THERE'S A BIRD IN MY ROOF AND IT WON'T SHUT THE F**K UP

[PinkiePyro]

in all seriousness call animal control or look up a pest control person (someone who does stuff like raccoons)

 

[Sojoez]

Unsubscribe from it! That way you dont have to listen to its tweets.

ba-dum-tisch.

 

[sergnb]

MOTHERFUCKING BIRD STAYS CHIRPING AT 2AM WHATTHEFUCK ARE YOU DOING FLIRTING THAT LATE YOU ARE FUCKING BIRDS OMDFGNSIDNFUABWJLFW

 

[jhlip]

Shoot the bird with gun. If it lives you should run away, cause that is one tough bird.

 

[Irriduccibilli]

Challenge accepted

I choose the bottom of the sea

Problem?

Spoiler: Not at all!

Tired of being challenged to a pistol duel, but have no gun and are you're arms not schwoopy loopy anymore?

YES!!!

Well fear no more
I have found the perfect weapon that is not a weapon but is a weapon

Alright, I guess i'm ready

 

[Alon Shechter]

Blackbird singing in the dead of night...

 

[Xhu]

First thought:

[Source. [http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html]]

What type of bird is it?

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

If you have a decent stereo, get a hold of some death metal music. Make sure you play it at a volume that your speakers can sustain for hours on end. Point speakers at bird noise. Blast away.

If that fails, I say use nature against nature and get a cat. A small one, preferably.

(Captcha: nomtoc found. We are one step closer, Lord Inglip...)

 

[SckizoBoy]

Do like my uni mate:

1) Catch bird.
2) Tie said bird to a firework.
3) Release said bird (after lighting aforementioned firework).
4) Enjoy the feathery pop from afar.

 

[duckfi8]

set a fire in your room, smoke it out? if that fails shoot the sucker

 

[Queen Michael]

How to make the bird shut up? One word: Batman.

 

[DVS Storm]

Death by righteous fire!!!!!!!! As a more practical(and dull) ssolution: shoo it away with a loud noise.

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

Depends. I recommend;

Summon scorpions
KILL IT WITH FIRE
Cast Flare on it
We need bigger guns
Baby Huey and a load of napalm

If all else fails, go insane and quoth the raven.

If anyone gets all 6 of those references I'll love them.

All right I'm game
1)...? Several fantasy games inc Warcraft
2)Early Man The Thing (1972)
3)Unforgotten Realms/DnD
4)Not sure about the reference but think the source was originally a corruption of the Jaws (1975) quote "going to need a bigger boat"
5)...yeah no idea
6)Edgar Allen Poe

Wow I was worse at that than I expected.

 

[shadyh8er]

(Kudos if you know the album cover.

Blueprints for Future Homes by my hometown heroes Norma Jean. What do I win?

OT: Catch it in a pillow sack then release it into the wild. Also, if possible, record yourself doing it and post it so that we may laugh.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Go up there and shoot it (with a nailgun if you don't have a real gun, or a cap gun would work if you don't have either).

Do that. Make a very loud noise and see if anything happens.

 

[HentMas]

Really? Because on my roof, some construction workers have been making holes with a drill that sounds like the loudest trafic stock you´ve ever heard. For THREE HOURS.

Yeah, i win.

lol well, this wasn't really a contest, but watever.

This bird has been there for almost 5 days now. The worst part is, that it'll stop for 20 or so minutes, then start up again, going faster and louder. And it is always, ALWAYS above my head. It's like it has a fucking homing beacon, try sleeping with that for a week.

oh I wouldn't worry about that, but if you hear him saying "Nevermore" get the fuck out of there.

 

[The Harkinator]

Simple, get your burglar repellent (Cricket bat) and see if it repels birds too.