There is a Spider on your shoulder

[RandomWords]

AHHHHH GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!

 

[Shockolate]

*Without looking"
"Excuse me good sir, I have noticed that you have somehow made your way onto my shoulder throughout your travels. Would you be so kind as to relocate yourself?"
*Spider*
"Not a problem old bean. You are as polite as you are charming and dashingly handsome."

 

[witness51]

1. An exclaimation of suprise: "FUCKINSHITDAMNIT"
2. Involuntary bodily movements/functions.
3. Sprint around the room.

OR

Let it crawl into my head then blow my head off with a shotgun.

 

[Peter Langdijk]

Pet it...

depends on the size
small: squash
medium (common household spider): brush off, pierce with pen or corkscrew
large (tarantula sized): brush it off, look at it with fear, overcome fear, trap it, keep it as a pet

Wait, what about giant spiders (Shelob sized)?

If an Shelob sized spider is sitting on your shoulder, make a picture and post it on the interwebs.
Then aks on forums what to do

 

[Neonbob]

I think the only logical response here is lighting yourself on fire and hoping the spider dies before you become a crispier, deader version of yourself.

 

[ShockValue]

I think the only logical response here is lighting yourself on fire and hoping the spider dies before you become a crispier, deader version of yourself.

Obviously. That is the only reasonable response.

 

[Neonbob]

I think the only logical response here is lighting yourself on fire and hoping the spider dies before you become a crispier, deader version of yourself.

Obviously. That is the only reasonable response.

The bastards have too many legs to be anything but pure evil. My normal response to pure evil is to cover it in fire however I can. So I think it is, yes

 

[ShockValue]

I think the only logical response here is lighting yourself on fire and hoping the spider dies before you become a crispier, deader version of yourself.

Obviously. That is the only reasonable response.

The bastards have too many legs to be anything but pure evil. My normal response to pure evil is to cover it in fire however I can. So I think it is, yes

Of course! Even if you get taken out in the process.

 

[LuckyClover95]

I would challenge him to a game of tennis and when he least expects it my friends will ambush him from behind and capture him in a glass jar. After capturing him, he will undergo hours of intense torture until he reveals what his plans were and how many other poisonous spiders there are in my house and their locations. I will attach an electronic device around his neck that will explode whenever he disobeys what I say. I will order him to lure the other spiders out of my house and onto the tennis court where they will also be ambushed and captured in glass jars. I will then burn down my house to make sure that there are no other spiders hiding there. Every spider will have their own electronic device attached and I will train them to become my obedient minions. Firstly, they will build me a new house and then proceed to carry out my evil plans of world domination. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

You have a tennis court at your house, cool.

 

[Neonbob]

The bastards have too many legs to be anything but pure evil. My normal response to pure evil is to cover it in fire however I can. So I think it is, yes

Of course! Even if you get taken out in the process.

The doctors say I've actually started to gain some kind of flame-resistance thanks to all the self-immolation I've done. Which I think is a sign that I'm doing something quite right

 

[ShockValue]

The bastards have too many legs to be anything but pure evil. My normal response to pure evil is to cover it in fire however I can. So I think it is, yes

Of course! Even if you get taken out in the process.

The doctors say I've actually started to gain some kind of flame-resistance thanks to all the self-immolation I've done. Which I think is a sign that I'm doing something quite right

I guess that happens when you try to solve all your problems with fire >.<

 

[Headsprouter]

There is? -turns head in opposite direction to the spider and brushes off-

 

[DustyDrB]

I have a standard reaction to a spider me on me. It goes like this...

-Start shaking uncontrollably
-Strip.
-Run around flailing my arms and brushing/beating at the area where the spider was
-Shower
-Look in a mirror and check for bites

But I guess since I moved, the spider would have eaten my brains. I'm shaking just thinking about this...

 

[Whitenail]

Hope that I can lure this beast of pure evil away with the smell of the fresh blood I conveniently have on me (it...uh, fell off a truck...yeah). I can't stand spiders.

 

[Nouw]

Real man look at spider and it run away!
I scream and jump wildly like a little girl.

 

[Levitas1234]

I'd shrink myself down, inject myself into my brain, and defend my brain from the spider with helmsdeep

 

[Dr Snakeman]

I'd make a "NNNNNNYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!" noise, jump up, swat at my shoulder and generally freak out.

I'm not really terrified of spiders, but I'm definitely not their biggest fan. Especially when they're crawling on me.

 

[Auxiliary]

I´d grab it, put in a bucket with the other spiders I have collected. Next morning I check how much the only survivor grew. Back to my childhood, yay!

 

[DuderSkanks]

Check to see if it's radioactive or genetically engineered