Things that sound awful out of context

[Singularly Datarific]

So, I remembered a conversation with my brother who was talking about how he didn't really like Futurama, saying it just didn't feel right.
Him: "It's not the content that is weird-"
Me: "But the color of their skin."
So what have you escapians got?

 

[GHMonkey]

"So I was tearing her carpet up"

"It's not the length, it's the width"

"I like getting down and dirty on my knees"

 

[Disaster Button]

"Just jam it in!"

Me a few hours ago when I was telling one of my mates how to get his iPod to work. It was hilarious, he just looked at me and we burst out laughing.

So that and like most things I say to my mates

 

[Salmaras]

Are your melons firm?

 

[sheic99]

While playing House of the Dead: Overkill, with a one year old in my lap;

Me: Look, ****** we're killing mutants(short pause) cause they're different from us.

My friend: Yeah, that's what you do with people who are different form you.

And nearly everything to do with content in videogames.

[sub]P.S. In case you're wondering I'm white and my friend is Asian.[/sub]

 

[schizophrenix]

Overlord II's "Hanging around with children who have unusually coloured skin while wearing face-concealing headgear".

 

[pixiejedi]

"so it seems I've blown my load prematurely on what was supposed to be a dry run" -Tobias Funke from Arrested Development

"He has to squirt himself into the hole"- Monday Night Football that I was subjugated to last weekend by my fiancee.

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

"*slurp*"

So, there I was with a baby in my hand, attached by a string. And the zombies were coming.

 

[Tyburn Cross]

"Get out of the wheelchair and learn to walk like everyone else!"

... I guess that probably wouldn't sound any better in context, now would it?

 

[Motiv_]

"Well, I guess I'll find something else to barely fit in there"
~Yours truly, talking about a video I was making.

"So, you just put that there, and then it throbs like a heart, then explodes?"
~A friend of mine's roommate, talking about Zerg buildings in Starcraft.

 

[Berethond]

If you've ever heard drumspeak, then you know the hilarity.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

"I have no responsibilty to look after these people's wellbeings" (Discussion on economic theory)

"You know, I'd just say 'kill every last damn one of *Racist Slur*", and sod the Geneva convention, if I were Kilgore." (Discussing the scene in Apocalypse Now where the disguised VC woman throws a hand grenade into the medivac chopper, killing the pilot and everything else.)

"You know what? Fuck them. Let's do them a favour and carpet-bomb that country back into the stone age they want to live in" (Upon being told a friend of mine had just been crippled fighting in Afghanistan).

"Fuck your rights, I want to win."

"It's not a warcrime if you shout 'surprise'."

"Your mother is a very sweet woman."

"Where's that damn rubber gone?"

"Well, I squatted down over him...."

"I damn well love the sight of dead bodies in the morning."

"Hehe. Sex."

 

[badgersprite]

I laughed out loud when I heard this from Jeremy Clarkson, talking to a star in a reasonably priced car.

"Now, I want to get onto your lap..."

 

[Kron_the_mad wants to be deleted]

http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/62/l_75cfc0dc832d4ff39e00a9ba7604be44.jpg
this

 

[Baby Eater]

So, there I was with a baby in my hand, attached by a string. And the zombies were coming.

i prefer the term undead american

 

[Vuljatar]

"Check his flower pot. Check his flower pot for gay porn. We desperately need those new dresses."

 

[SeanTheSheep]

"Eeeew, it's all over my face, and it's sticky!" - When I got paint on my face thanks to my friend
"Just shoot the funny looking ones!" - to my girlfriend whilst playing Fallout 3, this meant she promptly went up to a brahmin and shot it with the missile launcher form point blank range.
"Keep shaking it or it won't work properly, My girlfriend, when painting her room. (The cans of paint said shake vigorously)

 

[hotacidbath]

"It's too big to fit in my tiny hands."