.
Rule #2: Ladies...when shit starts to get scary in your house, leave. Your husband's arrogant/stupid skepticism is usually invalid (if Insidious rules apply, call a medium)
Rule #3: Don't be Catholic, Catholics are to poltergeists/demons what minorities and big breasted blonds are to slasher villains/monsters
Rule #4: Nope sorry lynch mob, doesn't matter how many angry townsfolk you can gather the creature is going to end up killing you all.
Rule #5: If you're the one holding video camera or are near a person with a video camera....you're going to die.
Slasher Survival 101
Rule #1: Don't be a sexy women, minority, or a douchebag character (rapist, jock, or horny boyfriend)...you're only going to last as long as it takes for you to turn around.
Rule #2: Length of time spent skinny dipping or just being naked= how painful and creative your death will be.
Rule #3: After the first murder, get the hell out of there.
Rule #4: Your 'nope nope nope' senses are always right, trust your 'flight' instincts as opposed to your fighting ones.
Rule #5: Invest in a weekend retreat area with good cellphone reception
Rule #6: If you see the slasher go down, never assume he's dead ALWAYS double tap (unload all your bullets into his head and light him on fire for good measure)
Torture Survival 101
Rule #1: When on vacation in a foreign country, never go home with stranger or allow one to buy you a drink
Rule #2: Germans can never be trusted, if you're broken down you're better off walking in the rain to the nearest mechanic or public area for help than trust a guy who sounds like Colonel Klink.
Rule #1: The most charming and or sexy person in the house is typically possessed.
Rule #2: Ladies...when shit starts to get scary in your house, leave. Your husband's arrogant/stupid skepticism is usually invalid (if Insidious rules apply, call a medium)
Rule #3: Don't be Catholic, Catholics are to poltergeists/demons what minorities and big breasted blonds are to slasher villains/monsters
Rule #4: Nope sorry lynch mob, doesn't matter how many angry townsfolk you can gather the creature is going to end up killing you all.
Rule #5: If you're the one holding video camera or are near a person with a video camera....you're going to die.
Slasher Survival 101
Rule #1: Don't be a sexy women, minority, or a douchebag character (rapist, jock, or horny boyfriend)...you're only going to last as long as it takes for you to turn around.
Rule #2: Length of time spent skinny dipping or just being naked= how painful and creative your death will be.
Rule #3: After the first murder, get the hell out of there.
Rule #4: Your 'nope nope nope' senses are always right, trust your 'flight' instincts as opposed to your fighting ones.
Rule #5: Invest in a weekend retreat area with good cellphone reception
Rule #6: If you see the slasher go down, never assume he's dead ALWAYS double tap (unload all your bullets into his head and light him on fire for good measure)
Torture Survival 101
Rule #1: When on vacation in a foreign country, never go home with stranger or allow one to buy you a drink
Rule #2: Germans can never be trusted, if you're broken down you're better off walking in the rain to the nearest mechanic or public area for help than trust a guy who sounds like Colonel Klink.
General survival tip
Avoid Latin. Do not read Latin out loud, do not speak Latin out loud, do not write Latin and do not trust anyone who speaks, reads or writes Latin.
Scifi survival tips
1. There are never any uninfected survivors. Park the warship just inside the maximum effective range of your weapons systems and bombard the area until only radioactive vapor remains.
2. The distress signal is a lie/trap. Park your warships just inside the maximum effective range of your weapons systems and bombard the target until only radioactive vapor remains.
Avoid Latin. Do not read Latin out loud, do not speak Latin out loud, do not write Latin and do not trust anyone who speaks, reads or writes Latin.
Scifi survival tips
1. There are never any uninfected survivors. Park the warship just inside the maximum effective range of your weapons systems and bombard the area until only radioactive vapor remains.
2. The distress signal is a lie/trap. Park your warships just inside the maximum effective range of your weapons systems and bombard the target until only radioactive vapor remains.
Creature Feature.
