ThunderC*nts of Parenting.

[Esotera]

They can become independent of their life decisions when they can be truly independent by themselves. I'm past teens and I'm still quite dependent on my parents financially, so I'll include them in important decisions as they're still the ones funding me.

Obviously that'd be different if my parents were being complete control freaks, in which case your girlfriend needs to stand up for herself, but at the same time show responsibility by supporting her family, as they are almost certainly supporting her. Hopefully with that, her parents can bear to give her a bit of space.

Also, I've never heard of any obligation for sixth-forms to provide two weeks holiday during term time, ever.

 

[JoJo]

Some people are like that. One of my friends is 20 and does whatever his father says, even though he complains to me afterwards about how controlling he is. He even did a different college course because his dad disapproved of his original choice. I've never quite been able to understand it either, my own father disapproved of my last job because he didn't think it earned enough money but I did it anyway and enjoyed the shit out of it.

Becoming independent in general is a gradual process but I think by 18 someone should be able to make their own choices and be preparing the skills to live on their own, even if in this economy that probably won't happen for a few more years.

Edit: On a side note I agree with Esotera, I've never heard of sixth form term-time holidays either.

 

[Fappy]

In the US people usually consider it 18-years-old. A 17-year-old should have more flexibility than a 15-year-old, sure, but they shouldn't have full reign just yet imo. What were your plans with her if I may ask? If you or her planned on staying at the other's place I can see that as being a problem with her parents.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Honestly? When your parents stop paying for your way of life is when they stop having any input. Dating a girl they don't like? WHy should they let you use their car, use their gas or spend their time driving you? Give you money that they know will end up going towards her in some way, etc. Why should they financially and emotionally support someone, much less give them a home, food, etc, when they'll just be told to fuck off, it's not their life? ... It kinda is. If you're not supporting yourself fully, your parents have every right in the world to tell you what to do and what not to do.

Whether you do or don't do those things is your choice. And if your parents continue to support you if you go against them is their choice, too. Every parent has a limit and a breaking point, though.

 

[DugMachine]

Question. You say at 16 you were "not asking for help" and just did whatever the fuck you wanted right? So I assume you lived on your own, payed rent, payed bills, payed your own food, washed your own clothes and your own insurance. Cause if you didn't you still have an obligation to follow your parents rules no matter how against them you are.

Or you could be like me and move out at 19 with a shit job and struggled for 2 years until I landed a better job to live semi comfortably. Being 16 and considered an 'adult' doesn't mean you're mature enough to take life on by yourself. I'm not a fan of overprotective fathers either but that's their rules and none of your business to impose on them if she's still living with them.

So yeah, until you get a job and go out on your own and truly grow up you're still a child for the most part. Age does not automatically bring maturity and this post isn't helping.

edit: And just fair warning, you're probably not going to get a lot of sympathetic responses here. It's pretty common sense; live in someone else's house, their rules.

 

[ms_sunlight]

You've got the two weeks thing twisted. Schools have a discretionary power to allow pupils 10 days (i.e. 2 weeks) off. It's discretionary. They don't have to allow it.

Anyway, in answer to your question, you have control of your own life when you're paying your own rent and bills. Sorry, but that's how it is. Do you still live with your mam too?

 

[krazykidd]

In my opinion . As long as you live under your parents roof , you should live under their rules . Now teenagers tend to think they know everything . It happens to everyone ( or almost ) . But most of the time , they are wrong .

As for myself , i did what my parents asked until i moved out . I'm not going to disrespect the people that keeps a roof over my head and food on the table . These are things you think about and appreciate once you no longer live with mom and dad .

When i have children , they will have to live under my rules as long as they are living with me . If they don't like it they can leave . And if they make a habbit of disrespecting me ( i was a teenager too so i can be lenient with certain things ) i will kick them to the curb and have them fend for themselves . If that does happen i am not opposed to taking them back once they learned their lesson , but i personally am not someone that would take crap from my own children .

 

[Erana]

I think that the should of the matter should be that there's a lot of respect between the parents and children, and it shouldn't be a big conflict between the desires of the youths and adults. I'd also include with the should that kids should only need to divorce themselves from their parents at that young an age when its a severely unhealthy situation, because people in their teens and early 20s tend to do a lot of really dumb stuff.

I personally find the (fairly, in the grand scheme of human history) recent idea that you should move out in your late teens and go off and start your own train wreck of a life is silly, but then again, I feel like I need to plan the next several years of my life around living with my mother, because I'm terrified that she's going to lose the use of one of her limbs if I'm not there to make life a bit easier on her. I've been going through a lot of health stuff in the past several years, and so has she, but we're pulling through for each other, I hope...


As for the situation the OP is discussing in particular, well... I'm going to be blunt here: How are you good enough for her? Because if I were her parent, and she had an internet boyfriend who was telling her to toss her family aside to go hang out with him, I would be very displeased with you and disappointed in her. I mean, you're calling them "thundercunts" to strangers on the internet.

Not to mention, the fact that you've arranged your post so that you state your opinion on their parenting, then ask an unrelated question about general independence so that people will be more inclined to agree with you is markedly immature.

