Thoughts on disabled people

[Trivun]

I have to interview someone for a homework assignment,we were supposed to interview people about Winter the dolphin(a dolphin with a prosthetic tail),but the teacher said we could slightly alter the topic to something like disabled people,so i did just that

Ok,first let me share a little story of mine

One day,i went out of school early,i can't remember why,i walk home from school,and in my way out
i saw someone with a cane,not someone who had trouble walking,but someone who was hitting things in the ground with it

I asked her if she needed any help getting around,but holy shit,when she turned around her eyes,her eyes were scary and squicky as fuck,i couldn't sleep alone for days afterwards

Anyways,she accepted my offer,but i underestimated her,she actually knew the street better than i did,saying things like"there should be a lamppost here",i actually think i slowed her down,she asked me to wait for a special kind of cab that had half the price normal cabs have,but i had never seen one before,so i couldn't help her

As i walked home,i couldn't stop thinking about her eyes because they freaked me out,and when my mother arrived and told her about it,she told me that it was the thought that counted,as i saw no one else helping her

Later,when i was playing Ragna's stage in Blazblue,the stage subtitle said "The path to hell is paved with good intentions",and i realized that applied to me,even if i superficially had good intentions,my desire to help her was not born from solidarity or something,but from thinking she was inferior to me cause she was blind,i basically pitied her

I also got Hanako's bad ending in my first playtrough of Katawa Shoujo,so i know a thing or two about pity

Spoiler: dont click here if you get sad when hearing about someone elses problems,like my mom

I also have been thinking about disabled people lately,since a guy in my school just lost an arm to cancer,i only felt sorry for him on a human level,but not on a personal level(like my mom),sice i didn't know the guy,and i didn't want to pity him

So,i think disabled people shouldn't be treated as a shining example of humanity(shit,i hope the original intention of that sentence isnt lost),or as something to look down upon,even if inconsciously,but as people who have both good and bad in them

So,what do you think about disabled people?

Captcha:red herring

If you've played Katawa Shoujo then you'll hopefully understand the actual point of that game. Disabled people are people. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll admit that I sometimes find it tough to avoid seeing the inherent differences between them and an able bodied person, but I still do all I can to try and look past that. I don't think you're any worse or better as a person for not feeling personal emotion for the guy who lost an arm to cancer, since I feel that myself whenever I see bad stuff on the news. When that soldier, Lee Rigby, was murdered last week in Woolwich by wannabe terrorists, I felt bad for the guy and felt anger towards the killers, but otherwise I didn't think much of it except as something bad. Likewise, seeing news from wars across the world. Maybe I'm just insensitive, or maybe I just have a feeling that these things happen and there's not much we can do ourselves to stop them.

I'm kind of getting side tracked there, I suppose, but moving back to the topics, disabled people should be treated as you would anyone else. The amazingly awesome UK comedy The Inbetweeners (the US version is just a load of crap, by the way) had an episode where a character is in a wheelchair and is treated with sympathy by everyone. The main characters see he's a jackass and treat him likewise, and get called out on it because apparently it's unfair to be nasty towards the disabled. Throughout we could see just how nasty the character actually was and how despite being in a wheelchair he did all he could to get his own way at other peoples' expense.

Personally, on a related note, I'm very intrigued by the 'spiritual spinoff' done by a different development team of Katawa Shoujo, specifically dealing with mental disability rather than physical. Missing Stars is in development right now and it looks at a similar school and characters, albeit mentally ill rather than physically, in a school in the USA, and I'm curious to see how people react to that more so than I am to the game itself (though of course I'll definitely give the game a try, and chances are I'll enjoy it too, if it's any good). My nan has a friend who's in her thirties yet has the mental age of a child, and aside from the obvious (having to talk to her as a child) we treat her no differently than we do anyone else. She absolutely adores my nan, and she manages to hold down a job of sorts (I'm not sure exactly what though I think it's to do with mentally ill people) and have a relatively normal life.

Basically, I reckon anybody who isn't prepared to at least try treating people with disabilities, whether mental or physical, in the same way they treat everyone else (good or bad), isn't worth my time or effort listening to.