SURVIVAL GUIDE: X
We are assured that the alien contagion, refered to simply as Parasite X, has been utterly destroyed. In the event of this not being the case, the federation has compiled this emergency guide in case of a possible outbreak of the X species on a populated world, a dead world, or on board a ship. This information comes with regards to the testimony of of bounty hunter Samus Aran and the transmitted records of the B.S.L. Research Station formerly of the SR388 sector. (See METROID for further data on the planet.)
EXPLANATION OF THE X:
They are a violently-aggressive species, perhaps one of the most dangerous in the galaxy, with only one natural predator, that of Metroids. Because the Metroid species is considered extinct as well, the possibility of the survival of any X Parasite can be considered a virtual disaster. Seen as a free-floating amorphous bacteria, most weapons will not harm the X in their fluid-like form because they are merely an infectious colony at this stage, looking for a host. It is only when they form a shell to become a Core-X with some degree of true instinct or direction that conventional weapons appear to have an effect, though this would be largely in destroying the shell. Contradictorily, the exposed X is helpless as can be, but hard to do any damage to. It can grow and multiply in that form, and infect, but it has no actual attack power.
There are means of dispersing free-floating X without a shell, the same thing would destroy any species regardless of any protection they carry, that of annihilation down to the molecular level. This will be covered more in the defense section. The X must never be underestimated. They are a collective of sorts, single-minded and drawing from the whole, yet ultimately trying to adapt to everything around them by absorbing it, becoming it. They area species that infect prey to take over and copy it. They can also read memory and even data biologically, as long as a transmission of data is taking place directly somehow. In no way do they read broadcast signals unless received they way we do, by hearing or seeing it.
X LIFE-CYCLE:
Free-Floating X - The basic, unprotected X which can learn certain adaptations to their environment, but are almost without personal power. They infect or slip into areas unnoticed, or grow to change into an attack-form that has been previously consumed and learned or adapted to.
Copy X - This refers to any X which assumes a form that is a direct copy of an original form, via infection or direct transformation. It may copy alien life forms or shape itself into an object to remain disguised and lying in wait to attack somehow. On occasion, it will take a non-threatening form to lull other intelligent beings into a false sense of security. DO NOT MAKE ANY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE X IN THIS STATE. It has no form of reasoning power, only a desire or instinct to go about its tasks, which includes devouring all life and civilization.
Core X - an evolved and complicated X Parasite which may be either a single entity or a colony formed under one shell. Either way, it is a large source of X. Generally, these either grow on their own to achieve defensive strength or have absorbed something significant to evolve to this level. Generally, they are more direct and intelligent in some way, with a definite individual plan lying in congruence with the species. They may absorbe (or have absorbed previosuly) a complicated or powerful being or energy or data to take a stronger or more-useful form than that of a mere copy or free-floating X. This leads to...
Full-Formed X - This is a creature or being of significant power or knowledge, used as such to undertake a set course of action that may use that form's abilities to the fullest. Whatever form it takes, it is literally a focal point in the X species' line of thought, able to direct the whole towards a specific desire which may be vicious and cruel...or cunning and intelligent to the highest degree. Intelligence in the species is the worst enemy you can find in their ranks, especially if the creature is in the form of a highly-skilled and intelligent being.
SA-X - (Author's Note: We're not sure how to pronounce this shorthand. Is it 'Ess-Ay-Ecks' or 'Sacks' or 'Saw-Ecks'? We think the last one sounds about right.) This classification is short for 'Samus Aran X', a copy of the noted bounty hunter made by the X. According to reports, it took over her old powersuit and filled in the insides of the suit using her DNA to effectively make an alien doppleganger built directly into the armor. The SA-X is as intelligent and as capable as the actual bounty hunter, though with an added viciousness that a human could not conceive of. Its creativity is limited to its copied abilities, not actually able to draw on Samus' knowledge because it did not consume her. One might refer to it as a zombie cyborg, except that it still thinks. It has the mind and drive of an X, of a collective. Speaking of which, even this higher-level creature with all of its complexity may split itself into several copies of itself, or allow numerous X to come together to create a new SA-X. Bear this level of reproduction in mind when dealing with them.
