Things I am no longer allowed to do in an RPG

[Blaster395]

Well I just played a session of D&D and finished about an hour ago.

I cannot use the greeting "Do you want to see my grease spell?" when communicating to any female character.

Unfortunately, that means I now have a useless spell. What else is grease supposed to be useful for?

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Usually,

"Root, can you try and play a character that's not going to get party lynched from his personal psychology?"

or just

"LESS than 7 points of disadvantages please."

Awww, the most entertaining character to play as is one who is a total liability. I feel sorry for you now, they're killing your fun.

Totally. After certain characters I'm also not allowed to pack yoghurt in my lunch box, utilise Blather on the GM, or EVER get my hands on an invisibility spell.

Or get hold of Ebola.

Or create my own avatar.

Or pick certain advantages unless the GM knows EXACTLY what I'm planning to do with them.

And I can't play a Ferengi Borg.

Ah, happy times...

 

[Talal Provides]

Usually,

"Root, can you try and play a character that's not going to get party lynched from his personal psychology?"

or just

"LESS than 7 points of disadvantages please."

Awww, the most entertaining character to play as is one who is a total liability. I feel sorry for you now, they're killing your fun.

Totally. After certain characters I'm also not allowed to pack yoghurt in my lunch box, utilise Blather on the GM, or EVER get my hands on an invisibility spell.

Or get hold of Ebola.

Or create my own avatar.

Or pick certain advantages unless the GM knows EXACTLY what I'm planning to do with them.

And I can't play a Ferengi Borg.

Ah, happy times...

I once played as someone who had an overwhelming compulsive urge to kiss people who speak to him. That was one hell of a campaign.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I once played as someone who had an overwhelming compulsive urge to kiss people who speak to him. That was one hell of a campaign.

I once played the avatar of a sentient ship, carrying the egg of a Star-Child, that came down to Earth dressed as a pregnant Ninja that would only answer to Mary, and started searching for a manger in New York.

And a Malkavian who had modelled himself on Jason Vorheez, had declared war against all plants and lived in a freezer with the decaying body of his girlfriend.

And a few other things that I really can't say on a family friendly board.

 

[NeutralDrow]

The ST is no longer allowed to base NPCs off of Final Fantasy villains. Especially when we're playing Werewolf: The Apocalypse.

The player is no longer allowed to take advantage of his werewolf regeneration and antagonize an SMG-wielding crowd of mooks. At least, not when his mage buddy is right next to him.

The player is no longer allowed to use Kailindo to do yardwork, even if it makes philosophical sense.

Even if the rules allow it, no longer able to bind electricity elementals into common household items. Especially when said items don't belong to me.

The ST doesn't care if you're playing a Red Talon, doors are not an evil human invention, so stop feeling compelled to bust through walls.

People who talk on a cell phone while driving are not inherently "of the Wyrm."

The Rite of Cleansing does so still work even with Billie Mays' death.

No, Billie Mays is not an ancestor spirit.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Is this just for Table top rps?

Cause I'm no longer allowed to use my knight based character, since he's turned into a god.

 

[MorsePacific]

I am no longer allowed to steal the paladin's axe and rub my balls on it when he crosses me.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Silencers cannot be affixed to the exhaust pipes of weaponized machines, power tools or construction equipment.

A drill press does not have the same kind of precision as a sniper rifle.

I am no longer allowed to hide inside large caliber ammunition.

 

[Gildan Bladeborn]

"Shits and giggles" is not a valid reason to use a psychic power and risk The Perils of the Warp in Dark Heresy. We're supposed to be looking for signs of daemonic taint, and not by causing the 6000 people that occupy the block in the hive city we're in to become possessed by Khorne and become extremely hostile, just because you thought it would be funny to flood an informant's kitchen with rats and roaches while they were trying to find something to eat.

Actually, it is a valid reason, since most of the fun in Dark Heresy comes from things going horribly, horribly wrong.

That's one of the many reasons the alternate Psychic Power system (first presented in Rogue Trader and later officially added to Dark Heresy rules via the Ascension supplement) is such a great change. With the three different "levels" you can attempt to manifest powers at, the ever present risk of absolutely horrible things happening simply from trying relatively low-key powers is effectively eliminated - no more are the days of attempting to use telekinesis to call a weapon to your hand (minor psychic power) and accidentally becoming a daemonhost in the process. Taking a hit towards your ability to manifest powers in exchange for immunity from psychic phenomenon/perils of the warp, and the ability to automatically generate psychic phenomenon in exchange for extra psychic "oomph" behind your abilities makes it a lot more fun to be a psyker (and of course the middle level works like the original system, albeit with some minor streamlining).

The truly horrific consequences tend to be saved up for moments when it would actually be significant to the unfolding narrative (desperate battles and the like) - the risk of being hauled screaming into eternal oblivion for pulling what amounts to a parlor trick tends to put something of a damper on the desire to use those parlor tricks after all. So "shits and giggles" is back on the table as a valid motivation for a lot of somewhat pointless psyker tricks, yay!

 

[Talal Provides]

"Shits and giggles" is not a valid reason to use a psychic power and risk The Perils of the Warp in Dark Heresy. We're supposed to be looking for signs of daemonic taint, and not by causing the 6000 people that occupy the block in the hive city we're in to become possessed by Khorne and become extremely hostile, just because you thought it would be funny to flood an informant's kitchen with rats and roaches while they were trying to find something to eat.

Actually, it is a valid reason, since most of the fun in Dark Heresy comes from things going horribly, horribly wrong.