 

[Korolev]

Yeah you're right in some ways. Disabled people don't like being thought of as "DISABLED... people". They'd much rather be thought of as "PEOPLE... with disabilities". A lot of them resent the pity they get - sure, they do have additional burdens to fight against, and sure, they need societies support in many regards, but they don't like being thought of as helpless, weak, pitiful, miserable and desperate. Disabled people, with a few adjustments, can mostly live pretty good lives. Of course, it depends on the level of disability, but many of them can do amazing things and they don't want to be pitied, or worse, held up by non-disabled folks as an example of how good non-disabled folks have got it. Which happens all the time!

I've seen people openly say to some disabled people "Life might be bad, but I'm grateful - I don't have what you have!". How the hell do you think that makes a disabled person feel? To be told that your life is the equivalent of another person's nightmare? That sure won't brighten your day.

Disabled people can also be jerks. Just cause someone lost a leg doesn't mean they're nice. They could have lost their leg in a kitten kicking contest and the kitten he tried to kick turned out to be a lion or something like that. Disabilities happen to everyone - good or bad. You can't judge anyone based on whether or not they have a disability.

Disabled people deserve to be treated with the stock-standard respect you should treat all citizens who aren't actively trying to scoop your eyes out with a melon-baller. They don't want pity. Sometimes they do need a bit of courtesy and a bit of help - like for example, opening a door, but they don't want to be thought of as "the poor disabled kid who can't do anything so lets all be special nice to them all the time and make everything weird".

 

[Gameguy20100]

Just people to me.

If someone Is an asshole to me or others I'm gonna treat them like an asshole.

Glasses brain defects missing or unusable limbs.

Doesn't matter to me I judge a person on more than appearance if they are annoying I'm gonna tell them they are annoying if they are nice im gonna be nice back.

 

[krazykidd]

Anyone who is disabled , has my respect . Because i couldn't do it . If i was to lose an arm , or a leg , or go blind today ( not deaf though , i could survive not hearing anything ) , i would kill myself tomorrow . Not because i wouldn't be able to lead a normal life , being disabled doesn't make a person abnormal , but because it would make my life harder ( and i'm a massive pussy ) and i'd have to live with people looking at me and treating me differently ( this includes positive discrimination ) . It would be too much for me to bare . Plus i would 't want to feel like a burden to friends and family. So yeah , disabled people should be proud of being able to overcome their disability , and not letting it define them, and i respect that.

Now since i'm a terrible person , and that first paragraph doesn't show that i have to admit the following . While i respect them ,i persoy couldn't be friends with a disabled person . I know i'm going to hell . Shit , i avoid ugly people like the plague . And constantly make of my best friends dad for having one arm ( to be fair i only do it because he's a good sportt about it , and he lost his arm saving his child ). Not that they are bad people , it's just ... Because .

 

[Comocat]

I think it's important to interact with a broad swath of people, so when you do meet someone with "weird eyes" its not a big deal. Yeah if some guy is missing an arm I'm probably going to stare because fuck he's missing an arm and I know 0 people who are missing arms. But I bet 5 minutes of conversation I wouldn't even notice because he's just a normal dude who lost an arm. Putting up blinders saying I don't see disability isn't very honest, at least for me, because outward appearance is the first thing you notice about a person. I think it is important to move beyond that initial "a person without an arm" to "a person who likes video games" or "likes to work in the garden" or whatever the person defines themselves as because there is a lot more to a person than how they were born.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Putting up blinders saying I don't see disability isn't very honest,

Very much this.

When someone says something like this (also common with "I don't see race"), it means they are lying to you, and probably to themselves. They recognise they should treat people equally, but pretend they are instead of taking a good hard look at themselves and recognising that they have problems.

If treating people equally was as easy as saying that you did, it wouldn't be an issue. But it's not. People come with all sorts of petty biases they need to work to overcome. It's hard, but that's no reason not to bother.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

Let's just get this one over with:
And then i'll say that i have great respect for those who actually manage to come to terms with their disability. I see a strength there i'm not sure i personally would ever be able to show should i be in a similar situation. It really does seem to either strengthen or break a person if it's something that happens later on in life.

 

[whiteshark12]

I literally don't understand why you made this topic, unless you feel you need to tell other people you finally discovered disabled people are people and not some bogeymen come to steal your limbs or higher mental functions.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

My best friend is disabled. He's also a born leader and has any group of people eventually following him in just about any mmo we play.

He gets grumpy about his situation sometimes but all I can do is be there for him. I love him more than anything and to me he's perfect.

 

[IndomitableSam]

They're just people, honestly. I give them a lot of respect because they've had to get where they are in life by kicking, screaming, and clawing for every inch of self-reliance and dignity from other people in some cases, but that's the only difference.