DEFENSE AGAINST THE DREADED X:
We are, of course, working on personal forceshielding devices to block X infection in the event of an outbreak anywhere where life is concerned. At this time of this file's creation, there will be working prototypes being perfected and prepared for final testing. It is a matter of fact that the X Parasites do not phase through matter to enter an area. They are making use of any gaps, even minute ones, found in unnatural structures. Buildings, stations, or ships with locked hermetic seals guaranteed to be air-tight are unable to be breached. The free-floating X only possess a danger to those in areas where these is no means of cutting yourself off from an environment in some way. Additionally, we are trying to find a way to vaporize individual units quickly and efficiently without destroying entire centers or planets.
Core-X are not generally vulnerable to energy attacks, although some are. It is generally solid ammo, especially explosives, that may crack the shell and expose the X within. Unarmed Core-X are slightly more mindful of their vulnerability and may not always attack to infect while in an exposed state. Their intelligence being up a degree on self-preservation, they may decide to wait and develop a new shell. It it important to know that no form of X will stop to consider its actual own well-being on the instinctive or intellectual level until brought down to an exposed state. Until then, everything up to and including the most evolved X will behave in a predatory manner while in a combat situation.
An important notice about Copy or Full-Formed X is that their vulnerabilities will be as varied as life itself, because they are a pinnacle of adaptation and development, which means that they have the protection and power of whatever form they have taken, down to its logical conclusion. Caution is advised in all conditions where a highly-evolved X is concerned. Even more importantly, you should escape. Yes, escape. If you are not equipped to destroy an X Parasite and safely remove yourself from the possibility of infection, do not fight the X. Run. If you can find a means of escape which does not harbor an X Parasite on board, use it. They are not super-fast unless they have absorbed something that is, and they do not have the same kind of intellect as you do. Use that to your advantage.
Avoiding the X is possible, but difficult. They do not possess ears in most cases, or eyes, but being both quiet and out of sight couldn't hurt. Whatever senses they do not have as bacteria can still be found in the forms they might take, so use some discretion. Again, the X do not have the ability to intercept emergency transmissions, not unless they have the same mind to be able to, which most cases they will not. Warning others may save your life. Above all else, avoid physical contact with the X. They have sort of a lazy track-pattern, so it's not impossible, but do not let your guard down for a moment.
IF YOU ARE INFECTED BY THE X:
Chances are, if you're taking the time to read this while you've been infected, it's too late. Samus Aran herself only survived infection by a slim chance, and not without experimental medical support. It was also slowed down by her powersuit, though not to full effectiveness. Even so, it was infiltrated to create the SA-X, even if she managed to survive. Let us make this point clear. THERE IS NO CURE FOR X PARASITE INFECTION WITHOUT A METROID CELL CULTURE. No natural enemies, no means to naturally curb the growth of the species. No Metroids, no cells to draw on for vaccination. Being absorbed by the X may leave you with a few seconds to a few minutes of lucid activity before everything you are is devourer by them. If you should retain use of your body and have the ability to do so, it is for the good of the Galactic Federation that you quickly end your life by destroying the contents of your brain in some manner. Because if the X absorb your knowledge and your memories, they know everything you know and can use it against others, including any person you may care about, if so inclined. For these reasons, we ask that you take this course, the only one left open to you at this time.
FINAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
This survival guide could not be made possible without contributions by Samus Aran.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GALACTIC FEDERATION DECLASSIFIED: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
IF YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO VIEW THIS FILE, YOU MAY BE SUBJECT TO MEMORY ERASURE.
