Things you never answer. Ever.

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

It seems a weird question, but I've only just realized I can't remember the last time I actually answered the random question cashiers everywhere throw out there... the oddly strange; "So how's your day been?"

I respond but I can't remember thr last time I answered. Usually it is; "Oh, you know...You?" ... or "Can't complain. How's yours?" It's not really an answer ... more like; "I can't be bothered to find out right now, why are you asking? Where can this exchange possibly go?"

It's a weird question that is kind of... offputting. I have a pretty awful case of schizophrenia. So if I'm outside the apartment during daylight hours it's probably a fairly decent day by simple fact that the paranoia and demons aren't telling me to go home and hide. But despite that fact it's not a question you actually can have an answer for without it becoming awkward.

It's not like I can jump up, smile wide, and say; "Great! The voices are manageable today, and I feel like I can connect with people without assuming they might hurt me!..." or... "Oh, all kinds of shit. The world's coming down and I am seriously questioning the assumption of a shared material reality that this moment is actually happening between us...."

What real answer to that question that isn't entirely facile or leads to scary, panic button clicking? Nobody recognizes whether they're actually having a good day or not until they try to quantify it... and in that moment it just becomes awkward. Because no answer can be practiced and yet still meaningful.

It's an odd distinction... but I'd prefer it when cashiers simply say; "So how're you doing this [insert specific time period]?" That seems like a much better way to ask the same thing without making it feel awkward. The answer can be visceral. Unprocessed and organic. That question is way easier to respond to. "Pretty good. Just doing some shopping. Saw the top you had in the display and I definitely needed something cas-formal for this weekend..." so on and so forth.

People feel good in the moment they decide to buy something. Capitalise on it. Don't make it awkward.

 

[Queen Michael]

"Where did you hide the antidote?"

 

[Silvanus]

"Can I ask for your help with something please?"

 

[SupahEwok]

Nothing!

Try me!

http://www.troll.me/images/angry-samuel-l-jackson/i-dare-you-i-double-dare-you-************.jpg

"Do my farts smell more like eggs, or chicken?"

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

"Do you want to babysit?"
"Do you want to hold my child?"
"When are you going to have children?"

Okay, I don't have children and I have no interest at this time in having any. I don't want to touch yours, I don't want anything to do with babies. They frighten me. Just because I'm a 27 year old female and don't have any of my own doesn't mean I'm desperately screaming inside and thinking about stealing infants from hospitals.

"Why don't you ever visit?"
Because you keep asking me this question and then asking me more awkward questions like "Why don't you have kids yet".

[sub]Disclaimer: The phrase *you* in these examples is indirect and refers to people, such as my relatives, but also strangers who ask me these questions.[/sub]

 

[Evil Moo]

You get asked directly? And not just be small children? Ouch.

I just get called "Ma'am" constantly, even ever since I've started growing a beard. People of all ages just look at me for a split sec and only see long, beautiful hair. Again, EVEN WITH A BEARD, some people don't realize they are talking to a dude until I actually speak.

Yeah, though the older the person is the more likely they are to go for a more direct variation on the theme, like "Get a haircut!" (except with more swearing). As someone who is often too lazy to shave for a month or so at a time, I think my maleness should be pretty obvious through facial hair alone most of the time.

I was referred to as an 'it' by a small child today, which made for a nice change. Then again he was from the same group of children that refers to me as 'the killer' for reasons I am not aware of, so who knows what's going on there.

 

[FalloutJack]

"Where did you hide the antidote?"

"I drank it, of course. It was to neutralize the poison in MY drink, just in case."

 

[SupahEwok]

I was referred to as an 'it' by a small child today, which made for a nice change. Then again he was from the same group of children that refers to me as 'the killer' for reasons I am not aware of, so who knows what's going on there.

One of two things: A) You didn't do a good enough job of hiding the body, B) You've been used as an example by a parent of what a child will turn into if they don't behave, and the description was embellished and not flattering.

 

[Evil Moo]

One of two things: A) You didn't do a good enough job of hiding the body, B) You've been used as an example by a parent of what a child will turn into if they don't behave, and the description was embellished and not flattering.