My mother is disabled. She wasn't until about 10 years ago when she went in for a knee replacement. But the surgeon screwed up and, long story short, it took a year to get a new knee put in and it's permanently damaged now, She had to get the other knee done a few years ago due to the damage using only one leg brought on, but she's mobile now.

I don't wish that kind of pain and horrifying way of living on anyone. But I have so much respect for my mother in getting through all that. Living life as a disabled person is not easy - no one cares. I've been out with her when people would slam their carts into her walker. Or not see her cane and kick it out from under her. Or park in disabled spots and screaming matches occur in parking lots. Or you complain to the store and they don't give a flying fuck who parks in the handicapped spots or don't have the aids required by law for people. I've had to carry her up sets of stairs while she cries because the world does not accomdate those who aren't able-bodied. Doing things like that are some of the most horrible things to go through, all because people don't understand or care.

Like I said, people who are not able-bodied get a huge amount of respect from me, because I have an idea how hard it is.

People don't understand until they go through it themselves (be it themselves or a loved one), though. I do wish people would have more common sense and respect for disabled peoples, but, in some ways, it's (thankfully) because they've never known what it's like.

 

[chronobreak]

I haven't been on here in a long while because my muscular dystrophy has progressed substantially and I can no longer walk and typing is hard. If anyone ever has any questions feel free to contact me. I don't think many would remember me outside of religion and politics if anyone.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

I think what i meant was: we shouldn't judge someone because they are disabled or not,but by their own merits
Probably,like i said i am not good with words

Forgive me if that doesn't make any sense

I'm guessing you aren't too familiar with folks who were born with disabilities, judging by your post. There's nothing wrong with that, mind you. It's entirely possible to grow up surrounded by people who are hale and healthy and who only lose physical capabilities once injured. You being freaked out by a blind person is understandable as well, most folks aren't too used to seeing someone with either googly and unfocused eyes or sunken ones that don't see much use.

As for what you've realized, that actually is a fairly basic concept. Also, Wall of Text alert.

Spoiler

See, I was born with Cerebral Palsy. My motor centers are somewhat affected, in that I have more than enough stamina and control over my upper limbs to manage the task of writing this post at a good clip; but I can't run for shit. I can walk, but I'm terribly easy to force into a tumble or to cause to tip over. My sense of balance is pretty much shit. Like a lot of CP sufferers of my type, I'm really good at expressive and communicative tasks, but my more concrete abilities are a little behind. I'm nearing 30 and I'm only *starting* to be able to handle basic calculations without referring to a pocket calculator. I'm only starting to develop a decent grasp on spatial orientation, to the point that I'm coming out of my shell and turning into a more sociable type far later than most of my friends. For the longest time, I couldn't even remember the difference between Left and Right. I kid you not. I'd lose friends and family in supermarkets or shopping malls and freak the fuck out as a result. I needed all of my regular phone numbers on my iPhone speed-dial, because fuck remembering numbers. I'm only starting to be decent at that.

And you know what? I've corrected theses and essays, I've graded university papers, I've written short stories and novellas and held down three jobs since turning sixteen. It's true that those people I interact with need to realize that I have as much potential as anyone else - but I'd say what really matters is realizing that for yourself.

I've known another guy who was a lot like me. Same basic diagnosis, only one notch worse. I walk myself around and sometimes default to a cane when I'm tired, but he's stuck in a motorized wheelchair. We're practically identical, medically speaking. Where is he now? Moping in his parents' basement, bemoaning his state and whining to anyone who'll listen that life is unfair and that he can't find or hold down a job to save his life. He's shaping into a welfare case, and it saddens and sickens me. Fuck, I've seen paraplegic types crank out doctorates with their assistance dog sitting right next to them, so he has just about zero excuses.

What you've realized, OP, basically is the nice and cutesy Hallmark Channel ditty about difference being precious. It's trite, yes, but it's always good to see someone grasp that. I know what you were also referring to, which is that we shouldn't be coddled because we're different. That sounds incredibly tactless, I know, but if it's one disabled guy saying that about others, I think it's sufficiently PC.