DO NOT LOSE THIS FILE. IF LOST, RELOCATE IN ONE HOUR OR THE AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE WILL BE INITIATED.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GALACTIC FEDERATION DECLASSIFIED: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
IF YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO VIEW THIS FILE, YOU MAY BE SUBJECT TO MEMORY ERASURE.
DO NOT LOSE THIS FILE. IF LOST, RELOCATE IN ONE HOUR OR THE AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE WILL BE INITIATED.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SURVIVAL GUIDE: X
We are assured that the alien contagion, refered to simply as Parasite X, has been utterly destroyed. In the event of this not being the case, the federation has compiled this emergency guide in case of a possible outbreak of the X species on a populated world, a dead world, or on board a ship. This information comes with regards to the testimony of of bounty hunter Samus Aran and the transmitted records of the B.S.L. Research Station formerly of the SR388 sector. (See METROID for further data on the planet.)
EXPLANATION OF THE X:
They are a violently-aggressive species, perhaps one of the most dangerous in the galaxy, with only one natural predator, that of Metroids. Because the Metroid species is considered extinct as well, the possibility of the survival of any X Parasite can be considered a virtual disaster. Seen as a free-floating amorphous bacteria, most weapons will not harm the X in their fluid-like form because they are merely an infectious colony at this stage, looking for a host. It is only when they form a shell to become a Core-X with some degree of true instinct or direction that conventional weapons appear to have an effect, though this would be largely in destroying the shell. Contradictorily, the exposed X is helpless as can be, but hard to do any damage to. It can grow and multiply in that form, and infect, but it has no actual attack power.
There are means of dispersing free-floating X without a shell, the same thing would destroy any species regardless of any protection they carry, that of annihilation down to the molecular level. This will be covered more in the defense section. The X must never be underestimated. They are a collective of sorts, single-minded and drawing from the whole, yet ultimately trying to adapt to everything around them by absorbing it, becoming it. They area species that infect prey to take over and copy it. They can also read memory and even data biologically, as long as a transmission of data is taking place directly somehow. In no way do they read broadcast signals unless received they way we do, by hearing or seeing it.
X LIFE-CYCLE:
Free-Floating X - The basic, unprotected X which can learn certain adaptations to their environment, but are almost without personal power. They infect or slip into areas unnoticed, or grow to change into an attack-form that has been previously consumed and learned or adapted to.
Copy X - This refers to any X which assumes a form that is a direct copy of an original form, via infection or direct transformation. It may copy alien life forms or shape itself into an object to remain disguised and lying in wait to attack somehow. On occasion, it will take a non-threatening form to lull other intelligent beings into a false sense of security. DO NOT MAKE ANY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE X IN THIS STATE. It has no form of reasoning power, only a desire or instinct to go about its tasks, which includes devouring all life and civilization.
Core X - an evolved and complicated X Parasite which may be either a single entity or a colony formed under one shell. Either way, it is a large source of X. Generally, these either grow on their own to achieve defensive strength or have absorbed something significant to evolve to this level. Generally, they are more direct and intelligent in some way, with a definite individual plan lying in congruence with the species. They may absorbe (or have absorbed previosuly) a complicated or powerful being or energy or data to take a stronger or more-useful form than that of a mere copy or free-floating X. This leads to...
Full-Formed X - This is a creature or being of significant power or knowledge, used as such to undertake a set course of action that may use that form's abilities to the fullest. Whatever form it takes, it is literally a focal point in the X species' line of thought, able to direct the whole towards a specific desire which may be vicious and cruel...or cunning and intelligent to the highest degree. Intelligence in the species is the worst enemy you can find in their ranks, especially if the creature is in the form of a highly-skilled and intelligent being.
