This other girl...

[Nvv]

Damn, I never thought I'd be starting a relationship thread. Oh well, here it goes.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. She's my first girlfriend. I'm 18 and she's 17. So anyway, I'm in college and she's still in highschool and ever since I left our relationship has been more strained than usual. And it's usually pretty strained to begin with. We are always dealing wit her depression,insomnia, anorexia/bulimia, and her urges to start hurting herself again. Now I love her obviously, and I would never want to hurt her, but there's this other girl I knew from highschool and I'm starting to develop feeling for her. It's nothing concrete, but I'm pretty sure her and I could have something if we wanted to. I can't stop thinking about her and I started talking to her again through texting and facebook. I'm thinking of getting together with her to see if there's anything between us, but I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend. Maybe I'm just lonely and craving something new? I kind of feel like I'm limiting myself since she's my first girlfriend and its been 2 years. Any advice would be great everyone.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and she is my first relationship. I'm in college, she's in Highschool, and our relationship is strained because of the distance and her emotional issues (depression, anorexia/bulimia) and I'm developing feelings for another girl I know. Should I ask this other girl out to see if we have a connection?

Hmm, I'm in a very similar situation. Though the situation with my girlfriend seem to be less dire than with yours.
There is some good advice in this thread that applies to my situation as well, so thanks for making the thread and good luck.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

I just want to thank everyone for giving me advice in this thread. I didn't expect to get such great advice from so many people. Thanks again.

 

[Lineoutt]

Well my advice is ask BonsaiK. Ok and also cut it off with your first girl before exploring.

 

[BonsaiK]

Damn, I never thought I'd be starting a relationship thread. Oh well, here it goes.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. She's my first girlfriend. I'm 18 and she's 17. So anyway, I'm in college and she's still in highschool and ever since I left our relationship has been more strained than usual. And it's usually pretty strained to begin with. We are always dealing wit her depression,insomnia, anorexia/bulimia, and her urges to start hurting herself again. Now I love her obviously, and I would never want to hurt her, but there's this other girl I knew from highschool and I'm starting to develop feeling for her. It's nothing concrete, but I'm pretty sure her and I could have something if we wanted to. I can't stop thinking about her and I started talking to her again through texting and facebook. I'm thinking of getting together with her to see if there's anything between us, but I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend. Maybe I'm just lonely and craving something new? I kind of feel like I'm limiting myself since she's my first girlfriend and its been 2 years. Any advice would be great everyone.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and she is my first relationship. I'm in college, she's in Highschool, and our relationship is strained because of the distance and her emotional issues (depression, anorexia/bulimia) and I'm developing feelings for another girl I know. Should I ask this other girl out to see if we have a connection?

Edit: I can't get her parents to help because they are the reason for all of her issues. She was mentally and physically abused as a child and she now lives in a home with her mom and siblings who constantly mock and mistreat her. I am the only one who genuinely cares about her, which is why this decision is harder than it would be for someone else. I don't want to abandon her.

I wouldn't do anything without talking it over with your current girlfriend, you owe her that much at least. Dating someone else while she's away would not be perceived well even by a completely mentally stable girlfriend, add depression and self-harm into the mix and you're dealing with a potentially volatile situation. If you really do want to break up with your current girlfriend - do it properly, wait until you get a chance to sit down and talk to her, go through the issues and talk about it openly. Only date someone new once the slate is clear from what is old. Make sure this is really what you want though, because once you make this decision there is probably no going back.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

Well this is an update for anyone that finds their way to this thread late or is looking for an update. So this weekend I hung out with the new girl I was talking about and it was a lot of fun. She said that she would like to hang out more and she did some cutesy stuff like giggling and grabbing my arm. I also talked to my girlfriend and told her that I was having doubts about our relationship and I didn't quite feel the way I used to. I told her I would give it a little more time but she knows that I'm on the fence right now. I'm going to talk to the new girl a little more before I make any sudden decisions.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

How did your girlfriend react?

Wow you were quick

Well obviously she wasn't thrilled, but she recognized that she causes me a lot of stress and apologized for it. She told me that she would try and work harder to improve her emotional issues. I did mention that I might be interested in seeing other girls to, but I think she purposely kind of ignored that part because that's something she can't fix.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

I see. I'm glad that seems to have worked out decent then. I hope shes adamant on that, and if so it would better her overall as well mas your relationship to boot.

Though I have to ask, shes the next time you see her?

Hehe, that's because I care!

You're seriously the best Aylaine

But yeah it was nice to hear her say that she wants to change and get better, but at the same time, my curiosity over this new girl is even higher. I feel like I made a good first step and I can go from here. Hopefully I'll be coming home again next weeekend and I'll get to see both girls. I'll be texting the new girl over this next week to feel out if she really does like me.

 

[Yureina]

Well this is an update for anyone that finds their way to this thread late or is looking for an update. So this weekend I hung out with the new girl I was talking about and it was a lot of fun. She said that she would like to hang out more and she did some cutesy stuff like giggling and grabbing my arm. I also talked to my girlfriend and told her that I was having doubts about our relationship and I didn't quite feel the way I used to. I told her I would give it a little more time but she knows that I'm on the fence right now. I'm going to talk to the new girl a little more before I make any sudden decisions.

Got your message.

I think that you gave your current GF more than enough of a notice about what is going on. Now that you have done this, I think you should wait and see how this goes. Meaning... as much as you may want to, I wouldn't go seeking someone out right now. You got your GF's initial reaction to what you said, but you should probably wait 1-2 weeks to see how she actually acts in response to it. Will she want to spend more time with you? What will she be like during those moments? Will she try to avoid you in preparation for her thinking you are leaving her? Observing her actions over the next few days might give you valuable insight about how your current relationship will end up. I think you should wait and see how it goes for now before you actually consider trying anything new.

Besides, is there a rush?

Good to hear you had a good time with her though. I really do hope things get better between you two now that you managed to clear things up a bit. :3
- Rei

 

[Jaded Scribe]

In high school, I had many of the same problems as your girlfriend. I also came from an abusive situation, and resorted to many of the same(unhealthy) means that she does to cope.

If you no longer want to be with her, it's not fair to you to have to continue down the road with her. However, just calling up and dumping her isn't going to end well.

I would take a few weeks to distance yourself gently while at the same time encouraging her to find help. If no one at her school can counsel her, there are many therapists that work for low rates. Make sure she understands that seeking help doesn't make her look weak, and doesn't indicate that there is anything wrong with her.

Help her find outlets for the pain that she is dealing with. Writing poetry, drawing, other creative outlets can help a lot.

Encourage her to start working out, or somehow getting active. Walks, bike-riding, martial arts courses etc. Physical activity releases your brain's "happy" chemicals.

A little help goes a long way. And by gradually distancing yourself, you're not only helping her, but keeping the door open to remain friends.

 

[Sinclair Solutions]

You need to deal with your present girlfriend before you move on, in my opinion. I believe you need to get her to see a therapist. She is clearly emotionally troubled, and she needs help. (I'm not joking, I think she seriously needs counseling.) You need to make sure she is emotionally ready for a break up. If you do anything stupid now, and she finds out, she might do something drastic. Then, you might have the guilt of her hurting herself on your hands. I don't want to see that to happen to anybody, and I doubt you want that. You need to get this current girlfriend calm before you try to move on to a new girl. Even if it's just a date with a new girl, you don't know how the old girlfriend will react. You may break up with her during a low time in her life. Try to think this situation through very carefully before making a move.