Mind you, I've seen really fucked-up cases, too. I've spent most of my childhood and early adolescence in a hospital's waiting room for stuff related to my palsy, so I've seen a bunch. Hydrocephalic types who wouldn't do much more in life than drool into a fleece bib, five year-olds stuck in the bodies of fortysomething men who'd try and rough-house with the other *actual* kids and who'd end up hurting them. I remember being nearly drowned in an Olympic pool by a poor guy whose misguided and innocent idea of fun involved dunking other kids not because he was being mean - but because he was utterly incapable of reasoning adequately. You'd tell him not to hold the Spina Bifida girl or the cramped-up kid who was scared shitless of floating on his back underwater and you'd repeat that fifty times ad nauseam that it wouldn't stick. Ever. He was damaged in just the right way as to be unable to process that.

*Some* disabled people won't amount to much in life, this is true. What's also true is that it isn't their fault. You can't blame the guy who has a case of mental retardation that's so severe as to make an overgrown baby out of him. Those of us who can, though? The potential doers?

Judge the shit out of us, man. Go ahead. The road to basic autonomy and success is hard enough for people like me, and we'll always need someone to land a few blows to the saprophytes in the healthcare system. There's nothing more infuriating to me than people who sit on their physical or learning disabilities and go "Welp, I'm a failure. Screw getting paid or developing some form of general cultural savvy, I'll just collect my check, eat Swanson's shit and watch The Biggest Loser all day long".

TL;DR: I'm disabled and I don't deserve special treatments. I deserve what I need to be autonomous and capable, and nothing else. Everything else is on me. If you sit there and assume you're born to eat crow in the State's hand because something's wrong with your body, I have about jack shit in terms of sympathy for you.

 

[Black Reaper]

I literally don't understand why you made this topic, unless you feel you need to tell other people you finally discovered disabled people are people and not some bogeymen come to steal your limbs or higher mental functions.

I needed some opinions for homework,i am a lazy bum,and the escapist is a pretty mature site
And i didn't want to say"disabled people are people"(sorry if it came out like that),i wanted to say "i just learned how pitying someone feels",i will try not to pity anyone ever again,as i felt like a dick for some time after i learned what i truly felt that day

People that are disabled are just like other people. They have the same needs and wants. Sometimes they require special needs, such as physical access to permit the handicapped to enter buildings and use it's faculties unhindered, etc. Sometimes they are looked up to even, not looked down upon, as such are the stories of the severely disabled overcoming the odds and accomplishing feats that even the "abled" cannot.

When was it ever suggested that the disabled were the "Shining example of humanity"?

Kind of lost as to what you're actually positing in your OP to be honest.

The shining example of humanity thing may have been a case of bad translation,what i meant was,disabled people on media are generally:
a)someone who overcomes their disabilities trough sheer badassness
b)someone who has a miserable,miserable life
So real disabled people (probably)can't relate very well to the disabled people shown in media
Just read the second entry in this article to see what i mean

 

[Lovely Mixture]

I think helping people in public is pretty big issue in of itself.

Like when I'm in my college, I'll ask anyone if they need help if they're moving something or stumbling. If I'm outside my college, I'll only do it in the case of someone having an accident or really having a difficult time. This is because I've been conditioned to people refusing my help in public, so I now assume they don't want it, yet in a communal place they would accept my help.

Of course then there are times when the situation won't help you.

When I worked in a retirement home, there was one old lady who refused to tell me directly what she wanted. She had me open doors, push her wheelchair, and then have me leave her by the piano, which she then played. If she had said "I want to play the piano" it would have made my job easier.

 

[Abomination]

I treat a disabled person the exact same as any other person.

If I see them having difficulty with something because of their disability I have patience with them just as I would with any other person who was having difficulty with something.

I'll give my seat up on public transport for someone whose disability clearly makes it far more difficult for them to stand than someone else - but I'm not going to give my seat to an obese person or someone missing an eye, arm or has a mental disability: your legs work just the same as mine.

If a disabled person is acting like a **** I'll still call them a ****. I have seen the result of treating disabled people like special individuals is. You turn them into individuals who think they're special when you need to treat them as though they're normal.

 

[J Tyran]

You might not be disabled now, but you're only one bad day away.

This is so true, anyone can be hit out of the blue and become disabled. Contact with a germ or virus, a trip or fall or vehicle crash and your life can be changed forever.

 

[Little Woodsman]

It has been said in various ways on this thread already, but I think it bears repeating in various ways so that more people "get it".
Some people who face physical challenges appreciate help when it is offered.
Some people who face physical challenges would rather do things on their own than accept help, for various reasons.