ThunderC*nts of Parenting.

[Woodsey]

"On this note, in her school, she has the most hypocritical tutors in the world who are self-righteous bastards! Legally in the UK, you're allowed at least two weeks off for holidays."

Pretty sure that's totally up to whether the school lets you or not. It's not like we don't have a metric fuck-tonne of holiday time.

Your whole post reads like a pissed off 14-year-old.

 

[surg3n]

You have to consider...

Your girlfriend is still in school, not a good idea to disrupt her last year of school, to do so would make you a selfish douchebag. People in the UK can't usually just buy their way into an education, this is the most important year if she wants to go to university.

In the UK, students get 6 weeks off during the summer, 2 weeks at christmas, a week here, a week there, bank holidays, if you can't squeeze 2 weeks out of that, then why should her family allow her to take an extra 2 weeks right out of school. The holidays are a standard, everyone in her school is on holiday at predefined dates, it's not like she can just take 2 weeks off when she feels like it.

Her parents are still legally responsible for her, you are not.


You might see it as they are being selfish, but really you are the one being selfish and obtuse. Let her finish her last year at school then you'll have a lot more time, like save up and plan for a 3 week vacation next summer, don't just expect everything to go on hold because you miss her. If she took 2 weeks off to visit you, her school work would suffer, why should her family let her risk her future for 2 weeks of nookie with you?.

My son is 16, and I wouldn't let him travel alone until he's at least 18 - if I was your girlfriends father, I'd do exactly the same thing, because it's not about you, it's about a young persons future, stop being selfish and see it from their side - you will have all the time you want before very long, be patient.

 

[gigastar]

In my mind, someone becomes truly independent when they can go alone for a week with at least 2 decent meals a day and not smell like they just came back from exploring Hackney.

"On this note, in her school, she has the most hypocritical tutors in the world who are self-righteous bastards! Legally in the UK, you're allowed at least two weeks off for holidays."

Pretty sure that's totally up to whether the school lets you or not.

I can lend some backing to that. Im fairly sure theres a maximum cap on sick leave, but my mum seems to be turning up excuses to get out of work every other week.

I guess it helps that she has a rebiult spine. For getting sick leave that is.

 

[freaper]

(And) going back, the family often or not has their first child 15 -17.

Oh lord..

*climbs on his high horse and rides into the sunset*

Not to antagonize you, I guess I'm living a different life.

From your description you make her parents shine like some backwards kids who just keep her inside to pester her, though you and I know that they probably want all the good in the world for her. Maybe it's not so black and white, and just like we have to grow up, so do our parents.

It also depends on what type of person you are; your girlfriend might not be nearly as independent as you, and her parents probably know that. They've lived with her for her entire life (afaik) and even though you like her a lot, you can't know her as well as they do.

If I understood it correctly she's living in the UK, Northern Ireland to be precise, and you're in Wales? Maybe not an entire holiday, but I'm sure you could visit her for the weekend? Maybe visit some place close to where she lives, so that her parents aren't completely uncomfortable? These tips might ring a bit hollow since I don't exactly understand your story. Your plead was rather in rant verse

My two cents anyway

 

[Woodsey]

In my mind, someone becomes truly independent when they can go alone for a week with at least 2 decent meals a day and not smell like they just came back from exploring Hackney.

"On this note, in her school, she has the most hypocritical tutors in the world who are self-righteous bastards! Legally in the UK, you're allowed at least two weeks off for holidays."

Pretty sure that's totally up to whether the school lets you or not.

I can lend some backing to that. Im fairly sure theres a maximum cap on sick leave, but my mum seems to be turning up excuses to get out of work every other week.

I guess it helps that she has a rebiult spine. For getting sick leave that is.

Pretty sure the workplace rules on that are different to the school ones. In fact, you're almost certainly not just entitled to it like he claims, because I remember when I was at school that other people had to specifically ask permission to do it from their teacher (I think Heads had to sign off on it too). If you're doing poorly in school they won't let you take the time out.