Hmm, must be A. I've heard a parent admonishing them for calling me that before. Even today, the 'it' child was told "Stop it, it's just a man" or something to that effect.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

My phone
My door (especially if it's the fuzz)
My hungry children's cries (OK, jking, they're not mine, I found them at the ward)
My pleading victim's bargaining cries
A policeman's demands to drop and open the mysterious black bin bags
"Is the meaning of life; 42?" (Spoiler alert)
"Do you want to listen to the time warp?" (Again)

On a less more serious note, there are not things I refuse to answer as that would be horrible British etiquette. But there are types of questions which make me frown disapprovingly over some imaginary glasses in my mind. Such as;

The "small talk" where people are asking "how are you today?" And I absolutely hate the expected cliched answers, yet cannot just burst out into an emotional ramble about mental decline and the horrors of reality, so instead it comes off more like really weird deflections that often make no sense and serve to hate myself more. *Sigh* But I ask the same thing and then wonder if they're feeling the same.

One teeny little niggle is a certain sizable scar running from the top of the inner arm down to just before the wrist, it is difficult to miss and very difficult to hide on warm days. But it gets the old "how did you get that?" Mostly from kids who are not aware of the British etiquette, the little bastards...to which I stick to a one word "accident" and hope to high hell it doesn't start an interrogation, because lying isn't fun unless everyone's in on it.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

It seems a weird question, but I've only just realized I can't remember the last time I actually answered the random question cashiers everywhere throw out there... the oddly strange; "So how's your day been?"

I respond but I can't remember thr last time I answered. Usually it is; "Oh, you know...You?" ... or "Can't complain. How's yours?" It's not really an answer ... more like; "I can't be bothered to find out right now, why are you asking? Where can this exchange possibly go?"

See I don't have your issues, but my day can turn to shit in an instant, so... I always answer that question weirdly with the likes of: "I don't know...", or a random word/number like "Cheese!", "Purple!", or "99!". I do it specifically to screw with people who stop me in the street to pose such a worthless inane question.

OT: When I have to come out to people, I say that I'm a post-orchiectomy non-op trans woman. If someone asks "When are you gonna have the operation?", "Have you had the operation?", or similar, I just give them a blank spiteful glare.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Not really a question so much as a statement, but anytime someone starts a sentence with "you do realize... right?"

I don't often get this one directed at me, because I tend not to talk much around the sort of person who would say that, but even if I hear them say it to someone else it really gets my goat. It burns my biscuits. It steams my clams. It grinds my gears. It tans my hide.

Gosh darn it, it makes me mad.

Oh yeah, like when someone says "think about it", based on the assumption that there's only way way of viewing something and that anyone would agree if they'd thought about it, only they presumably haven't.

 

[Kae]

It seems a weird question, but I've only just realized I can't remember the last time I actually answered the random question cashiers everywhere throw out there... the oddly strange; "So how's your day been?"

I respond but I can't remember thr last time I answered. Usually it is; "Oh, you know...You?" ... or "Can't complain. How's yours?" It's not really an answer ... more like; "I can't be bothered to find out right now, why are you asking? Where can this exchange possibly go?"

It's a weird question that is kind of... offputting. I have a pretty awful case of schizophrenia. So if I'm outside the apartment during daylight hours it's probably a fairly decent day by simple fact that the paranoia and demons aren't telling me to go home and hide. But despite that fact it's not a question you actually can have an answer for without it becoming awkward.

It's not like I can jump up, smile wide, and say; "Great! The voices are manageable today, and I feel like I can connect with people without assuming they might hurt me!..." or... "Oh, all kinds of shit. The world's coming down and I am seriously questioning the assumption of a shared material reality that this moment is actually happening between us...."

What real answer to that question that isn't entirely facile or leads to scary, panic button clicking? Nobody recognizes whether they're actually having a good day or not until they try to quantify it... and in that moment it just becomes awkward. Because no answer can be practiced and yet still meaningful.