 

[Phasmal]

Eh, having parents that give a crap is good.
I basically got to make all my own decisions since I was about eight and it did not go well.

Your parents have a say until they stop paying for you.
Hell, I'm moving back in with my boyfriend's parents now and we're gonna abide by their rules because it's their house and we are both 22. Not ideal, but you gotta appreciate what they do for you.

Controlling parents can be a pain but all anyone can do is put their head down and wait for the time they can be independent.

 

[Draxz]

In the US people usually consider it 18-years-old. A 17-year-old should have more flexibility than a 15-year-old, sure, but they shouldn't have full reign just yet imo. What were your plans with her if I may ask? If you or her planned on staying at the other's place I can see that as being a problem with her parents.

Honestly? When your parents stop paying for your way of life is when they stop having any input. Dating a girl they don't like? WHy should they let you use their car, use their gas or spend their time driving you? Give you money that they know will end up going towards her in some way, etc. Why should they financially and emotionally support someone, much less give them a home, food, etc, when they'll just be told to fuck off, it's not their life? ... It kinda is. If you're not supporting yourself fully, your parents have every right in the world to tell you what to do and what not to do.

Whether you do or don't do those things is your choice. And if your parents continue to support you if you go against them is their choice, too. Every parent has a limit and a breaking point, though.

Question. You say at 16 you were "not asking for help" and just did whatever the fuck you wanted right? So I assume you lived on your own, payed rent, payed bills, payed your own food, washed your own clothes and your own insurance. Cause if you didn't you still have an obligation to follow your parents rules no matter how against them you are.

Or you could be like me and move out at 19 with a shit job and struggled for 2 years until I landed a better job to live semi comfortably. Being 16 and considered an 'adult' doesn't mean you're mature enough to take life on by yourself. I'm not a fan of overprotective fathers either but that's their rules and none of your business to impose on them if she's still living with them.

So yeah, until you get a job and go out on your own and truly grow up you're still a child for the most part. Age does not automatically bring maturity and this post isn't helping.

edit: And just fair warning, you're probably not going to get a lot of sympathetic responses here. It's pretty common sense; live in someone else's house, their rules.

Yeah, don't worry, I wasn't really looking for sympathy or anything but either way I'm not going to just break at the thought of me being wrong. As 50% of the time, I usually have no clue what I'm doing and then latch onto the correct answer by the final straw.Though, that's slightly irrelevant.

My (our) plan is to goto University in London and hopefully move in together there. It's been offered and it's also a realistic plan. I know a lot of people have said "They pay, their rules, you do as they say" and etc. but they're parents. Not Nazis or Communists. I think it's natural at some point that parents let-loose and finally let their children make their own decisions. I don't necessarily want to move out, though as realistically as living with my Dad, I could somehow survive with a part-time job and benefits. (I've managed to work out a very fine sum and I'd have no luxury but it's there). Okay, I will admit the idea practically is stupid and would probably end up with me killing myself. Though I still argue over how controlling her parents are to anyone-elses'. It's frustrating to think they're completely unreasonable at times and are more self-righteous than anything.

I want to elaborate on "Age doesn't define maturity" believe me, I know. There are some real fucking idiots in this world. I have to work with some of them. What I do believe is that it's a general guideline. Laws wouldn't say "16" or "18' if they didn't believe people wouldn't be able to look after themselves around that general point. Though, sophisticated enough or not to live on their own, I still believe there would be leeway. The legal age to have sex in the UK is 16 (NI: 17... because they like to be different, not that it matters). If my girlfriend and I had sex, her mum would explode. Yet, she had her (My girlfriend) at 16. (And) going back, the family often or not has their first child 15 -17. It's hypocritical! Yes, it can be seen as "Don't make the same mistakes as us" which my argument is "Good thing we know how to use protection and we're not fucking stupid.". I suppose this is probably more personal for me. I've been messed around by my parents so much that I've bit the bullet so hard, I shattered teeth and ended up biting them. Call me immature or not, doesn't change the fact that strictness doesn't make you love someone. Maybe at a young at but at a point we're you're smarter than your parents, then it's just stupid bothering!

I want to make another thing clear, I may have called them "ThunderCunts" but I've not said anything directly. Neither have I even said "Ditch your family." in-fact half the time it's usually my girlfriend saying "Draxz, we're running away." If I'm completely honest, they suffocate her in the way that they were brought up and never really think about her. It's frustrating to see a parent to ignore it's "Child" and then do everything wrong.

Reply to edit: Yes... "Their house their rules." Not "Their life, their decisions."

 

[Thaluikhain]

I know a woman in her early/mid twenties whose parents freaked out when they heard about her sex life.

So she's been living away, waiting for things to cool down. When she went back to their house to pick up some stuff, though, she found that her parents had gotten the locks changed to stop her coming in and out.

 

[Vault101]

I know a woman in her early/mid twenties whose parents freaked out when they heard about her sex life.

So she's been living away, waiting for things to cool down. When she went back to their house to pick up some stuff, though, she found that her parents had gotten the locks changed to stop her coming in and out.

............wha?

like.....what?

do they expect her to remian virginal untill marrage or somthing?....or did she come out of the clost?