 

[Simon Pettersson]

You become independent when, well, you're independent. When you're mature enough to hold down a job, manage your own money and get places by yourself. When you can do things and make decisions on your own. Doesn't matter how old you are, it's all about intellectual and emotional maturity.

This!
I´m really frustrated with young people that think they are mature enough but think that there parents shall pay for them all the time. If it's your parents money they have a right to know what you are doing with them....

Other then that .. well when you are at legal age. In Sweden it is 18 then your parents don't need to hold your back.

 

[Phasmal]

But my girlfriend's 17 and she's practically controlled by her parents decisions and whatever a higher-authority says. I need everyone's thoughts or opinions...

Know who has better judgement than a 17 year old? Almost everyone.

I kind of want that on a T-shirt.

Nearly everything you think is a good decision at 17 will have you looking back years later thinking `Wow, I was a moron`.

 

[Best of the 3]

Take a look at her situation currently. She's in school, I'm assuming A levels or welsh equivalent. Or whenever in the UK she's from. This is the year before uni, again she's planning on going to one. This is the year she needs to study the most. Now there aren't many school holidays you can see her and through most of those she should be studying and applying to unis which in itself isn't a quick thing to do. She has to visit them, do her application etc etc.

Saying that the parents, who in my mind are just trying to keep their daughter in education to do the best she can, saying that they're just keeping her from you because she's your girlfriend and you love her, is rather selfish (and slightly creepy almost). There really just isn't the time for distractions like that. Also asking for 2 weeks off in school time is probably the worst thing you can do especially in A levels. Hell, missing one lesson can practically hinder your chances at good grades if the subject covered in that lesson comes up in the exams.

Honestly, I think you're overeating slightly. I don't have the full picture but from what you've said that's all I think really.

Also out of curiosity how old are you?

EDIT: Also your post is rather aggressive towards her friends/parents/teachers. Have you actually tried talking to them? Like really tried? I mean more than once or twice? Seriously, talk to them, get to know them and let them know where you're coming from. People aren't unreasonable, as long as you talk to them with reason. Not with a frothing at the mouth attitude lingering at the back of your mind.

 

[lacktheknack]

I love how you feel so independent because you started "biting back" at your parents when you were 16.

You know what I think of 16 year olds with no use for their parents? "Terrible, awful brats who need a thunk on the head".

Their house, their rules. Your parents don't enforce these rules? Awesome! You have bad parents.

As for the tutors, how is "restricting your holidays" in any way, shape or form "hypocritical and self-righteous"?

As for your girlfriend, no, she shouldn't be making her own decisions at the moment. She lives with her parents, who likely have reasons for her not travelling to see you (say, money, her studying, or you've proven to have traits they don't like and are waiting for the long distance relationship to collapse naturally), and your not liking them doesn't make them bad parents. If anything, demonstrating actual control over their impulsive teen is a GOOD thing.

You come across really, really badly here. The only conclusion I've made is that you desperately need to grow up a while longer.

To actually answer your question, people are ready to consistently make responsible decisions sometime in their forties.

 

[Best of the 3]

But my girlfriend's 17 and she's practically controlled by her parents decisions and whatever a higher-authority says. I need everyone's thoughts or opinions...

Know who has better judgement than a 17 year old? Almost everyone.

I kind of want that on a T-shirt.

Nearly everything you think is a good decision at 17 will have you looking back years later thinking `Wow, I was a moron`.

Exactly. Way I look at it is at 18 I thought 15 year old me was an idiot, at 22 I think 18 year old me was an idiot, at 25 I'll probably think 22 year old me was an idiot. I have literally never met anyone in their 20's who doesn't think they're 17 year old self was an idiot yet I've never met a 17 year old who doesn't think they've got it all figured out.

I will say I have seen people aged 16-19 who have sorted their lives out or are independent, but they all were forced into the situation one way or another. I've never met anyone that age that goes, "I'm going to go live on my own now and be self suffieciant", at least not willingly anyway.