That's one of the many reasons the alternate Psychic Power system (first presented in Rogue Trader and later officially added to Dark Heresy rules via the Ascension supplement) is such a great change. With the three different "levels" you can attempt to manifest powers at, the ever present risk of absolutely horrible things happening simply from trying relatively low-key powers is effectively eliminated - no more are the days of attempting to use telekinesis to call a weapon to your hand (minor psychic power) and accidentally becoming a daemonhost in the process. Taking a hit towards your ability to manifest powers in exchange for immunity from psychic phenomenon/perils of the warp, and the ability to automatically generate psychic phenomenon in exchange for extra psychic "oomph" behind your abilities makes it a lot more fun to be a psyker (and of course the middle level works like the original system, albeit with some minor streamlining).

The truly horrific consequences tend to be saved up for moments when it would actually be significant to the unfolding narrative (desperate battles and the like) - the risk of being hauled screaming into eternal oblivion for pulling what amounts to a parlor trick tends to put something of a damper on the desire to use those parlor tricks after all. So "shits and giggles" is back on the table as a valid motivation for a lot of somewhat pointless psyker tricks, yay!

We do play Dark Heresy strictly for catastrophic failure, though, and the Perils of the Warp is the best way to guarantee that. We just want to get SOME playing in. We play Warhammer Fantasy, and 3 out the 5 of us play Skryre Skaven, just because all those contraptions give them the most failure tables in the game, and the results are all hilarious. We go into games hoping our Doomwheel goes out of control and takes out the Stormvermin that we had holding an objective or that our Warp Lightning Cannon takes out our Warlock Engineer. "I played a game where I inflicted more casualties on myself than my opponent did" is a much more entertaining story than "I played a game and I won".

 

[Phyonix]

Even if the rules allow it, i will not summon 50,000 blue whales

 

[omicron1]

Even if the rules allow it, i will not summon 50,000 blue whales

This is supposed to be your "I am no longer" list, not Mr. Welch's, I think...

...

I cannot recursively wield more than two skeletons, even with 18/** strength.

 

[Jekken6]

In cRPG's, you can't kill children anymore.

 

[Gahars]

I am no longer allowed to be the chosen one of every single place I visit.

 

[Fightgarr]

The following come from both characters I've played and characters I have DMed:

1. Being a Jawa is not a valid excuse for shoving your hands into other people's pants.
2. My character's battlecry is not "Aha! That's the Situation!" regardless of how much he is based on a Guido Television star.
3. I cannot have more than one "AKA" in my name
4. "DJ" is not a proper title for a character in a fantasy setting.
5. I will not attempt to befriend every dragon we come across.
6. I will not run away if there is only one kobold.
7. I will not play a character who only has a 10% chance of speaking common and a 90% chance of speaking like a farm animal.
8. Regardless of your ability to Craft, you cannot make a giant robot suit if you are a gnome wizard in a fantasy setting.
9. Regardless of the material properties of an iron door, it is not an iron golem.
10. When a door is "ajar" I will not attempt to pee in it.
11. If there is a grate in the floor, I will not ask my DM: "A great what?"
12. I will not have 3 gourds of Yerba Mate immediately before a session.
13. I will not have 3 shots of any liquor whilst running a session.
14. I will not play a "Chaotic Unnecessary" character.
15. I will not change my character's accent every line they say.
16. I cannot sell the removed liver of any creature
17. Removing the liver of any creature is not always a good idea.
18. Eating the removed liver of any creature may result in sickness.
19. Liver liver liver liver liver
20. Just because there is a tavern, doesn't mean my character should get drunk.
21. I will not set the tavern on fire during the bar fight.
22. Playing a rogue does not give me license to always be an asshole all the time.
23. I will not play a half-dragon, a fang of lolth or a ninja of the crescent moon.
24. I cannot stealth away from guards who are currently restraining or surrounding me.
25. I cannot successfully hide in a well lit empty room without turning invisible, regardless of how high my hide roll is.
26. Just because there is a mine cart, doesn't mean I need to use it.
27. Regardless of my persuasion check, I cannot convince a demon that jumping into a chasm is a great idea.

I'll post again if I can think up more...

 

[Truehare]

I once made a Groo character in GURPS. He had 164 points in disdvantages, all of them invested in his one skill (I'll let you guys guess what it was).

Needless to say, my group couldn't accomplish anything in that adventure. But I can't remember a single RPG session when everyone laughed that much. Unfornately, I was never allowed to use that character again.

 

[Kamon42]

Was playing a rogue and was the only one who spoke kobold in the group. As we were diplomatically passing through their cave, I stole everything not bolted to the floor and sleight of handed the loot into the bags of my party members. Then when the kobolds noticed that stuff was missing I blamed the rest of the group, and casually strolled out of the cave whistling. Not allowed to get the party massacred for my personal amusement.

 

[Jabberwock xeno]

I'd hate this stuff, I love loopholes...

 

[ecyor0]

I'm not allowed to use the stun stick in Half-Life 2 deathmatch. Unless we're all in the mood for lulz, in which case I must use it exclusively.

 

[shiaramoon]

Was playing a rogue and was the only one who spoke kobold in the group. As we were diplomatically passing through their cave, I stole everything not bolted to the floor and sleight of handed the loot into the bags of my party members. Then when the kobolds noticed that stuff was missing I blamed the rest of the group, and casually strolled out of the cave whistling. Not allowed to get the party massacred for my personal amusement.

That's brilliant!!! I wish I could at to this hilarious thread, unfortunately my brief venture into Table-Top RPGs was abruptly ended when the friends who were teaching me moved.... *sigh*

On a brighter note, I'm gonna have to remember some of this stuff if i ever get a chance to get back into it, I love loopholes that let you do insane stuff for the sole sake of doing it.