I mean WHAT?

 

[Thaluikhain]

I know a woman in her early/mid twenties whose parents freaked out when they heard about her sex life.

So she's been living away, waiting for things to cool down. When she went back to their house to pick up some stuff, though, she found that her parents had gotten the locks changed to stop her coming in and out.

............wha?

like.....what?

do they expect her to remian virginal untill marrage or somthing?....or did she come out of the clost?

I mean WHAT?

She's kinky and polyamorous, her family is rather traditional.

 

[Daveman]

Love the rant but thought it was a touch incoherent. What was the issue? That she couldn't take two weeks off from school for no reason? That sounds fair to me. It may be legal but it's still a terrible idea.

On the question of independence, it's a tricky one. The law is pretty inconsistent on it so I'd just say that you're independent when you move out. That means you're not even independent if you go to uni and come back at the holidays. That's my opinion, and even though I'm 21, by my definition even I'm not independent.

 

[Starik20X6]

You become independent when, well, you're independent. When you're mature enough to hold down a job, manage your own money and get places by yourself. When you can do things and make decisions on your own. Doesn't matter how old you are, it's all about intellectual and emotional maturity.

I suppose on some level the parents are supposed to have some say until the person is legally an adult, but the person should still have some flexibility.

In the case of you and your woman OP? I reckon you should stage a daring rescue, escape with your beloved on horseback, and the two of you ride off into the sunset to your happily ever after.

 

[DugMachine]

ThunderSnip

If your girlfriend really wanted to she could move away from them. She may ***** and moan just like everyone else but if you're not taking action then it's just that, bitching and moaning. She says she wants to move in with you alright fine but I hope the both of you get decent jobs, as even you can admit living on your own at such a young age with such little experience can be a pain in the ass.

I understand your leeway argument. By the time I was 18 I had tons of freedom to make my decisions except I couldn't be home past 1am, that was their only rule at that age and whatever chores they wanted me to do. I moved out because my mother and I argued constantly and it wasn't a healthy relationship at all. If you feel the same and so does your girlfriend then make a decision and follow through with it but realize it's going to be a very, very hard life for the next few years.

 

[AngloDoom]

You become independent when, well, you're independent. When you're mature enough to hold down a job, manage your own money and get places by yourself. When you can do things and make decisions on your own. Doesn't matter how old you are, it's all about intellectual and emotional maturity.

And we have a winner.

Aged eighteen I wasn't anywhere near mature enough to do this, but aged nineteen a lot of shit happened and I made all the mistakes that meant I knew how things worked.

On the other end of the spectrum, my closest friend was born wise and mature and at age thirteen was asking himself the big questions about who he was and what he wanted to be.

I'm currently in limbo investing in a future while he's thinking of proposing to his girlfriend of many years the moment he gets a breakthrough in his career that gives him the financial security he needs. Different people grow at different rates.

 

[johnnyLupine]

I think I?m going to need more information if I?m going to reach a proper conclusion here. At the moment it sounds as if you are angry because her parents will not allow your girlfriend to take some time off on top of the fortnight in October, the couple of weeks students get off for Christmas, a break in March/April and six weeks off in the summer.. If I remember correctly you also get a week off in May at some point too? That is more than enough time to recharge your batteries.

I could understand your outrage if they did not allow her to take time off because she was sick but if she wanted to skive off just to chill out somewhere, even to go visit you, then I?m afraid that I cannot not agree with you.
Skipping school for something so trivial is pathetic (for lack of a better word) .Your girlfriend is at a point in her life where her decisions can make or break her future, it seems to me that her parents only want her to do well in life and taking time off school could well be detrimental to this goal, there is certainly an element of control but going from the information you have provided it seems to be at a reasonable level of control.
My sister is nineteen and considering taking a job which might require her to move away from home. I know that my mum is worrying about her living on her own. It certainly is not the same but perhaps there is an element of concern which dictates your girlfriends parents decision , after all you said yourself that you are in a long distance relationship, it?s quite possible that her parents are worried about her being away from home, somewhere they can?t help her if anything goes wrong.


Im sorry if Ive come across as condescending, I can at least partially understand the predicament you are both in, When I was in school I will admit that I screwed up my A-levels because I was more interested in enjoying myself than actually studying and hindsight is a real *****.

 

[Psykoma]

Personally, you don't sound independent, simply ungrateful. Just because you don't *ask* for help, doesn't mean you're not getting a lot of it (which if you're still living with your parents, you are. You sound as dependant as any teen, you just seem too emo to admit it).

Maybe at a young at but at a point we're you're smarter than your parents, then it's just stupid bothering!

This sentence is one massive clusterfuck, but if i try to decipher it, are you honestly saying that at 17 you think you're smarter than your parents? Yeah no.
This is after you try and say that your girlfriend should get two weeks off schoool - to see her boyfriend-?

Sorry, but this is a phase you'll (hopefully) grow out of, when you actually become independent and responsible for yourself.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Depends on the person. I would survive without my parents help but would be far worse off. Some 18 year olds can barely tie there own shoes while some 15 year olds could probably move out and be fine if they had a decent job.