 

[Roggen Bread]

If my girlfriend and I had sex, her mum would explode. Yet, she had her (My girlfriend) at 16. (And) going back, the family often or not has their first child 15 -17. It's hypocritical!

I decided to get hung up on this.

For 2 reasons.
1st - this has nothing to do with hypocracy since there is no "right" way of dealing with a situation like this.

2nd - this shows her parents' thinking.

I start with 2nd. They are protecting her. Yes, you are allowed to be annoyed. This situation would annoy the shit out of me. But they are just protecting their girl. They may be overprotective, they even might act as real c'nts, but I think, they are acting to the best of their knowledge.

To your girlfriend not being able to bite back or to fight if she wants something:

If she never learned to doubt them, if she really thinks, they know everything, well, that's the way it is. This will pass, as she is only 17. Believe me.

And believe me, I have made this experience myself.
My girlfriend believing EVERY SINGLE STUPID thing (and there were a lot of them...) her mother said.
I on the other hand (my parents are acutally smart and educated) learned from my early teens to doubt them, because they encouraged me to. They told me to make my own experiences.

This might pass, and I really hope you 2 are able to hang in there. It can be tough.


now: 1st.
Like I said, there is no right way. This is another mechanisim of not knowing how to deal with this. They just don't want this to happen to their child because it sucks. And boy, they know it.

I had the complete opposite. My parents got my elder sister at the age of 21 and 20. And they did not plan it. My father was attending business school, my mother was in her apprenticeship for being a midwife (note, English is not my native language =P). This was still REALLY bad timing.
Why am I telling you this?

When I was 19 my brother-in-law (he was like 27 at this point) "reminded" me, that I always should use condoms because my parents assumed, I was banging my best (female) friend.

Why did he have to tell this to me?
My parents were afraid of being hypocritical because they, appearantly, were not the ones to give smart lectures.

I am still miffed about this.

 

[gh0ti]

On this note, in her school, she has the most hypocritical tutors in the world who are self-righteous bastards! Legally in the UK, you're allowed at least two weeks off for holidays.

Eh, what? Legally in the UK, we have 13 weeks off for school holidays. They're pretty regularly spaced throughout the year - why can't you see her during this time?

You're not supposed to take holiday during term-time, that's why it's called term-time. Basically, the two week thing you're referring to here is the two weeks a school will allow a parent to deny their child an education without calling social services.

And these tutors are "hypocritical" and "self-righteous" for thinking her time is better spent in school (where she is legally obligated to be) than off on a jolly with her all-grown-up boyfriend? You realise they are paid to worry about her education, right?

/rant over.

As regards the question, I concur with those who point out that so long as a parent is supporting you financially, they can expect to exert a pretty severe level of control over you. So long as they're still sacrificing a large chunk of their own time and money to keep you, you ought to be extending them the same courtesy.

 

[imperialus]

On this note, in her school, she has the most hypocritical tutors in the world who are self-righteous bastards! Legally in the UK, you're allowed at least two weeks off for holidays. Asking for these two weeks can lead to getting you kicked out of the school, so fast that you can't even say "HOLY FUCK, I TAKE THAT BACK!"

In-shortness, when do you personally believe when a teen can become independent of their own life-decisions and do what they want? Personally, I was 16 when I started and I never asked for help once. Not to be rude but I bite back against my parents. I'm not letting myself be controlled. But my girlfriend's 17 and she's practically controlled by her parents decisions and whatever a higher-authority says. I need everyone's thoughts or opinions...

Like others have said. She's independent when she's out on her own, paying rent, buying groceries ect. Hell you could probably make the argument that she could angle for more independence if she was finished school and paying rent even if she did still live with her parents, as it stands though, no.

Reading between the lines of your post I get the impression that you wanted your girlfriend to come visit you and her parents said no. I also got the impression that you wanted her to come visit you during the school year and as such she would need to take time out of school in order to visit. Now I'm not familiar with public education in the UK, but I teach high school social studies in Canada and I'd assume that like most other public education systems at the end of your last year of public education there is a big test that determines in a large part what sort of University or other post secondary institution you will go to. If this is indeed the case then her parents and school are 100% in the right when they tell her that no, she can't leave for a few weeks in the middle of the school year for a long distance booty call. That's categorically stupid.