It's an odd distinction... but I'd prefer it when cashiers simply say; "So how're you doing this [insert specific time period]?" That seems like a much better way to ask the same thing without making it feel awkward. The answer can be visceral. Unprocessed and organic. That question is way easier to respond to. "Pretty good. Just doing some shopping. Saw the top you had in the display and I definitely needed something cas-formal for this weekend..." so on and so forth.

People feel good in the moment they decide to buy something. Capitalise on it. Don't make it awkward.

Don't worry you don't need to have a schizophrenia in order to be broken by that question, for example, I try to be super polite all the time but I normally follow a very strict pattern of questions and wording which is, to be honest kind of robotic, but as soon as people ask a question that is outside my normal protocol of politeness or a personal question, I break and am rendered completely unable to answer properly, I'll either flub my words and get super nervous which is kind of cute or just turn into an asshole and answer with sarcasm and cynicism, it's pretty random but I am kind of weird, I'm either super nice and kind of submissive or a complete and total asshole, really the best example of a similar personality in media that I can think of is Kumiko Oumae[footnote]Pictured in my avatar, who by the way seems to answer the questions is he/she hot in the exact same way I do.[/footnote], the main character of the anime Hibike Euphoium.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

"Why do drink so much?"

Haaaa... ha ah ha ha ha.... I laugh, but really the light inside me is sllllooowwwllllyyyyy dieing XD

or "You don't wanna look like a girl do you?"

Mostly because I use to have long hair, and I really miss it, and I get this when I lament missing it. It's also just like, seriously, who gives a fuck? Like would it matter if I did really? Nothing else would change in the least if that was the case.

I honestly just miss it a ton.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I find being startling open and forthright actually shifts things back into my power most of the time, combined with nothing to hide really causes me to be rather open.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Don't worry you don't need to have a schizophrenia in order to be broken by that question, for example, I try to be super polite all the time but I normally follow a very strict pattern of questions and wording which is, to be honest kind of robotic, but as soon as people ask a question that is outside my normal protocol of politeness or a personal question, I break and am rendered completely unable to answer properly, I'll either flub my words and get super nervous which is kind of cute or just turn into an asshole and answer with sarcasm and cynicism, it's pretty random but I am kind of weird, I'm either super nice and kind of submissive or a complete and total asshole, really the best example of a similar personality in media that I can think of is Kumiko Oumae[footnote]Pictured in my avatar, who by the way seems to answer the questions is he/she hot in the exact same way I do.[/footnote], the main character of the anime Hibike Euphoium.

I just feel awkward. It's like if Nietzsche came down, looked you in the eye and said; "Have you taken control of your existence?" You feel on edge because you realize the day is like every other one before it. So either you suddenly feel like you need to justify why you exist ... or you just blatantly say; "Pretty much like most of them."

Nobody needs to quantify their actions and daily experience... because everyone could do more but chooses not to.

It's not like you're ever going to have the right answer, ever. "Oh, you know... I planned a trip to South Sudan to help rebuild infrastructure, fund a peace treaty while I'm at it, and then I'm going to plan a major cyberactivist attack on the financial world to create the right environment for cross-national revolution against international banking institutions."

You're never going to get that answer... and fat chance some cashier is in any position to judge.

Do you really want to go there? Pretty sure we're all desperate souls stuck in a continuum of mediocrity, how do you feel about that? None of us matter, we're slready one foot in the grave... and the other foot is trying to complete the last step, ironically, as safely, and as quietly, as possible.

Nobody needs to think about this stuff when buying a dress on sale.

 

[Kae]

-Snip-

I just feel awkward. It's like if Nietzsche came down, looked you in the eye and said; "Have you taken control of your existence?" You feel on edge because you realize the day is like every other one before it. So either you suddenly feel like you need to justify why you exist ... or you just blatantly say; "Pretty much like most of them."

Nobody needs to quantify their actions and daily experience... because everyone could do more but chooses not to.

It's not like you're ever going to have the right answer, ever. "Oh, you know... I planned a trip to South Sudan to help rebuild infrastructure, fund a peace treaty while I'm at it, and then I'm going to plan a major cyberactivist attack on the financial world to create the right environment for cross-national revolution against international banking institutions."