SA-X - (Author's Note: We're not sure how to pronounce this shorthand. Is it 'Ess-Ay-Ecks' or 'Sacks' or 'Saw-Ecks'? We think the last one sounds about right.) This classification is short for 'Samus Aran X', a copy of the noted bounty hunter made by the X. According to reports, it took over her old powersuit and filled in the insides of the suit using her DNA to effectively make an alien doppleganger built directly into the armor. The SA-X is as intelligent and as capable as the actual bounty hunter, though with an added viciousness that a human could not conceive of. Its creativity is limited to its copied abilities, not actually able to draw on Samus' knowledge because it did not consume her. One might refer to it as a zombie cyborg, except that it still thinks. It has the mind and drive of an X, of a collective. Speaking of which, even this higher-level creature with all of its complexity may split itself into several copies of itself, or allow numerous X to come together to create a new SA-X. Bear this level of reproduction in mind when dealing with them.
DEFENSE AGAINST THE DREADED X:
We are, of course, working on personal forceshielding devices to block X infection in the event of an outbreak anywhere where life is concerned. At this time of this file's creation, there will be working prototypes being perfected and prepared for final testing. It is a matter of fact that the X Parasites do not phase through matter to enter an area. They are making use of any gaps, even minute ones, found in unnatural structures. Buildings, stations, or ships with locked hermetic seals guaranteed to be air-tight are unable to be breached. The free-floating X only possess a danger to those in areas where these is no means of cutting yourself off from an environment in some way. Additionally, we are trying to find a way to vaporize individual units quickly and efficiently without destroying entire centers or planets.
Core-X are not generally vulnerable to energy attacks, although some are. It is generally solid ammo, especially explosives, that may crack the shell and expose the X within. Unarmed Core-X are slightly more mindful of their vulnerability and may not always attack to infect while in an exposed state. Their intelligence being up a degree on self-preservation, they may decide to wait and develop a new shell. It it important to know that no form of X will stop to consider its actual own well-being on the instinctive or intellectual level until brought down to an exposed state. Until then, everything up to and including the most evolved X will behave in a predatory manner while in a combat situation.
An important notice about Copy or Full-Formed X is that their vulnerabilities will be as varied as life itself, because they are a pinnacle of adaptation and development, which means that they have the protection and power of whatever form they have taken, down to its logical conclusion. Caution is advised in all conditions where a highly-evolved X is concerned. Even more importantly, you should escape. Yes, escape. If you are not equipped to destroy an X Parasite and safely remove yourself from the possibility of infection, do not fight the X. Run. If you can find a means of escape which does not harbor an X Parasite on board, use it. They are not super-fast unless they have absorbed something that is, and they do not have the same kind of intellect as you do. Use that to your advantage.
Avoiding the X is possible, but difficult. They do not possess ears in most cases, or eyes, but being both quiet and out of sight couldn't hurt. Whatever senses they do not have as bacteria can still be found in the forms they might take, so use some discretion. Again, the X do not have the ability to intercept emergency transmissions, not unless they have the same mind to be able to, which most cases they will not. Warning others may save your life. Above all else, avoid physical contact with the X. They have sort of a lazy track-pattern, so it's not impossible, but do not let your guard down for a moment.
IF YOU ARE INFECTED BY THE X:
Chances are, if you're taking the time to read this while you've been infected, it's too late. Samus Aran herself only survived infection by a slim chance, and not without experimental medical support. It was also slowed down by her powersuit, though not to full effectiveness. Even so, it was infiltrated to create the SA-X, even if she managed to survive. Let us make this point clear. THERE IS NO CURE FOR X PARASITE INFECTION WITHOUT A METROID CELL CULTURE. No natural enemies, no means to naturally curb the growth of the species. No Metroids, no cells to draw on for vaccination. Being absorbed by the X may leave you with a few seconds to a few minutes of lucid activity before everything you are is devourer by them. If you should retain use of your body and have the ability to do so, it is for the good of the Galactic Federation that you quickly end your life by destroying the contents of your brain in some manner. Because if the X absorb your knowledge and your memories, they know everything you know and can use it against others, including any person you may care about, if so inclined. For these reasons, we ask that you take this course, the only one left open to you at this time.
FINAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
This survival guide could not be made possible without contributions by Samus Aran.