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

I'm kinda like that, I respect my parents and try to please them whenever possible. I do this mostly because of the huge amounts of trust they put onto me.

I mean i'm 19 I'm driving a 20,000 car and I am trusted with both my dad's business and a business of my own and I strait up say It's all thanks to them. I listen to what they say because they think it's best for me and only want the best for me, and because I listen to them they always respect what I have to say.

 

[BNguyen]

Well, personally, I think someone should gain independence whenever they can start making reasonable and logical decisions and be responsible with what they have, such as a car and money; however, this point in time is highly changeable due to how stupid some people can be,
such as for example, whenever I drive, I constantly see people trying to text while they drive, I almost got hit by someone who was driving irradically while driving and they were swerving back and forth across lanes.
So even some adults don't deserve independence if they can't do something smart and responible
but, if your girlfriend is a level-headed person who can make smart decisions for herself, then she should be a bit more free from her parents, but they can at least keep an eye on her from time to time

 

[Dark_Reaction]

If my girlfriend and I had sex, her mum would explode. Yet, she had her (My girlfriend) at 16. (And) going back, the family often or not has their first child 15 -17. It's hypocritical! Yes, it can be seen as "Don't make the same mistakes as us" which my argument is "Good thing we know how to use protection and we're not fucking stupid.".

... First off: 'Protection' isn't 100% guaranteed to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. It sure as hell isn't 100% guaranteed to protect against STDs.

Second: It is in no way 'hypocritical' for a parent to make a stupid mistake themselves and try to keep their children from undertaking the same action - its called being a good frickin parent. There's not a question as to whether it can be seen as 'dont make the same mistakes as us' - that's literally the case at hand. You're probably too young to realize it, but pretty much every form of 'protection' - even chemical birth control - can fail. You should ALWAYS assume that, if you're f*ckin, there's the possibility for babby-makin' to occur. Deal with it.

Third: Dude, she's 17. As someone in their mid-twenties, you have no idea what a moron you are at 17 until you get a bit older - and trust me, you're a moron at 17. You're young, inexperienced and thus prone to making bad decisions - and all it takes is one bad decision when it comes to sex to ruin the rest of your bloody life. As someone who probably sorta DID ruin their lives to some degree - you don't have a child at 15-17 and go on to have the life you were hoping for in 99% of cases - your gf's parents are well, WELL within their rights to not want the same for their child. This "Maybe at a young at but at a point we're you're smarter than your parents, then it's just stupid bothering!" crap? Its just that - utter crap. At 17, you AREN'T 'smarter than your parents' - you may be intellectually superior to them, but your experience is so utterly lacking by comparison that you're still nothing more than the equivalent of a petulant child crying that you should decide your own bedtime and that you are most-assuredly not at all tired (despite your attitude turning to shite and your eyes drooping heavily).

Fourth: DUDE. SHE'S 17. For the love of God, stop trying to treat this relationship like its going to last forever - it probably wont. As someone whose been there, let me tell you, people who try to maintain high school relationships beyond highschool often encounter some really ugly shit - cheating, unexpected pregnancy, STDs, gradual decline in affection for one another, etc.
Consider this: You think your gf is going to be happy about the idea that you're the only guy she's ever going to f*ck, and are you happy with the idea that she's the only one you're ever going to f*ck?
Are you even remotely okay with one another hooking up with people, outside of one another?
Have the two of you actually lived together for more than a few days/weeks at a time, to have an understanding of how you'll get along in such a scenario?
Any of those three issues can - and likely will - lead to your breakup, which I'd be willing to bet will occur sometime between now and when your girl turns 23.
Fact is, a lot of such relationships crash and burn, badly, when one or both of the participants move beyond their teen years, and I see no reason to assume that won't be the case here.

Bottom line: You're young and stupid, and her parents are 100% in the right. Its for her - and your - own good. Stop being a lil wanker.