You're never going to get that answer... and fat chance some cashier is in any position to judge.

Do you really want to go there? Pretty sure we're all desperate souls stuck in a continuum of mediocrity, how do you feel about that? None of us matter, we're slready one foot in the grave... and the other foot is trying to complete the last step, ironically, as safely, and as quietly, as possible.

Nobody needs to think about this stuff when buying a dress on sale.[/quote]

Sounds like an existential nightmare, can't say that is a feeling that I fully understand but I have felt similarly plenty of times, but you should know now that nobody really expects that kind of answer either, I understand that the question plays to your anxieties as it does to mine, but what they are really asking it as a routine in an effort to seem polite and don't really care about you at all, they just want you to say "Good", "Fine", "Great" or something like that because they do not really even want to establish a conversation, so there should be no need to be so awkward about that question but feelings can't really be controlled that way.

 

[Saulkar]

"Do you live in your parent's basement?"

I live with my folks despite being 24 years old, but I have my very own room and tribute to the house. I go to work, I attend college (almost have my AA actually) and go out whenever I can with friends. Apparently it's taboo in California for people to still live with mommy & daddy. Excuse me, do you know how expensive it is in California to live on your own? No job that pays below $20 is going to get you a cozy place, even an average apartment unless you have a few friends to share it with / help pay the taxes with.

Not only that, I have to pay for gas ... my car insurance, my college books, my classes, and more. I can't afford to move out because i'm hit with other things I need to take care of. I'm lucky to have folks whom still love me and are willing to let me stay at their place. Besides, why would that automatically make me a hermit in a basement if I live with my parents? People I swear ...

I am in the exact same boat. I accidentally revealed to a coworker that I still live at home (despite being mostly independent) and without a single hint of irony and a hint of contempt told me to get a life. I cornered and pretty much laid out my life accomplishments and plans combined with how moving out would through a wrench in it all and all did was a dismissive we are going to have to agree to disagree.

Jesus.

Another one is where I constantly get asked if I am on steroids but the kicker is no is asking if you are on steroids. They are always saying that "I think you are on steroids because you are bigger and stronger than I am right now and any attempt to deny it only emphatically reinforces that you really are! Aren't I smart for cornering you, now fess up."

Same damn shit every time so now all I do is reply with another question so it goes something like this:

Are you on steroids?
Why do you ask?
But are you on steroids?
And I want to know what are you asking in the first place.
Because you are big and strong.
Relative to who.
Well, other people.
Who?
The average Joe.
Do you mean the average Joe that does not work out?
No I mean the one that does work out.
For how long, how many hours a week, what are they training, what are they training for, what does their diet look like how many hours of sleep do they get a night, what are their genetics, how tall are they, how much do they weigh, how much effort do they put in overall?
Why are you avoiding the question?!
I cannot avoid that which is not there.
What?
You made a statement in the form of a question, your mind is already made up and everything I say will be systemically spun to damn me.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Sounds like an existential nightmare, can't say that is a feeling that I fully understand but I have felt similarly plenty of times, but you should know now that nobody really expects that kind of answer either, I understand that the question plays to your anxieties as it does to mine, but what they are really asking it as a routine in an effort to seem polite and don't really care about you at all, they just want you to say "Good", "Fine", "Great" or something like that because they do not really even want to establish a conversation, so there should be no need to be so awkward about that question but feelings can't really be controlled that way.

Yeah... but it's the unintended result. Because for the first time since you woke up you have to think about what's happened to you so far. It's awkward. Like... better ways to say the same thing. But yeah, personal things aside.

 

[Death Carr]

"Are you gay?"
not because I'm not
or because I am
just because I'm not sure that I'm not
all of my sexual partners have been female
so I can't really say no can I?

I feel like people decide on their sexuality way too quickly
I mean if you look at a person of a gender you're certain you're not attracted to and think "Nope no way never happening" then fine
but I've looked at a lot of men and thought they were devastatingly attractive
so in conclusion
*shrugs*